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Grand Champion, Breed Winner Regional, National Winner Princess Donut the Queen Anne Chonk

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Item: apparatus allowing a horse to fire a gun

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TIL that the reason lead levels in children’s blood have dropped 85% in the past thirty years is because of an unknown scientist who fought car companies to end leaded gasoline. He also removed it from paint, suggested its removal from pipes, and campaigned for the removal of lead solder from cans.

via ift.tt

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small things

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Sometimes a family is a man running around in his boxers, his cat, his cat's pet dinosaur, a sentry turret, the sentry turret's lisa-frank tiger boyfriend, a pharmacist bird that's rarely a bird, a sex doll head possessed by a god, a sexy old lady, a formerly vegan vampire, the vampire's goat son, a scary butterfly, a rock, a bunch of other rocks, a shapeshifting prostitute, her fiance, her fiance's bff, literal crocodile dundee, a bunch of disabled children, a handful of non-disabled children, a sexy fish, the sexy fish's tattoos, a non-sexy fish, mrs. conan the barbarian, a literal demon, her kung fu brother, their friend who's just some guy, a metal crab, and a galactic superstar crab with a horrifically great rack.

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Princess Donut origin story

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Carl is so... He's just some guy. He's the messiah. He's a war criminal. He's hope personified. He has killed babies. He's a cultist. He's a cishet ally but everyone thinks he's bisexual. He has daddy issues. He has PTSD. He's straight but he has a boyfriend. He really loves his friends. He has a mental illness. He loves his cat more than anyone and anything else in the world. He's an anarchist. He is slowly going insane. He's a fan favourite crawler. He's a mass murderer. The AI is in love with him. He makes inspirational speeches. He monologues. He's anti-establishment. He's traumatised. He pulls a lot of bitches but doesn't pay attention to them. He sees his friends as his family. He's street smart. He has gotten hit by a train.

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I love that Dungeon Crawler Carl is fairly new and I'm here for the start.

I've shared lots of quotes from it on here and every now and then I'll get tumblr notifications like:

The person liked your DCC post

The same person liked your DCC post

That same person even reblogged your post

And they added their own tags

And it's just like, "oh, I can see another person has fallen down the rabbit hole and has started search for DCC on tumblr."

Welcome to the world dungeon, crawlers!!!

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Dungeon Crawler Carl & You

*taps microphone*

Okay, so I've been going off about Dungeon Crawler Carl for months now and I do not see it stopping at any point, so let's see if I can entice one or two of you to join in my madness.

DCC is Lit RPG and written like a video game come to life, from the point of view of the contestants trapped within the game. There are levels to conquer and loot boxes and quests and an AI running things that has a very tenuous hold on stability to begin with and doesn't keep it for very long.

Carl is just... a guy. He's just a guy with a traumatic backstory that he's squished deep down inside himself because he doesn't like drama and he thinks he's doing just fine because it's done, you know? It's in the past, can't change it, can't hurt him anymore.

(It can hurt him. It does hurt him.)

The world as we know it is destroyed in a split second, Carl surviving by mere happenstance and the only reason he goes into the dungeon is that he will literally freeze to death otherwise. At no point is this guy searching for glory or thinking he's a savior, he's just trying to survive another day. That Carl happens to have his ex-girlfriend's prize-winning tortie Persian cat with him is a coincidence - and it turns out to be his major lifeline in the entire series. Princess Donut is his partner in crime, his bestie for life and if he ever loses her, he will lose everything. Goodbye to the last vestiges of his sanity.

The first couple levels are pretty contained, Carl & Donut learning the ropes and how to survive every encounter with increasingly powerful enemies who want nothing more than to see them dead, the eyes of the universe and the corporations running the shitshow ever focusing on them and trying to eke out as much profit as possible at the same time.

Then they meet other survivors - both good and misled - and the beauty of humanity comes out, the sacrifices they are willing to make for one another, the knowledge that they aren't likely to survive, but they make the right choices anyway because dying might be bad, but letting each other down is worse.

The secondary characters grow in complexity with every level. Where it was once just Carl & Donut, it becomes dozens of characters, from all over the world, all of them gifted in their own way, all of them fighting as best they can, some of them betrayed, some of them dying, some of them choosing to go out on their own terms. Men and women and animal alike, they are individual and committed to the greater good.

Matt Dinniman has written a series that takes an emotional toll on its readers: pain, loss, horror, humor, desperation, walking through life with an unrelenting grief. There are dick jokes and drug-dealing, lava-spitting llamas and riffs on Wonderwall and lines like: Trauma does that, I thought. It's an explosion with your heart at the center. It changes everything all at once.

Also, there are velociraptors.

And a decapitated, talking sex doll head that wants to kill everyone's mothers.

It's a LOT of stuff going on, all right?

And just as you think the story can't get any better, enter Jeff Hays. Our audiobook narrator, our man of a hundred distinct voices. Good god, he's phenomenal. I've listened to so many books and while there are some very talented narrators out there, Jeff Hays leaves them in the motherfucking dust. I honest to god thought he was using an app to manipulate his voice for different characters until I saw him narrating in real time and I was utterly blown away by his talent.

The combination of this story by Matt Dinniman and narration by Jeff Hays has me going back, time and time again. I recommend the experience wholeheartedly and hope you'll give it a chance.

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A Vulcan named Stork works at the Terran adoption agency. Parents always request that he be the one to deliver their child to them.

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I’m reading on old superstitions and: “Do not go out collecting nuts on Sept 14th, holy Rood Day, as the devil will be out nutting too!” September 14th: the day the Devil nuts

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yearly reminder that Dali was a proud fascist and all of his fellow Dadaists fucking hated his guts

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Happy unearthday, Sue!

Solid life advice from Sue the T. Rex.

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it’s still hot out. time to romanticize the bleak mid-winter