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callout posts are like "i did something extremely rude to this person & they were annoyed by that. dont you think that means they should lose all of their friends & become socially untouchable & get shot with 1 million guns???"

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was waiting on an emergency plumber, decided to smoke by my car instead of stare at my fucked up kitchen. he pulled up next to me, leaned out the window and goes "i'm assuming you're the client" like yeah buddy, read that one right

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give me the aux cable

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Crawford Barton, 1976. One of my favorite photographs. 

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I was thinking of a post I saw a few days ago where it was like ‘Zoey never moved out of the US so Rumi and Mira end going to find her’ and I absolutely find the idea hilarious

Zoey has given up her music dreams and is now going to college (because her dad will pay for her apartment if she does) and is working some cafe job for cash and suddenly these two super hot weird chicks start coming to her job literally all the time.

Rumi and Mira grew up super rich so they have no sense of money, they don’t really know how tipping works and they have the natural desire to take care of Zoey (even if Zoey doesn’t know they’re like. Kinda soulmates.) so they keep giving Zoey massive tips all the time.

Mira and Rumi hang out at her job forever just to hear Zoey sing so they can fucking confirm it’s her (they’re like. 99% just from seeing her but they have to be 100% or else Celine is leaving them there forever)

Rumi, having told Mira she’s a half demon because without Zoey Mira wouldn’t leave her the fuck alone: do you think she’ll hate me for being half demon?

Mira, sipping an absolutely horrible drink that Zoey made: no. For one— a ancient magical entity literally said we were soulmates. For two— that girl is a monster fucker for sure.

Zoey is kinda into the whole sugar baby vibe she has going on but then Rumi and Mira start like. Asking about her music and stuff which, because she’s pretty much the main character in a Christmas movie who doesn’t believe in the magic of the season any more, makes her mad.

This whole idea was really because I thought of this exchange and giggled about it for an hour—

Rumi, trying to keep it low key that they’re all soulmates and destined to fight demons together: So, Um, do you want to be our third ?

Zoey: YES!! I’ve been waiting for you to ask forever ! It’s been months!

Rumi, surprised: I was expecting you to resist joining our band, all things considering?

Zoey:…. Oh. You want me to be the third member of your band :/

Mira, shoving Rumi out of the way: That kind too!! That kind of third too!!!

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you know when you’re eating a sandwich and you go to take a bite and like a huge chunk of your favorite part just slips out (like say your eating a blt and you accidentally pull out a whole piece of bacon) and you’re torn because on the one hand that bite is going to be the best bite ever but on the other hand the rest of your sandwich just lost a valuable team player 3 minutes into the game and no one’s sure how it’s going to be able to cover that loss.

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stardew valley is a haunted ass game I start a new save file and full on see Bigfoot running away into the shadows and search for 'what the fuck was that Bigfoot stardew valley' and get some crusty ass steam post going 'yeah dude if you saw Bigfoot thats super ultra rare ive played 3000 hours and never seen him' and there's like 50 things like this in the game

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One of my brothers has this thing where he likes to be included on sibling movie night but he will not sit down or actually join us, he’ll just wander around the house and periodically show up to lurk in the doorway or lean on someone’s seat

And *I* have this thing where I always always know when he’s there, because every time he’s not wandering around like the ghost of bob marley and isn’t immediately visible it’s because he’s stopped moving to watch the film from directly behind me, which makes the back of my neck tingle like a dog sensing an earthquake

Which has on more than one occasion resulted in me interrupting the movie to tell him to just sit the fuck down and stop lurking in the shadows, Jesus Christ, it’s like I’m being haunted by the memory of ancient sins

Which has in turn been shortened to just “ancient sins”, every time I feel him doing it again

So to summarize, sometimes when my siblings and I get together for a movie night, we’ll all be sitting in the dark in complete silence until my ass deadpan announces “ancient sins” and a 90 pound 5’11” Slenderman looking motherfucker emerges from the shadows behind me like a jumpscare incarnate in Batman pajamas pants and informs me that we are out of orange soda

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One of my favorite hoaxes was in early 1962. There was a musical that debuted in 1961 called Subways are for Sleeping that was doing very poorly. For bizarre reasons (ads were banned in the New York subway system lest people take it as permission to sleep there) and normal (the reviews were poor).

But in 1962 an ad came out full of effusive praise from every prominent theater critic in New York. Every single one. From the Times to the Post, all of the famous theater critics in New York LOVED Subways Are For Sleeping

Except...

One of the papers paid to run this ad noticed something...off. Namely, that the editor knew Richard Watts the theater critic and he wasn't African-American.

It turns out that the producer of the musical had found seven New Yorkers with the same names as the seven biggest theater critics in New York, since while he couldn't lie and say they liked it, he could pay for *a* John Chapman or *a* Robert Coleman to see the musical and quote them next to their photo truthfully, bc how many people even knew what the leading theater critics in NYC looked like?

Turns out the producer had wanted to do this for ages, but had to wait for the NYT's critic to retire bc he couldn't find anyone with the same name. Anyway it worked: it went from being about to close, to running another hundred shows and winning a Tony

Here's the main source for this, btw

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