letsgostealthelouvre - Tumblr blog

[letsgostealthelouvre]

not only is my new thesaurus terrible, but it’s also terrible

[letsgostealthelouvre]

Hey guys, Tumblr’s new layout is really fucking me up and making it very difficult to post to my normal account, let alone my hobby accounts. If they wanted to drive traffic off the site boy howdy are they succeeding! 

So, if I acclimate to the new layout in the next few weeks I’ll start this up again, but if it continues as-is I’m going to need to shutter this tumblr at least, and in the meantime I can’t deal with trying to post art here. Sorry to come off hiatus only to go right back on again, but unfortunately @staff and @wip have chosen to make this website like 10x harder for me to create content on, so *shrug emoji* 

[letsgostealthelouvre]

Louvre, if you're going to be calling this a Naked Man Brandishing A Sword, I better see some dick'n'balls. Although "Man Brandishing A Sword In A Thong" doesn't quite ring the same, that's true.

A+ brandishing though.

[ID: A sketch on cream paper of a muscular man, in a wide stance, with a sword held in both hands and swung over one shoulder; he is wearing nothing but a posing pouch and a serious expression.]

[letsgostealthelouvre]

This is off-display at the Met but the rest is pretty awesome too.

[ID: Three images of a fragment of textile; the fragment shows a square with a red blotch, on which are various flowers. In the middle of the large blotch is a green creature that looks like a centaur. It has tiny thin legs with paws or cloven hooves at the end, and instead of a traditional unicorn head it has a person, with huge wide eyes, an open mouth, and a pointed hat (possibly a single large horn) on its head. In one human arm it holds a staff of some kind.]

Unicorn, Scandinavian textile fragment. 1500's

[letsgostealthelouvre]

I'm back, kids! Please enjoy Albrecht Durer's "Great Horse" and "Lilttle Horse". They sure are, bud.

Something interesting I learned while physically at the Louvre is that their online record is incomplete -- they're still in the process of adding objects from the internal catalogue, which explains why some of the art I shared during my trip was stuff I hadn't seen in the online catalogue. When I went on hiatus I knew that the last work I shared was the Mona Lisa; looking at the record this morning, even between April and now they've added roughly 2000 items just to the catalogue pre-1500.

We're post-1500 now, and I have to pay slightly closer attention because while there's some Great Art I recognize, a lot I still don't, so I'm looking at names and artists and such.

I may already be plotting a return trip for autumn 2024, or possibly spring 2025. There was so much I didn't get to see, and I loved Paris while I was there.

[ID: Two engravings of horses; on the left, an enormous unit of a horse is attended by a soldier in an elaborate helmet; on the right, a smaller, much more dainty horse is attended by a similar, slightly less visible soldier. The petite horse stands over a large stone block with Albrecht Durer's monogram on it.]

[letsgostealthelouvre]

[ID: A statue of a person lying on a very plush looking pillow-bed; the sculpture is nude with back to the camera, face turned to the side, lying on a dramatic drapery, with one foot gently raised.]

This is an incredibly compelling work in person for a number of reasons -- to begin with, the raised foot isn't done justice by the photograph, but it's really funny and very human in person. It looked ancient enough, but also whimsical enough, that I was surprised I hadn't seen it in the records yet, so I checked out the placard, which put the date at around 100 CE. I must have just missed it while paging through the records. I'm sorry I did, because it's a gorgeous sculpture. (Its history is complicated but it appears the figure and draperies are ancient while the bed itself is 17th century.)

And it's called the Sleeping Hermaphroditus, because...

[ID: The statue as seen from the side; head still turned away, the torso is visible, and shows both the generous curve of a breast and also a penis and testicles resting on the drapery on which the figure reclines.]

In ancient history, Hermaphroditus was the child of Aphrodite and Hermes, originally male, who was merged with a naiad who was obsessed with him and became both male and female. He's generally represented as a very feminine-looking person (hair in the female style of the time, prominent breasts, female clothing, rounded hips) with male genitalia, often coyly on display. The history is complicated; we don't have good sourcing for the story and we don't truly know how Hermaphroditus was viewed in the ancient world, as far as I know (classicists feel free to correct me on this). Hermaphroditus, generally referred to with male pronouns even after developing a female appearance, may have represented trans women, intersex people, or some spiritual concept that had little to do with human gender expression at all.

Regardless of the complication surrounding the narrative, the sculpture itself is beautiful, and well worth sharing, I think.

[letsgostealthelouvre]

This is a portrait by Renoir of his son, and I didn't need a placard to tell me that. This kid's face says it all.

[ID: A large painting of a young boy set against a blurry background; the boy is wearing tights, a shapeless orange-red "en clown" jumpsuit that balloons out around him and reaches his knees, a lace collar atop it, and an expression of exhausted resignation.]

[letsgostealthelouvre]

It's a running joke on @letsgostealthelouvre that the only lions of antiquity were all sad lions; there are so many sad lions in ancient art, you guys. But I did it -- I went to the Louvre and I found a happy lion! Look at him smiling!

He doesn't even have a placard, poor lad. I think he might be too recent for me to have reached his record yet, but from now on I'm keeping my eyes peeled!

[ID: A sculpture of a lion, in a playful pose with one front paw resting on a tall stone; his head is turned to the viewer and his mouth is open in a cheerful grin. His wide eyes and blunt, oblong head make him look very happy indeed.]

[letsgostealthelouvre]

They're not quite ugly enough to match the Londonderry Vase, but they are both strong contenders for second place.

There is a floor of one wing of the Louvre that I took to calling the Ugly Floor because all the most hideous nonsense, including the apartments of Napoleon III, is on that floor. Blinding gilt-edged bedazzled red velvet trash. Undoubtedly of some kind of historical importance but good lord, what a mess.

[ID: Two enormous vases on decorative plinths; one is covered in an almost pleasant pattern of repeating flowers, with garlands and decorative roundels on the plinth; the other is "Egyptian" themed with animal-headed gods and lots of stylized vegetation. Both are weirdly shaped and not at all attractive, though they are rather fascinating in their ugliness.]

[letsgostealthelouvre]

This is technically a bull, and also I feel recognizably such, like I looked at it and went “Oh…bull” but also what the fuck.

[Description: A terracotta sculpture of a bull, which looks relatively normal if a little stylized from the neck down. The neck is an enormous thick protrusion with a hump that might resemble a Brahma bull; emerging from the front of the hump is a head with two horns and eyes but also an enormously protruding lower jaw that forms a pouring spout. It looks like a bull that is extremely surprised.]

[letsgostealthelouvre]

I like to think that this...doodad comes to life at night and skitters around the museum, bonking into things occasionally because coordinating three feet in a triangular pattern to all go forward in the same direction is difficult.

[ID: I should have taken a photo of the plaque, I don't know what this is. It's triangular and about as tall as a regular person, with carvings of people on the sides (looks like probably Greek, to judge from the clothing/style). The most interesting feature is that at each corner of it is a large clawed foot, looking like a lion's claw, that looks realistic enough you can imagine the whole thing just getting up and wandering off.]

[letsgostealthelouvre]

Hat on, dick out. (I am forcibly collected by the Louvre.)

[ID: a sculpture of a man with his arms tucked up against his chest; he wears a domed hat with a narrow brim like a bowler and he has a massive beard. His other most prominent feature is the prominent genitalia carved into his otherwise rather abstract body.]

[letsgostealthelouvre]

I'm currently semi-trapped at my cafeteria table (a lady sat next to me, boxing me in and I'm too polite to make her move until she's had a few minutes with her meal) so here's some art from this morning.

I found this mummy (it's actually a model, not a human body) in the online record and remarked on how terrifying the face wrapping was; it's even eerier in person. [ID: the head of a mummy wrapped in linen; the linen forms a series of shrinking squares across the mummy's face, producing a very uncanny visual effect.]

There are some intense gallery layouts in this museum. [ID: a photograph down a long gallery of Egyptian artifacts, which looks like long walkways with vaulted ceilings over a black pit. It's just a recessed floor but the effect is eerie.]

[letsgostealthelouvre]

When it became evident that the Nazis would take Paris, the Louvre began to evacuate; they started with the most vital pieces, like the Mona Lisa and Winged Victory. Here she is being moved for transport out of the city to hopeful safety. I find the photos fascinating, the endeavor foolish and beautiful. And it worked.

Always acknowledging the human and cultural loss, millions of people exterminated in the Nazi death machine, we also lost art to the largest scale theft and looting the world has ever seen before or since. There are still paintings missing, and those that can never be restored to their owners or heirs.

But a lot was saved, and came back. Truly it should be in Greece and not in the Louvre, but today I got to stand in front of the Nike of Samothrace and spit in Herman Goring's eye.

Fascism can't beat art, not forever.

[ID: three images; top two are black and white photos of the Nike of Samothrace, a woman with backswept wings, draped in fabric and missing her arms and head; in the top photos she is wrapped in rope and being hoisted onto a cart, then moved down a flight of stairs. Below, my own photo, Nike sits in triumph in the Louvre once more, lit by sunlight from an unseen window.]

[letsgostealthelouvre]

Crowd aside, I can't think of a nicer way to meet the Venus de Milo, glowing in morning light and bending to greet her admirers.

[ID: a photo of the Venus de Milo, a woman wrapped in fabric at the waist and bending slightly; her arms are missing, and shot from behind the top of her butt is visible, as well as the curve of one breast. She is lit from a huge window, the sunlight making her glow. In the background, blurred out admirers look up at her. ]

[letsgostealthelouvre]

There's a lot of vases up in here. This one's not as ugly as the Londonderry Vase at the Art Institute but it does have it beat on size, which is tough to do.

[ID: a massive stone vase more closely resembling a bowl, as tall as an average person, with cases and sculptures behind it to show scale. It is mainly unadorned except for huge carved handles.]

[letsgostealthelouvre]

Here's the friend I came this way to see: the antelope comb, six thousand years old, the oldest example I've seen of this motif, which would last in Egypt for more than four thousand years.

This one IS much smaller than I expected -- about half the size of a credit card, although the comparison sticking in my head is that it's about the size of an Oreo cookie.

And of COURSE it's next to a sculpture of a man with a truly impressive erection, so I look like a creep trying to study it. Ah well, it won't be the last art dick I see today.

[ID: a photo of a bone comb with most of the tines missing; atop it sits a kneeling antelope. Next to it is a sculpture about the size of a Barbie doll, but with a massive erect dick.]