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At long last, Conrad gets a bio!

Conrad is the co-host for the morning announcements at Saint Cassian’s (alongside @kingcho’s Enid Crossings) and the semi-host of a low-budget community radio station. His voice is literally inescapable, hence being designated the “loudest boy in town.” Despite his stereotypical “bully jock from an 80s teen movie” look and weird local celebrity status, Conrad is never mean on purpose, but he’s not exactly attuned to the feelings of others, and frequently runs his mouth and says the worst possible thing for a given situation. His concept is loosely inspired by a niche genre of campy 1950s and 60s novelty songs about lovable teens dying in horrendous car crashes. Practically joined at the hip with @kingcho’s finest loser, Enid Crossings. Bonus info: he has four brain cells on the best of days, seems to drive that terribly on purpose, he’s a massive ham, his sense of self crumbles without an “audience,” he has canonically violated the Geneva convention, and word around the school says that he and Enid are more than just friends.

(Psst! For more info, check out his Karnak-style intro spiel with stage directions below the cut. If you still need more, follow his tag here on my blog, or ask me directly if you want!)

“Conrad Curtis. Born August 5th. Leo…evidently. Favorite ride: the plate-breaking game.

Born into a long-running small-town-celebrity tradition, Conrad inherited a ‘poster boy’ spot on Uranium’s very own community radio station, 104.5. With a pair of enthusiastically supportive parents, a spot on what could charitably be called the Saint Cassian’s baseball team, and excessive peer adulation, Conrad has never known anything short of praise and smooth sailing…with the sole exception of the day he learned that he had only been raised Catholic so that he could eventually become ex-Catholic, as all his forefathers had been.”

[A random cardboard cutout of the Pope appears from behind part of a broken carnival game. CONRAD throws a fastball at it, knocking it down.]

“In perhaps his first introduction to a regular human with a regular life, he befriended Enid Crossings during their tenure in a school production of Bye Bye Birdie. Enid ran tech backstage. Conrad played…”

[CONRAD performs an abhorrent, Elvis-esque hip swivel.]

“…himself. Despite the fact that Enid had caused his father’s infertility due to grievous testicular trauma during Field Day games only a few years prior— don’t act that part out, please— the two quickly became inseparable, operating as the school’s morning announcers.

Hotshot. Golden boy. Voice of the North. Uranium’s radiant son.

Conrad Curtis. The loudest boy in town.”

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When your vault gose to hell so you leave and team up with quite literally the first guy you meet in the wastelands

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Yeah you're right. It WOULD be pretty fucked up if you were a swan but you were raised by ducks and you grew up never seeing another swan or even knowing that such a thing as a swan even existed so you just thought you were a duck with something super wrong with it.

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Oh she thinks she’s the plusherrrrr

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hold on. Was suck him good and hard through his jorts supposed to conjour the image of someone who has an unzipped fly because this entire time I've been imagining someone slurping on wet denim

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this is what its like being autistic on tumblr

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Lard

Change a single letter and change the word game

I want to play a game with you all.

You have to make a new word by changing only one letter of the last word.

Dirt

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Congratulations!

You reached the bedrock after u scrolled ur feed so deep.

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Demonstrating some wushu skills

[eng by me]

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Dungeon pattern kimono and subway map patterned obi, by Gofukuyasan