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This man was burned and scarred at nine years old, traumatized and fought for over a decade, just to watch his brothers argue about pizza and masculine pride. Savio & Adamo are Remo’s thirteenth, not to mention Mr. Wife-First-Always-Nino.

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Romero: What’s your favorite hobby?

Matteo: Magnets.

Romero: Wha-like making magnets? Collecting magnets?

Aria: Playing with magnets?

Matteo: Just magnets.

Romero: …I’m putting snowboarding.

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Adamo: I’ve done nothing with my life. I’m a failure!

Savio: Aw, that’s never bothered you before.

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Santino: Boss, I just saw Danilo and Samuel hugging each other!

Dante: Are you sure it was them?

Santino: Yes! But when I looked closer, it turns out they were choking each other!

Santino: Which honestly makes a lot more sense.

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The Falcones and their fans: Fabi, Leona and President Kiara.

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Remo, to Kiara: You’re weak and pathetic.

Also Remo, when Nino starts feeling:

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Nino: This is a bad idea, we should give her back as soon as demands are met or keep her somewhere else.

Remo: Trust me.

Literally everyone: This is a horrible plan and will have extreme reactions.

Remo:

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Kiara: *knocks on door* Can I come in?

Adamo: Go away and leave me to die!

Kiara: *opens the door* I’m sorry I couldn’t hear you. Did you say come in?

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Luca: I’m 6’4, killed over a hundred men, head of an Italian mob, can’t do basic housework

Aria: Did you say 6’4 😙😩😍

Dante: I am a rich mob boss, emotionally distant and cold, depressed workaholic

Valentina: omg you’re rich 😙🥵😍

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Adamo: *hears a sound*

Adamo: Who’s there? I have a gun and I’m not afraid to kill myself.

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Adamo’s been suffering since Remo’s book. Fabiano would definitely be with Savio, always distracted by Leona.

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Remo: The world is giving me too many problems, death has never seemed so appealing.

Remo: *sighs* Who are you two?

Kiara & Leona: We are the world.

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Everyone: I can not believe you are Remo Falcone’s brother

Adamo: Its an ongoing investigation.

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Ines: Are you getting enough sleep?

Dante: Sometimes when I sneeze, I close my eyes.

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Kiara: How are you doing?

Adamo: I kind of want to dye my hair. Kind of want to die in general.

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Sugar Daddy isn’t a hobby, it’s a mindset.