leefall

[leefall]

idk if you'll ever see this, but i just want you to know that i love your writing. you capture your muses so beautifully & you're so flexible with both prose and poetry (tbh i LIVED for gaeul and bom). i hope that you're doing okay & you're still writing (even if it's not here!) best wishes!! <3

thank you, i honestly really miss this blog/muse and that’s probably why i keep coming back once in a while lol (even though i’m probably not really going to do anything about it bc no one’s here anymore) & same, they were the biggest reason why i could keep going with this muse for so long!! thanks for the message and best of luck to you too.

[leefall]

✨🌒✨You are made of stardust and galaxies and I love you. When you get this, please pass this along to your ten favourite people on this website. 💫🌔🌟

💖🙏🏻

[leefall]

You’ll never walk alone

thank you ??

[leefall]

( * ok bros i’m mostly @whitelai cos i aint feelin gaeul too much rn. so feel free to hmu there !!!

[leefall]

@leefall

dear gaeul,

you’re all the best things anyone could ever hope for in a sibling. as you know (and have experienced - in the worst ways possible), i’ve always found it difficult to evoke my emotions, and how grateful i am for being blessed to have you as my brother and my best friend. the words ‘thank you’ will never be enough to express my gratitude, but with my limited, monolingual vocabulary that i have, all i can say is thank you. thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me in the past 18 years, thank you for being my beacon of light and helping me in all the ways imaginable, thank you for dealing with me, thank you for loving me. your unconditional love means more to me than anything i’ll ever be able to write down.

i wish you the merriest of christmases.

with love,

lee yeoreum. ♡

p.s. please don’t scold me later for buying you an expensive gift. i’ve been saving up for years because i wanted to get you something special once i became an adult. 

[leefall]

@consilian | replying to this!

with gaeul, things are slow. his action, even as of now, mustering up an answer for sieun–––is at pace with his own pensive thoughts. he’s comfortable talking to her about senseless notions transposed to words, because he feels like she listens. perhaps, anyone can listen, but only a few can keep him comfortable in such conversations with draft as soft as a springtime’s clime.

“it feels like the reality’s been too hard, but i don’t intend to speak for the world.” he passes an airy smile before slouching in his seat, just enough to keep himself within the mannerly realm. momentary lulls also feel untroubled, and gaeul looks out window to gaze at random passerby. the outstart of his life has been at grit, and gaeul doesn’t know where to start when she asks him what he’s dreaming about. he does not want to rhapsodize anything by saying he dreams, when in actuality he simply wishes for things to be at rest.

“actually–––the word dream is too far-fetched on my end. i wish for things to tone down a bit, so i have some room to breathe. just sometimes, not all the time.” he rues gingerly, his tone cursory as he’d talk about some mundane event he had earlier in his day. yet, his words hold the most of him, tinge of sorrow ephemerally clouding his gaze before drifting away. “do you think that’s too much to ask? because maybe this is the norm, and i’m the clueless one in reverie.”

[leefall]

nearly half of my blog is posts for, or relating to your muse. 🐥

& i love you : )

[leefall]

hurt meme.

“ i got you. it’s gonna be okay, you’re going to be okay.”

“i feel like everyone’s miles away from me.”

“my mind is a dark place. you don’t want to be there.”

“i know this hurts, but you have to stay awake.”

“don’t close your eyes, please don’t close your eyes!”

“i just want to be numb, i don’t want to feel anything.”

“please don’t do this, don’t act like you care.”

“you don’t care, nobody cares, just leave.”

“you’re my friend, of course i fucking care.”

“i can’t give up on you, so please don’t give up on yourself.”

“i love you so much, i forgot what hating myself felt like.”

“i fucked up, why do you not care?”

“i can’t walk, just go on without me.”

“you have broken ribs, take it easy.”

“i have no idea how to do cpr.”

“whose blood is that?”

“apply pressure to the wound, don’t let go.”

“don’t you dare fucking let go!” 

“what the hell happened to you?” 

“are they dead? did you kill them?” 

“do you know what you’ve done?” 

“you’re either with me or against me.” 

“who the hell did this to you?” 

“are you alright? you hit your head pretty hard…” 

“i can’t see!! what’s happening to me?” 

“when was the last time you ate?” 

“what do you mean you’re fine? you are not fine!” 

 “i’m fine, it’s just a flesh wound, i’ll be okay.” 

“for how long? how long were you bottling this up?" 

“there’s so much blood, you won’t last.” 

“are you… throwing up in there?” 

“why aren’t you eating?” 

“just breathe… you’re okay, i promise, just breathe.” 

“i can’t breathe, i can’t –” 

"i woke up, & you were gone.” 

“just tell me something, was it really worth it?” 

"it’s okay to hurt & breakdown. you don’t have to be strong all the time.”

[leefall]

all texts !!

text memes: open !

send “✆” for a morning text.

( kkt // 이가을 ) oppa( kkt // 이가을 ) i have an errand to run this morning so i won’t be able to eat with you( kkt // 이가을 ) i hope you had sweet dreams( kkt // 이가을 ) breakfast is waiting for you when you wake up

Keep reading

[leefall]

11.20.2002 | @audreum

“he looks just like his own damn father, a good-for-nothing pretty-boy.”

it’s a stranger who spews malign words while trailing past, leaving the boy in cold feet. seven years of age isn’t enough to fully conceive what’s said verbally, but enough to descry the dimmest blue in one’s eyes, of enmity and veiled sorrows.

but i thought you were my dad.

his hunch creeps from the lowest part of his stomach, soon turning into fear that seeps through his chest. it prevents those words from spilling, inquiring, and validating what this means to him, to them.

honey––––please. his mother hushes the man in her distress, and he sets down the luggage before tossing a black look at the boy still hovering by the doorway. gaeul recollects his mother’s words, the words which he’s been holding onto ever since they were spoken. ‘your dad’s somewhere far away right now—but he’ll come back when you’re older, sweetheart.’

the man plods past gaeul once again, whispering in the lowest voice before slamming the door behind him. “you’re not my son–––nor will you ever be.” and that line, as if a ticker, douses the boy in an unfathomable dysphoria. gaeul blinks with eyes now deep with blue-gray, duskier than the dimmest of the blues.

right when the waters of melancholia laps up to his ankles, he looks up. he sees her, and pulls a sleeve down to his hands to uncloud his sight. he does it to take a better look at a figure much smaller than he is, as she croons with the chastest smile that momentarily erases his blues.

“hey,” gaeul lulls softly as he walks over, crouching down to meet her eyes. “what are you so happy about?” then, when she simpers in response, her glow lifts his beryl spirits to a warm viridian. 

“your smile makes me happy, too. mom said you’re my little sister–––yeoreum, right? you can call me gaeul.”

the boy finds his summer in the coldest week of autumn.

fin: 소년의 비애, 소년의 여름.

[leefall]

for: @leefall & @janbyul

Keep reading

[leefall]

all the texts!

text memes : closed 

— Send “✆” for a MORNING text. 

[ kkt: 여름이 ] reum did you already catch the bus?[ kkt: 여름이 ] you left your coffee by the counter top[ kkt: 여름이 ] i can run out with it if you’re still walking to the station[ kkt: 여름이 ] ???[ kkt: 여름이 ] hello[ kkt: 여름이 ] you there

— Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT. 

[ kkt: 여름이 ] my signal is failing[ kkt: 여름이 ] i’ll call you in a few minutes when i’m off the subway

— Send “☎” for a RUSHED text. 

[ kkt: 여름이 ] please tell me you’re almost home[ kkt: 여름이 ] i wanted to pet this cat outside and the wind closed the door on me[ kkt: 여름이 ] so i’m locked out of the apartment[ kkt: 여름이 ] it’s so cold[ kkt: 여름이 ] emoticon

— Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text.

[ kkt: 여름이 ] i’m in myr oom[ kkt: 여름이 ] what dyou mean im’ not there?[ kkt: 여름이 ] thenw erhe am i [ kkt: 여름이 ] THERS SOMEONE ON YM BED[ kkt: 여름이 ] i dont knwo who this is[ kkt: 여름이 ] ??/??)

— Send “✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text. 

[ kkt: 여름이 ] i’m not gonna be home tonight[ kkt: 여름이 ] and no it’s not that

— Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text.

[ kkt: 여름이 ] i hear you laughing[ kkt: 여름이 ] it’s 3am[ kkt: 여름이 ] go to sleep right now

— Send “✘” for a HATEFUL text.

[ kkt: 여름이 ] did you really forget[ kkt: 여름이 ] wow[ kkt: 여름이 ] wow[ kkt: 여름이 ] it’s fine[ kkt: 여름이 ] i guess i’ll watch the movie alone[ kkt: 여름이 ] and no i won’t tell you which aisle i’m at[ kkt: 여름이 ] emoticon

— Send “#” for a RANDOM text.

[ kkt: 여름이 ] this girl looked exactly like you from the back[ kkt: 여름이 ] so i ran to her and poked her side[ kkt: 여름이 ] and guess what[ kkt: 여름이 ] i got called all the names i haven’t been called since highschool[ kkt: 여름이 ] i’m walking away from the station because i’m too embarrassed[ kkt: 여름이 ] so call me when you’re here and i’ll come out okay

— Send “@” for a SCARED text.

[ kkt: 여름이 ] this girl recognized me from the site[ kkt: 여름이 ] and asked me where i live[ kkt: 여름이 ] who asks that kinda stuff on their first meeting[ kkt: 여름이 ] i think she’s following me out the cafe[ kkt: 여름이 ] i’m getting freaked out

— Send “&” for a LOVING text.

[ kkt: 여름이 ] 💖

— Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.

[ kkt: 여름이 ] reum[ kkt: 여름이 ] i won’t get mad so tell me[ kkt: 여름이 ] did you drop my toothbrush in the toilet?

— Send “ツ” for an EXCITED text.

[ kkt: 여름이 ] hey remember that girl i met in middle school?[ kkt: 여름이 ] the one you called piggy[ kkt: 여름이 ] well you called every girl piggy but[ kkt: 여름이 ] i met her by chance and we’re grabbing dinner right now[ kkt: 여름이 ] what a coincidence, right??

— Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text.

[ kkt: 여름이 ] what the fuck[ kkt: 여름이 ] imean[ kkt: 여름이 ] what the heck*[ kkt: 여름이 ] sorry didn’t mean to use profanity on you

— Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text. 

[ kkt: 여름이 ] you’re always before anyone else, you know that right?[ kkt: 여름이 ] and don’t think i’d ever change because of anything[ kkt: 여름이 ] i won’t make the same mistake twice[ kkt: 여름이 ] i promise[ kkt: 여름이 ] i won’t make you cry like that again.

[leefall]

[leefall]

circa: 2008

3, 2, 1—

wait! daddy, where’s oppa?

her father’s expression hardens, and she finds his response in the lapse of silence that passes.  

( he doesn’t belong here, he doesn’t belong with us. )

where is oppa? we need him here. ( i need him here. )

we’ll take a family portrait with him next time, sweetheart. yeoreum’s merely seven and far young to identify the sound of adults lying, but she can see it. she sees it all: the way her father speaks through gritted teeth and tight lips, the shame colouring her mother’s cheeks. yeoreum knows, she always does. there’s not going to be a next time.

she wants to cry, but it’s never safe to cry where her brother isn’t, where her brother can’t hold all her little pieces together.

the next fifteen minutes blur into an endless cycle of shutters snapping, being told by photographers to spell out happiness with forced smiles while sitting, standing up, sitting down again, standing up again, and countless memories of what her father calls their home are frozen forever in time.

( but this isn’t her home; her home doesn’t exist without lee gaeul. )

on the car ride home, she counts down the seconds it’ll take for her to get home with her fingers until she’s streaming down the hallway to their shared bedroom, until she sees him, until she hears his laugh, until she is. for the first time today, she hears what the truth sounds like:

home is gaeul, gaeul, gaeul.

@leefall

[leefall]

[leefall]

“I’m holding your hand because the movie is scary, alright? It’s a… Terrifying… Rom-com… ….. .”

[ 봄: ]  petals, of a sudden in disarray, florets, windswept — perhaps there hasn’t been any other instance when she has been utterly baffled on what to feel, whether the urge to laugh at how childishly silly he seems, or to burst from fondness for bearing witness to a remark so evergreen it is overwhelmingly endearing to withstand. the film — which she hasn’t been paying much mind, regardless — moves further out of her focus, in its stead gaeul’s soft, comforting features; his eyes gleam amidst the dim light of the television screen, and she hopes this sliver doesn’t expose her own crimson cheeks.

“ yeah, romance is just terrifying. ”  she lets out a giggle, which is soon replaced by a slow, pensive nod.  “ i’d be lying if i said that i wasn’t scared, too — but we don’t have to feel so afraid ”  — she unfurls her fingers, intertwining them with his own, and gives his hand a soft squeeze —  “ we’re here for each other. and you can hold my hand as much as you like, regardless if it’s throughout a scary movie, a bad dream, or real life. ”

[leefall]

[text] This is upsetting my poop. ((HAHAHA. ALSO I MISSED YOU))

* strange sentence starters : open

[ kkt: hyejung ] you can’t control your bowel movement unless you control your anger!!