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My muse

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jump his ass on SIGHT

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I like when people like a character so way too much that it transcends even self shipping or kinning and becomes more of a patron saint that you pray to type of deal

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A normal day at the office

The full gang

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Life might be hell, but at least I've got my Rise backpack with me 💙🐢

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Listening to Taylor while actively grieving can be the most healing thing or the one that will destroy you in a second. No middle ground here

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And no I don’t think love ever leaves because it’s been eight years since my dad died and he is in every thought and hope and dream. and when I think I can’t fix the computer he is here. and when I eat chocolate cake he is here. and when the sun glows at 3pm he is here. and he will always be here because his life made mine, and my life will be his epilogue

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Don't know of somebody's gonna read this, or if somebody remembers who I am after so many url changes lol but.. little life update, I guess?

A few years ago I made a post asking for donations to treat my mom's cancer. I am so thankful for the people who donated, and so was she.

Unfortunately, after years of battling it, she passed away this march 3rd. The very same day of her birthday.

It's a weird feeling. It was unexpected, but also, we knew it was going to happen. I was holding her hand as it happened. I literally saw her heart stopping (due to her surgeries, she had part of her ribs removed, so you could see her heart beating.. and stopping)

Me, my brother, my aunt (her sister) and a cousin, got to say goodbye. My dad didn't. It was heartbreaking seeing him cry, asking her why she didn't wait one more hour.

It was traumatic, to say the least. Her last few weeks I spent taking care of her for the most part of the day. Her last few days it was constant care. Giving her medicines almost every hour, seeing her struggle with pain and discomfort...

She was a strong woman. And her strength and faith never wavered. She left this world in peace, after so many weeks in pain, that last day she was calm, she was smiling. She was bed bound, but that afternoon I opened the curtains and she could see the sun one last time. She listened to some of her favorite songs.. I want to believe it was a good day for her.

Part of me is happy she's not in pain anymore. But now it's us who carry that pain. I didn't only lose a mother, but my closest friend and confidant. She taught me how to survive without her. She taught me how to be a good adult... She never told me it would hurt this much.

I often find myself crying while riding the bus back home because I saw a curly haired woman who looked like her. Or because a song lyrics. Or because of a smell. Or a thought... I wish I could be as strong as she was. I know I am not, but I am trying my best for her.

I have a good job. I have a supportive family. I have a few good close friends (I lost so, so, so many during this time, some that promised me to be through thick and thin were the first to leave)... I know I am not alone. Yet I feel so lonely and lost and numb and sad and angry.

People say it's okay to be cry, that it's okay to be sad. Yet when you are, they give you weird looks... The world doesn't wait for you to recover. The word keeps moving and you have to crawl and drag yourself to keep going and it's a painful and hard process but it has to be done.

I have a mix of emotions in my mind, I feel like I should really go back to therapy because I can feel my depression coming back, and boy, it is coming back strong.

The only thing I have clear is.. I need my mom. I need her and I don't know how to live without her. I need something to talk to, somebody who will listen to me rant, who I can make jokes with, who will make sure I am fed, who will make sure I sleep... I know, I know I can survive without her. But part of me died with her that day and these past few days have been just.. taking them as they come. A whirl of emotions. No emotions at all. Disassociation. Hyperfocus. Cry. Laugh. Too much. Not enough. I need her. I need her. I need her. Please give me my mom back.

Last year I was in a class, writing scrips for teather with a couple of friends. We got selected and now our writing will be published in a book. I am so excited about it. My mom was so excited about it. Today I got the digital version to do the last reviews and saw my name on the first page. I was so happy. I immediately opened my phone to text my phone and... Oh right. She's not here. It felt like a punch to the heart. It's the first time I know what that phrase feels like.

So.. that's what's been going on. I am not doing well at all. I feel terrible... But I'm managing to push through, so I guess that's enough

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Mom passed away last night... I don't know how to process this

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But maybe we got lost in translation and maybe I asked for too much but I hope it's shitty in the black dog and I bet you think about me but I miss you and I just wish you were a better man but all you are is mean and I'm down bad crying but I had a feeling so peculiar this pain wouldn't be for evermore but would it be enough if I could never give you peace? I just wanted you to know that this is me trying

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😨😨😨

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Finally colored that one sketch

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ever hit with that sudden wave of guilt over nothing?

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He’s an icon, he’s a legend, and he is the moment.

WHY CAN’T I STOP DRAWING LEO RAHHHHH TWITCHES SCRATCHES AT THE ETERNAL ITCH UNDER MY SKIN TO DRAW FUTURE LEON—

ALSO ALSO, WHY CAN’T I STOP DRAWING HIM LEANED OVER A TABLE CONTEMPLATING PLANS?