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Oh I know the plants are angry with me

I eat them as a power move, they will soon learn the meaning of true fear

One absolutely hilarious part of human existence is the repeated incidents of spicy bananas. People who have lived their entire lives up to this point just assuming that a specific fruit or vegetable is supposed to taste bitter, tangy, or spicy, having no fucking idea that all this time, they've been allergic to this plant. Because how would they have known? You learn what things taste like by tasting them, nobody's going to tell you that bananas are supposed to be one of the mildest flavours out there. And people already eat so many things that taste hot, bitter, tangy and tart! Because they like how that kind of thing tastes like!

You can just happily much on a plant, thinking "ah, this angry plant tastes sharp because it hates me. Much like all the other sharp angry plants that people eat because they like the sharp", and it wouldn't cross their mind to think that the plant just hates you, specifically.

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In the Afterlife, where I feel like I belong

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Cause who fuckin needs sleep

When u do a dumb and have to write a minimum of 5,000 words in like 3 days

Anyway hi I'm getting back into the Grishaverse because that still owns my ass, it's 4am now and I should sleep but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Oops, there I go again, making car noises

Broom Broom, bitch

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Sometimes it sucks to be in love with someone.

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Sometimes I wonder why I'm such a sack of shit.

It's fucking confusing.

It sucks.

Gonna go lay in my grave now.

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Sometimes I put too much expectation on people when they have their own shit going on, and then I make myself incredibly

Sad.

If I could just fucking function normally this wouldn't be a problem

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Last

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yall ever make car noises for no reason

i do and its a problem

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H.

the group chat is so fucking funny

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now i monch garlic bread which thankfully did not get pissed on

however, the bag it came from did, fucking loser

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dont ever piss in a bag, they fucking leak

bags need to be piss proof

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its 4 am, i need a sleep schedule

psst, whats a sleep schedule

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fucking. Odin. not the mythical god, no, my big dumb idiot who will now forever define himself as a 2/3 full kind of guy

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And there it is, the truth of America.

do u guys understand how creepy the pledge of allegiance is though like every day when ur a kid everybody just chants how great america is every morning it’s creepy

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This. This is why infancy is my favorite stage of human life. They're so DUMB n FUNNY

infants are so goddamn funny. i was holding my niece today and i just told her “i diagnose you with baby” and she stared at me with the absolute widest eyes like i’d just told her the secret to life itself so i nodded and went “it’s true! you’re just baby” and she stopped for a few seconds, then absolutely YELLED her little head off, very seriously informed me, “ABABABABABAAAAA” and faceplanted into my shoulder, where she promptly began to try to eat my shirt

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