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I may have done a blasphemy or revolutionized the bible

i asked chat gpt to translate the book of matthew into a witty tumblr post style.

Bible Matthew 1-5 Passages

Jason Dossett Write the first 5 passages from the book of matthew in the bible in the atyle of a tumblr post

1

The book of Matthew, chapter 1, verse 1: "This is the genealogy of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham."

2

Matthew 1:18-25: "Now the birth of Jesus Christ was as follows: After His mother Mary was betrothed to Joseph, before they came together, she was found with child of the Holy Spirit. Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly. But while he thought about these things, behold, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, "Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take to you Mary your wife, for that which is conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. And she will bring forth a Son, and you shall call His name JESUS, for He will save His people from their sins."

3

Matthew 2:1-12: "Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men from the East came to Jerusalem, saying, "Where is He who has been born King of the Jews? For we have seen His star in the East and have come to worship Him." When Herod the king heard this, he was troubled, and all Jerusalem with him. And when he had gathered all the chief priests and scribes of the people together, he inquired of them where the Christ was to be born. So they said to him, "In Bethlehem of Judea, for thus it is written by the prophet: 'But you, Bethlehem, in the land of Judah, Are not the least among the rulers of Judah; For out of you shall come a Ruler Who will shepherd My people Israel.'"

4

Matthew 3:1-6: "In those days John the Baptist came preaching in the wilderness of Judea, and saying, "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand!" For this is he who was spoken of by the prophet Isaiah, saying: "The voice of one crying in the wilderness: 'Prepare the way of the Lord; Make His paths straight.'" Then John, clothed in camel's hair, with a leather belt around his waist, preached, saying, "I indeed baptize you with water, but He who is coming after me will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire."

5

Matthew 4:1-11: "Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And when He had fasted forty days and forty nights, afterward He was hungry. Now when the tempter came to Him, he said, "If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread." But He answered and said, "It is written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.'" Then the devil took Him up into the holy city, set Him on the pinnacle of the temple, and said to Him, "If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down. For it is written: 'He shall give His angels charge over you,' and, 'In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone.'"

Jason Dossett Write the first 5 passages from the book of matthew in the bible in the style and tone of a witty comedic tumblr post

1

The book of Matthew, chapter 1, verse 1: "Lemme break it down for y'all, this right here is the family tree of Jesus Christ, AKA the son of David, AKA the son of Abraham. #Blessed"

2

Matthew 1:18-25: "So, Mary was engaged to Joseph and all was going well, until she found out she was preggers. Joseph, being a total gentleman, didn't want to ruin Mary's reputation so he planned to break things off quietly. But then an angel came to him in a dream and was like, "Hey Joseph, no need to call off the wedding. The baby's actually from the Holy Spirit." And thus, Jesus Christ was born. #MiracleBaby"

3

Matthew 2:1-12: "Some wise men from the East rolled into Jerusalem and asked, "Where's the King of the Jews? We saw his star and we're here to worship." King Herod was like, "Who, me?" But then he freaked out and gathered all the priests and scribes to ask where the Messiah was supposed to be born. They told him Bethlehem, and he was like, "Well, isn't that convenient." #WiseMenOnADventure"

4

Matthew 3:1-6: "Enter John the Baptist, preaching in the wilderness and telling everyone to repent because the kingdom of heaven is near. He's the one the prophet Isaiah was talking about. John was wearing camels hair and a leather belt, and he was like, "I may baptize you with water, but the real party starter is coming after me to baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire." #BaptismGoals"

5

Matthew 4:1-11: "So, Jesus went into the wilderness to fast and pray, and the devil came to tempt him. Devil was like, "If you're the Son of God, turn these stones into bread." Jesus was like, "Nah, I'm good. It's written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.'" Then the devil took Jesus to the top of the temple and was like, "Jump, I dare you." Jesus was like, "Nah, I got this. It's written, 'He shall give His angels charge over you.'" #DevilDontPlay"

Matthew 5:1-12: "So, Jesus gathered a crowd on a mountain and started preaching what we now call the Sermon on the Mount. He was like, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." And, "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Basically, Jesus was flipping the script and saying that the people society considers blessed aren't necessarily the ones God considers blessed. #KingdomThinking"

7

Matthew 5:13-16: "Jesus then went on to say, "You are the salt of the earth, but if the salt has lost its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men." Basically, Jesus was saying that his followers have a purpose and impact in the world, but if they lose that purpose, they're no better than anyone else. #StaySalty"

8

Matthew 5:17-20: "Jesus also said, "Do not think that I came to destroy the Law or the Prophets. I did not come to destroy but to fulfill." He was saying that he didn't come to abolish the old laws, but to fulfill and complete them. He also went on to say that unless our righteousness surpasses that of the scribes and Pharisees, we won't enter the kingdom of heaven. #FulfillingTheLaw"

9

Matthew 5:21-26: "Jesus then talked about anger and how just being angry with someone is the same as murder in God's eyes. He also talked about lust and how just looking at someone lustfully is the same as committing adultery. Basically, Jesus was saying that sin starts in our hearts and minds before it manifests in our actions. #HeartCheck