ladyclockworko1

[ladyclockworko1]

Lol he knows who he is. Fuck you. Fuck you for aggressively waiting for me to become legal. Fuck. You.

Lol @ 15 year old me who glorified the idea of an older man wanting to fuck underaged girls. It is never okay to sexualize underaged teens. Regardless of if you are famous or not. Regardless of if the person you are sexualizing is accepting of it. They are NOT adults, they can NOT make those kinds of decisions yet. Trust me. As someone who was accepting of being sexualized at 15 by a MUCH older man, I wholly regret it and find that person disgusting and honestly monsterous for how he spoke to and with me. Fucking horrendous.

[ladyclockworko1]

This is still so important to me to remember. As I have become heavier through stress eating my senior year of college I find myself needing this post to make sure I don't force myself to be ill again. It's hard. Hunger feels good. I want to be hungry and to lose weight automatically. Anorexia will always be an uphill battle for me. I only hope that I can keep reminding myself through this post that I can and will do this in a healthy way.

My transformation to remind myself to stay safe and healthy no matter what happens and who says what to me. 

The first photo is of me choosing my prom dress. During this process, I was in the middle of dealing with a serious bout of anorexia, the first time it had ever come up in my life.  It came about after the first boy I loved had cheated on me.  I thought that it was because I wasn’t pretty enough, and that I needed to lose weight, then maybe he’d love me again.  I am 5 foot 7 inches tall, I lost 20 pounds in under a month, and more after that.  I weighed 115 pounds when the first photo was taken.  The average weight for my height is about 135. The sad thing is, I had actually gained weight back when that picture was taken, I weighed less than 115 pounds at some point during my depression.  I also worked out viciously every day, I did crunches, squats, I ran, and did weight exercises every night instead of schoolwork.  It got to the point where I did around 200 squats in one night and felt nothing the next morning. I would work out until I felt ill every night.  In the first picture, the dress I’m wearing didn’t fit me.  It was a size 4, the smallest size available in the store, and the dress hung on me, pulled back to fit my bosom, there were about 4 inches of extra fabric in the back.  The strap on the side would need to be altered up 2 inches in order to fit me, and the corset part needed to be pulled back 2 inches to mold to my waist.  My cup size dropped and my clothes didn’t fit me anymore.

It got to the point where I would walk through school, and my legs would wobble and I would walk almost bow-legged because I was so mal-nourished. 

When I saw my ex again, he picked me up and spun me, saying “you still weigh nothing!” I had a wake up call when my immediate thought in response to that was ‘I want to weigh less than nothing’  

I started to slowly eat regular meals again, I decreased my workouts to a healthy level, and after about two months, I was back to a healthy weight for my height. 

The second picture is of me on my prom day (with my prom date and best friend Anthony) in the same exact dress I was wearing in the first one.  No alterations were made to the dress besides the length.  My weight returned to a healthy 135-140 pounds where it stays (I hope) to the present.  

This post is a reminder to me as my current boyfriend says some things that break my heart that no guy is worth my health.  Losing 20 pounds won’t bring them back, and if it does then they don’t deserve me.

I am not worthless, I don’t need to lose weight to earn love. I am who I am, and nothing anyone says to me, no one who breaks my heart will make me revert back to illness. 

[ladyclockworko1]

[ladyclockworko1]

I'm gonna peace out of Tumblr for a while again probably, y'all have fun!

[ladyclockworko1]

Oh, THATS why I left Tumblr for so long LMFAO right I almost forgot that this entire website is cancer

[ladyclockworko1]

Lol @ 15 year old me who glorified the idea of an older man wanting to fuck underaged girls. It is never okay to sexualize underaged teens. Regardless of if you are famous or not. Regardless of if the person you are sexualizing is accepting of it. They are NOT adults, they can NOT make those kinds of decisions yet. Trust me. As someone who was accepting of being sexualized at 15 by a MUCH older man, I wholly regret it and find that person disgusting and honestly monsterous for how he spoke to and with me. Fucking horrendous.

[ladyclockworko1]

Jay Pharaoh’s John Mulaney impression

[ladyclockworko1]

Magical encounter while free falling.

[ladyclockworko1]

This good boy is a chimera, which is an animal that is genetically two animals, in this case he’s a yellow and black lab. This means he is twice the good boy. (Not my picture, found on Facebook)

[ladyclockworko1]

[ladyclockworko1]

like, i totally appreciate that HP fandom is still so intense and all the creativity that still gets poured into it, nearly 20 years after the first book came out, but ngl every time i see one of those edits with the original Marauders being represented by like, some impossible perfect Millenial instagram models with artfully tousled hair and pouty lips it always throws me bc those dudes were in their prime in late 1970′s england aka an era when looking like a led zeppelin reject was about the peak of popular young male hotness  

[ladyclockworko1]

I love kids they’re all like.. “when i grow up i’m gonna be an astronaut and a chef and a doctor and an olympic swimmer” like that self confidence! That drive! That optimism! Where does it go

[ladyclockworko1]

Can we romanticize video games the way we do books?

Like you hear all these things about how you can curl up with a book on a rainy day and drink tea and smother yourself in blankets but anytime you hear things about video games it’s always about how you’re wasting your life away yelling into a headset as you play Call of Duty in a basement?

Imagine bundling yourself up on the couch, the sound of rain hitting the roof, and putting on Fable for a few hours. Or getting home after a long day of work. You make yourself a cup of cocoa, put on fuzzy pjs, and play Viva Piñata for hours not giving a second thought to the outside world. Semester just got out? Throw on some Fallout and just take a night to breathe and enjoy.

You aren’t wasting your life away, you’re enjoying it. Games can be just as much an escape as books, except you get to be part of the story.

[ladyclockworko1]

Chadwick Boseman on refusing the idea of Black Panther having a British accent.

So glad he decided to have an African accent in the movie- major bullet dodged!

[ladyclockworko1]

Ruth Negga for AnOther Magazine

[ladyclockworko1]

i was looking for writing prompts and came across what is now the funniest thing ive ever seen

[ladyclockworko1]

thor ragnarok fight scene but holding out for a hero is playing