l-ove-bones-blog

[l-ove-bones-blog]

[l-ove-bones-blog]

My Story

Okay so I developed my eating disorder last fall because my family and friends would call me pig, cow, fat, and would make fun of me. At this time i weighed 115 pounds and was 5′7″. I was already almost underweight(i have a REALLY fast metabolism). So because of that i started restricting and by the time i was 7′8″ i was at 103.2(my lowest weight). During this time it was the winter, so I wore baggy clothes a lot to keep warm, but mostly to hide my weight loss. I was wearing a size 1 before my disorder and i got down to a 0 so I had to go shopping for pants. Well my mom had to measure my waist she saw my hip bones... They stuck out. A LOT. I thought it was okay and I still think its okay, but my mom didn’t. She told my dad and they said that they would send me to therapy if I didn’t start eating again. So i ate, I ate until I reached 120 Pounds again. I felt soo disgusting. Then I got back on a regular eating plan and my mom staring calling me fat again. so here i am now slowing going down. I am at 117 and going down everyday. The restrictions have increased and I found easier weighs to hide my habits and exercise. My bones are reappearing and they are beautiful. 

[l-ove-bones-blog]

When you have a friend you’ve confided in about your ED and they try to give you pep talks and make you food and try to help but they have no idea and can’t understand that not as easy as flipping a switch but you know they’re trying so hard to help you so you just smile and act along because being honest and hurting they’re feeling and frustrating them is worse then just shoving your emotions down a little more.

[l-ove-bones-blog]

Anyone Else?

Does anyone else just lay down and feel there hip bones and ribs? or is it just me?

[l-ove-bones-blog]

What Sucks

Having to work out at 1 a.m. because your parents will yell at you every time you try to during the day

[l-ove-bones-blog]

One of my favorite books. Its like she gets exactly what i’m going through. Besides the not recovering part, because Lia actually recovers in the book. And I haven’t yet and probably won’t for a while...

“Why? You want to know why?

Step into a tanning booth and fry yourself for two or three days. After your skin bubbles and peels off, roll in coarse salt, then pull on long underwear woven from spun glass and razor wire. Over that goes your regular clothes, as long as they are tight. Smoke gunpowder and go to school to jump through hoops, sit up and beg, and roll over on command. Listen to the whispers that curl into your head at night, calling you ugly and fat and stupid and bitch and whore and worst of all, "a disappointment." Puke and starve and cut and drink because you don't want to feel any of this. Puke and starve and drink and cut because you need the anesthetic and it works. For a while. But then the anesthetic turns into poison and by then it's too late because you are mainlining it now, straight into your soul. It is rotting you and you can't stop. Look in a mirror and find a ghost. Hear every heartbeat scream that everysinglething is wrong with you. "Why?" is the wrong question. Ask "Why not?” ― Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls