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WHEN SOMEONE SPOILS A BOOK FOR ME

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Stairs are tough.

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Last week’s headlines

BREAKING NEWS: Group of vegan witches and wizards march in Diagon Alley, protest use of magical creature parts in wand cores

ANNUAL WHISKEY SHORTAGE: Beauxbatons students enter new school year, France faces annual malt whiskey shortage

FIRE AT ST MUNGO’S: Caused by venomous goblin fart, immediately extinguished to loud applause

FRESH PODS: War hero Sturgis podmore expands popular coffee chain to Scotland

CELEBRITY NEWS: Edward Lupin and Victoire Weasley spotted with matching tattoos

Past headlines can be found here

Submit your headlines! Details here. No one has submitted so far…

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Hi, longtime follower and lover of this blog, I was wondering if you were planning to do any pieces on Ilvermorny or Mahoutokoru? If not that’s fine I was just curious. Keep being awesome and never let the haters get you down!

Thank you for your longtime support! :) Yes, I will be doing both Ilvermorny and Mahoutokoru.

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Just because you’re angry doesn’t mean you’re right. Just because you believe something doesn’t mean it’s true. Just because you’re intelligent doesn’t mean you’re wise. Just because you’re human doesn’t mean you’re superior. Humility is the key to liberation, and love is the key to humility. To know yourself as part of the whole and not outside judging or exploiting is the way to peace and that peace will be the gift in your life that you will spontaneously share with others.

Michael Kewley - True humility.  

May all beings be happy

(via abiding-in-peace)

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Angelina Johnson appointed as Head of Dept. of Games & Sports

Angelina Johnson appointed as Head of Dept. of Games & Sports

In keeping with this year’s reshuffle at the Ministry of Magic, Machlan Stump has stepped down from his position as Head of Department of Magical Games and Sports. Angelina Johnson, previously from the Department of Magical Education, will be taking his place as Head.

Stump gave a short exit interview yesterday, during which he said the following: “I would like to thank everyone for their support over the past decade. I very much look forward to spending more time with my fish – I mean, family – and I am sure that Angelina will do a bang-up job as HOD. Of course, she’ll excel at restructuring the Quidditch League – sorry, Angelina, I forgot you were meant to announce that… Forgive this old dodder… Well, pip pip everyone, no more ludicrous patents for me!”

This speech was met with smattered applause. Johnson then took the podium, thanking Stump for his speech and wishing him the very best. 

“As mentioned earlier, I will be overseeing the restructuring of the Quidditch League. Our office will carry out a three-phase plan over the next five years, starting with targeted anti-corruption strategies. There will be a full press release tomorrow. In the meantime, thank you all for your support.”

Before she could step off the podium, however, a red-taloned hand brandishing an acid green quill shot into the air. 

“Ms Johnson–” began Rita Skeeter, but was immediately cut off when her tongue inexplicably began to swell, flopping out of her mouth and growing longer at a steady pace. 

“Like toffees, do you?��� asked Johnson, a quizzical remark that was met with some confusion. She then whipped out her wand and restored Skeeter’s tongue to its rightful place between her blindingly white teeth.

Most people in the room were taken with the delightful spectacle, and did not notice the stocky red-haired man leaning against the door. It was only later, when Johnson left the building with him, that George Weasley was recognised (and applauded). 

More Ministry of Magic here and here

More 21st century wizarding here

For the anon who requested Angelina Johnson, as well as @allthewritestuff, who wanted to see Angelina as Head of the Dept of Games and Sports! 

Photos not mine, by Steven Pan and Tom Munro | Model: Lupita Nyong’o

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Bell, Spinnet, and Johnson

Bell, Spinnet, and Johnson

Read about Katie Bell and Herbivicus

Read about Alicia Spinnet and The Apneologists

Read about Angelina Johnson and the Dept. of Games & Sports

More 21st century wizarding here

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Hogwarts Staff | Prof. Neville Longbottom

Hogwarts Staff | Prof. Neville Longbottom

Biography

Dr. Neville Longbottom is a leading authority on magical ecophysiology and resource utilisation of sentient fungi biofuels in the UK. Prior to joining the Hogwarts Department of Herbology in 2012, Neville held lectureship at the British & Irish Institute of Herbology (BIIH) from 2009-2011. He was an Auror at the Ministry of Magic from 1999-2001 before completing his undergraduate and postdoctoral degrees in Herbology at BIIH and Universidade de Herbologia respectively. Apart from his duties as Hogwarts professor, he is currently a Co-investigator on the KFI funded ‘Herbological Integration of Muggle Technology Project’. 

Research interests

Magical ecophysiology

Sentient fungi biofuels

Ethnoherbological investigation of medicinal plants

Neville is currently writing a book on ethnoherbological implications of puffapod propagation.

Selected publications

A Student’s Survey of Medicinal Plants & Fungi (2015)

No-Fear Introduction to Herbology (2012)

‘Effects of interactions between species traits and habitat characteristics in the control of Bubotuber planifolia on the Loch Morar ecosystem’, Herbological Review, cxxvi (2009), 108-212.

Hogwarts herbology syllabus

The updated first-year syllabus can be downloaded here.

More 21st century wizarding here

This is for everyone who asked for a post on Neville! As a wee gift to you guys, the first-year syllabus can actually be downloaded from the link provided. Feel free to print it out and don’t forget to print your name on the front like Albus!

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Brown’s Apothecaries

Brown’s Apothecaries

Cut, inflated, or deboned? Head on down to your nearest Brown’s today for all your pharmaceutical needs! 

For your convenience, there is a Brown’s Apothecary at every third Floo station.

More wizarding health & beauty here, here, and here

More 21st century wizarding here

In memory of Lavender Brown.

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OWL POST OFFICE: Putrid No More

OWL POST OFFICE: Putrid No More

Having endured centuries of post offices smelling like dung bombs, witches and wizards in the UK can finally breathe easy.

The national Owl Post Service has undergone a vast and thorough revamp in the past four years, integrating muggle technology with a suite of automation spells to increase cleanliness and efficiency. 

Moving forward, wizards will no longer engage individual owls by themselves; orders are processed at the front desk, which are then scanned, sorted, and assigned by Autospell.

Owls are kept and cared for in an owlery nearby. Specialised owl-keepers make sure each owl has received its correct assignment and complete a series of health and safety checks before sending the avian postmen on their way.

After successfully testing the new system in a handful of post offices, including the high-traffic Hogsmeade branch, the OPS has rolled it out through the whole service. 

While large numbers of the wizarding populace have taken to the system like birds to air, some remain skeptical. Earlier this week, Hogwarts caretaker Argus Filch was spotted storming out of the Hogsmeade branch and shouting that he would ‘hang whoever invented this blasted thing by his skinny ankles and disembowel him’.

Cormac McLaggen, who spearheaded the revamp, has not responded to this threat. 

More Hogsmeade here

More 21st century wizarding here

This is for @chickendoodlesandpandas and the anons who requested 21st c. owl post!

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Dept. of Magical Law Enforcement open to public as part of War Remembrance week

MoM | Department of Magical Law Enforcement

Visitors to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement (DMLE) on Level 2 of MoM’s Whitehall office will find that security is high here, even more so than in the spell-ridden lobby. This itself is unsurprising. However, one is soon distracted – even from the self-directed probity probes – by the large portraits that line all major corridors. 

MLE officers who have fallen in battle stare out at the visitors as they pass, some of them friendly and some less so. They do not move in and out of their frames, as is usually the case, but stay in their frames and keep a watchful eye on the Department. 

While the subjects often chat with each other as officers pass by, visitors are treated to the intimidating experience of their falling silence, and the piercing gaze of witches and wizards who have given their lives to defeat evil. Each portrait features a quote from its subject on the fight against dark magic.

Evil will not prevail for long. Good will have the last word. (Kingsley Shacklebolt, 1960-2022)

Dark wizards want to sow fear, uncertainty, and division among us. They will not succeed. (Frank Longbottom, 1957-2020)

There is nothing they can do to us that will break our spirits or erase what we have done, and will continue to do, for each other. (Alice Longbottom, 1958-2020)

Voldemort is a coward. It takes guts to be kind. (Nymphadora Tonks, 1973-1998)

More Ministry of Magic here, here, and here

More 21st century wizarding here

This is for everyone who wanted to see what the different MoM departments look like. Will be exploring more departments soon, so check back in for that!

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Beauxbatons carriages fill the skies as students head to the mountains for a new school year

Academie Beauxbatons: Academic Year 2017/18

Back to school kit:

2017/18 student diary

Student handbook

Acceptance letter and brochure (for new students only)

New tube of parchment

Beauxbatons office shop restocked with:

New edition of Foundational Spells for the Beginning Witch or Wizard

Polo tees (available in two colours)

Official book bag

More back to school here, here, and here

More 21st century wizarding here

Hi everyone! Please check out 21CH’s new website, preferably on a full screen browser so that all the new features are available – such as a news strip that will change from time to time :) There’s also an FAQ page, news about the upcoming online store, and a newsletter you can subscribe to!

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War hero Sturgis Podmore expands popular coffee chain to Scotland

Gastrowitch | Reviews: Pods

It’s hard to go anywhere in wizarding Britain these days without stumbling across a Pods at every corner – my muggleborn friends call it the ‘wizard’s Starbucks’, referring to a muggle coffee chain found everywhere across the globe. 

What started out as a simple coffee club in war hero Sturgis Podmore’s basement has since grown into a profitable franchise. Investment-keen witches and wizards have been advised by The Wizard’s Financier to sink their galleons into Pods stocks, especially now that the franchise has expanded to Scotland, opening their largest store in Hogsmeade. 

Funnily enough, Pods started out as a joke among Podmore and his friends from the Order of the Phoenix; ‘Pods’ is the nickname they gave him at Hogwarts, one that reflected both his name and his herbology obsession. After the war – during which he suffered terribly under the Imperius Curse, survived Azkaban, then returned to fight in the Order – he started a coffee club for these friends. 

“We would meet in his basement every week and have a laugh,” says Hestia Jones. “Or a cry. Sometimes both, especially after one of his unique concoctions.”

These concoctions have become wildly popular, especially ‘the big five’: Boomslang Black, Olibanum Brew, Fluxweed Cooler, Hellebore Latte, and Sneezewort Frappe. The new Hogsmeade store currently has a 1-for-1 promotion going on for these drinks, resulting in snaking queues on the sidewalk.

The Boomslang Black and Sneezewort Frappe remain reliably delicious across all stores: the former pert and shivery, the latter more like a euphoria-inducing milkshake than a coffee blend. The other drinks unfortunately vary from barista to barista, especially the notoriously difficult Olibanum Brew, which if brewed carelessly can lead to dangerous levels of misplaced confidence.

Thankfully, the witch in charge of the new Hogsmeade branch knows what she’s doing. The Olibanum Brew I tried there was astonishingly good, a smooth and bitter drink that left me calm and relaxed for hours.

Rating: 3.5 stars Nearest floo station: there’s a Pods near almost every station

Other Gastrowitch Reviews can be found here, here and here.

More 21st century wizarding here

This is for everyone who wanted to see some wizarding coffee!

Please check out 21CH’s new website, preferably on a full screen browser so that all the new features are available – such as a news ticker that will change from time to time :) There’s also an FAQ page, news about the upcoming online store, and a newsletter you can subscribe to!

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https://tr.pinterest.com

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PATIL & PATIL LLP

Formed in the postwar legal vacuum, Patil & Patil has provided exceptional legal advice and representation to discerning witches and wizards since 2002. Trained in both wizarding and muggle legal systems, partners Parvati and Padma Patil founded the law firm in order to represent those whose rights had fallen through the cracks during the Second Wizarding War. 

Though young, both attorneys at law have been lauded in the international wizarding community for their work. The calibre of the firm’s civil rights work is acknowledged at the highest levels of wizarding government and industry. Their rising star has not stopped the Patil sisters from taking on a large number of low profile pro bono cases.

The firm was recently ranked in this year’s Great Wizengamot Cooperation Chambers’ Top 10, as well as in the Global Wizarding Arbitration Review’s Top 50. Both Padma and Parvati won individual prizes at last year’s Magical Dispute Resolution Awards for their work on persecuted elfkind immigrants in the British Isles. 

On a lighter note, both sisters have spawned a cult following among magical fashionistas, often wearing salwar kameez robes during public appearances.

More 21st century wizarding here

This is for @stormybisexual who asked what the Patil twins have been up to!

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It's me again, in less than an hour I guess. I can't stop going through your blog and now it has brought me to tears. Tears of happiness of course, I feel like Rowling should know of this because it's simply amazing and perfect. I feel that she would be honored finding such quality, flawless work continuing what she started and filled with so much respect for the original piece. God, this is beautiful. Keep up the good work, you're awesome. - Ray

Thank you so much!! I really appreciate your kind words. It would be a dream if JK Rowling ever saw this blog, and liked it too.