Cult Members: -performing a ritual in the woods- "We call upon the ancient demon, please heed our call and accept this soul!"
Me: -being sacrificed- "Insufficient data, please connect to WI-FI in order to make calls."
Cult Members: "What? No..." -pauses- "WE CALL UPON THE ANCIENT DEMON, PLEASE HEED OUR CALL AND ACCEPT THIS SOUL!"
Me: "Insufficient data, please connect to WI-"
Cult Members: "What do you mean 'insufficient data'???"
Me: -slaps chest- "Before committing a sacrifice, please update your vessel's soul plan. Your current soul balance is 0. Update your plan to get more roaming data, or connect to your WI-FI and make your call for free."