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Xhosa ox sitting on the shore, Hluleka, Eastern Cape, South Africa, 2019 - by Daniel Naudé (1984), South African
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Serpent-handling at the Dolley Pond Church of God. Serpent-handling Believers Thomas G. Burton Knoxville: University of Tennessee Press, 1993.
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I SHALL NOT WANT , by me, 2025. i don’t usually do textile work but i have been lately i guess
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no more shouting into the void i’m gonna go to therapy
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#kinda need to vent idk#i’m going to stop drinking for a while it helped last time i did it and yeah#it’s not as bad as it has been by any means but. i hate that it’s so easy for me to just. sit and drink and chain smoke and do nothing afte#after work. i need to do more than shit around.#also just feeling depressed lately i think?#i’ve been so busy and ever since the funeral i can’t stop. being out of the house doing something#and being alone feels Bad.#i can’t sleep at all ive stayed up until 5 in the morning the last week without trying#i lay awake and cry and think about calling hotlines#i think i’ve unintentionally sabatoged my relationship#by being avoidant lately. but i don’t want to use him as a therapist#but being long distance is hard. and there are things i need to talk about with him and literally don’t get the chance to#either don’t get the chance to cause he’s working or bc i decided i feel avoidant and then suddenly he can talk but im busy out doing#something to avoid shit so i can’t pick up the phone in front of friends and talk about this stuff in the moment#idk i don’t know if a long distance relationship is good for me.#i really really thought it was at first. like yes i get to be myself and not have that feeling of needing to be around my partner 24/7#and honestly it was nice at first. it was like that. i’ve been myself the whole time.#except when he’s home my life does kinda revolve only around him#bc we have limited time together#and he doesn’t really wanna do stuff that i wanna do. so i miss shows sometimes and stuff which. isn’t the end of the world but#idk#i hate everything right now and i don’t know what to do but hate myself for it
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