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Coming Out (x2): Being Bisexual and Invisibly Ill

Coming Out (x2): Being Bisexual and Invisibly Ill

This past October, I had the opportunity to lead a workshop at The Reformation Project‘s annual conference titled Access Denied: The Erasure of LGBTQ, Disabled People in Christian Spaces. Preparing for this workshop, I learned that my own experiences as a bisexual, disabled women were so far from rare. I could have guessed this would be my finding, but the sheer number of raw, painful blog posts,…

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Writing from Within a Flare

Writing from Within a Flare

Writing from within a flare. Originally, I intended to title this post using the word “during.” That phrasing didn’t sit well with me and it was a challenge to parse out why. I realized that “during” didn’t fully capture the depth of what I mean. A flare isn’t something to solely be experienced. It engulfs you, causes both your mind and body to feel trapped. These past two days have been a blur…

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Celebrating "We" Today

Celebrating “We” Today

When my physician told me 2 years ago that I was going to start a new medication, I felt excited at the prospect of reduced pain. Then he followed up with “there is a strong chance that this medication will make you feel suicidal.” My heart sank– I was finally in a good place with my mental health. I was learning to value myself in the midst of my illness. I didn’t want to sink back into a dark…

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Response to the New York Times

Response to the New York Times

Over the past week or so, I have repeatedly encountered an article published by the New York Times called “Who is Able-Bodied, Anyway?”  In one of my courses, a professor praised this article’s analysis of Medicaid. I knew the article well– having had it sent to me several times and having read it again each time. While I agree with the overall point being made in this article, this article falls…

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Oh, I understand.

“Oh, I understand,” she said as she sensed our growing frustration. She claimed to understand, because she had once been a part of a legal clinic that dealt with the ADA. She understood what legally had to be provided for disabled people. On December 14th, at 3 o’clock in the afternoon, a group of disabled student activists sat down with two members of UIC’s administration to present a petition.…

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Happy International Day of Disabled Persons!

Today is UN International Day of Persons with Disabilities (or Disabled Persons!). What a kick-ass way to start the week. In just an hour I’ll be offering a prayer to a community I value deeply about focusing today on celebrating disability identity and culture and condemning ableism and harmful stereotypes, structures, and systems. Today is also the anniversary of the day I woke up with my house…

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Here Goes Nothin'

Here Goes Nothin’

The past few weeks for me have been a whirlwind. Graduate school and work have felt like utter chaos. Life plans are changing in big ways. My body is yelling at me to slow down just as often as I’m yelling at it to cooperate with the unreasonable demands I’m placing on it. And, I’m preparing to lead a workshop at The Reformation Project 2017 right here in Chicago on the experiences of disabled…

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For the record: no matter how you use your mobility aid, it’s beautiful

if you’re just getting used to the controls of your wheelchair, your confusion is beautiful

if you’re struggling to roll your wheelchair up a hill, your sweat is beautiful

if you need someone to push you in your wheelchair, your friendship is beautiful

if you can barely support yourself on your walker, your white knuckles are beautiful

if you’ve worn the pads of your walker down to the metal, the scraping sound is beautiful

if your crutches are hurting you, your bruises are beautiful

if you don’t have “real” cushioning, your sweat-soaked towels are beautiful

if you use forearm crutches, the imprints on your upper arms are beautiful

if you swing on them, your loping gait is beautiful

if you’ve gone too far, your ache is beautiful and your tears are beautiful

if you think today is the first day you can try a cane, your ambition is beautiful

if you were wrong about that, your rest is beautiful, your labored panting is beautiful

if you could use your cane, your lean is beautiful

if your cane isn’t the exact right size, your limp is beautiful

if you misstep, your stumble is beautiful

if you don’t need your cane to walk anymore but you’re scared of a misstep or a trip, your caution is beautiful

If you used to need a mobility aid but you don’t any more, your recovery is beautiful

if you know you’ll need to use one again later, your regression is beautiful

your mobility aid is beautiful

you are beautiful

if you don’t have enough energy to use mobility aids, you are beautiful

if you can’t make it down your staircase on a good day, you are beautiful

if you need to be told you are beautiful because the world says otherwise,

you

are

beautiful

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I’m not kidding when I say attendance requirements are ableist.

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Even with treatment, I am still sick.

Even with accommodations I am still disabled.

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i realised there was no gender neutral for “my sister from another mister” or “brother from another mother” and so I present to you all “my sib from another crib”

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Disabled people shouldn’t have to live in fear of using wheelchairs and mobility aids part time just because abled people don’t have the basic understanding to realise that disability can fluctuate from day to day.

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Gordon Cheung

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There’s this myth amongst healthy people that being chronically ill exists in a vacuum. That yes, you lose your health, but everything else in life stays the same. And that’s just not even close to the truth. Being sick affects everything. Not a single aspect of life is left unchanged. 

Chronic illness changes everything- the friends you have, the food you eat, the movies you can watch, the hobbies you do, your job, your education, your family, your relationships, etc, etc, etc. 

There is no such thing as “just health,” or “just physical ability.”  Chronic illness is a malignancy, and it slithers its way into each and every aspect of a person’s life.

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Even with treatment, I am still sick.

Even with accommodations I am still disabled.

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Disabled people are not giving up on themselves if they get a new mobility device or start a new medication. They’re taking a step towards a better life for themselves and it’s actually brave as fuck.