l0st-in-the-tides - Tumblr blog

[l0st-in-the-tides]

jesus christ. what a mess

[l0st-in-the-tides]

i deserve to die

[l0st-in-the-tides]

i deserve pain

[l0st-in-the-tides]

i don't deserve love

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nothing is real

[l0st-in-the-tides]

[l0st-in-the-tides]

i should just kill myself already. i know how, i should just do it. am i a coward or just too stubborn?

[l0st-in-the-tides]

i wish i didn't have a body

[l0st-in-the-tides]

people still cling to the broken, to the other, no matter what, and it drives a stake further and further in... truly why am i still alive

[l0st-in-the-tides]

everything is destined to crumble around me no matter what i do because no matter what im still me and that has proven to be a very bad thing

[l0st-in-the-tides]

i'm so tired and i don't really know what to do anymore.... what is the purpose, really?

[l0st-in-the-tides]

i feel disgusting. i am disgusting. ifeel vile. why wasn't i able to talk about any of the sa or csa shit in therapy for more than the last three minutes, why did i waste my time on other issues. i feel fucking disgusting make it stop make it stop

[l0st-in-the-tides]

im gonna throw up

i deserve it i deserve it i deserve the pain i get and the pain i don't and the pain i should and the horrible scarring that comes with it i deserve to be left a bloody pulp shivering and left for dead after unspeakable acts because i deserve it. im below human im beneath dirt death would be too merciful an option for filth like me. throw me to the untrained ravenous wolves, it's not like it's hard to find bad men willing to hurt me after all. i could just hurt myself again too fuck it really because i deserve it.

[l0st-in-the-tides]

i feel like i can't even talk to you anymore, im so lost and confused... why are things like this? why do you make me so nervous now? why can i never help at all?

[l0st-in-the-tides]

it's so frustrating already having a name but not being able to use it because of questionable sources needing to be buried. why do we have to find nicknames if we don't even really want them? why do we have to hide? because we have to.

[l0st-in-the-tides]

fucking jesus christ leave me alone will this not leave my constant thoughts for days???? ignore the pain ignore any sensory reminders from anything and everything, just leave me alone

[l0st-in-the-tides]

i can't bring myself to mention it to anyone, not even the therapist. i can't even make myself say it directly on here and i don't think anyone even sees these

why why why why why