lazying-in-bed - Tumblr blog

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i feel bad for bigender people, the commute between Jupiter and college has got to be rough

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one of the most important things, perhaps the most important thing I have learned in my life is that nice people can fuck each other up in monstrous ways. people can be bone deep kind and loving and self reflective and still lash out under pressure. people can be earnestly neighbourly and charitable and hospitable and generous and still find themselves in situations where they become selfish. people can be well meaning and easygoing and gregarious and hold deep seated opinions that turn them into vicious little bullies under the right conditions. nobody is just one thing, and nobody stays one way. every person is a kaleidoscope and they will surprise you. you will surprise yourself. it's not a warning and it's not a judgement and it's not an excuse, and it's certainly not a reason to stop trying or to stop trusting. it is just a fact.

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Babygirl I know fandom history that you wouldn’t even care about

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humans are a subspecies of elf known for dying really quickly and being stressed the whole time

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Hey btw, here's a piece of life advice:

If you know what you'd have to do to solve a problem, but you just don't want to do it, your main problem isn't the problem itself. Your problem is figuring out how to get yourself to do the solution.

If your problem is not eating enough vegetables, the problem you should be solving is "how do I make vegetables stop being yucky". If your problem is not getting enough exercise, the problem you should be solving is "how do I make exercise stop sucking ass". You're not supposed to just be doing things that are awful and suck all the time forever, you're supposed to figure out how to make it stop being so awful all the time.

I used to hate wearing sunscreen because it's sticky and slimy and disgusting and it feels bad and it smells bad, so I neglected to wear it even if I needed to. Then I found one that isn't like that, and doesn't smell and feel gross. Problem solved.

There is no correct way to live that's just supposed to suck and feel bad all the time. You're allowed to figure out how to make it not suck so bad.

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you can be constantly ashamed of/disgusted by yourself and still struggle to allow yourself to feel any constructive amount of guilt.

I think it's something to do with having been disproportionately punished without fully understanding what it was even for. being left with the expectation that messing up will (and more importantly should) result in discipline. so then when you clock that you've even mildly upset someone, your first reaction is fear.

this is obviously not good for you, but it also means you're casting that person as the attacker/punishing authority figure, which doesn't leave them a lot of space to express their discomfort to you as a peer or friend. and it means you're automatically going on the defensive every time you perceive someone else as being injured by your actions. (and then, if they don't actually directly castigate you, being like "I guess it was okay???")

like, good normal friends do not WANT to punish you, and you don't NEED them to punish you to know whether you've done something wrong. you're a person, not a puppy in danger of being kicked. feel a little guilt instead of a lot of fear (if it's appropriate to the situation) and act from there.

even though "I'm a bad person and I'd get better if other people would just get mad at me more often" FEELS like self-awareness, it is unhelpful, inspecific, and puts the responsibility on other people to do a thing they shouldn't want/have to do (hurt you/monitor you/control you) in order for you to grow (which, surprise, it won't actually help with anyway--it's just (attempted) people-pleasing).

guilt is specific; it's about particular actions and their effects on other people, not whether you're going to be attacked. it's about whether YOU think you've gone against your own internal code of values, not whether other people are going to hurt/judge/hate you. if you don't have the former, you're going to end up leaning on the latter.

look, idk, shame and fear are obvs useful in various situations, and sometimes we do feel disproportionate guilt as well, it's all context-dependent-- just, u know. DBT. what are the pure unbiased unemotional facts of the situation, and is the emotion of appropriate intensity/duration. done.

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my 8 year old has some emotional regulation difficulties, and I've done my best to help him with those.

unrelated, I gave him a shovel a couple of days ago and told him to go have fun in the field because I was tired.

He suddenly seemed happier, having less trouble breathing through disappointment and just being generally all around more cheerful and able to focus in school better. Sure, my partner had to pull him out of a six foot by three foot hole today, but he was stoked about it!

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fucking love when I'm on a call with someone and they start to do a little errand or go somewhere else and they say "and you're coming with me" like. absolutely I am let's go on an adventure I've been spirited away

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Suddenly struck with a need to explain to you how boat pronouns work (I work in the marine industry).

When you're talking about the design of the boat, you say "it".

When the boat is still being built, your say "it".

When the boat is nearing completion, you can say "it" or "she".

When the boat is floating in the water you probably say "she", unless there is still a lot of work to be done (e.g. no engine yet) then you say "it".

When the boat is officially launched and operating, you say "she". If you continue to say "it" at this point you are not incorrect but suspiciously untraditional. You are not playing the game.

If you are referring to a boat you don't really know anything about you may say "it" ("there's a big boat, it's coming this way"). But if you know its name, it's probably "she" ("there's the Waverley, she's on her way to Greenock").

If you are talking about boats in general, you say "it" ("when a boat is hit by a wave it heels over")

If you speak about a boat in complimentary terms, it's "she" ("she's a grand boat"). If you are being disparaging it may be it, but not necessarily ("it's as ugly as sin", "she's a grotty old tub").

If she has a boy's name, she's still she. "Boy James", "King Edward", "Sir David Attenborough"? The pronoun is she.

If it's a dumb barge (no engine), you say it. But if it's a rowing boat (no engine), you say she.

I hope this has cleared things up so that you may not be in danger of misgendering floating objects.

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guy tries to toss a cigarette on the ground but the ground parries it and it flies back into his mouth and he solemnly continues to smoke it

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Not to be a hopeless romantic, but was anyone going to tell us that 2023 was the year scientists were able to visualize quantum-entangled particles for the first time and they literally look like yin and yang??

Full article published in Nature Photonics here, though I read a lay reader friendly explanation here!