Text

I literally heard myself wheeze at one point reading these. 😂









#one time i went to say#let me go tint your paint#cause i work in a paint store#But said#let me go pint your taint#i think about it a lot
28K notes
·
View notes
Video
332K notes
·
View notes
Text


I didn't ask if it made sense to keep going. I said I'm going to kick your twisted evil ass.
39K notes
·
View notes
Text
the worst part of "you'll understand when you're older" is that you really do understand when you're older
90K notes
·
View notes
Text
opening a tab to google something and immediately entering a state of tranquility and utter bliss as i forget every thought ive ever fucking had
40K notes
·
View notes
Text
gotta take this stupid ass piss before going to bed
28K notes
·
View notes
Text










my favorite customer service slip ups
#i work at a paint store#said okay give me one sec and ill go pint your taint#walked away like nothing happened#let them sit with my mistake
145K notes
·
View notes
Text
real fucking cheeky of Hozier to put that little “uh, anyway” after “to share space with simple living things infinitely suffering but fighting off like all creation the absence of itself”. imagine if after the sermon on the mount jesus had been like “or whatever I don’t really know haha”
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
(roleswap au) stop staring at him with those big ol eyes
47K notes
·
View notes
Text
christian rock bands are a backbone genre in the amv scene
179K notes
·
View notes
Text

he thinks he's being so smooth with his little face on my leg. i SEE you, villain
269K notes
·
View notes