learninglovesdefault

[learninglovesdefault]

depression is knocking again.

it was never fully the 5:30 mornings, it was this job

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coincidence after most recent post? i think not

paul really hit the mark when he said "take all thoughts captive and obedient to Christ." negative thoughts are so pervasive and constant that you honestly need to speak God's Word over every single one of them.

the prince of lies has no hold over you anymore.

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02:20am

was going to start overthinking about him and felt strong ‘don’t’

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TDL

- barrister applications = i ask God for favour from my mentor, line manager, colleagues to the recruiters, that they don’t see me as snakey but encourage me 

- essay poem, ode to BLM  

- finish book(s) by March to start books given for xmas

- russian

- piano 

[learninglovesdefault]

do you have any Qs my love? cos i have plenty ones for you

wana know what i value, my love?

if we’re even compatible too?

to learn, to learn to love you

hm, in turn, i’ll learn to love me, hmm

[learninglovesdefault]

https://www.britannica.com/topic/philosophy

google: african philosophy 

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1%20Corinthians%209&version=NIV

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luiz_In%C3%A1cio_Lula_da_Silva

[learninglovesdefault]

The roughest 3 weeks at work since i started

[learninglovesdefault]

functioning very well for years but recently noticed daily routine not normal

noticed affected work - mistakes and not working at fullest capacity

more than nerves - having bad days

contemplated part time but even during days off - struggle

all i can say otherwise get emotional and saying all of this is already embarrassing bc all personal

[learninglovesdefault]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBhSvZ4MKN4

interlude

[learninglovesdefault]

The problem is i love you

and unless all, and i mean all, parties can consent to us in the future then i cannot speak to you while you pursue other women

also... we are soooo young - a relationship now will doom us to failure. so if you move on, as you have a right to (so do i, i just don’t think i have the emotional cpaacity to do so right now), then i still cannot speak to you or handle things changing

i don’t mind change. it just, selfishly, has to be when i’m ready...

can you even ‘promise’ me that you won’t more on in the near future?

[learninglovesdefault]

Depression is a mfrrrrr

It’s just numbness with bursts of actual joy. Doesn’t last though..

[learninglovesdefault]

How do I view God?

Do I believe He is really good?

If so, then I should be RECEIVING WHILE I’m praying...

God never fails, but my perception of Him fails

Have to be confident that God loves me and had my back

Profess victory

Arise in Him and it triggers power

Must be first revival in my trust and confidence in God 

[learninglovesdefault]

soul pains

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hk6BqvVucJM

my soul requires more than a confessional

practical healing requires more than a confessional 

do i deserve real L

[learninglovesdefault]

Dearest Abba

#]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PO1kF-y26Y

at every 00:16 beat - “I brought salvation, for all now”

Intro

I have a lot pain, to lay aside

v1: 0:23 Mama can you hear them? The children’s crying now, Begging, pleading - to feel your love right now

v2: 0:33 Abba can you hear them? They doubtin’ you’re living now, - But you told me (me) “I brought for salvation for all now”

chorus: It’s a hard pill to swallow, For many in pain to those who’re shallow That you have to wait For His timing will, not, fail 

“I brought salvation, for all now“

v3

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Lonely

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSzsb8cpIVk 

- i was fine before confessed  - what’s the point in pursuing something not stamped with God’s approval

v1: 00:34

(Male voice) “you know, you can always talk to me” that’s a lie, you’ll never fight for me though you said it, (overlap) from a place of psychoneurotic? but that’s still common, new loves a’bides by it

Bridge: 00:51  you know how i was good before you confessed (blends with pause in beat - 00:54) no night phone calls from niggas, cos were the best  (blends with pause in beat - 00:58) 

pre-chorus: 01:00 (spacing  hey, i can’t be round you my mind is bound to, to the promises you made, my babe from the free will that I gave you (high)-

Chorus: 01:24 I wish I never ever met, someone like you (low),  someone like you (high)# I wish I never ever met, my soulmate in you, no clue what i’ll do,    I wish I never ever met, someone like you (low),  someone like you (high)  I wish I never ever met, someone like you, as you let me down too, 

last line:  oh lonely (painful oh)

[learninglovesdefault]

[learninglovesdefault]

chorus - repeat same line in different vocal inflections