lashesandarsenessheis

[lashesandarsenessheis]

The last almost 2 years with you

I always say this to you and will always. You are my God’s perfect timing. You came into my life, after clerkship. You were there during my Med school graduation! at least you were in my head because I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Haha 

About our first date 2 days ago and about our 2nd date, the following day.

You were there during my OB rotation. You made it bearable because I look forward to every From Duty and On calls with you!

I know from that very short time, I am in love with you! You are gwapo and instik mata and gusto ta ka manyakan pirme haha but I fell for your soul! You are a very good son to your parents! A good brother to your Ate! And that time, when I saw you with Tanate, I fell in love more because of how I see you with your friends! How easygoing and simple you are bisan kadamo na simo kwarta!

I love your humor! I love your caring side, your gentleness. Not just to me but also to Jervie, Pearl, Cham, to my family.

Then, duty calls! I was sad to see you go back to the sea! With all those video calls for more than a year, it was hard for me! You are my first boyfriend, and I would want to spend Christmas, birthdays, valentine’s days with you but your job does not permit. I hate being away from you.

LDR sucks! But with all its “suckiness”, I would want to be LDR with you. And you alone!

I love you, mahal!

Thank you for being there with me during Review! During Oath taking! I look forward to achieving more milestones with you!

Happy Birthday! I treasure your birthday because if you weren’t born on January 7th, I will be a sad human being because I am less lonely after I met you!

Love you! Will You Marry Me?

[lashesandarsenessheis]

When your boyfriend sends you this link saying “you’re a real woman, mahal” aww my heart is in my mouth.  

[lashesandarsenessheis]

Yes you

You’ll be fine.  You’ll find someone.. someday. But not as special.

I’m very sure you’ve lost the best thing ever and you have no one to blame but yourself. But it’s fine. You’ll be fine.

He is happy now. With me. 

Hope you are too. 

[lashesandarsenessheis]

Kristofer

I'm not happy. I'm quite sad and my self-esteem dropped off to zero. I don't have real friends! Maybe I have but she has a life that doesn't include me. I am alone in my car. I want to cry, to scream at nothing in particular! I want this loneliness off my chest. Why am I the one who had to watch people happy? with perfect family, best friends, partners.

[lashesandarsenessheis]

11 ammo straight to apex of your heart

1.     “Actions done with good intentions still end up hurting others.” – Erin Cinney

           All my intentions are good actually. But only certain people can see. You included. If I overstepped my boundaries and treated you like a doormat, you might want to change the “WELCOME” needlework to “OH NO YOU AGAIN” and you can be the coolest doormat anyone has seen.

2.     April 6, 2017

           I have friends but I have a pen and paper who are better listeners.

 I guess I just need to settle for something who would tell me “I’m here you are not alone.”

               People are arseholes! I included. There were times I find solitude with my pen and paper. And I’m grateful to all the trees that have been cut down and find its way towards you. Just in time before you watch your world fell apart. Just in time before you break down. So thank you trees for being there for Cham when I was stuck in traffic.

3.      “He’s the kind of good-looking that transforms once-self-respecting females into useless puddles of dumbass.” – Katja Millay, The Sea of Tranquility

           I’m done with all “He”. “His”. This kind of good-looking will remain faceless to me! And you do know faceless is a myth. At least before when all those fboys didn’t ruin me.

4.     “Sometimes you do things for the right reasons and sometimes for the wrong ones and sometimes it’s impossible to tell the difference.” Everything, Everything

           Nah, I just DO things. I actually like DOING it. Like how Olly and Maddy DO it.

5.     “Ask me how I am, and I’ll tell you how I’m okay. Read what I write, and I’ll tell you how I’m not.” –Chloe Frayne

           I’m sorry but I cannot let you read what I have written in the past three months. There’s so much to say. Things have been changing so fast.

           It’s easy to say pull your shit together. To some people we just don’t know how. I’m aware things are changing. Between us. We are not what we used to. And we cannot go back to the way we were. The way things were. And maybe I don’t really wanna read your stuff but I’m glad you discover the beauty of writing and the thing about it is that no matter how screwed up you are or bad at it, it’s basically the same. It helped you pull your shit together and it wasn’t as messed up as you think it would be.

6.      April 6, 2017

           “You are too nice Cham”

 I didn’t know being nice was that bad and to hear this from you. That was so unexpected. You just need to appreciate these people. The world would be so cruel without them.

              Being nice is one thing. But being nice to someone who treats you bad is another. And I felt like I treated you badly or I wasn’t there when you needed a friend and you being too nice eats me and I feel like shit.

7. “And when I let you down, look past your doubt, just please don’t lose your faith in me. “ –Taking Back Sunday

-When I let you down don’t lose your faith in me. It’s those days again and I need a friend. Can you just listen?

         I told you. You can write it down or message me in facebook and I’ll seenzone it. Maybe now you get it why I tell you to write it? Because writing is therapeutic and it is much the same when telling it to someone only much better!

8. “They drove down for miles and miles without a destination. Just them and the open road, and they loved every minute of it.”

           I have a story for this one. We took Hermes with us down the airport.

           I might have constructed a line or two about letting go.

           But I forgot to jot it down.

           While I give words, you tell stories through pictures.

           And while I was contemplating of letting go,

           You finally let it go. The end.

9. “In the end, maybe it all comes down to the last story we tell and the person we tell it to. And in the end, when I whisper our story to the stars, I hope you’re there.” Chloe Frayne

           When it all comes to an end I wish it to be our story I tell. I wish that the person I tell it to is to be you. Okay! I will not wet blanket you with this one.

10. “I’ll make use of the space you have given me.” 3-23-17

           I wasn’t trying to smart mouth you but I guess it comes out naturally. You know that when you decide to push people away, I will always come back. I will never reach out but you know I always come back.

11. Sometimes “S” don’t stand for sacrifice. But someone has to do it. Shotgun no more. – 3-30-17

           Fuck! I screwed up again! My mess piled up second year second sem. But always know that if someone has to walk or ride a jeepney because a car can’t cater 7 people plus boyfriends— that would be me and you. Ever since. 

“You taught me how to pick locks by picking notes from Jar of Quotes you gave me– a lock through your soul.” H. Vorsen 

[lashesandarsenessheis]

/ˈpäsē/

To Posse,

Sending you this link means you have free access to my blog. It means I am okay you reading the other side of me when my nose (pointy by the way) is not sticking with Robbins and Jawetz. It means I have open the door to this wall I’ve built so everyone would only see me as crazy rich Asian. Not! Haha Crazy Rich Asians is a title of a book. I just like the sound of it. Actually it’s a choice between “Stupid Asian Kid” from Eleanor and Park or Crazy Rich Asians. Okay I am not making any sense but you know what I mean. Haha

First, I want to thank you. Really! You cannot write good stuff if you don’t have any good stuff to write about. And the thought of it eats me. “What if they do not have any good stuff to write about me because I suck at being a friend?” I mean I say the wrong stuff when things are getting awkward. I am sarcastic as hell. And man, hugs and kisses are all new to me. But after today, after reading all these long messages from you—my heart inflates. Someone has to do the ego-shattering real quick before it gets into my head. Haha TJ and Cham will understand this. Sky and Holder? Hopeless? Haha

Cham gave me this jar of notes and last night I started transferring it to my journal. I slept around 2 in the morning but I am not nearly done yet.  It is a collection of her favorite quotes from whatever she read and I swear if you could hear my giggles or see this stupid grin on my face, you would think I am in love. Well because to me, notes and personal messages are just like sex and drugs. Haha Well I think sex and drugs are so much better but who am I to tell? I’m a virgin. And clean. Haha

I remember Pauline was also the one who greeted me first on my drunk and 24th birthday. And she is claiming her reputation of first to greet Julz this year. She pointed out my sarcasm and damn, was I right. My sarcasm was out of hand enough for her to point it out. But she loves me to death for keeping those horrid pictures. What is it they say about birthdays? It is a day when your friends post pictures of you but only those who love you will dare to post bad ones just to embarrass you.  Such a way of saying she loves me. Way to go Pau!

Coming into med school, I never thought I would be in a clique like ours. Seven girls with different personalities and races. And there’s this sexiest American girl. And here I am—just sexiest non-American.. So maybe, I should talk to her because I may not be American but we’re on the same page of “sexiest”. Haha  I believe we could be best of friends, studying together, same circle, eating lunch together. But one time I had committed the biggest mistake of my life. Paul Garreth walked into the room and shit all my senses took off running to the far side of the world. I asked TJ to take a picture of us and boy! Paul G was flipped. He was in love.

You wanna hear a sad story? “He loves me. He just love her more.”

After that, it’s TJ and Paul Garreth against the world. And I am happy TJ is best of both worlds. She kickass as a girlfriend. She even kickass more as our friend. She might have allow me to touch Paul G’s pecs and biceps sometimes. My favorite part ssshhh!

I know someone I define in one word as “extreme”. If you were her friend, she would treat you extremely nice. She will rain you with hugs and kisses. If you were me, you would be sick of it. Sick as in can’t leave the house sick. (from Everything, Everything. Cham and TJ?)

But if you happen to be on her way when she’s extremely pissed, you better go to the other side real quick. That or you find her an antidote. I tell you I rock as a Pharmacist, I gave her Bonto. Her very own antidote. Haha

And there goes that word again. “Sarcastic”. But Santia loves me anyway. Based on the extremely horrible pictures of mine. Such a way of showing you love me. Haha

And damn I always asked the wrong questions. “Ga football ka diba?” but surprisingly it works for me. Now I have free access to her planner and her notes too. Cheers to suckass small talks and wrong questions!

I’m flattered to hear that this was your first time to write someone long birthday greetings and cheesy lines. Maybe you swore you will never write such things but I appreciate that you decided to break it just for me. Yeoh, what was your first name again? Oh Rhea... right!! Haha

Yeoh, listen! We need to be strong for each other. Since all our friends are sickly in love and they are making us sick. We need to form a pack. Single ladies pack! We can invite Annette in our single ladies lunch table if she wants but she’s an anorexic troll so we don’t need to worry about her. It’s you and me. No troll left behind!

And mate, I haven’t read your birthday message yet! I thought we would be best of friends but I can’t stand you “taking your time”. It’s nothing personal, mate. It’s just that you. And me. Not going to work. Haha so you stay at the other side of the row so you could take pictures and I will stay at the far side so I could have my nap time.

Thank you for reading this far! Haha and thank you for making my birthday very heart-warming! You really know just what to say to a girl who lives for warm fuzzy and eats notes for breakfast. You kickass, beaches! Haha

 Love, 

Julz

[lashesandarsenessheis]

APR 26

Faint applause, empty rooms, crowds are gone. If you haven't realized it, I am your biggest fan. I just wish you don't hurt me as much. But you did anyway.

[lashesandarsenessheis]

November 18, it was hopeful for her and this guy who plays the guitar and everyone’s feelings. 

As this place (fuel.ph) will close

Maybe, just maybe

She will learn to finally let it go. 

[lashesandarsenessheis]

People say guard your heart

Do not let anyone in

And all the hair tucking behind your ear,

Sharing earphones in your favorite coffee shop,

And the little details about you that he paid attention to

Don’t mean a thing.

Not even the late night texts

And stupid love bubble emojis.

 That one time when he asked you to dinner.

Not the romantic asking but the “I’m starving let’s eat”

And you remember him ordering ice cream.

Only ice cream.

You talked about your travels and how crazy and spontaneous

You are and your best friend.

Something about him was inviting

So you talked more than you should.

Until you absentmindedly checked your reflection

And the clock from your phone showed 22:03.

But no! They don’t mean a thing.

Not even the “walk me home?” you asked and he nodded yes.

 He could be your world.

He could be the air you breathe.

He could be your everything.

But to him, no they don’t mean a thing.

  Photo: C.L Naiver

Words: H. Vorsen

[lashesandarsenessheis]

you remind me of the feeling i get when i’m falling in my sleep the panic that sets in while treading in the deep the secrets i spill that i really should just keep but above all else you remind me that love is alive and it doesn’t come cheap

“YOU” Sincerely, John The Ghost (via callaghansjhnv)

[lashesandarsenessheis]

It’s not you puhlease!

“Kurt, you are fucking good at this you could be a criminal! I don’t want to go to jail with you.”

“You need a shot to loosen up? I am not even nervous, Li! So chill. No one’s going to jail!” Kurt leans back in his seat and shove a mouthful of fries into his mouth.

“And if someone will, it would be Gian.” He added and chuckled. “I couldn’t wait.”

“What are you doing?” I asked when I saw him doing things with his laptop and from the looks of it, he is stalking someone. Not your typical stalking pictures but the kind of stalking that involves name, address, all social accounts, and even bank account.

“I was curious with C. Quinn called her Curt with the C.” He replied not leaving his eyes off screen.

“So you got any?”

“Um nothing.” He mused. “Yet”

--

Mar 4, 2013, 16:04

C: A, I do not like this guy in front of me. He looks too friendly. I hate it. Maybe this guy flirts with every girl he meets. He will say things that will make you believe you’re special at least to him then you found out, the compliment was recycled all over with a different girl. I bet he sings. Or play acoustics. I saw a guitar pick fell from his purse while paying. I’m pretty sure he plays the guitar. Yeah he does.

A: Does this guy in front of you has a name?

C: Yeah he does. I will call him Lino. Lino is with his friend. His friend looks so Chinese. It’s annoying!  I am annoyed just by looking at the both of them but I’m telling you his friend is much more annoying. He looks so innocent but I bet he screwed his ex over! This boy is no longer a virgin. He just pretends to be.

A: Why do you call him Lino? And do you think Lino is a virgin, ha?

C: I think so! His friends probably call him fuck boy because he flirts a lot but I’m sure that’s all he ever did! Ha! Lino after my grand grandfather. He had too many wives for his own good.

A: Tell me more about Lino. What does he look like? I ask for physical appearance. Give that to me!

C: Lino has a three-week old buzz cut hair. He is very neat actually. Whoa, he caught me staring! Stop asking me about physical appearance, bech! K bye!

--

I left Kurt doing his own thing with his laptop ten minutes ago and go run through my doodle book. I am halfway sketching boobs (I am a guy!) when I hear Kurt chuckled.

               “What are you laughing at?”

               “Don’t look right away, okay. That girl in the next table is C. And she’s pretty much judgmental.”

I waited a few seconds to check her out. She is alone in her table. Head’s down and too focus on her phone. Her hair is short just above her shoulder and covers the sides of her face. She has pointy nose and I can see her eyelashes from here. Do girls have that long lashes? Maybe it’s just her. It looks different from the fake eyelashes the girls in our class put on last prom.

               “What did you say about judgmental?” I asked him confused. And how did he know she was C?

               Kurt showed me the email he just hacked. Of course

               “Are you Lino? And I am the annoying friend?” I can’t help but laugh.

               “I’m the virgin fuck boy and you are not.” Kurt added. “And please lower down your voice.”

               “You’re right. She’s very judgmental.” I said amused.

I caught Kurt staring at her too long. If I’ve known him enough, I’d say he’s hooked.

Didn’t I mention, we’ve known each other too long?

[lashesandarsenessheis]

Lare Jean didn’t expect to really fall for Peter

I guess I should've brush it off like it’s a normal thing

[lashesandarsenessheis]

Better love makes a fat romance, that lasts for more than a shoe shine

- Meg&Dia

[lashesandarsenessheis]

Your food is getting colderYour words are getting olderJust drink your diet soda

Words can hurt. It can crush you into pieces.

But words can be beautiful too and the melodies he wraps into it.

Eyes are lying, cheating, deceiving bitch. It will make you believe you can fly.. Only you will fall. Hard!

But eyes can be the most beautiful thing too and his secret smile that reflects into it when you crack your lousy jokes and he secretly hears you.

Or there are many kinds of books.

The kind that will break your heart after letting you laugh so hard it hurts.

And there goes your favorite kind.. the kind that felt like it was written just for you and him. His Afro hair and outgrown stubble it’s not called stubble anymore.

Hot coffee can bite. It leaves a scab on your tongue or a bitter taste.

But coffee can be beautiful too. You wonder if it causes your uncontrollable beating heart or was it the sight of him so bright you had to squint.

He can break me. Really bad! Because I have given him the power to.

But he can love me too.

He can put all the pieces back together.

Or he can teach me how to fly and watch me screw it and teach me again.. so I wouldn’t fall.

He can let me break my ribs because I laughed so hard it hurts.

Or he can kiss the scalded tongue the hot coffee had left me.

I wish he would.

I wish he will love me (too). 

[lashesandarsenessheis]

Long drive, maybe?

[lashesandarsenessheis]

There's beauty and grace in the crook of your smile

Lol I know someone who lives by the river but doesn't know how to swim!! -Omg who? Shit!

[lashesandarsenessheis]

Every moment is relevant

Please tell me you two weren't lab partners. -No Promise me it has nothing to do with any laboratory stuff, then? -uhm actually.. Shit!