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noticing that for mono relationships you hear stuff like "they weren't right for each other" or "it just didn't work out" but for poly relationships it's always "this is why I could never do polyamory"

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die french

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Should go without saying but never date a cop and christ never marry one. Rule of thumb if he's legally untouchable he's ethically unfuckable. You don't like that cop, you like buff men in tight clothing. I can show you more of those, better ones. Take my hand.

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I read somewhere that director and actor Frank Galati did a stage adaptation of Pale Fire, but I’ve always wondered how the fuck he managed that. The answer, from Julie Jackson’s book The Spectacular Theatre of Frank Joseph Galati:

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bodies should have crash logs. why the fuck did that just happen.

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A brief moment of rationality from the bird place.

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Tumblr is not letting me answer this ask so here is my response:

For whatever reason (be it personal taste, trauma response or emotional numbness that is begging to be brought outside of itself), I find that I'm most able to relax and enjoy sex when I am playing along the edges of safety and consent. An emotionally intimate, tender vanilla encounter between equals skeeves me out and brings me no pleasure. Being handled roughly, told what to do, or having a person take control (with me having to do a minimum of speaking or guiding the action) makes it possible for me to quiet my near constant drive toward micromanagement and actually participate in an emotionally authentic way in sex. Paradoxical thought it might seem, it is only by being a useful, blank fuckdoll that I can actually feel safe and bonded to someone.

That said, I do take precautions. This guy that I hooked up with in the hotel bathroom, I'd been chatting with on Discord the majority of the week. We'd met in a hypnosis hookup server that vets identities and boots *actual* consent violators, and we had matched based on the compatibility of our personal ads. We held a hypnosis session remotely over Discord days before meeting, to establish a hypnotic rapport, install some triggers, and get to know one another. All of that had gone well.

During the logistical work of actually making the hookup happen (I was busy all weekend; he's on a trip with family), he consistently behaved in a way that put up green flags: he understood my time was finite, was patient when I couldn't respond quickly, shared personal information about himself, his wife, and his family in a candid way, as well as his polyamory, encouraged me to get the rest I needed rather than running over to his hotel when I had a spare moment, and generally showed me a lot of care.

These days, I find that how a person handles communication around scheduling the encounter is the best actual gauge of how respectful and safe they will be, and crucially, how much else they have going on for them in their life. A person who is low in urgency but high in consistency, who doesn't pressure me or show resentment, who seems comfortable in themselves and will be able to move on just fine if the hookup does not happen, and who knows that they themselves are a prize and appreciate me as a full human is someone that I'm going to find the most enjoyment being a mindless, limp fuckdoll for.

Gosh, and this dude was so sweet after the hookup was over, too. I was still hanging in his arms like a rag doll and he brought me up to his eye-level to give me a kiss on the forehead and tell me that I'd done a good job, and affirmed that he'd like to see me again and make me his, but that he isn't possessive and wants me to always go out and have fun. "Nothing lasts forever, but I enjoyed this very much and I think you're very special, and I hope that we can be in one another's lives for a long time," he said. So sweet, but without being overly familiar or intense too quickly. Green green green flags.

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“You think every citizen should have access to free and accessible healthcare?”

Wrong!!!

I think that Asylum seekers and Migrant workers and The Undocumented and Everyone Else should get free healthcare too

I love immigration

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thinking about how many people hate doing chores like laundry ironing etc (for themselves! unfairly being expected to take care of everyone else's things is something completely different) and how in attempts to fix the resulting issues (piles of gross stuff etc) it's just framed as another thing to feel bad about not doing, which is not very encouraging under any circumstances -- but if the reason why things keep piling up is something like depression or adhd will make it about 10x as hard, because you likely already feel bad about yourself. And now looking at the piles comes with a lecture about getting your shit together and being an adult at the back of your head.

It's just not effective. It's the wrong reason. You shouldn't be cleaning because you're afraid of being shamed or because you feel guilty. That might work once every few months in a burst of manic chore energy but that's no way to live. The reason why I don't find these things exhausting to do is because it's just things I do to make myself comfortable, and it feels that way. When I'm ironing my clothes I look forward to wearing clean cozy warm clothes. I'm also daydreaming about 20 other things because I do have adhd and I'm maybe listening to an audiobook, but the emotion associated with doing my own laundry is something like ...contentment because I get to decide how exactly I want my clothes to smell and feel. It's largely just a positive emotion. I think the trick is getting yourself to be happy you get to make future you happy. That's a sustainable motivation you don't need shame or guilt for.

Also sometimes it's easy to underestimate how much a "small" sensory issue is making things hard. I hate touching dirty laundry, especially things like wet dishrags. I realised this was what made me want to avoid doing that specific bag of laundry and got some gloves. Now it's fine because I don't have to touch any wet and questionable textures. A lot of these accomodations might feel like overkill + you might not notice how much they bother you/contribute to putting things off until you pay attention and do something about it. If you think the scent bothers you a lot wearing a mask to empty the bin might help remove revulsion re: emptying the bin and so make that easier to motivate yourself into doing just wear one. Yeah it is overkill and not needed. But you don't want to accumulate trash inside because the smell would make you uncomfortable. If the goal is to avoid discomfort you should also eliminate the discomfort of the chore itself insofar possible! If your hands hurt easily from scrubbing things clean see if you can find a more effective cleaning agent or a cheap electric brush. If the sound of the vacuum bothers you even just a little put on headphones. There is no need to make this into some kind of guiltstriken spartan ordeal or only prevent discomfort if it's absolutely necessary for the task.

Chores are going to be a part of your days probably your entire life. It can be a comfortable experience associated with feeling cared for by yourself, feeling in control of how you live, a moment of quiet simple tasks and no deadlines. It doesn't have to feel bad. And if you fail at keeping up you aren't lazy or bad. You're just probably making yourself uncomfortable, but that's not a sin. And you can always change what you do to accomodate your needs.

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She wraps the leash around her hand and pulls me up to her.

"you know, it's really amazing how easy it is to mistake you for a human. From a distance, I mean. Once you're up close *she pulls me closer* the illusion is shattered, and it's obvious what you really are."

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It is not possible to think your way out of an interpersonal conflict or ambiguous social situation. The information that you require in order to move forward dwells inside of another person, and you literally cannot figure that out yourself, no matter how good at perception, pattern matching, fawning, making up scenarios in your head, preparing, or minimizing your feelings you are.

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favourite rpg trope is the merchants in incredibly hostile environments. we are at the evil curse mountain and youre just selling me items normal style

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okay but if you ever see a male creative who had a string of great work and then everything else he did was dogshit, go to the "personal life" part of his wikipedia and look at his relationships. you'll either find a major tragedy he didn't recover from (completely understandable) or, more likely, there was a woman in his life doing uncredited shit editing his stuff or contributing generally and she's not there anymore.

I told a friend about this phenomenon in literature and he called me weeks later like, I remembered what you said about women doing uncredited work when tim burton came up. he made a string of bangers then everything else just was nowhere near as good. the timeline matches perfectly to when he was with this german visual artist (lena gieseke). he's done some good work in collaboration, but if things were dug into I suspect we would find she did a lot more than people realise.

so yeah whenever you look around like wow women didn't work in history, or, women aren't auteurs, or, there just aren't as many great female writers - societal reasons for that aside, half the time they absolutely did.

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I think it's a sign of good media when you have to reread or rewatch it to get the full experience. First time is for getting your brain blasted by the story and being confused second time is for knowing who's who and what's what and willingly getting your brain blasted again.

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