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[laprive]

ok but we gotta talk more about vintage halloween costumes, we GOTTA

ESPECIALLY the diy ones. back before costumes were mass-manufactured, people were left to their own devices and shit got WILD.

It was an absolute free-for-all. back before you could buy a batman mask in a drug store for $5, people really just did whatever

and it was FABULOUS

bonus points to these early commercialization attempts. yes that is a batman dress

anyway there is a basic human drive to wear weird-ass clothing and we should incorporate this shamelessness into our daily lives. only the most meagre of social laws prevent you from dunking yourself in body glitter and wearing a cape & pointy hat to the grocery story on a regular basis. revise your life accordingly.

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Sometimes I think illness sits inside every woman, waiting for the right moment to bloom. I have known so many sick women all my life. Women with chronic pain, with ever-gestating diseases. Women with conditions. Men, sure, they have bone snaps, they have backaches, they have a surgery or two, yank out a tonsil, insert shiny plastic hip. Women get consumed.

SHARP OBJECTS — by gillian flynn

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Florence Pugh © Television Critics Association [📷: Robby Klein]

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did another photoshoot and i think i actually like it. saturday was actually fun.

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wonwoo & mingyu ☆ cosmopolitan korea

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Little Women (2019) dir. Greta Gerwig

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MIDSOMMAR (2019) dir. Ari Aster | LITTLE WOMEN (2019) dir. Greta Gerwig

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20210501

Life is knda slow lately, I have been doing nothing but watch some series on Netflix. Everyday is like a routine though I’m entirely complaining. I went out once to enroll myself for the second semester, after that I went to hang out with some of my friends. I actually miss them. We were with another blockmate that I used to be intimidated of, but now I think he’s pretty chill. We talked about friendships, sex and all that shit. It made me realize that a lot of the people who are around me already experienced so much, it fascinates me because I personally don’t want to experience some of those. Sex isn’t something I want, I just don’t feel the need to, also I don’t feel any sexual attraction. It has always been like that. Which reminds me, I think I have been sexually harrassed by the people who I actually trust. I was a kid and I didn’t know what they were doing, it sucks that I only realize it now. I haven’t told anyone about this but one friend who I rarely talk to now, he’s busy with work. I don’t know if I’m hiding it but it just doesn’t feel right to let other people know, I also don’t want to say that it’s the reason behind my gender. I know it’s not a trend but when my friend came out that he was sexually harrassed, I didn’t want to let them know even more just because I know that he’s suffered from it and in my case, I don’t think I actually suffered because I only recently found out. Until now I feel disgusted with myself and the people who did those horrible stuff to me. Do I hate them? I don’t think so. Have I forgiven them already? I don’t know. I don’t feel anything towards them. And from what I see, I don’t think life is treating them really well lately. 

Anyway, saw someone I used to talk to changing his display picture and tagging what seems to be the girl he’s now talking to. Don’t get me wrong I’m not jealous, I’m actually happy that he’s now with someone who will be a good company to him. I remember the last time we exchanged messages, I did not respond when he sent me a long one just because it was too long for me to read and I’m lazy, he sent a shorter one saying that he wants to remain as friends so I told him that he can still join our game night with friends, I wasn’t expecting anything. I was the one who let go first, I don’t think I held on even for a bit during the time we were talking. I felt nothing, really. There was a time when he told me about his problems, how his anxiety is eating him up alive, what he used to be like, and all I answered was “Have you tried therapy?” I wasn’t even joking that time, I believe that someone’s difficulties shouldn’t be a laughing matter, but it’s also true that I don’t think I can help him. I know that time that I should be comforting him, but I never act on something if it doesn’t come from his own words, even if he did ask me to comfort him, I don’t think I can though. This isn’t me glorifying emotional detachment though, it’s just too much energy to ponder on about. And I won’t even say I have my own problems I have to deal with, I dislike putting it on the table, it feels like setting aside the main dish. Anyway it has been months since the last time we even interacted, I really can’t talk to people. I deactivated my Facebook when I saw it though, not because I’m hurt or anything it, it felt like a perfect reason to finally leave that account. 

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i love this mask so much i will definitely use it again for another shoot. 🐰

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i dont even know what i was going for tbh.

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These two gifs are the exact same. That's all there is.

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「ARMIGER UNLEASHED」

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Lady Bird (2017) dir. Greta Gerwig

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Just because something looks ugly doesn’t mean that it’s morally wrong.

LADY BIRD (2017) dir. Greta Gerwig

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Justifying the Actions of A Dumb One

Spoiler Alert! This is a self deprecating entry lol.

When the pandemic first hit the Philippines, as sad as it may sound, no one was really ready for it. A lot of jobs were lost, lives were lost, students were left on idle for a long while, there were no preparations made prior to the lockdown. Everyone suffered, everyone had to improvise how their business would continue, how they will earn money, how to keep their family members safe and schools were forced to jump to having online classes. It would’ve been good if we were prepared but no, this government failed to give us assurance and protection, so we as the citizens of this country had to do it on our own.

When they implemented online classes, we still have our second semester left and honestly it was really hard for me, maybe it was just as hard for everyone. I couldn’t really focus that much and sometimes we’ll only be given tasks and some reading materials but I still wouldn’t understand, it’s just the way I am, even if I wanted to try I’m just too dumb. Though I still think that if these topics were taught in school and it was a personal one, maybe I would understand it a bit better, I’m not saying that I’m good when it comes to on-site learning, but it was easier for me since there were less distractions at school.

At home I get to do whatever I want, we used to not have deadlines during the first attempt of online classes so what I would do is slack off for a long time and do everything in just one sitting, usually three days before the given deadline. It usually works and I think it was fine for me since I know it myself I don’t try hard enough to reach my naturally born smart classmates, even if I wanted to, I wasn’t blessed to have the same kind of brain they have, I don’t long to be included in the Dean’s list because I never want to pressure myself so I can get validation from anyone, but still what I say will never be valid, it’s just another student justifying why she’s not smart enough so I never really cared, whatever grade is given to me, I’m okay with it as long as it’s not a failing grade or if it’s a failing grade, it’s not me who’s disappointed, my parents are the ones who are going to be and maybe the future Alex .

There are pros and cons when it comes to online classes, the first pro is that it’s probably the safest among all options because we get to do it in comfort of our home. Second is that I kind of have a lot of free time to try new hobbies at home, like for example, I have so much time in hand that I managed to somehow have a passion project which is the podcast I created with my friends, Sam and Mira, which is by the way now available on Spotify if anyone’s interested, it’s called “It’s Always the Dumb Ones” we basically talk about anything under the sun, it’s super random but I think we’re improving even though our analytics says otherwise, I mean we actually didn’t get the support from some of the people we initially expected it to come from but we still plan to continue this because we’re finally getting recognition from other established podcasts so it’s like a new ray of hope. Anyway, back to the topic, the cons of online classes probably includes the lackluster internet connection because we don’t always have a stable internet, so I have to depend on to the available materials that are provided to us so I can learn it myself, if I try hard enough, but it’s not always like that, it only happens like twice a month I believe? Another one is that I get distracted easily at home and my eyesight is probably far worse than before. But yeah, no one was expecting any of this to happen so I can definitely understand.

Though I have to say, having online classes makes me miss even the most mundane things I used to do when everything was still normal. It makes me realize how I took a lot of things for granted. I miss riding the bus to school, the way I have to literally cover my nose whenever the bus is crossing long beach because I never really liked the smell there, the way I have to wake up early because if not, I have to stand inside the bus because I will be late or I just have to skip my first early subject if I don’t want to go through all that during that day, I kind of miss the food in the canteen too even if it wasn’t that good but it wasn’t really that bad either, I miss sitting inside the classroom, the stairs whenever our next class is on the 4th floor, I miss not wearing a face shield that I don’t know what the purpose of is but to help Chinese suppliers, I miss not wearing a face mask, though it has been a habit of mine already to wear one before.

I have realized a lot of things during this pandemic, so I have decided to just live the way I want, try whatever the hell I want, but still not put anyone else at risk because of my own carelessness. Basically just live my own life but with caution. I have learned to seek opportunities and try to better myself during this time, I think I’m starting to care for myself now in a better way. Who knows, maybe I’ll learn to care for my failing grades too in the near future.

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Life As We Know It But Make It Enceladus

NASA’s mantra on discovering life outside Earth has always been “follow the water”. On October 15th, 1997 NASA’s space probe Cassini was sent out to orbit the planet Saturn so they can study its system, the rings of it, and the moons of the said planet. In 2005, one of the moons called Enceladus caught the eyes of a lot of scientists and astrobiologists when a photograph of it was sent back to Earth. There seemed to be bright lights shooting out from the south pole of the moon. That really piqued the interest of many, even the mission was changed, and the new mission is to now study Enceladus. The space probe was sent to get samples; they did it by reprogramming the initial software that came with it, then fly right through the bright lights that were shooting out. They have discovered that these lights are indeed water like what they were hoping for. This discovery really changed everything, there are some astrobiologists who were originally focused on another moon called Titan that shifted their attention to this moon 25x smaller than Earth. When the probe was near the plumes, it had the chance to “taste” or analyze what it’s made out of, and it is said to be salty liquid water. This opens up the chance for that moon to sustain life because it has two of the key ingredients to making a life, water, high salt content and a really hot core underneath that ocean. And according to their data the water there is hydrothermal meaning that something is heating it up underneath, that is also believed to be a volcano, which them makes it similar to the oceans we have here on Earth. 

Enceladus is only believed to be one billion years old, the perfect time to start supporting life because the earliest time that Earth has evidence of it supporting life was when it was about 3.7 billion years old, in a few billion years, with all the evolution that could happen. One thing is that the life on Earth billion years ago was 90% microbial; with the Cassini data it shows that Enceladus would also be microbial. If we do however find something in the future more signs of life on Enceladus, I’m really curious as to what they would like after all the evolutions that could happen, because amino acids are an essential when it comes to having life on Earth, but scientists are still not sure if amino acids are also needed when creating life beyond Earth. We also have to consider that these chemical reactions are able to be processed without the help of any source of sunlight, so if anything, life there would have to develop in the dark. We can only speculate what forms they would take because of their surroundings, this place has no light at all but like any other life form whatever it may be, there ways that they could survive on their own terms. Will they be more advanced than us? How are they going to interact with the surrounding they have?  With all the discoveries the scientists have made, they have found some things that are more advanced than what they were expecting, and with the data brought to them by the Cassini space probe, they still plan to study those for the next decade. Even though some of the proposals to visit Enceladus didn’t make it into the cut, this doesn’t mean we have nothing else to learn more about that moon. Will we be able to witness or find alien life on that moon? If they are going to be more advanced than us then it wouldn’t be strange if they are the ones to find us first.