lamiictal

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My oven has given up and is just giving me bullshit times

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I know this might make people mad, but absolutely refusing to even attempt to treat your mental illness, and instead just endlessly inflicting your unmitigated episodes on the people around you, is abusive. Your loved ones are not stress toys that you can just squeeze every time you feel bad. It is bad if someone says your repeated behavior is hurting them, and you take no steps to change. I know damn well that you can’t always help how your brain acts, but I’ve also spent a lot of years trying to stop my spiraling brain in its tracks, work on strategies to calm down, and consider the impact I’m having on others, because I grew up in a household with people who have the attitude of, “I have the right to consume all the attention in the house and drain your energy every single day because I feel miserable, and you’re the bad guy if you say that I’m making you feel bad and that I need to get help. I can treat you however I want because of my anxiety.”

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Are they ‘trauma dumping’ or are they just discussing their life experience and you are such an asshole that you can’t stand to be confronted with information that makes you uncomfortable for 0.005 seconds???

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im so tired of being unable to say "no/please stop" because if i do the other person will hurt themself

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therapy's great because i'm supposed to process the fact that most of the people i've cared about in my life haven't actually been interested in me as a person and then just go to work in the morning

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If you genuinely enjoy being alone, do you ever wonder if it is an inherent part of your character or if it stems from feeling inescapably lonely in the first place until you taught yourself to enjoy the peace and happiness one can find in solitude? what if the reason you now prefer & choose solitude at every turn is because you were a very lonely child, or teenager, not by your own choice, and that’s how you learnt to thrive and grow, so you no longer know if you can do that around people? There might also be an element of personal pride, an unconscious “you can’t fire me I quit” point when your brain decided to switch your feelings about solitude from distress to relief. I often find myself defending my love of being alone, to people who worry that I can’t possibly be happy to live in an isolated house in the woods; I insist that I do! I really do specifically enjoy the isolated factor and chose to live here because of it, but then I wonder how to differentiate an ingrained love of solitude from an acquired ability to thrive off unchosen loneliness, to learn from it and be nourished by it; to what extent it might be a form of contentment built on a bedrock of resignation.

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For just once, I want to see bipolar disorder not demonized and completely blown out of proportion in media.

I want to see a character with bipolar disorder who's not a total fuck up. I want to see a story in which the person who ruins everyone's life and who leaves a huge mess for everyone to clean up after them every time is not the bipolar one.

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it's kinda crazy what a common experience it is for like your parents to do something insanely traumatizing to you and then just not remember they did it at all while you remember forever

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there is a lot of value in doing the "opposite" action a la dbt but i've gotta say, reaching out and being social while my brain is convinced i'm annoying and that all my friends hate me is making me feel like my skin is being stripped off while i'm burning alive

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where i’m at girls

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Sorry I Spent all mY spoons this week already and it's fucking Tuesday. We're heading to the knives

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*showing visible symptoms* oh my god i need help desperately

*symptoms go away for one day* what if im just faking it

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and is your shame helpful? is it inspiring goodness and change? or is it keeping you frozen in time unable to move on and be everything you have expanded to be?

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i don't know who needs to hear this, but guilt, self-hatred and shame are not sustainable sources of growth and healing. you can't hate yourself into feeling better, or being better. you can't repeatedly punish yourself for your flawed humanity and expect wholesome results.

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people will hear you talk about struggling with mental illness and say “you can do anything if you just put your mind to it”. brother what part of the body does the mental illness happen in. what do you think is the problem