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cruelty is so easy. youre not special for choosing it

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“It’s spring, you’re young, you’re lovely, you have a right to be happy. Come back into the world.”

— Shirley Jackson, We Have Always Lived in the Castle

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seasons out of time (c.s.) - part one

summary: the new year brings a new job that finally pays enough for you to believe that things might be getting better. in fact, it pays so much that even an idiot would be able to tell that doing anything to jeopardize it is stupid. unfortunately, falling in love with your boss’ young lover is definitely a way of jeopardizing it and also your one mistake out of many.

pairing: choi san x fem. reader

warnings: smut, cursing, mentions of depression and men being weird and creepy, death (not main characters), angst

wc: 44k words

taglist:  @stupefystudies​  @lynnsqueendom​ @nerdy-kimchi​ @ibedreaminghighupinthesky​  @harusoraa​  @yujispinkhair​ @yawnzshit​  @charreddonuts​ @pinkhanie @chnt1​ @bubbleteakittyy​ @hwamour​ @leeknowsnothing​

a/n:​ hello everyone!! welcome to another story, i hope you all enjoy the first part (have no idea when pt 2 will be coming) but before you all start reading i just want to say to literally not take anything job related, business related, law related etc in this story seriously i genuinely have zero clue about any of that and was just making up shit as i went for the purpose of the story so i don’t want to hear none of it. one the other hand, happy birthday my san, i love you very much and i hope it’s a good one! <3

moodboard // playlist // my main masterlist

part 1;

You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him

(January of then)

January is always the worst month of the year.

You get a job through your friend Mingi’s friend of a friend.

The assistant of Do Jihyun e-mails you in the last week of December saying to be at the company on the first Monday of the new year, 7 a.m. sharp.

Mingi was absolutely appalled to learn that you had no knowledge on who Do Jihyun was and quickly went on a 10 minute crash-course for one of the most powerful women in South Korea the Saturday before your first day.

Keep reading

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the chance of love | bang chan

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇 𝐒𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐋 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒!𝐀𝐔

✑ Red pen, empty classrooms, and an overheard phone call:

The one where you’re determined to find one flaw about your seemingly picture-perfect class president, and he’s determined to make sure you pass the class—no matter how hard you’re trying to fail.

✑ PAIRING: student council president!bang chan x troublemaker!reader

✑ GENRE: high society/private school!au, retro!high school au, slow burn, slice-of-life romance, enemies-to-lovers, angst 

✑ WORD COUNT: 13.8k

✖︎ TAGS/WARNINGS: fem!reader, mild language, bullying & family conflict themes, mentions of drugs/illicit activity. endless petty shenanigans (mostly from mc). y/n also has a bad relationship with her parents and a hard time facing her feelings in general (don’t we all). fortunately, chan’s patience—and tendency to use bad math pickup lines—could help with that.

disclaimer: levanter high is a private school only in this au. all the characters’ roles have stayed the same.

“F. Again.”

Snickers erupted around the classroom as your teacher flipped the mock exam paper onto your desk, shaking her head. Sure enough, scrawled across the front page in ruthless red ink, was your latest score—a solid 29/100. Shrugging, you rolled up the test papers before stuffing them into your backpack like a dejected morning newspaper.

“See me after class, Miss L/n.” Your teacher clicked her tongue in disappointment. Whispers from the back of the class began pricking at your ears.

“Isn’t she the eldest daughter of the Yuhan family? The first in line to inherit a multimillion dollar business.”

“The spring exams are right around the corner. If she flunks those, she won’t even graduate—let alone inherit a whole company!”

Their giggles died down the moment you turned around, the huddle of kids scrambling back to their seats and burying their noses in their books. One girl even flashed you an innocent smile.

If she flunks, she won’t even graduate—let alone inherit the company! 

Despite their scornful tone, the words made you smile. Clasping your hands behind your head lazily, you leaned back in your chair and let your eyes fall shut.

Well. That’s the plan.  

Keep reading

[lazycheesecakeee]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

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It’s rotten work but only if it’s you. When I do it for other people it’s fine, enjoyable even.

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saw this post the other day that talked about how so many of us are soooo scared of appearing even momentarily human towards each other these days. like you can't see me sweat or cry or without makeup or with food stuck in my teeth or laugh loud and ugly. everything must be composed and sanitised and photo ready at all times. it's like corporate office culture seeping out into our homes and our lives and for what. it's not cringe to be a real person around other real people

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I am reasonably fun to hang out with and my company is enjoyed by well over 10 people worldwide

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on shame and yearning (pt.2)

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me trying to be an active listener: YES no exactly right right right FOR REALLL yeah totally no literally! yeah for sure

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my brain trying to resist the urge to overexplain so i am not misunderstood

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all the lovers in the night by mieko kawakami

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Floating face down in a blank word document file, while not physically possible, is nevertheless a tangible authorial state.

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