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Lots of Updates from a Smiling Brooklyn!

Garage Sale --

Holy cow. Despite some craziness, we had an amazing garage sale. We cannot thank everyone enough for the donations, support, and many visitors. There were so many faces of friends that we haven’t seen in so long. It sure filled our hearts to catch up with everyone. We are so, so grateful. In the end, the garage sale, donations, and my class bonus made us reach exactly ten dollars over our next bill. 

We have always said every dollar is a step closer to our baby. We have so far made about $10,000 steps out of the $25,000 we have to make. We never imagined how we would get here, but through God’s faithfulness and so many people’s generosity, we are making big steps forward. We know there is a baby out there, and we are going to get there...one step at a time. 

Next Garage Sale -

We will be having one more garage sale before the summer is over. This garage sale will happen July 27-29th. My parents have graciously offered their bigger garage for the next round. 

First Oncologist Visit ---

We had our first meeting with the Ovarian Oncologist on Wednesday, and I was incredibly nervous. Rightly so, add the term cancer, and the anxiety level would go up for anyone. We were incredibly fortunate to have a really positive experience. Both the doctor and the nurse were incredibly kind and reassuring. The doctor flat our told us that my tumor was not cancer. However, it is a big signal that something needs to be figured out. I’m 29, and the presence of these borderline cancer tumors are not normal. According to the doctor, we will either be able to take a conservative or aggressive approach. Over this next month, I will be undergoing some additional testing. Then once the testing is completing, the doctor will decide what approach is best. The conservative approach will consist of routine appointments to watch me, whereas the aggressive approach would involve taking either, or both, ovaries, and possibly the entire uterus. Our prayers are that the conservative approach will be possible. I am finally feeling better after my last surgery, and another surgery in my future is not something I am hoping for. 

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The Never-Answered “Why”

Why. Why, why, why, why, why, why, why…?!?!?!?

- Why does God let bad things happen?

- Why did God make her pregnant over me?

- Why does God have great couples, who would be great parents, face a lifetime of pain and suffering through their battles with infertility? 

- Why does God take babies to Heaven before they even get a chance to have a life?

- Why did he take my baby? 

- Why us, why me?

- Why?

These questions fill my brain almost endlessly. The dreaded “why” questions. The questions that haunt. The questions that hurt. The questions that we will likely never, ever have an answer for. Yet, we all have them, and we all are faced with exactly that.  We have to consistently find our own ways of facing the challenges of living our lives full of a world of unanswered, “whys?”

To be honest, I have really struggled with the whys behind everything that has happened lately. I’m a logical person, a total realist. In the past, I have always accepted that the sometimes bad happens but it usually happens for a reason. I have always believed God has a plan, and I could typically understand that uncertainty was just part of the deal. 

However since losing Greyson, that answer “Sometimes Bad Things Happen” hasn’t soothed my pain. It hasn’t been enough, and I have been searching my heart for the answer to the question, “Why is God doing this?” 

As we have shared our story, God has brought several new friends into my life, and he is continually doing so. There are often many days when I am getting new e-mails, Facebook messages, or being introduced to someone who has a story so similar to ours. They are always eerily the same. These wonderful, great couples that have to face their own endless lists of  “whys.” Whys like: why have they lost multiple pregnancies, why are they faced with their own infertility battles, why have they been waiting on the adoption list for years….. why, why, why?

Despite more whys constantly being added to my list, one huge why answer remains for me, and it is the answer that will always keep my faith strong. Four years ago a huge why of mine was focused on why we couldn’t get pregnant during our first round with infertility… and God answered that why. He answered by giving us our greatest gift. He gave us, Brooklyn.

He gave us our Brooklyn. Ace card played. All future why questions will never stand a chance. Our Brooklyn is our answer. She’s ours. 

So as the whys keeping piling up for us, and as the whys continue to pile up for so many of those close to us going through similar journeys. We hold our heads high, and we encourage those fighting their own whys to do the same. Yes, we will all always question, and we will  all have those days where the hurt of not getting the answers we want will win. But my encouragement remains the same, God will answer. Some day, and some how. God will answer those whys. And to us, our answer, our Brooklyn, was worth all the whys we had to face. And someday, your answer will be worth it all as well. 

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Huge 10+ Family Garage Sale

Thursday - June 22nd 5-8 p.m. Friday - June 23rd 8 a.m. - 2 p.m. Saturday - June 24th 8 a.m. - 2 p.m.

We started with what we thought would be a small garage sale, and then lots of families joined in! Now, we have a multi-family garage that is overflowing with stuff we can't even fit in the garage. We had over 10 families who have brought their gently used items, so there is something for everyone at this massive garage sale. This garage sale will be continually restocked, so stop by multiple times.

Kids Toys Kids Clothing and Baby Items (Sizes Newborn and Up!) Strollers, High Chairs, Walkers Name Brand Men and Women's Clothes (Banana Republic, Gap, Limited) -- All Sizes from XS to Plus Size (We had 10 young couples, so everything is high quality and in style!) Home Decoration Items Seasonal Decorations Tools Lots of Furniture (Couches, Tables, Desks, Dressers)

All Proceeds go to the Schmelzer Family Adoption Fund

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Something Blue Raffle

$1 for 1 ticket = 1 chance to win one of the following prizes $4 for 5 tickets = 5 chances to win one of the following: - $150 Gift Card to Something Blue - Photo Session with Studio BE Photography - 12 Custom Bridal Party Tees - $50 Gift Card to Sweet To Eat Bakery All proceeds benefit The Schmelzer Family Adoption Fund

Raffle Tickets can be purchased at Something Blue in Ankeny, Iowa or Online at the Link Below 

https://www.facebook.com/pg/somethingblueia/shop/?ref=page_internal

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God knew that it doesn’t matter how your children get to your family. It just matters that they get there. - Kira Mortenson 

Brooklyn joined our family in October 2013, and our hearts have never been more full. However more children may join our family in the future, we will always be open. We are excited to see what is ahead of us in this new adoption journey!

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Adoption - The Way it was Meant to Be

Someone once asked me if I considered adoption as our “backup plan.” Originally, I was a little bit shocked with this question. But, as I paused to think about the question and considered its validity, the truth hit my heart...

Adoption was never our backup plan. We have never felt it was the secondary plan when our fertility journey failed. Instead, with our whole hearts, we believe adoption was the road that God has always wanted us to go down in our journey to our family. 

With our story, we agree that it could definitely  look like we went down the road of adoption once we realized that fertility wasn’t on our side. We, so, get that. But, to us, it is just the way life played out. It was they way our family was always meant to grow.

Once we made the decision to start our family, we took the natural first steps that everyone does when they want to add a baby to their lives. We started trying, but that path wasn’t meant to be. We then pursued medical intervention with fertility specialists, and that path wasn’t meant to be either. With each step we took, doors shut quickly in our journey to biologically have children. It just wasn’t meant to be. 

However, things changed when we started taking steps towards adoption. Doors opened, and roadblocks were taken down. In our journey towards Brooklyn, time after time, the impossible was achieved, and we brought this beautiful baby girl into our lives. Brooklyn was meant to be. 

As we now enter this journey again, we know God will allow whatever is meant to be. We have never been closed off to any way that our family was meant to grow, and that will never change with us. Once we begun the discussions on starting our family six years ago, Bryan and I were both 100% open to anyway that we were meant to grow our family, whether that was having children biologically or through adoption. Being pregnant was never the dream. The dream has always, and will always, continue to be to have a family...in whatever way that it is meant to be. 

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Frequently Asked Questions about our Adoption Journey

When you are in the middle of the adoption journey, you learn quickly that the more open your hearts are, the more you will be humbled by the work God does. And let us tell you, that has been the truth for us. Time after time, we are amazed by the work God has done and the support and grace so many have showed us in our adoption journeys.

With our choice to be open, we are regularly asked a lot of questions about both infertility and adoption. The questions for us have never been a hassle or a burden. Instead, we feel so humbled to offer a piece of our story to the world. We in no way consider ourselves adoption or infertility experts, but we do know our story offers a little insight into today’s realities of the worlds of both infertility and adoption. 

1. Are you wanting to adopt a child of a specific gender, race, ethnicity, or age? 

None of that matters to us. We are open to any child that would be the right fit for our family. Gender, race, ethnicity would in no way influence our choice to bring a baby into our home. Love made our family, and love will bring our next baby into our lives someday.

When it comes to the age of the child, we would like to adopt a baby. Two reasons being, we want to be part of as much of that child’s life as possible. I struggled a bit when we didn’t meet Brooklyn until she was four weeks old. Selfishly, I wanted to be part of every minute of her life. But, that isn’t a perfect reality in the world of adoption. Children of all ages need homes, and we open to however God wants that to look for us in the future. 

The second reason why we would like to adopt a baby, or young child, is for our Brooklyn. She knew of Greyson, and she was, and still is, so excited to be a big sister. So for her understanding of the adoption process, we would like to bring a child younger than her into our home. This will help her with processing this huge life change.  Adoption will not only be changing our lives, it will also be changing Brooklyn’s. So, we are really trying to think through all scenarios to help her as she takes on the “Big Sister” title. 

2. Have you consider adopting through foster care?

You bet we have! We have actually attended a few informational meetings, and done a lot of personal learning, on foster care and the adoption process within the foster care system. Through our learning of the foster care system, we have come to the terms that it is not the path for us… right now. 

The reasoning for this decision comes down to the primary purpose of the foster care system. Through our informational meetings, we were trained that the primary goal of the foster system is to intervene when the safety of a child is at-risk. However, the long-time goal of the foster care system is to hopefully provide the necessary interventions to allow the reunification of the child with the parents or members of that child’s family. The primary purpose of the foster care system is not adoption. 

That being said, when you enter the foster care system as potential foster parents, you have the option to be open to adoption. But, that is only if the child that enters your home has all rights terminated by every family member that would have legal rights to that child. Basically, there is no guarantee that if a child would enter our lives through foster care that that child will become available for us to adopt. Instead, we may have to let that child return to his or her biological family. And that reality is the reason we are not ready to be foster parents yet.

At this time in our lives, whatever child that enters our home needs to be ours. Our hearts have been dealt so much lately. Having to give a child back would be a celebration for that child and his or her family, but at this time, it would break our hearts. Until our family is done growing, foster care isn’t for us. But, we have talked about potentially beingopen to that possibility once our children are grown. 

3. Are you okay if we ask you questions? 

Absolutely! We would have never been able to get through this journey without the support and prayers of our friends and families. So, we absolutely feel that it is our responsibility to be open and honest with any questions our friends or family members may have. In the past, the adoption world was incredibly closed off and “hush-hush.” But that’s not the reality of adoption anymore, and we are happy to offer a piece of our experiences to spread the word on what adoption looks like today. 

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Recovery Update --- Feeling Better and Taking Moments to Cherish B

I am officially a week and half into my recovery, and I am feeling much better! I would say that I am about 60% back to myself. The pain is immensely better, and I am grateful for the ability to get up and down by myself.  Today, I was even able to put in a couple loads of laundry and change the dishes out of the dishwasher. I definitely know there will be a relieved husband when he gets home tonight. Poor guy has been running around like a madman trying to take care of me, Brooklyn, and everything that comes with owning our home and running our family.

Frustratingly, there is still a long way to go in my recovery. I can tell that I am still tiring easily, and I have found that I can easily get dizzy if I try to push myself too far. So, I am taking the hint and trying to slow down a bit to let my body heal. However, the slow down does come with some perks.

As you can see, Brooklyn and I have been spending some time doing what we both love, reading. What you cannot see, is that this sweet girl of ours will sit and read with me for hours and hours. So, thats what we have been doing. B and I have have been spending hours and hours just curled up with each other and reading. I guess if I am being forced to slow down a lot after surgery, the blessing of this added time with my sweet baby is a wonderful perk. 

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Honoring the Baby We Lost… Honoring Greyson.

Through everything that has happened, our hearts and minds continually return to the baby we lost. We are very well aware that the loss of our baby means that a piece of hearts will always be missing, and while we remain here our Earth our grief for the baby we lost will never go away. Yes, it will get easier to deal with, as it does with all types of grief. But, like so many others who have miscarried their babies, the grief we carry will always be part of us and part of our story. 

Bryan and I have taken many steps to move forward and cope with the loss of our child. Open conversations with each other and starting the adoption process have both allowed us to begin this process. Yet a big piece remained for me. After lots of personal turmoil, I approached Bryan, and I confessed to him the biggest burden on my heart: “I needed to name the baby we lost.”

Originally, Bryan was not completely on board. But an amazing quality of my husband is that he listens, so he listened. He let me pour my heart out for the baby we lost and he heard me when I said “I needed to know my child’s name when I got to Heaven. I need to be able to greet our baby by its name.”

Once that thought left my mouth, we didn’t look back. Their was peace for both of us, and the open honestly continued. Through my entire pregnancy, I quietly called the baby Greyson in my head. It was the only name we had that was on both our “girls” list and our “boys” list. Since we lost the baby before we could know gender, the name seemed to fit. And since I was already calling the baby Greyson, I might as well open my heart to Bryan.

The strange coincidence is that Bryan had a dream the night before. He was at a soccer game watching our baby girl Greyson playing. So once that dream was mentioned to me… the name was set. Our baby is Greyson.

So to honor our Greyson we offer our name to the world. We offer the baby’s name as a memory of this little life that existed, of this little life that mattered, and this little life that has impacted us forever. 

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Healing Physically Post Surgery

It has been five days since my surgery, and a lot has transpired in that short amount of time. Before we start our newest update, we once again have to say thank you to everyone for their thoughts, prayers, meals, and visits. This journey should be hard, but we are moving forward every day because we have your endless kindness. For this, we will always be humbled and always, always be grateful.

Surgery Extent

As Bryan mentioned in his update, my surgery was much more invasive and intense than even the doctor could have predicted. What the doctor originally thought was a large cyst on my ovary quickly became bigger and more complicated once he was literally able to open me up and examine the mass. To his shock, he found that the mass was not located on my ovary. Instead, the mass was actually located inside of my ovary. The extent of the grapefruit-sized mass had swelled up my right ovary to that same size. The doctor was hoping to be able to drain most of the cyst and have less than an inch incision. This would have allowed me to recover quickly. Instead, he had to surgically remove all of the mass and my one inch incision grew to about six inches. This incision is the major source of my pain post surgery, and it is the reason I continue to remain highly limited with my mobility. I can basically make it from the couch to bed back to the couch, and that exhausts me. Both Bryan and my mom say that I am looking better every day; however, I am not feeling the improvement yet. But, I am sure looking forward to gain my independence and mobility back. It is super humbling having to have your husband lift you out of bed in the morning. According to the doctor, my new timeline for full recovery is six-to- eight weeks. However, I should be feeling significantly better in 2+ weeks. Just no heavy lifting for me this summer.

Mass Testing

As with standard protocol, all masses that are removed are sent for further evaluation. They did this will my first surgery, and they followed this same protocol with Friday’s surgery. My first cyst came back as exactly that... a cyst. This mass came back different. It came back as abnormal and borderline, and that is leading us on to some additional medical steps. A scary reality is the cyst can no longer be classified as a cyst or mass. The reality now is that it was an abnormal tumor that was borderline cancerous.... not cancerous.... but it would have likely headed that way if we hadn’t removed it. As a result of it’s now tumor classification, I am being referred to an ovarian oncologist who will complete routine checkups of me for likely the rest of my life. The added vocabulary words of tumor, abnormal, and oncologist have been super scary realities. We just sit in this new reality with just complete relief that the tumor was found and that it is now gone. I will be healthy again once I heal from my incision. 

Next Steps/Realities

1. I will complete bi/yearly to yearly examines with the ovarian oncologist likely for the rest of my life. They will be monitoring me for an return growth or new tumors that may develop in my future. If any new tumors develop, they will take my ovaries as a precaution. For now, we will just be monitored by the specialist. This comes as a relief. A large worry post this surgery was who would monitor me for any return tumors or cysts. Originally, it would have had to been a regular OBGYN who doesn’t do routine ultrasounds. Now, I will be monitored by the best, and if something comes up again, it will be found quickly. Yes, it is scary to know I have to be monitored, but deep down it is a relief to my heart to know I will be watched. 

2. No more infertility treatments will ever be possible in our future again. We both had made peace to this reality once we lost our infertility insurance. However, in all honestly, we hadn’t shut our hearts off to the possibility of going down that road again if insurance would be returned. But now, the tumor changes that. With the presence of the tumor, I should not have any more exposure to infertility drugs in my lifetime.... EVER. That means we are officially closing the door on  any additional infertility treatments in the future due to the huge risk it would but on my future health. It isn’t worth it. We have our Brooklyn, and we have our future child entering our family through adoption. To us, the possibility of a pregnancy doesn’t make up for the risks.

3. We will be donating our last embryo. 

We do have one remaining embryo left. Originally, our plan was to pay the yearly fee to keep this embryo stored in case down the road the option to try for that last embryo would be available. Now that I can have no more exposure to infertility drugs, we have to let that embryo go. We have options, and Bryan and I have discussed them deeply. The truth is that embryo is our baby, it is our DNA, and our choices have to be both legal and right for us. Due to the fact that a future transfer is no longer an option, it would make zero sense for us to keep it frozen. It would literally be us throwing $700 away yearly just to keep it in the “freezer”. And since we are now into the adoption process, we can use that $700 a year for bringing our next baby home. That leaves us two remaining options for our last embryo... we could destroy it or donate it. Our choice is to donate. We have our Brooklyn because someone made a selfless choice. A choice to give us her and allow us to be her parents. Maybe...just maybe this embryo could bring someone their “Brooklyn.” Not to mention, the process for getting that embryo was awful. No way am I letting them just trash it. Heck no! I worked way too hard for that embryo. 

4. We move forward... Onward to the Home Study.

We have one last step of our application process to do. We need to get our fingerprints taken so the adoption agency can do background checks on us. As soon as I am mobile, we will head down to our local police station and get these taken care of. It has to wait though until I can walk a bit further. Hopefully, we can cross this off next week! Then, we start the home study meetings. 

5. Garage Sale Set for June 23/24th

We are collecting tons of items, and we are so grateful for all those that have been donated. My first plan was to have the garage sale this upcoming weekend, but my surgery pushed it back a lot. We will now be having our sale on June 23/24, and we are looking like we may have enough to hold two sales. One will be on the June date and the other will be closer to when school starts. Once we are done with the garage sales, we will donate anything left to our agency or our local thrift stores. 

6. Above everything, through everything, we are happy. 

Both of us have had multiple conversations with people who have continually asked us how in the world we are dealing with this all. Our truth is simple: We are happy. Right before I lost the baby, I told Bryan that I couldn’t imagine our lives being happier. We had each other, a beautiful daughter, and a baby on the way. Yes, some challenges have definitely hit us since that conversation in April. But the truth of it remains. Bryan and I have each other, we have our energetic Brooklyn, and we have another baby coming to us someday and some how through the adoption process. Through everything that has happen these last couple months, our happiness has remained. 

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Update on Megan

I wanted to give a brief update on Megan. I am not normally the person to write these post, for reasons that will soon be very apparent. Megan had surgery Friday to remove a cyst from her ovary. The surgery was about an hour and everything went well. To quote the doctor “That was a really big one.” Forgive the medical jargon. It sounds like it was about the size of a grapefruit. Megan is at home and resting when possible. She is in a lot of pain and cannot get around too well yet. We are hoping that she will be more mobile by Monday. I am hoping that Megan is feeling well enough to give a proper update very soon. For now, I hope this will give a little insight to how we are doing. 

Also, the link for donations has been updated. It will now take you to our “Go Fund Me”. Thank you for everyone, online and offline, that has felt moved to donate. We have also received donations for our adoption garage sale. Every donation, no matter the size, is a blessing and we are incredibly grateful to have so much support.

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Brooklyn’s recent prayers at dinner are all having the same theme lately. We love how she understands the process so well. The waiting, will likely be very tough for her. We plan on involving Brooklyn as much as we can with the adoption process. We want her to have a part in bringing her future brother or sister home. Plus, we hope that it helps her gain some understanding of the process we went through when we brought her home to our family.

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Application Done!

Over the long weekend, we were able to get a couple of major things crossed off our to-do list. To us, our biggest accomplishment was that we were able to finish all of the paperwork portion of our adoption application. This portion is very tedious. It includes our background, family histories, medical screenings, and financial/tax records. In addition, we have to include information to prove our insuance holdings and wills. Needless-to-say, after hours of completing this portion of the application, we were excited to mail it off to the adoption agency. Now it is on to our next step of the process… the adoption homestudy.

On to the Home Study

The home study is also a very-detailed process. It will start off with several meetings with our adoption case worker. She will meet with us at the Bethany Office, and she will also hold several of the meetings at our home. This process is time-consuming, but it is actually a pretty enjoyable portion of the process. Our case worker gets to really know us as a family, couple, and as individuals. Once she finishes her meetings with us, she will draw up the paperwork portion. The completion of the home study will then make us eligible to be presented to birth moms. Of course, that means we have started the process of completing many home projects and spring cleaning. Bryan already jumped the gun, and he had both of us out painting the deck and swingset this weekend. 

Adoption Fundraising

The financial burden of the adoption is hitting us hard this time around. With the process of Brooklyn, our final adoption costs totalled around $18,000. Just three years later, the adoption costs have jumped to around $25,000. When I first heard this number, my heart just sank. We have fought through so much to get here, and it is clear that our fight is beginning once again. No part of this process has been easy, but just looking at Brooklyn proves we need to at least try. We are praying hard that God offers us opportunities through grants and fundraisers to make this amout possible. Bryan and I have scored our budgets, and already cut back on all the extras. For example, we were planning on taking B to Disney to see some princesses before the baby was going to be due in December. Since the miscarriage, and the start of the adoption process, we have postponed this trip. To us, family is more important than princesses. Just don’t tell B that getting a sibling is costing her some princess time. 

Adoption Garage Sale

In addition to cutting back our expenses, we have started other fundraising processes. For example, we will be holding an adoption garage sale tentatively during the second week of June. This will all be depending on the rate I recover for my surgery this Friday. If you are interested in donating any garage sale items, please let us know. We will be collecting items to sell. Anything that does not sell will be donated to either our adoption agency or our local Salvation Army. Of course, we would also love to see you all at the Adoption Garage Sale! More details to follow soon! 

Go Fund Me Page

Some friends have asked us how the can make a donation to our adoption fund. We currently have a Go Fund Me Page setup, and we are grateful for those who are joining us in our journey to bring our future baby home. You can find our Go Fund Me Page at the link below.

Schmelzer Adoption Go Fund Me:  https://www.gofundme.com/SchmelzerFamilyAdoption

Megan’s Upcoming Surgery:

The not so fund part in the next portion of our journey is that I will be having a surgery this Friday. Nothing like finishing school on Wednesday to jump into a surgery on Friday. Luckily, I will have Thursday to clean the house and prepare some meals for Bryan and Brooklyn before I am out-of-commission for awhile. As we mention in our last blog update, I have had multiple cyst-like masses on my ovary due to all the medications. It was found during one of our first appointments with our infertility specialist. They preformed the first surgery to remove a soft-ball size mass in December 2015. Within six months, the cyst-like mass was back. However, surgery was not an option because I was in the middle of our IVF cycles. To postpone another surgery, the doctors routinely drained the cyst as much as the could during many of my visits. Let me tell you… it was not peachy. Because our infertility journey is now done, my doctor has scheduled another full removal of the cyst for this Friday. It is his hope that my termination of the medications will prevent additional cysts from developing. However, if they continue to develop, possible removal of that ovary could be in my future. But, due to my young age, we are going with the least invasive step first. We are really praying that this next surgery signifies the end of our infertility journey. We have accepted that a pregnancy will likely never happen for us, and we are ready to fully committ ourselves to expanding our family through the adoption process. 

More Updates to Follow Soon! We are so grateful for your thoughts and prayers.

Megan, Bryan, and Brooklyn 

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Adopting any child is a walk into the unknown. It takes Faith.    

- unknown

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Here We Go Again ... The Schmelzers are Adopting!

Ever since that phone call came for Brooklyn, our lives have been full of more joy than we could have ever imagined. She is constantly making us laugh, amazing us with her understanding of the world, and reminding us that family and love is all that will ever really matter. Brooklyn has brought so much purpose and love to our lives, that we started asking ourselves two years ago if it was time to add another baby to the mix. Of course, we were both on board, and we started the journey of what we thought would bring us another baby. 

Part 1 - Infertility Specialist

In the fall of 2015, I accepted a job as a teacher in Ankeny. It was great to have the opportunity to come home and teach in my hometown, and the decision has brought so many blessings to our family. Brooklyn is thriving at her daycare, we have access to many resources/activities, and we are just a crossed town from my parents. One amazing blessing that came to our family with my new position was access to great infertility insurance. Neither Bryan nor I had this benefit with any of our prior job positions. With the access to infertility insurance, doors were open that we could have never made happen during Brooklyn’s adoption. We had access to an infertility specialist, so we decided to explore this option. We felt it could either bring us a baby, or at least some answers as to our reasons behind our long history of unexplained infertility. 

Our time with this infertility insurance was long, and not exactly fun. They quickly discovered that I had a softball size cyst, and I was in for my first surgery one month after starting our journey with the specialist. (This would be a recurring theme for us... for a later post). After the cyst was removed, the specialist was confident that our infertility issues may be resolved. We were sent on our way to see what may happen...

Nothing happen. So about nine months later, we were back at the specialist. Additional testing showed that the cyst had returned, and our likelihood of a pregnancy on our own was slim. The decision was made about one year into our journey with the specialist that Invitro Fertilization was likely our best and only option. 

Part 2 - IVF Process

We started the IVF journey in October of 2016. It naturally began with lots of meetings, testing, and training. We had to meet with an insurance financial advisor and the nursing staff to learn about the process. I had to undergo some testing and IVF prep procedures to prepare for the process. We knew the process would be intense, but neither of us was prepared for what was in store.

I began the IVF stimulation shots over Christmas break. The process started off great, and I had a ton of energy. However, as the process continued I started to have a lot of pain and discomfort. Blood testing and ultrasounds confirmed that my estrogen levels were too high. The egg retrieval was scheduled early in hopes that the round would not be lost. 

The day of the surgery went well. The doctor was able to retrieve 12 eggs. However, the transfer was canceled due to my estrogen levels still being dangerously high. I was given two full rounds of iv fluids to help my levels return to normal. The doctor was sure that I would be fine to return to work the next day if I took it easily. 

Naturally, I went to work the next day.... because why not! Half way through the day, I realized something was wrong. I was miserable and in a ton of pain. I decided that I must have tried coming back to work too soon, so I went home around lunch to rest. By dinner, the pain was worse and I wasn’t able to keep any fluids down. To make things worse, I had gained 30+ of water weight in a day. After a call to the doctor and some testing, I was diagnosed with Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS). Basically, the shots had caused my levels to get dangerously high, and the result was the sudden onset of the bloating. The cure.. rest, time, and pain pills to help manage the pain. Our doctor made the call that my transfer needed to be postponed until all my symptoms of OHSS were resolved, so the eggs were frozen. (At this time, only three had survived the fertilization process... for another post). 

During our break, we were dealt another blow to our IVF process. Due to the mess that came with the Collective Bargaining Agreement this winter, we learned that my school was dropping all infertility insurance coverage effective July 1st, 2017. By this time it was the middle of March, I was just starting to feel better.  After a quick, and very panicked, call to our infertility specialist, our fears were confirmed. We would likely only get one, maybe two, attempts to an IVF transfer with this quickly closing July 1st date. We decided to go for it...

Our transfer was on March 31st. With the closing end date of our insurance, we decided to transfer two of our three embryos that survived the fertilization and freezing process. (Yes, it is typical to lose as many eggs as we did in this process.) After a very long two-week wait post the transfer, we got the news we had always dreamed about... WE WERE PREGNANT!

Part 3 - Ultimate Heartache

After the pregnancy news, we were floating on air. It was a happiness beyond either of us could have every imagined. We had our beautiful Brooklyn, and after six long years of hell, we were pregnant. In literally our last chance, God had performed our miracle, and we were going to have another baby... curiously due the week of Christmas 2017. 

My pregnancy was wonderful, and I loved every minute of it. My belly was growing, and I loved the feeling of knowing our miracle baby was finally here. God had finally, after years and years of prayers and tears, given us a pregnancy. My blood work was phenomenal, and the doctor was happy with how everything was looking. All we had to do was eagerly await our first ultrasound. 

That date came on May 1st, and I remember how nervous/excited both Bryan and I was. We kept asking each other if we thought it was multiples and what in the world we would do if God gave us more babies that we could even dream about. It is so silly now to look back at us in the moment, our worry was how many babies we would have after transferring two embryos. Little did we know, our biggest blow was just about to come.

I knew immediately something was wrong. I could read that nurse’s face instantly. She kept turning the sound on and off as she looked for a heartbeat, and she would mutter to herself. After the longest minutes of our life, the nurse told us that she needed a moment to consult with the doctor. We knew... we weren’t being blessed with multiples, we would be leaving with none.

It took about ten minutes for the doctor to come into our room. I remember just sitting there numb. Telling myself that this was a dream, and everything was going to be okay. The doctor was going to come in and find the baby. But, when he did come in, he didn’t even try. He just confirmed to us that I had likely miscarried. The baby was measuring just over six weeks, and I should have been closer to eight. He scheduled a follow-up ultrasound for one week later in hopes that things would change. 

That week was just awful. I knew in my heart that the baby was gone, but the shots, medication, and the hope had to remain. There was still a chance the baby could be okay, and we had to go for it. Our follow-up appointment was the following week, and the news was confirmed. Our miracle baby was gone. To make matters worse, it was the middle of May. The nurse confirmed that another transfer would not be possible before our loss of infertility insurance on July 1st. Our journey with the infertility specialist was done. IVF was done. I officially miscarried the following week. 

Part 4 - Following God’s Plan for Our 2nd Adoption 

Throughout the journey, Bryan and I had repeatedly had the conversation on when we would pursue adoption again. Before we even met with the specialist, adoption was always an option we both agreed we would happily pursue. Adoption brought us Brooklyn, and if God wanted to bring more babies to our life through adoption, we would always, always be open to it.

Besides always being open to another adoption, Bryan and I had two conditions that we knew would be our signals that it was time to be done with infertility treatments. The 1st was my health. If at any time my stomach got bad again or I had reached the limit, I had full control on how long I would put my body through the painful testing and shots. The 2nd signal was our insurance coverage. We would pursue to infertility process for as long as we had the coverage. If we lost insurance, we would be done.... and that is exactly what happened.

So here we are... at the start of a new chapter in this journey to our family. Coincidentally, on the week that we should be announcing a pregnancy, we are instead standing strong and announcing a growth in our family. In honor of the baby that we have lost, and the baby that will someday be joining our family through the adoption process, we announce the Schmelzer family will be growing.

Please join us in the journey of a Schmelzer Adoption! 

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Schmelzer Family Announcement ---  Adoption 2.0 Style! 

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Tomorrow's The Day!!!!

Can't believe that it's finally here! Tomorrow is the day for our big Open House Party to celebrate Brooklyn. Everyone and anyone who has followed our journey is welcome to come and meet our new little family. We want to take tomorrow to just personally introduce you to our daughter and thank you for all your prayers and support. You are welcome to stop by or come and hang out! Either way, we would love to see you!

Party Details:

When: Tomorrow!! Friday, November 22nd from 5-7:30

Where: Lutheran Church of Hope

Who: Anyone! Come meet our baby girl, Brooklyn!