leedrawsart - Tumblr blog

[leedrawsart]

BPD godzilla

BPD Godzilla I love you ur so cool

[leedrawsart]

BPD godzilla

Save me BPD Godzilla. Save me. BPD Godzilla. Rescue me. And my life is yours.

[leedrawsart]

I hate being dizzy with anger

[leedrawsart]

vent but idk maybe less intense idfk

Tw: swearing, mentions of sa/csa, etc

the worst part of having ur BPD triggered everyday is the constant burning feeling in ur skin. I hate it. Cilahax is a fucking rapist and yet I keep finding her everywhere. Apparently she’s even trying to rebuild her Twitter following after !! LITERALLY RAPING SOMEONE!!!!!! The world is fucked and if it ends it’s her fault. She’s pure evil. A disgusting human. Hell, I’m not even sure how she found my posts when I blocked her before making any of them. Stalker bitch.

my worst nightmare is seeing her in person again. Cause I’m not sure if I’ll be able to give her a mean right hook without her telling me she “actually likes that” like she did the last time I slapped her ugly face in middle school. I can’t get her evil and disturbing smile out of my face it literally sends chills up my spine and makes me want to die. And she keeps acting all innocent too. I recently saw her message as she left a discord server I didn’t know I shared with her and. God it just ignigjted my anger again. She doesn’t even deserve art school. Her art sucks ass, she can’t spell for the life of her, and her good grades are false. My gf literally caught her cheating in class and she still got away with it.

How tf was she able to graduate at all. She should be dead in a fucking ditch not living her best life. She fills me up with SO MUCH RAGE that I literally have to simplify her irl name down to a single letter so I don’t trigger myself over and over and over again in a single fucking day.

she doesn’t care about SA victims. If she did, she wouldn’t have raped my fucking girlfriend. God when will she just die already. I hate being this mad it literally hurts.

[leedrawsart]

fun fact

Did you know that even if a rapist says sorry they should die?

this has been fun facts with Lee.

[leedrawsart]

thanks @sludge-wizard for this idea

[leedrawsart]

happy pride month to him

[leedrawsart]

bpd vent go away lmao

tw for internalized ableism n stuff

I keep reading posts from people who claim that those with BPD are unlovable, manipulative, cheating, abusers who only want to lie and destroy. It’s really distressing especially since I keep trying to redirect myself to more positive and actually helpful/informative posts, websites, and materials that could help me understand my condition more + figure out how to keep myself under control better. But my mind is just magnetized to this constant stream of negativity. I have to physically stop myself from constantly reading that shit, especially since I got myself so worked up I genuinely thought of breaking up with my gf just to save her from this “monster” I would eventually become. I don’t want to turn abusive, or break things, or split, or hurt people. I don’t.

[leedrawsart]

my wife,,,,

I miss her

my wife,,,,,I will make room for my wife,,,,,, I need kiss

wife,,,,,,

I love hearing her breathe as she sleeps, it calms me - I worry less when I know she’s breathing. It feels like she’s right next to me, her head nestled gently into my pillow. Her long, curly, hair shimmering in the artificial light of the street that seeps through my blinds.

this is what I imagine when I hear her breathe, hope. Hope for a better future, hope for a life well lived. A life where we leave all this bullshit behind and just… thrive.

That’s what her breath is to me, life. Just hearing it fills me with a warmth almost comparable to being actually next to her. I want to hold her hands and kiss her forehead, as I hold her gently and drift off to sleep with her. I want to protect her. I will protect her.

[leedrawsart]

art is my passion

[leedrawsart]

Is the rescue journal supposed to publicize the current captain’s diary or was that just some unfortunate accident and now the entire rescue corps are going around quoting an Inspirational Saying the rookie read in Shepherd’s diary while Shepherd herself is like

[leedrawsart]

A kind of subset of self-regulation skills (which I posted about yesterday) is frustration tolerance. It’s another popular recommendation for ND kids that *sounds* like a very worthwhile goal. If your kid is frustrated and acting out all the time, getting them to tolerate frustration better sure seems like it would solve a lot of problems.

Here’s the thing about that: you don’t get better at feeling frustrated by spending more time being frustrated. You just get more fucking frustrated. And just like with the attempts to “teach” self-regulation skills, all you’re gonna get is someone who gets better at *pretending* not to be frustrated OR someone who lashes out more because you won’t stop frustrating the shit out of them.

Being “easily frustrated” is a problem, yes. But what you’re really looking for isn’t frustration tolerance, it’s frustration *management.* And that is a team effort, not solely the responsibility of the person who’s always feeling frustrated.

[leedrawsart]

vent vent vent

You know the drill by now

I can never escape that abuser. Every social media. Every activity. I feel sick.

[leedrawsart]

oh-em-gee a vent? Such a surprise /sarc

TW for SH

I hate the feeling of anxiety in my chest. It’s constant. Every day. I hate the feeling of my throat closing up from stress and the buildup of salty tears in my eyes. I hate crying. It always burns.

I wish I still had my bl@des. It would make everything to do with c¡lahax a lot easier. Everytime i publically talk about the shit she did, I get paranoid that someone is stalking me. I even blocked her and her s/o hours before the DNI post and yet I’m still paranoid about it.

welcome to anxiety I guess.

[leedrawsart]

possible glitch???

I was paranoid that *certain* people I didn’t want viewing my content were somehow viewing it even after being blocked (bigots, bullies, etc), so I went on an alt to check. And somehow I was able to check the links?

if you’re one of those people I don’t want viewing my content, please go tf away <3

I have you blocked for a reason. Stop harassing me.

[leedrawsart]

possible glitch???

I was paranoid that *certain* people I didn’t want viewing my content were somehow viewing it even after being blocked (bigots, bullies, etc), so I went on an alt to check. And somehow I was able to check the links?

if you’re one of those people I don’t want viewing my content, please go tf away <3

I have you blocked for a reason. Stop harassing me.

[leedrawsart]

it's first Moss Monday of pride month!