leahrizzo

[leahrizzo]

I enjoy hanging out with my cat more than people sometimes. So what?

[leahrizzo]

Oh, please do! I don’t know how many more times I can run into it. It’s probably going to break the next time that I do.

I hope the glass is sturdier than that! But I'll put something up there. For the sake of both of us. And anyone else that might be having the same problem.

[leahrizzo]

You just might be right about that one, actually.

Thought so.  Yes cause you're perfect in every other way. 

[leahrizzo]

You’d be eating canned beans every night.

What have you got against canned beans? Hmm?

[leahrizzo]

True…. Well that just means it’s going to have to get better soon, doesn’t it? No problem.

Here's hoping. I'm not great at being positive but there has to be a light at the end of this tunnel. 

[leahrizzo]

Is that your speech for the award you win when you become an inspirational speaker? 

Well you know working on the first rough drafts. I might have to drag you onstage also.

[leahrizzo]

I’ll try, though I don’t do well under pressure.

One of your only flaws I'd imagine.

[leahrizzo]

Peek into Leah's sketchbook 

[leahrizzo]

So inspirational. You brought a tear to my eye.

I know. I'm just that moving. I'm considering a career in inspirational speaking. 

[leahrizzo]

That happens to you too? I thought I was the only one! Well, thank goodness I’m not alone!

Yes its quite a pain! No you're not. I'm going to have to tape something up there. Like they do for birds. 

[leahrizzo]

Well that’s not very nice, or short.  Still, I hope life gets you back up soon.

Most people aren't very nice though. If my name was really long though it could be considered a short nickname. Life hasn't been on my side for quite sometime. Thank you though.

[leahrizzo]

 Life’s pretty great for me right now, so no, I don’t know.

Enjoy it for me will you?

[leahrizzo]

Yeah.

They call me mood killer for short. 

[leahrizzo]

If you heard a loud crash a few minutes ago, it wasn’t me running into the glass door… again.

Someone needs to stop cleaning that thing seriously. If it was dirty people wouldn't be running into it aka me and...now you.

[leahrizzo]

When life gets you down you've just got to pick up the pieces and keep going you know?

[leahrizzo]

[leahrizzo]

"I want to stay, trust me," Sean smiled. He couldn’t bring himself to leave. The only reason he would leave her is if she asked him to. And he was really hoping she didn’t ask him to leave, so when she told him to never leave, he made himself comfortable. He shifted slightly, trying not to rattle Leah who was resting on his shoulder, letting his body sink into the cushions of the couch. "You can close your eyes, if you want," he kept his voice low, brushing the hair out of her face, "I have to warn you, though. I’m a cuddler."

He nestled into the couch again, allowing Leah to lay on his chest. He looked down at her, noticing the tears still silently rolling down her face. “Leah,” he hated to see her like this, “Please.” He didn’t know what else to say. She seemed to be getting better. He could hear her breathing relaxing and he could feel her heart beat slowing down, so why was she still crying? “Do you want to talk about something?” Sean whispered, yet his voice filled the vacant room regardless of how soft he spoke. All he wanted was for her to open up to him. That was all he needed from her.

"I'm trying. And I do trust you. More than anyone," She looked up at him, her eyes filled with an emotion she couldn't quite place. Leah formed her lips in what she thought was an OK looking smile and didn't break his gaze. He settled back into the couch and she found her muscles loosening, giving into the feeling of being nestled in Sean's arms. Leah let her eyes flutter closed at his words, smiling softly. "I don't mind cuddling. In fact I prefer it to most things," She let out a breathe, slowly allowing herself to relax completely. 

Inside though she was still tense and wound up, her pulse still racing from the episode on the beach. And she felt so low, so hollow so undeserving and so worthless. The tears kept coming, she could no longer control them and she no longer wanted too. Her clothes rubbed on her cuts the wrong way and she desperately wanted to readjust but if she did Sean would surely notice. "Why?" Her voice sounded too meek, too high pitched and very unlike herself. "Why me? What have I done…what have I done to deserve anything from you? You need someone whose always smiling and whose confident and won't have days when she doesn't want to leave her room. Where she doesn't have days where she wonders what it would be like to finally do it. To finally end it all. Where she doesn't have days after feeling like a coward for not even trying. When she lies to everyone and says she's fine. When her blades haven't gone away and let dust collect on them." She could hardly speak and it was amazing she was getting out what she was. The words flowed from her mouth before she could even process their meaning. "Cause I love you. I always have loved you. And this is everything I've ever wanted. And yet I can't be happy. What kind of person am I? What kind of fuck up feels that?"

I'd rather make sandcastles || Seah