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You know what they did to me for being a hero? They put my ass in jail for 30 years.

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The most difficult question I've ever faced in public is: "Hey, what are you reading?".

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Regé-Jean Page as Simon Basset, the Duke of Hastings | Bridgerton (2020- )

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You know, I think spending over a decade of your life with either Clint Barton OR Tony Stark will wear your face down into the same default expression.

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Wolverine is ageless.

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This is my favorite “Jaskier is not a human” post that I have seen so far. 😂

Jaskier definitely isn’t human

Geralt just Knows

After all, no human this annoying can manage to live this long without getting killed by a spiteful husband or someone who’s just Had Enough Of Him.

And Geralt’s known him for about fifty years at this point. (Humans are supposed to age, right? Right?)

But then the question remains: What Is Jaskier?

(definitely not human, that’s for sure)

Maybe Jaskier is a Siren. After all, even his worst songs (Toss A Coin) get wildly popular (Toss A Coin) even if Geralt hates them (Toss A Coin). Also his voice is Very Nice. He Must Be A Siren.

Didn’t Jaskier say something about the coast at some point? Must be a Siren Thing.

So, the next time they come across a stream, Geralt picks Jaskier up and throws him into the water. Surely, if he’s caught off guard, he’ll transform.

He doesn’t.

“Geralt, what the fuck?” “You needed a bath. You stink.” “Still?”

Jaskier is not a Siren.

Maybe he’s Fae. After all, his sentences are always convoluted and Geralt has a rough time understanding what he means when he says things (how the fuck is he supposed to know that when Jaskier talks about how lovely that inn looks, he means he wants to spend the night there?) and he… likes the woods. That’s a Fae Thing, right?

“Hey, can you hold this cast iron pan for me?” “I… uh, sure.” “…” “…” “Fuck.” “Geralt, why-” “Shut up.”

Jaskier is not Fae.

Maybe he’s a Higher Vampire. He gets that theory from Lambert when they run into him on the Path.

“I don’t know, Lamb… I mean, a Higher Vampire? He’s too silly and stupid to be a Higher Vampire.” “But what if that’s what he wants you to believe, Geralt?” “Oh, shit.”

Higher Vampires get drunk off of blood like it’s alcohol. So they collect some of their own blood in a vial, and every time Jaskier isn’t looking, they sneak some of it into his glass.

“Is it me or does this wine taste a bit funny?” “It’s nothing, it smells fine, you’re just overreacting, Jaskier.” “… Right.”

He throws up later that night.

Jaskier is not a Higher Vampire.

He must have some Elven blood in him. That’s the only option.

“Yen, I think Jaskier might be part elf, can you scan him with your magic and find out if he is?” “Sure. I’ll do that.”

She doesn’t.

She tells Jaskier about the whole thing instead.

Top 10 Anime Betrayals.mp4

Jaskier is outraged (of course) while simultaneously finding the whole thing absolutely hilarious, and he lets Yennefer Magic MRI him.

Turns out he found a bottle of something clear in a Wizard’s Tower about 30 years ago, and just downed the whole thing because he thought it was vodka.

Spoiler alert: It was not vodka. It was a potion of immortality.

Turns out Jaskier is just a Very Stupid Human.

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These stories are why this will always be my favorite trope. So simple, yet so effective.

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Ok so I've found a way to describe what Neurodivergent Can't Do Task Mode™ feels like to neurotypicals

So you know how you can't make yourself put your hand down on a hot stovetop? There's a part of your brain that stops you from doing that? That's what Neurodivergent Can't Do Task Mode™ feels like

Even if we want to do it, there's a barrier stopping us from doing it, and it's really hard to override

And why does our brain see the task as a hot stovetop? Because when neurotypicals finish a task, they get serotonin, but we don't get that satisfaction after completing a task. A neurotypical wouldn't get serotonin from putting their hand on a hot stovetop, it would just hurt. When we can't do a task, it's because our brain knows that the task will hurt (metaphorically) and wants to avoid that.

It's not that we're choosing not to do the task, it's that our brain is physically preventing us from doing it.

Neurotypicals can and should reblog but please don't add anything

(Sorry/not sorry about the random bolding, it makes it easier for us to read)

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Me at Starbucks today:

Barista 1: What’s your name? Me: *tries so hard not to be Hamiltrash at this moment, yet fails* Me: Alexander Hamilton. My name is Alexander Hamilton. Barista 1: *says under breath* oh no Barista 1: *quickly scribbles down “Alexander Hamilton” on cup before anything else can go down*

5 minutes later

Barista 2: Coffee for the $10 founding father without a father, who got a lot farther by working a lot harder, by being a lot smarter, by being a self-starter, by 14 was placed in charge of a trading charter Me: *runs hysterically up to the barista to fangirl about Hamilton for the next few minutes*

Yea, today was a good day

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25 lifetimes + multifandom And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.

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actual footage of my brain overthinking everything

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I lol’d

this was funnier in my head 😭

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Happiest Season (2020)