kyandice

[kyandice]

[kyandice]

[kyandice]

Bitch I feel so damn alone.

I need to rant and like writing this here isn’t gonna work. Because I feel relieved if people know what I’m going thru. Like it feels like at least someone (I KNOW, NOT STRANGERS) UNDERSTANDS. As much as I trust strangers with my secrets more cuz duh they don’t even know me. It’s always better when someone actually asks me how I’m doing or ask me to rant to out all on them.

My problems doesn’t sound big or anything. It’s the worrying and over thinking part that makes me batshit crazy.

I just need someone to talk to and like I only have Darius and Josh to talk too. And they are all guys I just want a girl I can talk too. But like all my girl friends are like just… I’m just not that comfortable with them yet. I just feel like, they’re a little too judgey more me still. Like for Shannon and Elizabeth and jiaqi they will listen to my crazy parents problems or my studies problems. But once I have other problems I don’t know how to say it too them.

For me, I just bottle up every worries or insecurities I have. I just want to spill it all out. I feel much better. And like every time I talk to:

Tze wan she understands me and everything. But she will start talking about her problems. Tbh, I don’t mind if you start talking about your problems. Really. But what she does is, she goes on and on saying how I shouldn’t be worried or anything cuz she has it worst. And I’m like, my dad will cane me I’m just so scared. And she’ll be like, aiya don’t scared la that one nothing, you know horh my dad horh he molest and abuse me and blah blah blah. Yes yes Ik her problems are worst but she doesn’t have to ignore that I’m worrying. I rlly don’t mind her talking only about her problems but what she does it dismiss my worries cuz my problems aren’t as scary as hers.

Josh is like really nice he always listens to all my troubles and he tried to cover me when my dad asks about my whereabouts. And he helps me a lot with my studies and like literally so much. But his gf cheated on him he’s taking it really bad the whole thing is so complicated and like I really don’t wna like seem like it ALL ABOUT MY PROBLEMs. so smtimes I rant he listens, but smtimes he just seem uninterested so yeah. But im listening to his problems too giving him advices and shit. We give each other advices and I told him not to fuck around anymore cuz that’s like really hurtful to another person and he just got cheated it’s kinda karma.

Darius is just. Uninterested. Cuz he has his problems to worry. I just rant to him when I have no one. Haha.

And for Bryan. my Gosh. He’s just one of my biggest worries. He has. A big big big big set of problems to worry. And. I just don’t wna burden him with my problems. So it’s like I don’t go to him much for emotional support and it’s just kinda sad. Like he’s supposed to be the one listening. But I don’t want go to him cuz he’s just going thru SO MUCH. And we are both busy with our lives. My finals coming up and he’s has work. So we cant meet up ask much. And whenever we meet up, it will be pretty long and of course both of us will be like craving sex for the longest time. And what do we do? We spend that time fucking. And it’s like sad. Cuz it seems like he isn’t there for me and I’m not there for him. We are like tgt just for sex. Like we know we are here for each other. But I don’t wna burden him by talking Bout my problems. And he hates thinking about his problems and talking about it. So it feels like I can’t be there for him. And we don’t text much either. Cuz he’ll be busy with games where he can escape reality and yeah. I just wna spend some quality time with him. Even if it’s just meeting him for a few seconds to just hug and talk for a little I just want that. I mean till today, he never has once asked about my day or how I’m doing or how was school. It’s always me who has to ask him if I can rant. Or me who’s always been asking how he’s doing and how is work. But he always say it’s fine and doesnt seemed to go much into details. We argued. Cuz I just wanted him to tell me more. Like yeah Ik he’s not fine but I want to know how he’s feeling like is he scared or insecure, yes I know that, but I thought if he ranted it, he will feel better. So I forced it out of him. Turns out he doesn’t like talking about his emotions and feelings cuz that’s what guys do. I just wna be there for him, but I don’t know how. I just can’t be there for him when he needs sex (Or when I need) only right? And he was like: what if I only love you for sex. And I was like that’s how u feel and he didn’t give me a proper answer so.. If that’s how he feel then. We are doing this all so wrong. But I can see he cares about me. He wants to take me to a nice restaurant when he’s getting his pay. Yeah that’s all. So we don’t talk. Yeah we do some catch ups here and there about our friends and his work. But that’s not the real talk yaknow. I can do this small talk with anyone. He hardly shows me his emotions and he still is a little insecure towards me. He doesn’t give me photos of him. He hates it when I secretly take photos of him. He hates taking pictures tgt. I just want him to rant everything to me and be brutally honest with his feelings and emotions. But whenever I asks him, it always seem to him that I’m invading his personal space, me being controlling and possessive as i want to know everything. He gave me the “space” word and like any other girls who would ever hear this, we then deadass crazy paranoid. I worried for 2 weeks. He didn’t talk to me, was always annoyed and angry at me and i was just so scared. I didn’t dare to text him. But everyday I go without texting him, i start to worry more. So me being the crazy girl went to find him at work everyday. But like secretly watching him from a blind spot making sure he’s all okay and fine. But it’s over, he says he was kinda sorry for neglecting me. But now, im just giving him the space he wants. He finally asked me to meet up.but we both decided to use that time for sex so yeah. Sex was good and we cuddled but like the pillowtalk after all the MAJOR EXPLOSIONS is where Bryan is most emotionally vulnerable. So its the only time i can do the real talk with him. But it sucks. That it doesnt feel like we are tgt. But more like fuck buddies. I just want to meet him more be involved with his life more. But he feels its intrusive and oh well, im busy with finals too and i have crazy parents who dont allow me to stay later than 7pm.

I’ve decided, I’ll join the police force no matter what.

Things I need to find out is:

How to become a k9 officer.

Is the salary stable enough to get me a house by 25 years old?

Is promotion and increment of salary slow???

And like I wna get married as soon as possible and get a bto and yeahhh. I just want to settle down as fast as possible. Get a stable income, get married get a house.

“Oh these times are hard,

Yeah, they’re making us crazy

Don’t give up on me baby”

[kyandice]

[kyandice]

[kyandice]

hello! can you recommend some good matte lipsticks that are reasonably priced. thank you!

Sure love,

Check out some of these matte lipsticks under $15

ColourPop Lippie Stix $5. The Lippie Stixs come in a few formulas including matte.

NYX Matte Lipsticks $5.99. Easy to use, matte lipsticks. The NYX Soft Matte Lip Creams are also great light weight matte liquid lipsticks.  

Sephora Brand Cream Lip Stain $14. These are awesome liquid lipsticks that will dry down to a long wear finish but won’t dry your lips out. 

ELF Matte Lip Color $3. Jumbo sized lip liners for a lipstick + lip liner in one. 

Sonia Kashuk Velvety Matte Lip Crayon $7.99. Comes in a bunch of browny pinks if that’s you’re thang.

Loreal Color Riche Le Matte Lipsticks $9.99. Ulta high pigment lipsticks.

Maybelline Creamy Matte Lipsticks $5. Super wide shade range!

Milani Matte Lipsticks $5. Look for the shades with the word matte in them like matte naked, matte innocence. 

[kyandice]

signs as drugstore makeup brands

Aries: Milani // They’re so creative with their beauty identities and their looks are so fierce it reminds me of Aries || RECOMMEND: Milani AMORE MATTE LIP CRÈME

Taurus: L'Oréal // a reliable brand that always has quality products, the world’s largest cosmetic company. || RECOMMEND: L’Oreal la palette nude

Gemini: Essence // cute and youthful, always releases new products, it’s so active like gemini ; very cheap but the quality is great!! (also i have a TON of their products) || RECOMMEND: essence mosaic blush

Cancer: Revlon // Revlon’s a classic brand, it’s long-wear and gives an elegant look.  || RECOMMEND: Revlon ColorStay Ultimate Liquid Lipstick

Leo: Maybelline // drama this, drama that. Maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s Maybelline. || RECOMMEND: Maybelline BROW drama pro palette 

Virgo: e.l.f. // SUPER CHEAP STUFF that’s minimalist and gives a more natural look. Some of their products are REAL good quality compared to their prices. || RECOMMEND: e.l.f. acne fighting foundation

Libra: Covergirl // the most popular drugstore makeup brand followed by maybelline, well-liked. || RECOMMEND: Covergirl LashBlast Clump Crusher Mascara

Scorpio: NYX // this brand reminds me of Scorpio so much, Nyx means the goddess of the night and the packaging is kinda dark. It’s got good dupes for some high end products too. || RECOMMEND: NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream - TRANSYLVANIA 

Sagittarius: Wet ‘n’ Wild // even the name just makes me think of Sagittarius, it’s bold and daring. Also it’s got quality products without you breaking the bank. || RECOMMEND: Wet ‘n’ Wild MegaLast Lip color - PURTY PERSIMMON 

Capricorn: 

Aquarius: ColourPop // vivid, electric, eccentric colors. Killer makeup that doesn’t test on animals. || RECOMMEND: Coconut

Pisces: Rimmel London // incredible eye-opening mascaras, perfect for Pisces’ dreamy eyes. || RECOMMEND: Rimmel Scandaleyes Mascara

[kyandice]

the first step towards confidence is not being afraid to be ugly

once you get over the fear of being unattractive and stop equating beauty with other good things in life (friends, love, happiness) it’s a lot easier to love yourself unconditionally

your job is not to sit around and be pretty and easy on everyone else’s eyes

your job is to do whatever the fuck you want and look however the fuck you want while doing it

[kyandice]

How I wish there were more of such humans that would do this and go the extra mile for their friends. It's not even like what, an extra mile, they are just doing what they should do and what a normal human being should do.

people should know how much impact they could have on other person’s life. As for me, those secondary school boys should know better.

I don't believe in God, but this is reassuring. If only people would say this to me. Maybe I should start believing in God. At least maybe for once, I know my worth. 13 reasons why may be not liked due to some controversial stuff like it's promoting suicide and what not. But we also can learn a thing or two from there.   Watch "13 Reasons Why" and you'll realize just how important every little thing you say to someone really is. be kind, it could save a life. 

We all tried to get help. It's just all about the people who listened, people who cared, people who made you feel loved, people who made you feel worthy of something. And you never know whats really going on with other peoples lives, so don't be mean. For all you know, they might die the next moment and words spread and people know it’s because of you, you'll live the rest your life with guilt. I would personally kill myself, and before I do that, ill spread the word about those who drive me into this. Sure, revenge will be made, they cant have a stable life, they'll live their lives with guilt. I'm not condoning suicide, I know it's wrong and people shouldn't do it. But I've been considering this as an option since I was in secondary school and the only things stopping me is just me having no courage to actually carry everything out. There's Bryan, I don't want to hurt him either.

Other people criticize the character of Hannah and say that she is as bad as the rest of them for pinning her death on them, knowing the devastating effects this will have on them for the rest of their lives. BUT YO, sometimes, revenge just had to be made to show the world the consequences of bullying or merely being mean. Hanna is not perfect, im not perfect, I would've done the same. she's not an angelic figure who does no wrong. Hannah is a flawed character. The show isn't about how the good girl got her revenge against the cruel bullies. The show is about how everything affects everyone. And if teenagers are able to take one message from the show, it's that their actions can have serious consequences, no matter how insignificant they may seem to them.  Hannah is bullied in the show, but not the way television and movies normally portray bullying. This isn't the big kids shoving the small kid in the locker. This isn't the jock robbing the nerd's lunch money. This is real. It's slut-shaming, it's being excluded, it's being treated like dirt and it's a lack of adequate mental health facilities at her disposal. It's real. Mine wasn't as bad. But how bad? that's all relative to the person. 

What we need you to understand is that suicide is not a light-hearted choice. It takes time and an indescribable amount of sadness. You would first need to break as a human being. The road to suicide is not paved with brick. It has mountains and cliffs and even road works sometimes when things get a little better in life. Sometimes people turn around and walk back the other way, sometimes they run towards the end, sometimes they wander around in the middle for a time. It is different for everyone. But all the while suicidal people fight to live. You only see Hannah's choice to kill herself, I see every day that she didn't. Even on the last day of her life Hannah went to the counsellor. She still tried to stay. No one wants to die, not really. We want the pain to stop. We want a way out. But even when the house is on fire and we have nothing but a cup of water in our hands to help we still tell ourselves "you can do this". But we can only fight for so long and maybe eventually we reach a moment where we give up. And it only takes a moment. Then it's too late. You can choose to die once but you choose to live every day. There is a lot of talk around the show planting the idea of suicide for revenge, which is a stretch. That's the stigma talking.

When I see Clay I don't see a victim, I see a bystander.I don't think being a bystander makes you a bad person, because Clay clearly isn't.But it does make you a weak one.When you are getting bullied and no one is there to stand up for you but yourself, it's incredibly isolating.Their silence acts as encouragement to the bullies by turning a blind eye to their behaviour.

For my story, Back in secondary 2, Beatrice was always bullied. People boys laughed about her acne, pimples. Called her ugly. Laughed at her whenever she had to answer a question in class she sat at the corner of the class, trying to get away from all these negative attention. At that point, I had no friends too. The class was against me and it started because of a group of popular girls were just salty that I had more attention from boys than them. I've always hung out with boys since I was in primary school and yeah I was sporty, I played soccer, the fastest runner in school. Damn right I definitely will be popular amongst the boys. But hey, those popular pretty girls hated it. They started to spread hate about me, and well things worked pretty well for them. i mean if you were a guy, which side would you be on? A big bunch of lovely pretty popular girls or a lone decent looking girl whos kinda a tomboy whos really good at many sports? of course those pretty ladies. Guys love the pretty ladies. A point extra if you're popular. And slowly, those guys turned against me, started laughing at me, making fun of me. And each time they laugh at me, my reputation lost, my friendships were lost.

And back to Beatrice. She was another girl bullied in the school. this was the mistake that made everything worst. I didn't not regret this but, it definitely made me feel worst about myself. When people made fun of her acne and said she was disgusting, i stood up for her and comforted her everytime. But the more i do that the more people started making fun of me for protecting her and being friends with her. so yeah. but she was a shy person. i dont blame her for like not trying to stand up for me but i was taking more blow than beatrice and i just dont know if i should be selfish and just care for myself.

I just want someone, who could emotionally support me, someone who would do exactly what I would do for people. 

[kyandice]

NATIONAL GALLERY SINGAPORE

Yayoi Kusama’s Gallery

The art was nice and the lights and everything was nice. But I mean it was kinda boring, we are not art students for a reason. I mean Bryan WAS HAHAHAHHAH but yeahh. photos turned out all really cute so yayyyyy. 

We went there like on 21 June but i didnt update so ill just put it here.

[kyandice]

[kyandice]

is it really love if the person isn’t obsessive back to me? im too much they will leave me in the end 

[kyandice]

I'll look ugly.

What if I start wearing just a shirt. And like jeans. And not bother looking nice or pretty at all. And not wear my contact lenses. And not put lipstick. Nobody will even like me. Why don't I just do this tmr. I mean I don't even bother anymore. I don't even care if other people likes me or nah. I don't need to impress anybody. I do what I want. If they don't like then they don't deserve to even talk to me. I'm gonna learn how want to look pretty just for myself. And not for other people anymore. It's tiring and stressful. And no matter how much I do, there's always sexier and more pretty girls that I can never win, or guys who I can never please. I do what I want. If you think I'm ugly then those people can go talk with those girls they find pretty. Not like they'll talk to them even. Not like they would even look at them. I impress me and only me I don't have to impress no one else. I don't do it for anyone else. The more you compare the more unhappy you get. The more you can't reach their level. And if I have friends or people who have such high standards. Then they can go ahead and try for those girls. Or not shut the fuck up and look at yourself in the mirror.

[kyandice]