lauranyx

[lauranyx]

Ugh gawd

If u have enough time to tell me to tell the guy what to do, mind u that guy is in the same room and within hearing distance, u couldve just directly told the guy what to do

Why the fuck are we playing pass the message 🙄

Annoying. Some people are just plain fucking annoying

[lauranyx]

Dream journal time~

So like it started out as like family vacay put of town in the mountains then like the apocalypse happened

Im missing a lot of detail in between but I’ve lost it atp so whatever

So we went to Baguio i think but like otw back or like otw to another tourist spot a flooding happens so now were traveling via boat raft thing. For some reason were able to go upstream but then the flood gets worse so we kinda get washed downstream to some city or maybe the base/lowest point of Baguio… on second thought it might not even be that city lmao

Anywho

So we end up in the mall and were tryna get out of the mall

I get separated kinda from fam like im behind them and weve agreed to just meetup outside when the flash flood dies down but im kinda stubborn and dont want to be separated so i just follow silently behind

At first i thought to go down to get away but i see my fam go up the stair which now that i think about it; smart. Like its flooding; the mall is filling up w water fast in a way thats not actually realistically possible but whatever

So we go up and we end up at like a veranda bar thing that some how was still functioning w guests and staff unaware of the shit going on??? But like the water is rising and the building is kinda shaking so eventually they do get a clue

By now im reunited w my fam, idk where the other ppl fleeing went but not the point

So were waiting for the rising water to come and the staff was able to open the doors to lead the rushing water straight out without sweeping us w it which is great. But then for some reason that part of the building also led to the car park? Maybe? Idk cuz when the flash flood was done and gone, cars started coming up that tunnel thing and zipped past us as if it exploded and needed a way out. There were a couple of blazing cars that did that. We were about five stories high i think

I dont remember exactly but we got down somehow and things were fine for a bit

We got some cover in this tarp looking thing to talk about what to do next

Something about its the apocalypse and having to pretend to be blind if we get captured??? Memorys foggy

But then! A tornado starts in our area and literally sweeps my brother off but luckily it doesnt gain enough traction to take him away just displace him a bit

Then some weirdo shows up telling my bro that he needs to meet that guy at sta anna peters at 745pm? Like wtf idek what it was right then

Whatever not long after that i woke up which kinda sucks cuz this was such an intense thrilling dream

I havent had dreams in awhile and i miss it

[lauranyx]

I fucken need to set personal boundaries with my family. I keep letting them walk all over me without any fight.

But its so hard to get my voice out cause i feel like i wont be listened to at all.

[lauranyx]

Gentle reminder to myself

You are loved

You deserve nice things

Youre doing alright

[lauranyx]

New year new rant lol

So! My lolo asked me (as a favor mind you) to transfer his laundry from the washer to the dryer after its done right? I said yes, of course as a hood granddaughter does. We were meant to leave for the grocery soon after. So i went back to my room to chill and wait for it. Then my tita asked me to check something for work so i worked on that first cuz priorities right? Some time passes (more than what the washer needed to finish) so my lolo goes to my room to ask if i transferred his laundry. I said not yet since i was still working but ig cuz i didnt give my full attention to him and went back to working without explaining he just left my room. Then i hear the door to the laundry room slam. So i go to check cuz concern is a thing. He’s then angrily putting his laundry from washer to dryer. I said I’ll do it but then he just angrily continues while kinda mumbling something. Afterwards he leaves (again angrily and almost slammed the door but i was holding it already so it didnt anymore) and went to cool off ig while waiting for the car to come out.

Bruh is so strict about his schedules i cant even

Like yes respect time and shit but damn mehn its just laundry

A couple extra minutes wet wont change much

And yes i understand that we were leaving soon but also its just to the grocery?? Its not that important to leave “on time” when his initial time of 1015 still had his laundry being washed in the machine

Ugh smh

Whatever

[lauranyx]

Lmao so my parents and tito kinda freaked out cuz of my ai generated letter that didn’t use female pronouns when referring to myself

Ofc me being the accepting shit that i am didnt see it as a grammatical error anymore when i proofread the letter

But for the elder generation, they’re still particular about these things which is fair but like idk it felt like an overreaction to the possible idea that i would refer to myself as they/them 🤷‍♀️

My mom especially was so concerned if i thought of myself as non binary

A little side context i was awoken from a 4hr nap by their call so in my defense, wasn’t really thinking of it much when i said i didn’t see the problem with the pronouns ‘their’ being used to refer to myself. I was just.. there’s a pronoun what more do you want i cant think of shit rn

So just to make things clear I’m a she/her gal but i don’t particularly mind they/them unless it’s not clear that I’m the one being referred to when using those pronouns 🤷‍♀️ mehn words are meh. He/him is definitely a no

[lauranyx]

Fuuuck

I finally found out the term PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder) and it made me so emotional (like running tears emotional) cuz i hardcore relate to it once i read the symptons

Ty bestfren for giving me a label to my monthly Bad Thoughts ™️ premens

[lauranyx]

I was

Having r e v e l a t i o n s today~

So its my monthly “i wanna die” phase cuz periods (ugh)

I wanted to take note of the shit that i was spewing out my mouth but my brain be rotting and forgetting everything so here i am hoping to kick start the memory card up in there🫤

Something about wanting to die but suicide be looked down upon,, feeling used and abused and just letting myself be in that situation because its being done by family,, shtuff like that idk

Anyways

I cried a bit and hoped ranting to the void would help (it both did and didnt so whatevs)

[lauranyx]

Another thing that happened yday before i realized i was pmsing

So my tita asked if i wanted anything from the states so I asked for either a oversized hoodie or a scented candle

She got me an open knit sweater

Kinda annoying considering its not even the same type of clothing i asked for 🤦‍♀️

I just- what was the point of asking what i wanted if youre gonna diss on my hope and expectations like this

Id rather u just not get me anything honestly

Im still grateful but shit mehn it feels like my thoughts/ideas werent even a consideration; like what i wanted was irrelevant

[lauranyx]

Ayt now i know why i was so emotional yday

Just got my period today 🫤

[lauranyx]

God im such a fucken masochist

Im reading such a depressing fic while in a bad mental state and its just exacerbating the negative vibes i have going on

[lauranyx]

Wtf im so hurt

So my dad went to that states for vacay and he asked me what i wanted

Im simple so i said i just wanted oreos (and later on i also said a rain jacket cuz practicality in a tropical country that rains so often)

And like i know he said he got some for me when he came back but i couldnt find it

So i asked our fam gc about it and my mom goes

Oh dont think he got u any cuz one box is with us and another to my brother but like wtf im just excluded from this one thing you all know that i like???? Hello??

So here i am having a break down and needing to release my frustration. I am legit in tears, bawling

Like cannot see my keyboard properly cuz of blurry my eyesight is but autocorrect is a thing so whatever

[lauranyx]

So i was searching about pms right? Both pre- and post- cuz i mainly notice the post for myself

And like

Both symptoms could last up to 2 wks??!

So, potentially, there are women out there suffering basically everyday until their period actually starts and get another dose of suffering for the duration of their mens… bruh this is just sad

[lauranyx]

Ughh so many times ppl ask me things but dont believe me when i answer

Wtf was the point of asking if u won’t trust my answers

Wasting my breath 😒

[lauranyx]

Im so lonely but i also feel like id be a bother to my friends if i reach out. I dont like feeling like a burden. I could ask but im not the type to so silent suffering it is

And making new friends are such a hassle and terrifying

Why couldnt i have made a connection in schl 😔 i would like my own person who i can share anything and everything with. My go to comfort and joy 😟 (kinda pressuring for whoever thatll be but im needy so meh)

[lauranyx]

Ooooh i just got ticked off

Had a long day

Was denied removal of my stitches because the first hospital— the closer one to where i live— dont allow that if i didnt get my stitches from them then the hospital i did get the stitches from couldn’t accommodate me cuz the staff that are allowed to do it are on holiday (fuck philippine independence)

Then i had to pick up my titas phone from her schl cuz she left it there the other day and since i went to the area cuz of the hospital, she asked me to pick it up for her. Problem here was that i had to wait like a half hour cuz the staff in schl were out

While waiting i went to a nearby mall and bought some..

(I stopped midway writing this and now its been over a month so i wont remember everything as clearly anymore but ill try to continue where i left off)

So i bought some cleaning supplies for the car. Specifically a rag? But like it was supposed to be leather? Or at least thats what the driver wanted. I’ll get back to this later. After buying the goods i was finally able to get my titas phone.

When i got back home, i gave the driver the rag and motherfucker tells me its wrong. Im so irritated by this point (internally only) cuz its such a waste of money. He ended up buying another rag which i had to reimburse and thats what irritates me. Like fucken just use the shit given to you or pat for it yourself ughhhh but im fucken pushover so i just paid for it. But its just so aggravating to deal with

So there. Thats all i can remember from this day.

[lauranyx]

Life update

A little late but there arent any date stamps anyways so whatevs

Anywho! So last wk i got a minor operation on my left side

What we all thought was just fat or lymphoma was apparently a cyst (benign tho so we guds) the only reason y i even got the operation was cuz it grew from the last time i took note of it (hs and uni) so yuh

Frustrated a bit by the minimal movement

Im finally allowed to have the stitches removed but bcuz I’m busy today I’ll have to delay it to tom

Ugh i hope this doesn’t take too long to heal completely; i miss being able to move and stretch freely

Funny tho how everyone around me forgets i was cut open just a wk ago so they’re mildly surprised when i have to turn down physical activities smh 🤦‍♀️😂😂