kylasangs

[kylasangs]

i just realized they have become a trauma to me and now every time i see them, it triggers all the pain and can't help myself but break down.

[kylasangs]

was i a bad friend?

didn't i listen to you? didn't i sat beside you while you cry? even hugged you when you couldn't breathe? didn't i stick to you when you felt the world is against you? didn't we celebrated each other's birthdays? didn't we sang our heart out to a festival? didn't we wish on a wishing well together? didn’t we spent the whole night laughing together?

it's just that, there was a teeny tiny part of me that hoped you would at least care enough to ask me how i was, how i wasn't acting like my usual self. and if you had, i would've poured my heart out and told you everything. i would've cry and laugh after. i would've known you cared.

but you didn't. and so i had to let you all go.

even if it's the most painful decision i had to make.

i wasn't a bad friend. and maybe you weren't too. we're just not made to be friends together.

[kylasangs]

i never wanted much, i only ever wanted y'all to ask how i was

[kylasangs]

pains me to the core that i would go over the enemy lines for people who would never even dare take a step forward for me. how hard am i to love? am i that difficult to be cared for? how long do i have to bear for someone to realize i'm worth not to lose?

[kylasangs]

it's taking all the love in me to say goodbye to this friendship, but i have to or else i will lose all the love left in me.

[kylasangs]

sorry, im too boring

[kylasangs]

comfort song 🥹

[kylasangs]

we are not the same. you wish to die so you can know how much people love you. i wish to live longer so i can show people how much i love them

[kylasangs]

no matter how hard i try, i never belong anywhere. i feel like i only belong in my room, alone and helpless. it's where i'm always supposed to be

[kylasangs]

i know i shouldn't like you but i can't get a hold of myself

[kylasangs]

some things in life are going great. i hope it stays that way.

[kylasangs]

i would live

i would live to be the person who i always wanted to be

i would live in a peaceful cottage where i would grow my garden

i would read all the books on my shelves and buy some more

i would watch old films and wish i could live inside them

i would go to music festivals and sing my heart out

i would show my mom and grandma around the world

i would be the person who have lost but still kind

i would fall in love with life

i would live

i would live long enough to have that.

[kylasangs]

I have this uncontrollable desire to understand every knowledge this universe contains. I wish I could read all the books written and all the films made. I wish I could listen to all the songs that were recorded, learn all the skills, and play instruments. I wish I could master every talent, meet all the people, and hear their stories. I crave to understand every little precious thing in this universe and all lifetime but like Sylvia, I am horribly limited.

[kylasangs]

The saddest and greatest thing about life is that – it goes on.

[kylasangs]

I'm currently rewatching Anne with an E and every episode, I cry. I relate to Anne on so many levels. She is me, I am her. Anne brings me comfort that whatever obstacle she faces, she conquers. She is weird and unusual in her own way but just as beautiful and lovely. She is vulnerable but so headstrong. She's an old soul but also way ahead of her time. I wish I could be brave as her.

[kylasangs]

"Life appears to me too short to be spent nursing animosity and registering wrongs" - Jane Eyre

This is all I need to remember always. I don't fit in with my new environment right now and I don't feel I belong but I hope that I can find in my heart that it's okay, and that I'm enough as I am.

[kylasangs]

"you have what it takes" !!!!!