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you thought australia wasnt real? try these motherfuckers

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what would happen if taylor swift gets married she couldn't write dodgy break up songs

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Did you know you could call into work and say you felt gay to get the day off????

"sorry boss... I'm feeling... *cough* gay..."

"oh good god bruce have the day off"

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The Story Of How I Became Clinically Shit

Snuggle up kids. Grab your milk and biscuits and shit.

Here is my fun little story I'm (probably maybe not) going to pass down to my children and they will pass down to their children: The story about how I became clinically shit.

So, I have a psychiatrist right (holy shit im just going to copy and paste the word psyh psychaitrist psychitrist psychiatrist i cant spell it for the life of me)

I had been seeing these weird ass shadow people and a funky little dude i like to call "the old man". i complained to my psychiatrist about them and she gave my mother a leaflet; it was a medication leaflet. I knew what they looked like because when my psychiatrist was treating me for ocd, she gave my mother a leaflet that looked the exact same but with a different medication name. i begged my mother to let me see the leaflet but she didnt let me, but i knew she had left it in the car (for some reason??) so one night i requested to go to the car to get "something", went to the car and grabbed the leaflet. now, this medication name was a really big boy word so i could only remember the following things:

it started with o

it had z in it

the next day i looked up "list of all [my medication brand] medicines" on my computer (CONNECTED TO SCHOOL WIFI??) and found 3 medications:

one for treating growth in children (im sorry doctor is there something you want to tell me??)

one for treating a stomach problem (ew thats definitely not it)

one for schizophrenia (...)

now, only one of those medications contained z, and ill give you one guess to which one it was.

(it was the last one by the way)

i vividly remember me sitting there in the middle of design technologies just staring at the screen and thinking 'holy shit they think im crazy'

by the way, i was also sitting next to my ex. she was like 2 seats away. did she even want to look at my direction? nuh uh. did she still get close to me and completely disregard my incapability to comprehend things to later shift blame on me? yuh uh.

im not gonna go into her. i dont know maybe ill drop some ex lore one day.

now the psychiatrist requested an MRI for me as well, and when we handed the form referral thingy to the nice nurse lady and she opened it, the form referral thingy said the psychiatrist wanted to test me for psychotic symptoms.

uhhhhhhh yeah

uhm i ended up getting requested to take an antipsychotic

to this day the psychiatrist nor my mother has been up front about what i have, but like im pretty sure its one of the following:

schizophrenia (most likely this one)

bipolar II

psychosis

some unholy mix of all of the shit

its really funny because a lot of kids in my classes make fun of homosexuality, autism and schizophrenia, and one kid once made fun of me directly for autism and lesbianism

i mean they weren't wrong but they didnt need to know that

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A lesbian's guide to getting rich

wear long lashes

wait for men to approach and offer you gifts to woo you

pretend to be into them

take the shit

get fake id and move to mexico with your new shit

get women

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oh shit i need to learn basketball to impress a girl

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my crush responded im shitting bricks i need to concoct a response

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yes

CHAPPELL ROAN on the 'Call Her Daddy' podcast

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how big of a broccoli do i purchase

i want to woo this girl ok but how big of a broccoli do i need

would a store bought one do

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feeling super graphic ultra mega gay at 11:49pm

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its 11:39 at night i dont know why im reading this but this but i need it its beautiful

Love Me, Love Me - An Overly Obsessive Analysis of All You Wanna Do

     Here it is. I’m finally writing a far too long and overly analytic essay that no body asked for (well one person did) about All You Wanna Do from Six the Musical. More realistically, I’m going to discussing Katherine Howard throughout the musical and specifically how she manipulates the audience throughout the show to make All You Wanna Do all the more effective. I use the word manipulate and will probably do so again, which has a negative connotation, but I don’t mean it in a negative way. It’s just the most effective word to use. I should also note that I’ve never seen Six…live. I may have happened upon some less than legal video, and all of the knowledge I’ll be pulling from beyond the cast recording and some audios will be from that. I know it was an earlier show and that there have been some changes since then, and I don’t have any way of knowing what those changes are so please bear with me if some details aren’t completely correct or still accurate. I do have every intention to see a production of Six eventually, but I live in the very, very Deep American South, so getting to a city where its playing is gonna take some time. Also, due to the nature of this song, I’m putting a heavy content warning for sexual assault, child grooming, pedophilia, etc. If you’ve listened to the song, you know what its about, so you know I’m going to be discussing all that.

     Now that the preliminary disclaimers are out of the way, let’s begin.

     From the beginning of the show, Katherine Howard is trying to win the audience over more than any other Queen. They’re trying in various ways, yes, but Howard is the one putting the most work in beyond just trying to make herself look better or justify herself to them. From her introduction in Ex-Wives she’s doing this. She interrupts Cleves’s dick joke with “Prick up your ears,” turning Cleves’s joke that probably would have landed somewhat, and making it her joke that definitely lands with the audience. After Ex-Wives, she looks directly at the audience when she delivers the line “The Thomas Cromwell Amongst the Royal Ministers, between 1532 and 1540” which is a line that only works because it goes on too long and is weirdly detailed and specific enough to be funny. She looks and points at people in the front row when she says “between 1532 and 1540” as an acknowledgement that she’s breaking from her stage persona for a moment to give them this line, and that sells it to the crowd. They know that she’s purposely being overly detailed and they’re with her. It’s not expected, especially not from her, and so its funny. The entire goal of K Howard throughout this show is the make sure that the audience stays with her and to use what people expect from her to her own advantage and, at some points, against them.

Keep reading

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queueing up a bunch of posts 💪💪

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Confessions of an Australian

Surprise: I'm Australian.

Here are a bunch of confessions that I have as a person that lives upside-down (don't burn me at the stake)

1. Vegemite tastes like shit

How do you LIKE this stuff?? it's literally shit in a jar mixed with salt. You know when you're swimming in the ocean, and you get a fat mouthful of water in your mouth and your mouth goes drier than your phone and you want to chug water because its so damn salty? basically vegemite is that feeling in a jar with a fat yellow sticker shoved on it. even worse, they shove it on pyjamas, too.

Imagine waking up with your period in this. "oh shit, I've bled all over my pyjamas showing my allegiance with a jar of salt. ah fuck."

Even worse, people like it.

2. Fuck you, it's 'togs', not 'cozzies'

Narrow thy pie hole. I don't care if different states call it different things. its not cozzies, it's togs. no, it's not a cute abbreviation of 'swimming costume', it sounds like the sound a fly makes when it flies past your ear.

3. I don't have sun skin

probably a very confusing heading... but anyway yeah australians are supposed to have the tanned skin, surprise, i dont!!11!!

im on about 50 (3) medications and they basically make me not able to go out in the sun much because I will burn significantly faster

that would be a little shit except its actually a lot shit because i have the palest fuckign skin to ever exist so basically i can't go into the sun at all

fun story i got 3rd degree burns in 5 minutes once (no im not exaggerating several layers of skin were burnt off in a span of 5-10 minutes)

4. Bunnings is a church

we all gather here as a family, as a nation, and have a great time under one roof for one purpose: hardware. (and the little trolleys)

i mean hey, it has the tall ass ceiling for it

screw the sunday church gatherings, let's all go to bunning and pray as we eat our snags.

(im religious 😭)

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"I'm too gay for this shit"

- me

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What the hell am I supposed to put here?

What am I supposed to put as a first post?

Like, I have a lot of ideas running through my head, but what am i supposed to start with??

Welcome to a queer blog that is literally an acronym for a piece of makeup, I suppose.