letmejustwriteitdownrd

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

“It’s okay to cry. Sometimes your body just needs to let out that stress and emotions you’ve been holding in”

— Unknown

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

The end of this chapter.

I'm finally closing our book.

Thank you for everything, Love. 💕

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

A love full of fairytales is a love written in lies.

If there's one thing I've learned about love throughout the years of heartache is that there is no perfect in love. Love isn't built to be perfect but rather flawed. I've loved 4 man in my 24 years of existence and I've got to say they were all good at somepoint but not perfect. Never perfect.

I dont believe in the thought that we should never settle for less. We should. Especially those who dreamed of a perfect fairytale - Disney was a scam. I thought one day when you fell in love that was it. I used to think after meeting 'the one' it will always be butterflies and fairytales and flowers and kisses. But no. It wasnt. There's a point where the feelings will wear-off and one day you'll find yourself questioning if this is the love that you wanted. You'll try to consider the factors of what you've done and what he has done and leave - because of the mere thought that you had enough.

Love isn't about perfection but rather accepting the flaws- even the worst flaws. Soulmates are not bestowed upon but rather made. You have to endure the pain of being in love. You have to stay in love even if the feelings wear off. You have to forgive and forgive and forgive endlessly for love. Even if it's not good for you anymore. We sacrifice for love. We find reasons to stay inlove. And despite all of the endured feelings that love has caused you, despite all of the endured days of trying to fight for love the scary thought comes in - What if the person you wanted to be with for the rest of your life ends up finding somebody better?

Just the thought of love scares me.

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

When is enough?

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

Thoughtless words of goodbyes

you.

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

My dear

I am currently swearing at the horizons that promised us forever.

I wish I could say good things to you but I can’t...

All I ever kept about the story of ours are the endless of lies you promised to me.

I am glad we are now apart but I don't know why I am hurting...

You were never my knight and shining armor, you were quite the opposite. You never saved me, in fact you broke me to pieces I didn't even know could crumble.

Your memory was nothing but an ache. I hope when you broke up with me that  would be it. I really loved you even if your memories were nothing but a façade you put on. And I have to say but you really made a great show there.  You had me believing all of you was real. 

I dedicate this blog to you though. Because I really loved you. Even if your love was as painful as hugging a cactus, I loved you. Maybe it was because of the time and attention you gave me. Yeah. That was probably it. I couldn't let my feelings all out because you never liked my friends. So instead I used this as my outlet and write it all down.

Ghad I should be studying right now. 

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

I detach from people. You may think it’s easy but honestly it’s not.

But the need that I have to push them all away is strong. I can’t fathom even a thought of where the strong urge is coming from but simply by the feels of being not enough.

The thoughts like:

‘You’ll wakeup someday and just wont need me and leave’

‘You’ll get tired of who I am’

‘You’ll find somebody better’

‘I’m not worthy of this love’

‘You can always do better than me’

And it saddens me because I have done nothing but blame everything on me. Literally my main source of depression is my own self. Fck this shit.

I wonder, will somebody out there love the hell out of me to drive all these insecurities away?

Yea..yea.. you might say ‘YOU’

But bitch I LOVE ME. Maybe its just bc the boys ive been dating always cheat on me… you know when you though they’re different but sooner they’ll just ‘boo I just used you bc ure rich.’

Idk what im writing right now. I’m just heart. And alone. And depress. Myghad. Somebody help me.

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

Somebody help me… i’m on this pit-hole again

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

My specialty? Pushing people away.

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

My demons are crawling on me again…

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

What was it like falling in love with her while being with me?

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

We are not human beings trying to be spiritual. We are spiritual beings trying to be human.

- Jacquelyn Small

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

Here we go again

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

I pushed you away not because I want somebody new, but because I'm afraid you might hurt me again.

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

You’ll eventually stop wanting me again and find somebody new… again.

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

All words and lies

[letmejustwriteitdownrd]

Hopeless love dressed in diamonds with wings of forever tainted with your lies.