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Welp, I failed at this.
Walked out on my job. Broke a chair. Scared my staff members.
Not a good look, for the short term. That's for sure.
I may very well lose my license to practice.
No one is ever ready for anything.
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Firda, there is no easy way out.
I think you know this, deep down.
I AM happy you've come to a realization of what you were craving, emotionally. Some form of stimulation, excitement, drama, suspense.
While there are much healthier ways of achieving this, relationships seem to be the easiest way for you to reach it. You were raised this way -- your parents move together in everything they do, even working together.
I want you to think deeply about what you expect from yourself.
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Everyone is under pressure right now.
I hope you and yours are managing well.
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Earth Venuses love like they have all the time in the world. They are slow to allow love to bloom, slow to allow it to die. Forgiveness, commitment, letting go, all coming sluggishly. Their love grows creeping roots, burrowing into the crevices of their own hearts and the hearts of everyone they touch. Their hearts are uncultivated gardens, full of aborted growths, twisted roots, flowers blooming alongside love left dead and rotting.
Fire Venuses love like it will never be enough. Their love consumes, like a living, breathing thing. They love like they are taking it for themselves, hoarding it close. The heat of their love can be dangerous, scalding, but bright, so bright it can blind. They love with passion, with energy, with a need to be fed, nourished, contained. Even below the surface, there are embers, waiting to be stoked to life. Love fuels them, like oxygen to a flame.
Air Venuses love like it will slip through their fingers any moment. They are tentative, withholding out of fear of loss. They are clinging, desperate to keep you from leaving them. They love without expecting it to be returned to them, and they are not strangers to loving alone. They give their whole heart to no one, but rather spread it among many, so that, like the breeze, no one may keep it for themselves.
Water Venuses love like it will heal all wounds. They love like a salve, and apology, a promise. They allow their love to flow like a river, with offshoots, twists and turns, tributaries leading to dead-ends, with currents and eddies that pull your feet out from under you. They let themselves become lost, used. They let their love wash over you until the unique edges, the crevices, the gaping wounds, the carefully constructed walls are washed smooth and filled in.
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This is easily, the most metal thing I've seen in my entire life.
#FamilyForever
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Strange.
So, somewhere in the middle of May, I got a message from Michelle.
There were in-depth apologies on both sides, explanations when needed, and individual achievements celebrated.
Two months after, and we're somehow back to communicating regularly.
While I may be generally elated over the opportunity given to reconnect, I have reflected a lot in the time apart.
Time well spent.
I don't think I'm the same person anymore.
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This eclipse energy is real.
Feeling low-key critical of everything. I hate it . It isn't that it's wrong that I'm critical, as much as it is that I want to be constructive & I just literally want to bomb on everyone.
But it's just me.
I will be better -- I've made improvements for sure, but the hunger itself doesn't lessen. It's just more intense, every day. I feel gravity, I feel pressure, I feel heavy. I gotta make this worthwhile.
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You weren't built to be tough.
You are a lover. You know this.
You don't want your husband to be dead to you emotionally, or any other way. You know this too. You're soft, you're sentimental, you're sensitive, and you're dedicated.
If no one else is nice to you, be nice to yourself.
I don't think your being soft & such is as much of a problem, as your being defensive towards your softness is. Feeling occasionally fearful of being taken advantage of, feeling semi-helpless w/things. If you become touchy, you tend to quickly verbalize it & it gives you away.
When a man hears your unhappiness or your struggles w/something & he loves you, it hurts him every time. Esp. us w/water Venus signs. It's like being told that you're not enough, you haven't done enough, you're not strong enough, etc.
I would think that his response would be to say, "you just need too much" or "if you weren't so sensitive to everything"... But this is the trick -- that sentence is incomplete.
"... If you weren't so damn sensitive to everything, maybe I could be enough to make you happy..?"
*extra emotional super concerned Huey hug*
🥺🥺🥺!!! PLZ!! PLZ DON'T LET YOUR FEELINGS DIE!!! 😿😿😿
*cries in negro spiritual*
He has the nerve to continuously call me soft and sensitive. Temperamental.
I’m not tough enough?
Just wait until all my emotions completely die around you. And I give zero shit what you think.
When my emotions die, they die.
I’ve gotten better with how I spend money. Instead of carelessly spending money at face value, somehow I figured out to spend it in a really co-efficient way where I get what I want and am spending as little as I can. Where I get the most bang for my buck. Where I save the most. It’s a skill that takes patience. Where I used to be very impulsive and buy the first thing I like, I’m more patient. I wait it out for it to go on Clearance. And if the opportunity is given, for a discount to go in effect on top of the Clearance. Then I take my time and do the math in order to get free shipping. I browse through numerous clothing pieces and selection for not only the prices I’m comfortable with but also keeping in mind the aesthetics I like. Sometimes I’d like a piece aesthetically but the price doesn’t add up to how much I’m willing to spend so I have to let that piece go. Sometimes the price adds up perfectly but the aesthetics is trash, so I try again. Sometimes it takes a whole day and a half, putting it together and trashing the selections and re-putting them back on to the shopping cart until the total price is just right. But I’m pretty proud and I’ve come along way. Today I spent only a grand total of $28 on THREE new baby dresses and a pair of pants. I saved over $80 in savings/discounts. Got free shipping and was charged only $2 in taxes. I can say that every dress/piece of clothing I bought my baby was bought with thought and consideration.
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1. She can't sing.
2. Her mom is gangsta for no reason! Hahahahahahahahaha
3. "I was failing chemistry!" The teacher was like, "oh, i have some chemistry for you!"
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questions to think about
moon in 1st- do i really love this or just the way it looks in my life?
moon in 2nd- will having this satisfy me?
moon in 3rd- is a haunting thought necessary to harbor?
moon in 4th- does this hurt my comfort or my sense of it?
moon in 5th- does the pleasure i feel from this cause me harm?
moon in 6th- when is self forgiveness important and when is self discipline?
moon in 7th- do i love them or how i love myself when im with them?
moon in 8th- by rejecting this am i protecting myself or destroying it?
moon in 9th- how often is change needed?
moon in 10th- how do i balance my stature and sense of individuality?
moon in 11th- what boundaries should i place on my patience?
moon in 12th- does escape from this protect me or conceal me?
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Mercury In The Houses: Mental Space
Mercury In The First House: A rams Mind
(Zella Day - Mustang Kids Feat. Baby E)
The mind is quick, but can be lacking in future thought. the tendency to think of the situation as it is rather than what it could become is very present. The idea of “now” rules the head space which can cause a few short comings when it comes to planning. The “gun ho” perspective they have on their environment and those they interact with can be limitless in its potential but slightly limited in its afterthought. The mind is often the first thing people notice about these natives, That can be their mischievous nature, alert eyes, or their tiny squinted features. Smaller facial features and or eyes can be indicated by this placement of mercury. Their is a crude and rather overtly blunt nature to these natives but its very genuine and simplistic in its meaning that makes these natives very honest people at heart. mercury here can create pixie like features.
Mercury In The Second House: The Stubborn Mind
(Nav - Know Me)
The point A and B of matters is usually on their mind. very rarely will you catch them entertaining small chit chat as they prefer conversations with substance. They can have a melodic or rather pace by pace manner of speaking. The neck in some ways can be long or fragile. because of their easy link of sensory information and mental connectivity they are able to collect and store crucial facts and intel rather easily. That being said they’re a bit slower when It comes to learning and require a more hands on or physical manner of being taught as it means far more to their brains to have palpable information. They take time to make decisions and aren’t the types to jump down the rabbit hole without “feeling” everything out first. Much like animals they can sense energy and vibes via smells, skin touch or even just their own hairs raising. The mind here is living off the 5 senses in such a way it creates its own 6th sense. These natives much like their Eighth house counterparts tend to love the lyrical aspects of rap, most can enjoy the sultry songs or something that embraces low sax and bass. for them the more sensual their realm the more of their mind they feel like sharing. make no mistake though, these natives are extremely independent minded and loathe anyone who doesn’t respect a stance they’ve chosen to take. It’s not so much a “my way or the high way” energy but rather a “you can feel that way, but don’t overstep”
Mercury In The Third House: The Scattered Mind
(Jacques Greene - Unreleased; Night Service Feat. Cadence weapon)
Mercury is often elated to be here, but for the native with the placement it can feel like mental gymnastics as every brain cell plays the audience. The mind in more understood terms is multifaceted. It has as many heads as the hydra and as many layers and intricate colors as the stars in the sky. The curse is that as vast as the mind is, it lacks grounding here. These natives can often hear audio from seemingly nothingness. a certain type of premonition like wavelength inhabits their mind subtly. The high vibrational effect of this placement can cause shifts and sudden thought burst sometimes causing the native themselves to write off some of their more outlandish celestial call back as either being too good to be true or rather too crazy to follow. Reading the intentions and emotional states of others is easy for these natives, this makes them great performers and chameleons when It comes to playing a “role.” but the draw back is that figuring out their own thoughts and feelings is a constant and ongoing journey for these natives. They can compact and isolate feelings and sensations which can make their speech and mannerisms seem “distant” or far away in a sense to strangers and even to those who know them. The mind is immensely adaptable allowing them to devour information quickly and use it just as fast. keep in mind the third house is half of the ninth house so despite their fast mind they can sometimes only scratch the surface of topics never digging deeply enough to make use out of it. Mercury here can make the arms fragile and a bit on the smaller side. Bodybuilders with this placement tend to get rather lean arms as opposed to bulky ones unless another planet rest in this house. This placement tends to create individuals with escape rooms from aspects of their personality, especially the darker sides which is why they can seem like different people at different moments and sometimes all at once.
Mercury In The Fourth House: The Quiet Mind
(Drake - Light up)
The mind here is rather sentimental at heart but can be rather overwhelmed with the psychic call back it receives from its surroundings. The tendency to become recluse or silent is mostly a response to the draining aspects of relating to others in a superficial environment. Mercury being so close to “home” makes these individuals crave authentic and deep relations with others. sometimes they can convey mountains of truths and pains in one symbolic phrase or sentence, while other moments they are unable to convey the deep intensity of their feelings into something as trivial as words. It can be quite suffocating and even heavy when these natives fall into one of their moods as being so heavily run by their heart they can often cause them to fly in-between moods, thoughts and feelings just as quickly. people around them can feel on edge or a bit unknowing when it comes to the feelings and desires of these natives due to how constantly they fluctuate. Outlets like music and poetry are very healthy ways for them to express the un-expressible. These natives on the onset can wear a rather aloof expression but the eyes themselves can seem sad or unavailable. these natives are keen readers of body movements and often learned from their parents in doing so. they tend to take sudden energy shifts, changes in tone or a emotional tension very seriously and cause them to instinctively act out in a defensive manner. Mercury here is self defensive as a means to protect the natives inner realm. these natives can fly between rational vs irrational constantly which causes them to on occasion lie about what it is they’ re feeling towards something even if there actions say otherwise. The manner of speech is moody and can sway between talkative to detached. the home life could’ve been busy and rapid. natives like this tend to have a highly talkative home life or at least on that was filled for better or worse with “communication.” the chest can be rather fragile or boney in both men or women unless another planet rest here. these natives can be far more talkative and scattered at home that they would out and about.
Mercury In The Fifth House: The Prideful Mind
(Neon Indian - Slumlord & Slumlord Re-release)
The mind here is in a constant groove. These natives tend to find a natural illuminance in their day to day lives no matter how hard things get. These natives tend to seek out stimulation even more so than most other mercury placements. in some ways they are searching for excitement whilst in others they are searching for the moment of inspiration and gull. to them life is one long tirade and if you can’t find a way to make amusement out of it, its a waste. they can be hard to read in many ways, because much like a lion their attention can shift and lapse quicker than you have time to blink. they crave acknowledgement and can easily grow bored the second they notice the tone in your voice is lacking in that delicious “oomf” they need. they’re very creative when it comes to hobbies and many with this placement adore books and quotes and often tend to pass on this mercurial nature to their children. They can draw the attention of rather brainy children and tend to debate with kids quite a bit. That being said romantically they can be either choosey or a wild card. they want to meet all forms of intimacy, but this “thought” can be fleeting especially if something more entertaining catches their eye, be it drama, art, children or a new fashion trend. so make sure if you’re fancying a mercury in the 5th you keep in mind how quickly the chase can turn into a solo jog. These natives can have beautiful backs as mercury creates a rather slow arch and increases the smallness of the ridges along the back. that being said the spine and back can be very fragile.
Mercury In The Sixth House: The Practical Mind
(TV Girl - Every stupid Actress)
This placement is what I like to call the sad gal/boy aesthetic placement. I’m kidding of course(please don’t take it seriously lmao) that being said this placement can produce a very somber and rather mentally pessimistic person. they tend to see the world in a far more untrusting and linear way then most, but can also feel the world in a way some of us could only dream of. the way they process information and navigate the world is physical in nature as they often need to experience the world, as if they’ve done it for the first time as some tourist from a far away land. The nerves tend to be bad here so often these natives tend to develop “time killers” or “nerve relaxers” be it reading, jogging, working out, smoking, drinking, sex or otherwise. they tend to place value in the consistent aspects of life and this can make them seem rather dull and dry to most people as they’re the few people who actually tend to place value in what lies there before them in proof rather than a feeling things might “be” as they want them to. These natives can seem like the bad boy or girl as many of them don’t actively support much of society or the norms people have in place. they conform and work in the silence but underneath that readily servicing mind they are in fact observing and yes, they are ranking, ordering and neatly filing everyone like files in a drawer. moody or dreamy types can piss them off as they live in a more fabricated/rose colored world than these natives do which often makes them rid the nonsense or take on a more aggressive attitude. the belly can be rather sensitive to foods and the natives themselves can be conscious about their tummy. they often have jobs that require a lot of movement or communication in some way.
Mercury In The Seventh House: The Bicameral mind
(Empress Of - Everything to Me)
The mind here is actually a two sided coin. on one end there is a talkative social butterfly, eagerly embracing thoughts and ideas of others but inadvertently remaining passive towards these ideas, never inputting their own thoughts. on the Other end we have a less talkative side, observing and speaking only in response, this time every response being a direct inner opinion and thought in response to what has been spoken. these natives can be a true half of halves due to their tendency to take a particular side or stance unknown to them. The challenge is figuring out which side you’re talking to as these natives can be immensely detached when it comes to more serious and tense testimony. they love interacting but can at times lack the tools to direct a conversation on their own. they tend to appreciate a certain level of calm and chance in their meetings with others and attract this same energy to them. they’re sweet and generous but have a perfect balance of knowing when to retreat or give space to others. they tend to need marriage partners who are just as much as a conversationalist as they are. in men this can mean an attraction to a more lean or skinnier partner whilst in women this can mean the same. the buttocks can be rather fragile or petite in its look. the pelvis region can on occasion have issues whilst sleeping as well.
Mercury In The Eighth House: The Rhythmic Mind
(Asap Rocky - A$AP Forever Remix Feat. Moby, T.I., Kid Cudi)
These natives are the epitome of the gambler. The type I’m referring to isn’t just the casino but rather it’s the fact that these natives take a certain level of excitement in pushing the limit. for them there isn’t a line, its merely a hurdle people fool themselves into creating as a form of limitation. These natives deeply believe in pursuing life and all of its aspect in every extreme. some who are disconnected with their eighth house eventually feel this placement as its something that grows in its intensity as the years go. these natives are where the “testing” comes from. many blame Scorpio for the trials and tribulations, when in reality these natives are the judge and the jury in that regard. they can read people, infact people are mini character studies for them. everything they learn from others is in some way etched into the character and melded to become a new trait, a new defense, a new tactic. they’re intimidating and in many ways far more than any Scorpio mercury due to how intense mercury swirls in the world of death, inheritance, loss, communion, and most of all the other side. they can often have a curious mind when it comes to the undead but often the spirits they attract can be mischievous, childish and irritating. in some ways spirits pose as children to lure in this native and often times these natives can have a certain level of darkness they flee from related to their own childhood. Mercury here makes people rather fearful but in a strange way trusting of telling these natives their darkest secrets. These natives can have rather petite or tight genitals. for them sex and intimacy is a meeting of the minds even more so than the body. they can be detached towards sex if a mental connection isn’t formed no matter how many “I love you’s” are said. the eyes can be deep, penetrating and ICE like a cool winter sky. they are not the types to let someone hold control over them in a conversation and will easily snake it in a way that suites them.
Mercury In The Ninth House: The Loud Mind
(Jacques Greene - Nordschleife)
These natives are ambiguous in nature. the mind can be thinking a million and one different scenes and scenarios and in reality what is spoken can completely be a whole other concept in itself. Their mental aptitude is something to be commended as they can easily dance circles around anyone with their vast mental compacity. they have a keen sense of the world, the land, its ancestors, it’s lore and history as if they’ve lived it countless times. That being said in opposition to its third house sister, these natives can lack the small and more crucial baby steps or mental facts that are necessary to give the bigger ones a face. They are gracious and gluttonous when it comes to ideas and knowledge as they love to soak up everything. knowledge and perspectives are the fountain of youth for them as they often need those different views and concepts to further deepen their minds. although mercury is a bit estranged here, he still bubbles and gasses at the Hugeness of the ninth house. foreign travels are usually riddled with opportunities to “learn” and are often plentiful in compacity. These natives are very hard to catch and even harder to maintain as they often have their own set of beliefs that they will fight tooth and nail to convince you to see. they can have a bi-polar relation with religion and can either support or ignore it depending on which side wants to be present that day. University life is often stimulating as hell for these natives and provides them many opportunities for self expansion if properly used. the thighs tend to be petite and rather intricate in form. these natives usually have a rather “entertained” expression as if they’ve already given themselves all of the conversation before you even appeared.
Mercury In The Tenth House: The Heavy Mind
(Drake - 9)
for These natives the mind can be rather intense. In many cases mercury being situated in a house it would normally share and in-conjunction with in theory can be a bit tense as they say. the mind is extremely disciplined here and often the manner of speech can be pressed or withholding as these natives often slip into moments of silence or intended distance. sometimes these natives do it for the masses while other times its because of the rather unfair critique they give themselves. they aren’t the types to act and many prefer to present themselves authentically which can make them seem like a cold, mercenary. in some ways they are the queens and kings of detaching emotions from intellectual situations but in moments when emotions are needed these natives can still struggle to turn on the sensitive switch. The value work and ethic and place a high caliber to who and what they care to listen to as far as opinions go. they can do what must be done to rise to the top as they don’t have the same limitations others would from tearing down the competition. these natives have a rather fragile bone structure and can easily damage their body if they overextend themselves. They are well known through media and through their careers by being a communicator and someone who is competent in electronics, photography, and so on. the dream career could be one in the media in some way or even to a lesser extent acting(but for the most part anything in communications)
Mercury In The eleventh House: The colonized mind
(Julian Casablanca’s + The Voidz - Dare I Care)
Mercury in this house can produce some far out head spaces. These natives can live in a whole new parallel but at the same time you wouldn’t know unless you really got to know the native. they tend to enjoy the game of hide an seek when it comes to which persona they’ll show you. much like all the other air houses, the multiple faced persona is a big play on into how they express themselves. om one hand they revel in their uniqueness but on the other hand unlike Aquarius mercury they are not set on being above or beyond others, they simply want to connect, connect, connect until they have seen it all, every part of it. they can be geniuses, their minds and the way they think is both humbling and terrifying as these natives in most cases struggle following more common or relaxed means of relation. For them the real joy is the build up, the initial hum and drum of relating to someone you share nothing in common with. they tend to be broad minded and adore a multiverse of different personalities, archetypes, scenarios and settings. to them so long as it’ s different or new they are down for the time it takes to understand what they’ve gotten themselves into. strange and more isolated themes are fascinating to them as they often want to know the why and how of it. as far as dressing goes these natives are very unique, but naturally so. they just have this electric. sensational energy to them that makes everyone want to catch a whiff of their beat. Their friends tend to have Gemini placements or operate on a mercurial vibration. they can adore communities and groups and be involved in many. the ankles tend to be small and thin depending on what else rest in this house.
Mercury In The Twelfth House: The vibrational Mind
(Charlotte Gainsbourg - Rest)
Mercury in the twelfth house is a rather complex placement, more complex than any other placement. unlike its other water house sisters, mercury in the twelfth is about more than fluctuating thoughts, or intensity, rather its about the lack of. mercury here is quiet, mercury almost takes on this ghostly role. these natives suffer from what I like to call the silent miss syndrome- this is the act in which certain actions or feelings are felt and thought upon but acted out in passive aggressive and dismissive ways. these natives tend to avoid their emotions and thoughts which creates a separate means of dealing with both that makes these natives in concept difficult to read or even understand. they can express one thing and not just feel something else but do something else completely opposite of what either of their previous actions or thoughts had dictated. the mind here is cloudy and changing, but above all else it’s mute because its never consciously expressing anything. mercury in the 12th Houser’s are expressing their feelings but rather as a frequency or a current rather than anything direct or visible to the naked eye. mercury in this house creates an energy in which what ever is internally felt by these natives is picked up by others and passed on into them, almost like an electrical current. it changes the moods of those around them in their environment in a powerful way. Their sadness, happiness, anxiety, pain, rage, hate, content, tiredness, all of their inner feelings become voices in the environment causing an almost domino effect. this is one of the hardest placements for mercury and for most of their early years these natives can be rather introverted and have self- isolating tendencies due to how sensitive and vulnerable to others they truly are. they can feel everything, and anything almost like a psychic sponge. their dreams can be riddled with the being communicative or in a way far more hand capable than they might actually be in the real world. They are so beautiful and gentle spirits but for a long time until they learn to fly free of Neptune’s waves there mercury will be held in a glass cage.
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Don’t get angry at yourself for feeling drained. Growth takes a lot of energy. It’s really not as simple as it looks.
Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin
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"Being a good wife, being a good mom, being a servant of god don’t mean anything"
- False. It means you chose a higher life-path disguised as a more challenging material existence. You could have sold out early, and took an easier difficulty. But nope, you chose to go BALLS TO THE WALL. No one is surprised by this, except maybe you.
"Meanwhile there are alcohol drinkers, women who treat their husband like shit, abandoned their child — they get to live the life — plenty of money, resources and access. A citizen. Got a house. A car. Must be nice."
- Who knows? I have no idea. We don't concern ourselves with their kind. Except alcohol drinkers. We coo.
Where is this bitterness coming from, btw? This is surprising, all things considered. You knew what path you choose, when you decided to chance pregnancy & marry someone without family consent & support. It's like starting a game you've never played before & choosing the hardest difficulty -- YOU KNOW you're about to get that ass beat.
You wouldn't have done it, if you weren't ready for it. Remember that.
Being a good wife, being a good mom, being a servant of god don’t mean anything
Meanwhile there are alcohol drinkers, women who treat their husband like shit, abandoned their child — they get to live the life — plenty of money, resources and access. A citizen. Got a house. A car.
Must be nice.
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