leapanyway-blog

[leapanyway-blog]

“So you work for the government now? The plot thickens.”

“I though you were into shady business, not keeping millennials from storming a castle based on a meme. How many side gigs do you have?”

❝ People still think it’s a good idea to raid Area 51. I don’t get paid enough for this. ❞

[leapanyway-blog]

misdirectings replied to your post “❝ Spider, if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s...”

someone's gotta keep this old man on his toes

well do you expect him to do so himself? 😂

[leapanyway-blog]

❝ Spider, if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞

GG MEME

“At least you’re honest about THAT.”

“Usually I don’t even get an indication, it’s just a SIKE and a pulled rug. Thanks though, REALLY helps.”

[leapanyway-blog]

[leapanyway-blog]

GAME GRUMPS SENTENCE STARTERS. 

❝ God, what if we just fucked one day? ❞

❝ Don’t sass me in front of the internet. ❞

❝ Follow your stupid fucking dreams. ❞

❝ Come at me scrub lord, I’m ripped. ❞

❝ I just wanna have sex with space. ❞

❝ Get in the tub with me, daddy. ❞

❝ Will you just relax and let me kill for money? ❞

❝ That sounds like your problem. Fuck you. ❞

❝ Stay in school. Don’t do drugs. Eat your teeth. ❞ 

❝ Make like a tree and fucking die. ❞

❝ Dude just…just pity laugh at least. ❞

❝ Man, Club Penguin’s gotten weird. ❞

❝ We are like the Stephen Kings of stupid. ❞

❝ Why do you enjoy watching me suffer so? ❞

❝ Do I have to jerk you off to blow your mind? ❞

❝ I haven’t had so much fun since I killed my parents. ❞

❝ Unfortunately I had sex with a guy/girl over the weekend. ❞

❝ What’s a vegetarian zombie say? GRAAAAAAAINS. ❞

❝ Revenge is a best dish served fuck you. ❞

❝ Who wears pants anymore? So 2015. ❞

❝ I need an ice cream sandwich and a gentle blowjob. ❞

❝ Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. ❞

❝ The bananas has gone bad! ❞

❝ I cared for those bananas! I raised them with my own two feet! ❞

❝ Did you know I’m a professional joke? My life is a joke. ❞

❝ What if everyone just had constant helicopter dick? ❞

❝ [ name ], does getting me wet fill you with determination? ❞

❝ I can’t prove that someone ISN’T a reptilian. ❞

❝ Wouldn’t it be funny if, like, you lost a family member? ❞

❝ These balls are coming at me fast and furious. It’s like that movie, ‘Speed’. ❞ 

❝ Call me One Direction ‘cause my relevancy is dropping by the day. ❞ 

❝ One time I killed a person and I didn’t report it to the police. ❞

❝ I wanna take a girl to the Grand Canyon, fuck her, and throw her in. ❞ 

❝ Nothing like a gunshot wound to the face to really mellow someone out. ❞ 

❝ If I can’t be the best, I sure as hell can be the worst! ❞ 

❝ [ name ], I’m on a date with a guy/girl right now and you’re embarrassing me. ❞

❝ I’ve made a decision. I’m gonna in the kitchen, gonna open the dishwasher, and I’m gonna climb inside. ❞

❝ I do apologize for my actions, even though they were totally and completely justified. ❞

❝ I could pee on this couch, right now, no problem, while looking you directly in the eyes.❞ 

❝ Look, you tell a couple jokes as a dad and suddenly everyone’s like ‘you’re making dad jokes.’ ❞

❝ All of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are blue, except for three of them. And there are four. ❞ 

❝ And Abraham said unto Moses, ‘Bro, dude, aliens.’ ❞

❝ I’m gonna throw you out the window. We don’t even have any windows in this room…I’m gonna carve out a window and throw you through it. ❞ 

❝ DO IT YOU SACK OF SHIT! – Sorry. That didn’t come out as encouraging as I meant it to. ❞

❝ [ name ], if there’s one thing I can be totally honest about, it’s that I would happily lie to your face.❞

❝ If I took pole-dancing, I would be worried that it would be too erotic for everybody else. ❞

❝ Next time we make love, [ name ], would you please refer to me as your sweet cakey treasure? ❞   

❝ I try to show at least one other human-being my butt hole every single day. ❞

❝ The only people who don’t like sluts are the people who don’t get any. ❞ 

❝ Have you ever though of a career in driving people fucking insane? Because you are already a PRO at it. ❞ 

❝ I am actively looking for ways to get you to shut the fuck up. ❞

❝ First of all, you have to stop calling it ‘Mary Jane.’ That’s the first rule of stonerdom. People will think you’re a fucking narc. ❞

❝ First of all, no one says ‘pot-eyes’, you fuckin’ narc. ❞

❝ If by OK you mean like on the inside I’m just going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!’ then yes, I’m quite OK ❞

❝ When you walk outside there are three elements of nature that you must avoid: snow, wind, and bees. ❞ 

❝ Could you imagine if you unlocked outfits in real life? Like, “Congratulations you wiped your ass, here’s a new shirt.” ❞

[leapanyway-blog]

//if you hate your writing and you know it, clap your hands

👏👏

[leapanyway-blog]

Miles and Peter B: [swingin around NYC]

Peter B: Does that sign say iHOB??? they’re still doing that here?

Miles: huh? oh yeah, International House of Burgers. They changed their name for some stunt, “iHOP”. So stupid. Can you imagine them making Pancakes?

Peter: 

[leapanyway-blog]

onlinewifey :

A coffee pot can be a coffee mug if you just don’t fucking care

[leapanyway-blog]

“OOOOOH--”

“THAT Freud.”

Well that answered his question fairly quickly. Embarrassing, to say the least, but he’d never been exceptional at psychology. Math and Science, though, top notch. At least it wasn’t memes -- those he was still getting the hang of. Nowadays kids would tell you they wanted to eat dish detergent for science or whatever  and half of him believed them enough to want to step in just to avoid calling poison control.

“I figured since you said it so casually, you knew him personally or something. Maybe someone from school, I don’t know. Stole a Pokemon card and was afraid of repercussions the next day -- sue me.”

“And no -- you’re staying right here in this one. Trust me, universal tourism is NOT all it’s cracked up to be. That and your dad would kill me--”

@leapanyway || (x) ;;

“Wait– ”

“Am I supposed to know who Freud is? Why am I always the last to know things? Theo I thought you said you’d keep me in the loop of interdimensional memes or whatever they’re called.”

» 💔 ||  “…hold on, no, you wait, do you not know who Freud is?”

“Like… Dude that people say founded modern psychiatry but basically set it back by like a century? Came up with the whole ‘oedipus complex’ bullshit among other stupid and wrong theories? That Freud? Have you never taken a psychiatry class in your life? Or did they not have him in your universe?

“…hey, if that’s the case, can I move to your universe?”

[leapanyway-blog]

secretarysupreme replied to your post “WAIT IF HE WAS 16 WHEN HE WAS BITTEN AND ITS BEEN 22 YEARS THAT MAKES...”

☽–;; "as you kids would say, 'dank meme'."

this is cursed, thank you

[leapanyway-blog]

WAIT IF HE WAS 16 WHEN HE WAS BITTEN AND ITS BEEN 22 YEARS THAT MAKES PETER 38 AND IF THE MOVIE CAME OUT IN 2018 THEN THAT MEANS HE WAS BORN IN ‘80

DOES PETER EVEN KNOW WHAT A MEME IS

[leapanyway-blog]

“I said I was gonna do it so I’m gonna do it.”

“I am THIS CLOSE to webbing you to a wall to keep you of harms way.”

“I’m not a dad yet and you’re a grown ass teenager, you know not to stick stuff in light sockets and to breathe ABOVE the swimming pool water – I can’t be babysitting you all the time.”

[leapanyway-blog]

“I don’t want to know what Freud would say.”

“Wait-- ”

“Am I supposed to know who Freud is? Why am I always the last to know things? Theo I thought you said you’d keep me in the loop of interdimensional memes or whatever they’re called.”

[leapanyway-blog]

random things my professors have said starters (pt. 2)

splattermemes‌:

More out of context quotes from my college professors. Enjoy and feel free to make any changes ! Part one here: x

“You are a beautiful field of flowers.”

“My daughter wrote, ‘I’m going to wear a choker every day of the year’.”

“I don’t think he has a soul.”

“Boobs.”

“Wait, I’m still talking!”

“You shouldn’t be laughing, __. It’s not cool.”

“*imitating crying*”

“My voice is usually more silky and smooth.”

“And fuck.”

“That gets me here *pats heart*.”

“My teachers hated me.”

“When you’re home in bed, I’m thinking of you…that sounds creepy.”

“Why are we here?”

“I’m like a TED Talk guy.”

“*sticks up middle finger*”

“Why don’t you hit a kegger this weekend?”

“I don’t know what I’m going to say half the time.”

“UGH! Go to bed.”

“You know the scientific method? Good. I’m gonna go over it anyway.”

“Like if you have a scarecrow fetish.”

“My handwriting is bad because I don’t have time for this.”

“Dogs have little minds.”

“It’s gangster.”

“I don’t want to know what Freud would say.”

“What are you doing?”

“*laughing* French.”

“It looks like he’s smoking a blunt, but he’s not.”

“How is the pizza in the vending machine?”

“*face palm*”

“I’m a Mets fan. There’ll be no talk of Yankees in this room.”

“My grandmother told me, ‘marriage is a business’.”

“I was a wild kid out on the streets.”

“Don’t say weird things at a kids’ soccer game.”

“Uhm, try harder.”

“I must be a demigod.”

“The journey doesn’t end as an adult.”

“You see what happens when you get too comfortable…you die.”

“F…U…C…”

“Either marry the right guy or I’ll kill you.”

“*haughtily* This is my playlist.”

“I can’t believe I’m gonna draw this out.”

“Have you seen Black Panther?”

“And then you’re like the guy from Moana, ‘you’re welcome’!”

“They’re on the moon, diggin’ for gold.”

“She lightly stabbed him.”

“We like to do things like that. ‘Cause they’re cool.”

“Nobody likes a smartass.”

“Don’t write down ‘brain=garbage disposal’.”

“It was only $2.”

“You want the chips, you see the chips. You can’t get to the chips.”

“Oh look, there’s a bear. Let’s go.”

“You could picture my dog flying around the city with a cape.”

“We’ll get back to Beyonce in a second.”

Were you sitting over there before?”

“Why are you so upset? Chill out.”

“That’s ageist.”

“Who brought me here? What’s happening?”

“That’s why people drink alcohol.”

“I’m not enforcing alcohol.”

“Hey, Snow Princess.”

“EAT YOUR PEAS!”

“EAT YOUR OATMEAL!”

“I don’t care if you’re not happy.”

“Do you know the song…Gucci Gang?”

“You’re never going to beat me at Scrabble, no matter how long you live.”

“There’s no way I’m gonna die.”

“My dog is 14.”

“Hey, let’s make sure there are no adults around so we can really get into these books.”

“I’m too short.”

“Deal with your own shit.”

“I said I was gonna do it so I’m gonna do it.”

“What do they want?”

“You have to tell me if I’m talking crazy.”

“CHALK.”

[leapanyway-blog]

“Y’know, we’re alllllll thinking it, I’m just gonna come out and say it--”

“How the HELL does your hat stay on when you’re swinging?”

@chokethelight fr ya boy noir <3

[leapanyway-blog]

this is the weirdest dimension YET

[leapanyway-blog]

Chuckling at how mad it seemed to make the man reminiscing about his missing food, Peter took another bite of pizza. No, he certainly could not help with that, and quite possibly required help himself. Weird was his normal, but more often than not he’d had to suspend disbelief and carry on instead of understanding things.

Which, in and of itself, was frustrating for a man as smart as he was.

It was strange and familiar at the same time -- hearing of another Peter. Higher metabolism? Made sense -- they DID jump about and exercise for pretty much a living. Absentmindedly, he wondered just how this universe’s Spider-Man got so lucky as to be friends with this Otto Octavius. Must be nice, ticking one rogue off the list. Or... Maybe he’d never snapped in the first place?

Oh hell -- he hoped he wouldn’t snap at all, if he’d not done so before.

Snapping back to the present by the sound of metal on wood, he cocked his head aside in disbelief. Did... he hear that right?

“...She?”

leapanyway‌ :// parker.

Well, at least if the lack of spider-sense upon being discovered meant anything, this Otto knew and might have even been friendly to other Parkers. It was still new to HIM as well, only ever having been theorized. Hopefully the rest got to their right dimensions — since the whole collider business was a shot in the dark as well.

As usual, he drew the short straw.

“Well, if you’re already well-versed in this kinda thing, I guess that means I can skip the explaining part,” he muttered, half through a mouthful of food. Though why waste a plate?

“I have two hands — it’ll save you washing a plate later.”

At least he could hold a conversation with this one and not have to dodge swings between it all. As exciting as it had been, it got old after a while. And he’d had a hell of a week already. Maybe there was a vacation universe? What a thought.

“You deal with a lot of parallel Parkers?”

@dieamonster  con’t

“i’ve already met three of myselves, peter. i don’t need it to be explained, unless you know how to make those WOMEN stop coming into my universe.” his nose crinkles, and otto turns from him. rose rests the box on the table while otto himself searches for his leftover chinese. “then, i will be more than happy to listen.” 

but until then, he had his own work to worry about, and his own universe to care for. his children, his family– vision, and his own parker. they were his main concerns. the elasticity of other universes does not bother him; not as much as it should.

“parallel parkers? i have enough trouble with my own parker.” a soft snort, though his gaze is soft behind dark glasses. flesh and bone arms cross over his chest. a shoulder rises and falls in a half-shrug. “he steals all of my leftovers. i know his powers increase his metabolism, but you would think he’d have some CONSIDERATION for old men.”

still, there’s fondness in his words, and the arms even seem to chitter at the mention of the young parker. rose moves over to peter, and then stabs at the chair once, twice. 

“she wants you to sit and eat like a civilized person.”