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i do still talk like a middle school boy circa 2012 and things are either gay or swag to me

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should i eat first or shower first *has phone in couch time for another 3 hours due to choice procrastination, a behavioral phenomenon observed in pigeons and rats as well*

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there’s this extremely kind soul of a woman on instagram that makes accessible recipes that don’t require standing, chopping, or a stove and she might just have a permanent place in my heart

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i love it when people trap the warden in minecraft by making a moving piston that makes noise so the warden just quietly stares at it. ipad baby

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we need to invent a spray tan-style treatment but instead of spraying you with tanning stuff it sprays you with heavy duty spf. and it lasts a few weeks so that way you can just get your spf spray a few times a summer instead of having to spend 10 minutes every day getting sticky and oily and making sure the sunscreen is all rubbed in. how do i get on shark tank

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dear universe give me ten billion dollars and infinite free time and indestructible hands so i can do every hobby ever

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I’m paying to force seven thousand strangers to see a photo of my late husband having fun with his dog. Tumblr Blaze is totally worth it. XD

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speaking of peeing the bed it's been long enough that i can tell this story publicly. in high school i went to a party at some house with no adults, as you sometimes would, and at the end of the night like 10 people all clonked out together in the same bed. fully clothed, one of those teenage moments where you're like wow heehee how rule-breaking, because sure a lot of our parents wouldn't like us sleeping in a bed with a bunch of other teenagers and no adult supervision blah blah. fond memories. anyway.

i'm an extremely light sleeper, so i barely slept, and sometimes around 6 am, i woke up to a girl totally panicking, very quietly, because she peed the bed in her sleep. and listen. this wasn't a group of mean kids by any measure. but there's no level of kindness or understanding in the world that will make peeing the bed when you're 17, surrounded by people you only sort of know, a gentle blow.

so i sat up and she was like "oh my god" and I signaled at her to be absolutely silent and I said I'd be right back. And I crawled over everyone and out of the bed like a stupid cat.

and the thing is, by senior year i wasn't getting bullied much anymore. i was generally pretty well liked by my peers, but, if this makes sense, people still didn't always expect very much from me. i was still figuring out how to mask (autistic) and i still often said or did something that made everyone remember i'm weird and they'd just be like "well. that's story for you. i guess."

so what i'm saying is i had nothing to lose and this girl had everything to lose.

so i went downstairs and i made tomato soup. and by "made" i mean i put a whole can of tomato soup in a too-small mug and microwaved it until it was lukewarm so as to be convincingly "made" but not so hot to burn someone.

and then i walked back upstairs, and no longer like a cat, i clumsily "attempted" to crawl back into bed, loudly lost my balance, and spilled tomato soup all over the girl and her lap and several other people's laps and heads and the mattress.

everyone woke up confused and anguished and i was like, "oh my god, I'm so sorry. I just got really hungry and it's all i could find."

and everyone immediately accepted with absolutely no further questions that I would go downstairs, make tomato soup at 6 am, and everyone just begrudgingly climbed onto the floor and went back to sleep while I put the bedding right into the laundry.

i don't even know this girl's name. i only remembered this story recently because i'm in my hometown for a few months and recently a high school acquaintance said, "hey. do you remember spilling soup on everyone after prom? why did you do that?" and for a moment i genuinely did not and i stared at them completely dumbfounded while the memory loaded and then i started laughing too hard to answer for 2 minutes.

the best part is i can tell this story, and even if it reaches the people who were there, none of them will know which one of them peed the bed. thanks to tomato soup.

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Wave in Backlight - Peter Witt

German , b. 1966 -

Oil on canvas, 80 x 80 cm.

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Sacrificial lamb who volunteered for the job but bitches about it the whole time

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Hey, sorry your nudes got leaked, do you want me to stream Genshin Impact?

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The federal minimum wage is officially a poverty wage in 2025. “The annual earnings of a single adult working full-time, year-round at $7.25 an hour now fall below the poverty threshold of $15,650.”

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Humans lowkey don't have enough climbing enrichment at home

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A trans woman was just sentenced to 15 years in prison for defending herself from an attacker. She wanted no part in the fight and witnesses described her actions as self-defense. With right-wing media constantly portraying her as "evil" since the incident, the trial was over before it began.

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In America, “Lemonade” refers to a drink made with lemon juice, water, and usually a sweetener of some type.

In England, “Lemonade” is a fizzy drink more akin to Sprite or 7-Up.

In Japan, there’s a drink called “Ramune”, which is a japanification of the word “Lemonade” but it takes its meaning from England, so it’s a fizzy drink - though lemon is probably the hardest flavour to find, and it comes in almost and fruit you can imagine, as well as matcha and yogurt flavours. I have tried most of these. There are multiple companies that make Ramune and while the iconic bottle shape is nearly identical, the packaging is different.

Yesterday I went to a Chinese restaurant, in America for context, and on the counter as you walked in were three Ramune bottles, in pink, blue, and yellow. I didn’t have the time as I walked by to see what flavours they were, and I couldn’t tell by the colour of the soda inside either, so when I sat down I asked for a “Pink Ramune.”

Our waiter, an older Chinese man in a stylish vest, told us he didn’t have any pink, just yellow, so I figured they were out of the pink and blue and said “alright, that’s fine.” not having known what flavours any of them were anyways, and able to enjoy any except matcha, which tastes like burnt seaweed soda.

He comes back to the table with a can of Minute Maid Lemonade, taking us full circle. It was so funny I didn’t even protest and accepted my role, because technically if you think about it he brought me the “right” drink.

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If someone doesn't understand 24 hour time and is chill you can convert it for them because that's helpful and polite.

If someone primarily uses 12 hour time but understands 24 hour time and is chill you can leave it unconverted as a sign of respect for their abilities.

If someone throws a hissy fit whenever someone gives a time in 24 hour time you are obligated by sacred duty to exclusively give them the time in 24 hour time, even if you actually use 12 hour time.