legendsofthepickle

[legendsofthepickle]

Today I saw a pic of a baby cowbird next 2 its nest "parent" and it was so much bigger!!!!! Which is the sort of thing that gets normal people upset about the injustice of nest parasitism but makes *me* worry if baby cowbirds get bird dysmorphia

[legendsofthepickle]

remmick

[legendsofthepickle]

The phrase “due process” has been coming up a lot in the news lately, and it seems like way too many people somehow don’t know what it means

I’ve heard people say that only US citizens are entitled to due process. I’ve heard people say that you don’t deserve due process if you’ve broken the law. If you’re in the country illegally, if you’re a member of a gang, if you’ve committed a violent crime. The problem with putting any condition on due process is that

“due process” is just the process of finding stuff out.

Due process is finding out what your name is, your citizenship/legal status, your gang membership, your criminal history. Due process is finding out whether you’ve committed a crime, based on what evidence and defense is presented to a court. (I do believe due process also includes fair sentencing, ie after it’s determined that you have committed a crime, then there’s a process to determine what your punishment should be; but this rant is about the “finding out” part)

If we grant that any particular category of people isn’t entitled to due process in the US, how do we find out whether someone belongs to that category without first applying due process? without due process, police can just point at anyone they want and say “they’re a gang member, arrest them,” and then never check whether they are in fact a gang member.

due process is not some privilege reserved for respectable law-abiding US citizens. due process is how we find out who you are and what you’ve done, instead of just going by “trust me bro.” without due process, there’s nothing to stop you - the person reading this - from being deported on a whim without ever getting a chance to say “but I’m not a criminal”

[legendsofthepickle]

people are sooooo judgemental when a thing that was pretending to be human peels off its face revealing itself to be some sort of creature or perhaps machine

[legendsofthepickle]

Everyone knows that there are two ways to get into media these days:

1. A tumblr mutuals indoctrination

2. Blorbo from my other shows was there

[legendsofthepickle]

our new job launched its mandatory ai transcription program designed to streamline our workflow and not only does it melt down the moment it has to transcribe non-white customers but it keeps hallucinating the existence of a mysterious boy named dorian who shows up in every third call summary

[legendsofthepickle]

i don’t know how to explain to you people that no matter what a country’s government is like i do not and will not support the US indiscriminately bombing that country’s civilians and i don’t know why that’s a controversial take tbh

[legendsofthepickle]

haha thats so funny [face gets gravely serious] but were you not a staunch and trusted ally i would have you executed for such a joke

[legendsofthepickle]

sometimes you reblog something because you personally want it on your blog. and some other times you reblog something as if you were scattering bird feed on ur porch and hiding behind the window to look out for the beautiful bird (beloved mutual) who will no doubt come peck at it

[legendsofthepickle]

Hooray! Yay! Dykes!

[legendsofthepickle]

so i wore a pride flag pin to work the other day and the kids were all interested (obviously) (find me a classroom of preschoolers who are not obsessed with rainbows) (i'll wait) so they crowded around to see.

"aww!" they said, "it's a flag!!"

but the thing is: they're little. a lot of them don't really have a handle on all their mouth sounds yet.

such as, notably, that tricky tricky "L" sound.

[legendsofthepickle]

Get yourself a fabric store that will light your fabric on fire for you

No but legit I asked what the fiber content of something was and the guy didn’t know so he cut a chunk off and lit it on fire and felt the ashes and was like. Yeah this is mostly cotton with a lil bit of silk. And that was the moment I knew. This is it. This is the fabric store for me. Also that guy is marriage material. Not for me but damn some person is gonna be so happy with him.

[legendsofthepickle]

[legendsofthepickle]

Bill Braun creates paintings that look like construction paper!

[legendsofthepickle]

[legendsofthepickle]

I think I may never be sad ever again. There is a statue entitled "Farewell to Orpheus" on my college campus. It's been there since 1968, created by a Prof. Frederic Littman that use to work at the university. It sits in the middle of a fountain, and the fountain is often full of litter. I have taken it upon myself to clean the litter out when I see it (the skimmers only come by once a week at max). But because of my style of dress, this means that bystanders see a twenty-something on their hands and knees at the edge of the fountain, sleeves rolled up, trying not to splash dirty water on their slacks while their briefcase and suit coat sit nearby. This is fine, usually. But today was Saturday Market, which means the twenty or so people in the area suddenly became hundreds. So, obviously, somebody stopped to ask what I was doing. "This," I gestured at the statue, "is Eurydice. She was the wife of Orpheus, the greatest storyteller in Greece. And this litter is disrespectful." Then, on a whim, I squinted up at them. "Do you know the story of Orpheus and Eurydice?" "No," they replied, shifting slightly to sit.

"Would you like to?"

"Sure!"

So I told them. I told them the story as I know it- and I've had a bit of practice. Orpheus, child of a wishing star, favorite of the messenger god, who had a hard-working, wonderful wife, Eurydice; his harp that could lull beasts to passivity, coax song from nymphs, and move mountains before him; and the men who, while he dreamed and composed, came to steal Eurydice away. I told of how she ran, and the water splashed up on my clothes. But I didn't care. I told of how the adder in the field bit her heel, and she died. I told of the Underworld- how Orpheus charmed the riverman, pacified Cerberus with a lullaby, and melted the hearts of the wise judges. I laughed as I remarked how lucky he was that it was winter- for Persephone was moved by his song where Hades was not. She convinced Hades to let Orpheus prove he was worthy of taking Eurydice. I tugged my coat back on, and said how Orpheus had to play and sing all the way out of the Underworld, without ever looking back to see if his beloved wife followed. And I told how, when he stopped for breath, he thought he heard her stumble and fall, and turned to help her up- but it was too late. I told the story four times after that, to four different groups, each larger than the last. And I must have cast a glance at the statue, something that said "I'm sorry, I miss you--" because when I finished my second to last retelling, a young boy piped up, perhaps seven or eight, and asked me a question that has made my day, and potentially my life: "Are you Orpheus?" I told the tale of the grieving bard so well, so convincingly, that in the eyes of a child I was telling not a story, but a memory. And while I laughed in the moment, with everyone else, I wept with gratitude and joy when I came home. This is more than I deserve, and I think I may never be sad again.

Here is the aforementioned statue, by the way.

[legendsofthepickle]

Consider:

Victorian England: 1837-1901

American Old West: 1803-1912

Meiji Restoration: 1868-1912

French privateering in the Gulf of Mexico: ended circa 1830

Conclusion: an adventuring party consisting of a Victorian gentleman thief, an Old West gunslinger, a disgraced former samurai, and an elderly French pirate is actually 100% historically plausible.