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[larryandkatemesa]

Fluids make a lot of difference and the hospital forgot to turn on his drip yesterday, but things should improve after this bag is done.

[larryandkatemesa]

Today we are at our oncologist in Beverly Hills. I am having a hard time keeping it together today. I went to the restroom and cried out to Jesus to help me be strong, help my husband with his pain. When we got out into the room, I noticed the name of the building behind us. I know the Lion is with us.

[larryandkatemesa]

Today was our first time going back to church in months. But it’s Easter Sunday, so how can we not be there! If there’s one thing we can celebrate with our entire soul, it is the resurrection of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

This morning, I heard a faint request for help;“baby, can you help me with something?“ ”Of course,” I said. As I walked into our bedroom from the bathroom, there he sat with tears rolling down his face, none of the pants he could find fit him anymore. He needed me to help him find some pants to wear that would not fall down. And so, there we were, looking at all of our options, and a belt that would work. Together, we faced this challenge as we do all of our daily challenges, Head on, with the Holy Spirit lighting our way. We finally got to church and we had the most blessed time. We left slightly early, and our pastor came running after us to hug us and tell us that he loves us (Compass Church of Simi Valley is and has been our church home). As far as getting to church this Easter Sunday, no regrets as we got to see all of our church family and get several hugs in the process. Onward…

Let the Lion of Judah fight for you. Trust me, it’s a win.



[larryandkatemesa]

The thing about the 2008 market crash was that it took away my job security and that job security has been hard to get ever since. I can’t tell you the number of online applications I submitted and was denied,they were too many.

Education has always been a dream of mine and I pursued it. I recently obtained my BA in Sociology and graduated with honors. I fear it won’t help me get a job due to my age. I fear that if Larry goes on to Heaven, I won’t be able to find good paying work. I fear I will be living in my vehicle. Stupid fears! Don’t you know that God has not given me a spirit of fear!! Get behind me!

It’s all up to me (but it’s really up to HIM!) to find that job, when the time is right; Though I know where my help comes from, it’s the historical experience of online rejections that my mind considers. Make no mistake though, Jehovah Jireh is our provider!

God help us all...

[larryandkatemesa]

Grocery Store Meltdown

Nobody tells you or prepares you for the small things that one goes through when their love is going through terminal a cancer journey. It’s not only his journey though, it’s our journey and it really hurts my heart when people refer it as “his news” “his struggle”, “his needs”. It’s not just his, it’s ours. When you marry someone, you become one flesh, when half of your flesh is being torn from you, slowly, it’s excruciating.  

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store to try to find something that he might be able to eat. I stood there, bread on my right and wine on my left. I stood there and realized that I had no idea what I was doing. The store started to spin. How do I choose what foods he might find palatable? Does the lady six feet away from me have any clue as to why I can’t move right now? Is the world carrying on as ours is crumbling? I picked fruit and soup. We will see. 

[larryandkatemesa]

Grocery Store Meltdown

Nobody tells you or prepares you for the small things that one goes through when their love is going through terminal a cancer journey. It’s not only his journey though, it’s our journey and it really hurts my heart when people refer it as “his news” “his struggle”, “his needs”. It’s not just his, it’s ours. When you marry someone, you become one flesh, when half of your flesh is being torn from you, slowly, it’s excruciating.  

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store to try to find something that he might be able to eat. I stood there, bread on my right and wine on my left. I stood there and realized that I had no idea what I was doing. The store started to spin. How do I choose what foods he might find palatable? Does the lady six feet away from me have any clue as to why I can’t move right now? Is the world carrying on as ours is crumbling? I picked fruit and soup. We will see. 

[larryandkatemesa]

It’s been too long since I have written. So many updates.

Larry’s cancer looked to be responding well to targeted therapy, but the latest has now shown the cancer has spread in the lungs and liver.

Larry has been struggling to breathe and coughing a lot more; it makes sense as the bronchus and lung lymph nodes are greatly affected. I want to help him, but there’s only so much I can do.

Tonight, we came back from a short get-a-way in Palm Springs. He desperately needed to get out of this small apartment we are in all the time. It was nice, but tomorrow he starts immunotherapy, and he’s quite nervous about it. His tears bring my hugs and his hugs bring my tears. On and on we go, one foot in front of the other, knowing we are walking through fire, though not alone; for the King of Heaven walks beside us. In Heaven, once we arrive, there will be no pain, fear nor tears.

[larryandkatemesa]

Miracles Along the Way

Today, we needed to get medication for Larry, but we didn’t have the $300 in funds. There has been a private anonymous donor since he started taking Ric Simpson Oil, a holistic medication that has been proven to reduce cancer tumors and even cure what was told to be “terminal” cancer. 

While Larry takes Tagrisso (a targeted therapy in pill form) once a day, the Ric Simpson oil he takes three times a day. Therefore, going through it pretty fast and that stuff is $300 a tube. One tube lasts about two weeks. So, this medication is $600 a month. 

Today, the donor didn’t have the funds and we weren’t sure what to do, but then suddenly, I got a text from a brother in christ who wanted to donate to our recent yard sale, but has been too busy to do so. I told him not to worry about donating, it was okay, to which he replied “I have $300 here for you and I’d like to Venmo that to you, if that’s okay?” Now, just ten minutes before this, I was trying to figure out how to get $300. 

It’s important to us that we document the little miracles and the big ones along the way. This was huge and so obvious. Please recognize that Jesus is in the details of your life as He is ours. 

God is so faithful. 

Kate and Larry

[larryandkatemesa]

I’ve been doing a lot of self-reflecting since I have been in school. Education has taught me alot about myself and society. I am two month away from being a Sociologist. Sociologists study society. It is a very intense, dense and diverse discipline. 

I, like many people out there, have had a lot of healing to do with regard to my childhood and how it wired me to respond in times of challenge and stress. My body absorbs stress and carries it heavily on my shoulders, then that stress slowly seeps into the cells of every organ. But I, like you, have the choice to reprogram my response to stress.

Stress, like the waves in the photo, crash against us like a powerful force, aiming to rock us off of our peaceful path, but when we have done all that we can do to stand, we must still stand firm; firm on the truth that the one who loves us most is always standing with us.

We can all educate ourselves on healing; what does it look like? It’s found in so many forms; praying, music, meditation, nutrition, forgiveness, exercise and the humble acceptance of vulnerability and weakness. 

Sometimes, as I finish out my degree, I get stressed out; the demands seem to put me on edge and make me tougher to live with, or to be close to. But, what I am learning right now is that I don’t have the luxury of time to slowly change that trait. My husband deserves my compassion and good attitude more than I give it, so I am working on that daily. 

I am figuring it out with the help of the Lord. I know that His mercies are new every morning. So, when I get frustrated by school demands and household chores etc..., I know that I need to stop and meditate, pray or get out in nature and do all of those things there. 

This weekend, I am signed up for a 75 minute floating session. If you have never tried those, I recommend you do. In a society that is highly over stimulated by technology, sensory deprivation is healing. In the tank, I pray and let the stress fall away; no distractions at all. Try it out. 

It’s 3 am and I should go back to sleep. My husband is lying in bed, and the idea that I still get to lay there next to him, that is soothing to my mind. 

Rest well,

Kate

[larryandkatemesa]

If I knew then what I know now...

Life is a wild ride. If we are blessed, we get to know real love, but if we are blessed BIG TIME, we get to know the fragility of life. I have met both; I am blessed big time. 

The thing about being told your spouse has terminal cancer is, well, it’s unbelievable. It changes everything; literally, everything. 

We no longer take for granted a single day. For a while there, our prayers were always, “thank you, Lord, for this day.” 

I can’t imagine my life without Larry. It’s not possible. I can’t imagine being on this earth without him. If I knew that I’d have to face that possibility on the day I married him, would I have married him? You better believe it. Larry is my guy, now and forever.

For now, it’s been three months. He was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer on May 23rd, 2020, right in the middle of a global pandemic. We thought it was just Covid-19, we were wrong. 

This blog post is an introduction to our life and love. 

Today, we look forward to tomorrow; but we still value today far more than we did before.