laron1a

[laron1a]

My favourite trope in the world is overpowered main characters who think they aren't that great at whatever they're doing and they're just scraping by, meanwhile they're the devil incarnate from everyone else's pov

[laron1a]

This morning I came downstairs to discover that the dogs have invented a New Crime.

My husband get up very early for his Real Adult Job, and feeds Charleston (Black-and-cream Sighthound mix, mostly leg) and Herschel (40lb cardigan welsh crime tube), then lets them out into the fenced yard before he leaves.

I get up at the same time but take longer to boot up, so the dogs frolick about and discourage the local tree rats from lingering about the property while I get dressed/brush my teeth/try to not be psychologically crushed by The Horrors (TM)

Now it's pretty normal for me to find Herschel doing a high-speed yet startlingly efficient MC Hammer Shuffle on his stubby little legs around the base of the large honey Locust tree we have in the middle of the yard so he could keep his face pointed directly up the trunk at something in the canopy, because this his how he tries to herd squirrels.

...but Charlie is usually nearby, cheerfully play-bowing and encouraging the squirrel to come down, nothing bad will happen-!

This time Charleston is nowhere in sight.

I go outside to investigate and Herschel pauses to tackle me about the kneecaps as a greeting before returning to the tree.

Charleston is not behind the garden bins, nor in the side yard.

I am growing concerned, when I hear a telltale guilty scrape of claws above me.

Charleston is on the roof.

I shuffle out to the middle of the yard, until I can make eye contact with him.

He looks down at me, cheerfully wagging his tail, clearly anticipating praise for being such a clever boy.

I at least know how he got up there.

My house has a deck built off the second floor with a set of stairs leading up to it, and a large honey locust tree grows next to it. Part of the roof is easily accessible with a small hop from the deck.

The deck has only a minimal amount of railing ad the roof has none, so I blocked off the stairs with a board that was too high for Herschel, an inveterate explorer and criminal, to jump, but not Charlie.

I didn't worry about this at the time because Charleston is, in fact, The Best Dog In The Universe, and understands that even though he *could* easily jump various barriers, it would be *impolite* of him to do so.

Charleston is Extremely Polite and thus almost never commits any crimes.

...Almost Never.

Charlie has exactly two vices, which aren't even vices because his ancestors were bred for millennia to do these two exact things.

The first is that he is HIGHLY leash aggressive when I'm present (We were both attacked by a St. Bernard the first day I had him and Charlie has decided Strange Dogs Are Not Allowed To Approach Me)

The Second is that he has the Prey Drive From Hell.

He has chased bears and bulls with full murderous intent.

He almost got me arrested because he cut his leash to chase a pronghorn antelope in front of a park ranger.

It is only for the sake of my saftey and pursuit of prey that he will break the rules.

Today, he has his nemesis cornered

Charleston isn't clever the way Herschel is. He's never really explored using his toys as tools, whereas Herschel speedran the early stages of hominid tool use as a puppy. Arwen was a logistical sort of genius who managed to terraform my parent's yard into Rabbit Thunderdome.

Charleston's genius is... psychological.

If the Squirrels see both dogs, they run for the fence, but if they only see Herschel, they run for the tree.

Charlie is much better at tracking and guessing the route his prey might go, so Charlie runs for their preferred escape route of the tree instead of chasing them.

The squirrels compensate by running for the fence, which is farther away in general, but they have a head start on the dogs.

At Some Point, charlie managed to work out that if he stays in the shadows under the deck, the squirrels won't see his mostly-black body, especially when Herschel charges into the sunlight and catches it on his white ruff.

Charleston realized, long before I did, that there is only the ONE branch that overhangs the roof, and therefore if a squirrel runs up the tree, it only has ONE way out of the yard.

The real genius was combining all of the above into the realization that he could let Herschel charge the squirrels, run through the under-deck shadows and up to the deck and roof while the squirrels are distracted, and plant himself on the roof where the squirrels HAVE to land without them seeing him until it was too late.

-And so we stand this morning.

Herschel at the foot of the tree, preventing the squirrel from running back down and heading for the fence

Charleston square in the landing zone on the roof, at the ready

The squirrel paralyzed on the branch between them

...and me, only sort of awake and realizing that I'm probably the dumbest mammal here.

I need to figure out how to disentangle these beasts without anyone getting maimed. Charleston has the blood of his ancestors baying for the flesh of his nemesis in his ears. Herschel is dangerously close to figuring out how to get on the roof himself. The squirrel is contemplating some truly dire Maneuvers, including dropping out of the tree and assaulting me to buy time.

I haven't even had my coffee yet.

"Charleston." I say with a very aggravated sigh. "That's not where dogs go."

Charleston whimpers.

He has Disappointed (TM) me.

A fate worse than death.

He starts to walk back to the deck, but as he takes a step to leave, so does the squirrel, and he is pulled back by millennia of instinct.

This will require. Delicacy.

or delicacies.

"Stay. I'll be right back." I tell the dogs.

I go back into the house, and retrieve The Best Treat.

The Cat's Wet Food.

Both dogs crave this Most Forbidden snack with an irrational passion, and it is usually both out of reach in the cat tree AND defended by Mochi, who rules the dogs with an Iron Paw.

I return to the yard, and open the can in full view of both dogs.

"Charlie?" I call. "Do you want Wet Food?"

He is halfway down the stairs before I can finish the question.

Herschel switches his orbit from the tree to my person, and I have to shuffle to avoid tripping over them as we go back inside and the squirrel flees.

None of this is the new crime.

I go out with them later to pull Yet More Thistles, and a few minutes in, I hear a little 'huff' from Charlie.

I look up, and he's standing on the stairs, paw up to indicate he's going to jump over the barrier board and go right back up there.

You know.

...Unless there is wet food to be had.

The children have figured out how to commit extortion. I text my husband.

They're so smart! Do you think we can set them on the jackasses across the street? My husband asks, ever the practical man.

I'm going back to bed.

---

I'm a disabled writier who makes my living tellng stories. if you liked this, please consider giving me a Ko-fi tip, or pre-ordering the Family Lore book of stories on my Patreon. Thank you!

[laron1a]

[laron1a]

Funniest (fantasy) way to find out you're trans I think. Assigned male by ancient prophecy

[laron1a]

Odysseus: *gently hands Athena baby Telemachus*

Athena: …you were PREGNANT AND YOU DIDNT TELL ME?!

Odysseus: what?- no-

Athena: DO YOU KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THAT IS?! I WAS TRAINING YOU!

Odysseus: no I wasn’t the one-

Athena: THAT POOR BOY WAS PROBABLY SO SQUISHED IN YOUR HELMET! LOOK AT HOW SMALL HE IS!!

[laron1a]

No, no, and NO.

AO3 does not live in “the cloud” because that is other people’s computers, and other people’s computers are vulnerable to censorship.

AO3 is on its own computers. It does still have to be housed somewhere, and I suppose a determined enough hater could try to find that place and go after it, but it’s a lot harder than sending spurious complaints to Amazon or whomever going “BadWrong things are hosted on your cloud service!”

Owning the servers is a core tenet of OTW/AO3.

[laron1a]

since a lot of you guys liked my aang sketches from a couple weeks ago, here are some sketches of our favorite sifu hotman 🔥🔥🔥

[laron1a]

I can behave normally around books

[laron1a]

this redditor has the fucking battle royale of invasive plants (in the US) happening in their yard jesus christ. sentences of hate and destruction

[laron1a]

[laron1a]

This has been bugging me for ages and I feel like you’re the only other blog who would appreciate my conundrum here. Do you think people in the avatar-verse drink cow’s milk?

On the one hand the lost lore archive seemingly confirms that cow-pigs produce “delicious” milk, but how canon can we really consider that? On the other hand, if you didn’t already know, most humans are lactose intolerant. The gene for lactase persistence (the ability to digest milk past babyhood) originated in the Middle East or Europe and spread from there. Even today East Asia has some of the highest rates of lactose intolerance in the world, and lactase tolerance was virtually nonexistent in North America pre-colonisation. Not drinking cow’s milk is the norm for humanity, not the exception, so I just think it would be cool to have at least one fantasy world where the main characters are lactose intolerant and soy milk is the norm.

Granted, given that cheese can be made to be palatable to lactose intolerant people and that there does seem to have been some lactase persistence traditionally in northern Indian and Himalayan regions (at least at a cursory research glance), you would probably expect it to vary by region and culture. Maybe cow-pig milk is consumed in only certain regions and otherwise usually made into cheese. I personally headcanon that air nomads eat sky bison cheese, which might taste similar to chhurpi.

From what I've read, dairy cows aren't native to East Asia, hence the lack of cow milk in most of the traditional cuisine of that region. I would say that cow-pig milk in Avatar might just be a local delicacy unique to the EK town from "Zuko Alone".

However, a predisposition towards lactose intolerance is not necessarily a permanent roadblock to enjoying milk products. Speaking from personal experience, I can generally build up my tolerance for dairy if I make a point of drinking milk every day. However, if I take a break of more than a week, then I have to start the whole process over again.

As for the consumption of other animal milks...

Based off cultural inspiration, the Air Nomads likely had close to 100% lactase persistence. Dairy is a huge part of Tibetan and other Himalayan cuisine. Plus, if Appa is any indication, sky bisons were roughly the size of sperm whales. Assuming there was a sky bison for every nomad, there was probably enough extra milk produced for it to become a staple of the Air Nomad diet.

The Northern Water Tribe probably has some lactase persistence, since they have Mongolian and Sakha cultural influence in addition to Inuit. Both Mongolian and Sakha culture are known for their consumption of mare's milk, both as a drink and as an ingredient in dishes. Plus, the NWT canonically has Buffalo-Yaks, which is a combination of two animals whose milk is commonly consumed in parts of Asia. Lactase persistence might not be as strong in the Southern Water Tribe, who don't seem to have domesticated any milk-producing animals.

The Earth Kingdom probably only has lactase persistence in certain regions, such as the village in "Zuko Alone". This aligns with its primary cultural inspiration, China. While most of China does not have a cheese-making tradition, there are pockets of regional cheeses: cow and goat cheeses in Yunnan, fermented cow milk cheeses in Xinjiang, and yak cheeses in the Tibetan and Mongolian autonomous provinces. However, on the whole, I think most EK citizens stick to non-dairy milks made from soy or nuts.

Finally, there's the Fire Nation. I don't think they drink much milk. In addition to China, the Fire Nation's other major cultural influences are Southeast Asia (Thailand, especially) and Japan. Historically, none of these cultures consumed much animal milk. I think the Fire Nation's choice of milks would be soy, coconut, or peanut.

[laron1a]

Today I was trying to chat up this girl standing with her friend at a lesbian bar and said “oh are you two together?” meaning were you friends before being next to each other at this bar and one turns to the other and goes with all the venom of a black mamba snake “I don’t know Cara, are we?” and I was like you know what? not my table

[laron1a]

House of Gentians Arc 3 || Pages 129-132

DRUNKJI GO HOME YOU'RE DRUNK.

----------------

NEXT PART (Available on my Patreon. Will be posted here next week.)

PREVIOUS PART

ABOUT + TABLE OF CONTENTS

IMPORTANT NOTE: Always be sure to click on my profile and check for updates because if you see a random part reblogged IT MIGHT NOT BE THE EDITED VERSION WITH THE WORKING LINK TO THE NEXT PART

[laron1a]

lol the ask you got about WBT (which I love, obviously, all your writing is superb!) made me go "who could we marry MXY/WWX to that would be worse than LWJ?" and ... LQR? I don't think I've ever seen anyone contemplate marrying these two (for obvious reasons) but considering how long loved cultivators are and how none of his nephews have yet produced offspring and the main family is small as it is - why not offer a young wife to give heirs to the lan family to LQR?

I actually think that LQR would reject it. If he wanted a wife, he'd have one. He's one of the most politically powerful cultivators in the cultivation world and an exemplary disciple of the teachings of Lan An, which is considered desirable within the Lan. *WE* think he's old and stodgy and boring because WWX does, but he was actually probably considered an extremely desirable match

so I think someone would be like "what if you married a teenager/young adult for procreation?" and he would go "what if you did a handstand until you collapsed?"

[laron1a]

[laron1a]

group hug