lettersfromaji

[lettersfromaji]

to you,

a week ago, i finally did something ive thought about for the longest time but never had the guts to actually do.

i deleted my instagram account and made a new one. i removed a lot of people on facebook and twt, then locked my accounts. i only kept the few people i feel safe sharing bits of my life with.

it might’ve seemed impulsive—as if i made the decision out of nowhere—but honestly, it was the result of countless reflections and quiet realizations. i knew that once i did it, there was no turning back. i had to stand firm with my decision.

and yeah, it felt heavy at first. like i was letting go of a version of myself i outgrew but didn’t want to admit i had.

but then i realized na it’s abt time to choose myself.

since then, my heart has felt lighter. safer. ive never been this at peace.

it felt like walking out of a dark, crowded room filled with noise, and into a quiet sunrise on top of a hill with soft breeze and the kind of silence that doesn’t feel empty.

okay, sorry. medj oa non. but really, ive never felt this peaceful before, kaya im happy.

it’s funny how something as simple as a digital detox felt like ripping off a piece of my identity.

but now that it’s gone, i don’t miss it.

i think part of growing up is realizing that not everyone needs access to you.

and maybe this time, im finally okay with being unseen by others—if it means being fully seen by myself.

love,

A

[lettersfromaji]

to you,

im watching a c-drama right now & it's called 'the first frost.' i still have a few eps left until i finish this series, but all i can say is that it's so well written.

first off, i relate to yifan deeply—i see so much of myself in her.

like her, i often feel out of place, like i don’t truly belong anywhere. it's as if im just an afterthought in most people's lives, someone they remember only when it’s convenient.

i tend to pull away from people and detach easily, too. not because i don't care, but because it feels safer. people come and go, and i guess i've learned to expect that.

yifan's mom also reminds me a lot of my own. she drifts in and out of my life whenever she pleases, too. lubog litaw ganon, parang dolphin hahahahahah 😊😊😊😊😊

ok. it's honestly so hard to write this & im trying to make it sound lighter (?) and i hope it's working. but the relationship i have with my mom is so complex and messy. i don't know how to explain it to people but i want to be able to express what i feel even if it stings a little.

i honestly want to do what yifan did. i want to go somewhere far & leave everything behind. i want to live in a city where no one knows who i am & escape from it all.

but really, she's one of the few characters i admire. she has really been through a lot but she did not give up once. she still shows up & remained kind-hearted even when the world was so unkind to her.

i hope i can be as strong as her. i hope i can have the heart to heal and love myself and others.

love,

A

[lettersfromaji]

april 12, saturday

to you,

i didn't attend orgdev class today. i told our prof about the trip, so it’s all good. still, there's always that weird feeling knowing your blockmates are in class while you're chasing planes.

anyway, we got to NAIA just in time. not early, not late—just enough to make you nervous.

the airport system was painfully slow. if we were a little later, we probably wouldn’t have made it. there’s something about the philippines and near-misses that always feels... expected.

we almost lost our passports before boarding, too.

that sudden jolt in your chest? yeah. i felt it.

thankfully, i found them just before they got surrendered to staff. i swear, travel stress hits different when it involves official documents. i was already imagining a montage of us crying at the boarding gate.

the flight (PR 318) had turbulence but i slept through it. i didn’t sleep the night before, so my body just gave up.

and then—hong kong.

the second we landed, i felt it.

the smell of the airport, the quiet rush of people, the order.

even the immigration line felt... elegant? i kept looking around like a kid seeing color for the first time.

it was drizzling.

soft, light rain—like the city was welcoming us gently.

our chauffeur was already there. we drove to wan chai in silence, the kind where you're too tired to speak but too alert to fully rest.

allen and eivann stayed at shek tong tsui with tamp and tita eden.

we went to central to see papa edd, but he wasn’t there.

so we ended up at tim ho wan for dinner.

i was so, so tired.

after we ate, i fell asleep sitting up. head heavy, body sinking into itself. everything felt like a blur. like i was underwater but not drowning.

the MTR station surprised me—it was alive.

so many shops, so much light. it felt more like a mini city than a train stop.

we got to the HK house at shek tong tsui, near HKU station.

ate again (of course).

tito dom made medium rare steak. juicy, warm. it was so good :D

me & my cousins hung out after.

i didn’t realize how much i missed them until i was with them again.

being there felt like remembering a song i used to love.

familiar, comforting, a little bittersweet.

it felt like home in another country (it literally is).

i think this day will stay with me for a while.

love,

A

[lettersfromaji]

to you,

i think i just had one of the most life-changing realizations of my life.

in all my 21 years, i don’t think i’ve ever wanted something this much. i think—no, i know—i finally found my dream. the thing my heart aches for. the one my soul has been quietly whispering about all along.

i want to see the world. i want to know the world.

not just vacation snapshots or tourist checklists—i mean really see it.

feel it. breathe it in.

walk through streets that don’t speak my language but still somehow speak to me.

i know it sounds naive. romantic. maybe even foolish.

but god, i want it so bad.

i want to stand in cities i’ve only seen in films.

i want to learn languages that twist my tongue and open my mind.

i want to eat unfamiliar food with strangers who feel like old friends.

i want to watch the sun rise on the other side of the planet and feel like i belong everywhere and nowhere, all at once.

to me, this is what living is.

i need to see the world before i die.

i have to.

i want to live a life i can look back on and say—yes. i lived.

i don’t know how i’ll get there, but i will.

i’ll do everything i can to make this dream my reality.

love,

aji.

[lettersfromaji]

to you,

hi.

i don’t really know what this is yet, but maybe that’s okay.

i’m not really writing to anyone in particular.

maybe to someone who’ll understand me. maybe no one at all.

either way, this is where i’ll leave the things i can’t say out loud.

love,

A