letterstopoldark-blog

[letterstopoldark-blog]

Pilot (Part I)

Dear Poldark,

Hi. I’m here. Why? Well, I love historical fiction. I love the 18th century. I needed something to fill my Droughtlander. Supposedly, you’re going to fill this void in all of your tri-cornered hat glory. I am promised love, scandal, 18th century England, and objectification of the male physique. I mean, okay. I’ll try anything at least once. 

Enter a you, tall, dark and handsome (or should I say, pol, dark and handsome? heh... sorry,) scoundrel wearing a red coat. Despite the fact I am American and literally every piece of American propaganda since I was born has told me to find red coats and tri-corner hats distasteful, I somehow don’t hate you in the first few scenes in which I see you. You seem apathetic to the war around you, gambling a few coins away and laughing like you’re in some 18th century frat and not, oh, the American Revolution. You actually seem a bit spoiled, tbh. Joking about breaking the law and going to war to escape the gallows. LOL, good times. 

I am very close to being not that into you when I see a flash of honor on your part, questioning your Commander and whether they were defending liberty or tyranny in the backwoods of New England. Ah, so Ross Poldark is a philosopher, eh? 

We never did get to hear the Commander’s answer, because, well, war.

Suddenly, we think you might be dead except we know you’re not because why would they name a show after a dead guy? Okay, I guess they did that with Cukoo, but I’m watching the “real" BBC-in-collab-with-PBS, not BBC 3-in-collab-with-Netflix. I expect the best here. 

Cue mysterious flashback of a pretty, giggly woman on some bucolic coast somewhere, and then there’s that sweet, rustic violin music and some vast, pretty skies and a rugged English shoreline, nearly as rugged as your 5 o’clock shadow and okay, I’m in. Because I am always in when a show has good intro music.

Come to find out, two years later, you, Mr. Pol, Dark and Handsome are returning home to a dead father and gossiping neighbors and … at least you might still have that girl we saw in the flashback, right? Because, I mean...

Wait, sorry, forgot what I was saying. I became too distracted by your cape. I do love a man in a cape.

How pleasant that you arrive home and promptly crash a family dinner party! What a joyous homecoming. Perhaps you can all play a rousing game of Monopoly afterwards while wearing matching sweaters. Side note, I love the woman in the frilly cap. She has only said one or two lines but I will already tell you that she is what I aspire to be when I grow up. Also, doesn’t she look familiar? Anyways, fun fact, I once bought a colonial-style hat that looked exactly like the one she’s wearing in a gift shop situated in a former, 18th century French fort in Northern Michigan. It matched my Felicity doll. 

#nerd. 

I was not the popular girl in school. 

Anyways, this dinner that you crashed seems to have brought you back into the arms (almost!) your dear flashback!girlfriend, Elizabeth, who is all a-fluster at your reappearance into your life. (Which, side note, it would be adorable that she is all flushing and girlish to once again be blessed by your presence, but this is 2017 and I think women, even if it’s anachronistic, are... not supposed to be all girly like that? I mean, is it not a little... silly? Are we for once actually not going to be anachronistic in a television series and actually show how shitty and un-politically correct the world once was? I’m conflicted about how this is all playing out.) At any rate, something is clearly amiss here because it all seems too good to be true and we’re only 10 minutes into the show.

Oh, goody, and your cousin is there, too, welcoming you home heartily. What a lovely time!

Wait... what’s that? And he’s getting married! Yay, wedding. Maybe you’ll get to dance with flashback!girlfriend at the wedding, Pol.

Um, stop. Who is he getting married to? 

No.

Aw.

Awww.

Poldark. Sweetie. I mean, ugh. Tough break. You go off for several years overseas to fight some spoiled, uncivilized American brats and you return home just in time for flashback!girlfriend to marry your cousin.

Awkward.

I really love your cape, by the way.

I guess you aren’t staying in your cousin/soon to be flashback!girlfriend aka. Elizabeth’s mansion tonight, eh? Time to go home. 

Your dad wasn’t much of a housekeeper, was he?

Drunk servants. Rats. How pleasant. Wait, why do I obsess over this century so much? It could use a vat of antibacterial wipes and I would need an arsenal of antibiotics to go back there.

Anyways, Poldark, I know you’ve had a rough day, but do you really need to snap at the servants and be such a bastard? Prickly. 

So, let’s recap, my dear. Your house is a rotting piece of trash. Your flashback!girlfriend is gone, to your cousin/friend no less, daddy is six feet under, and… well, at least the scenery is pretty. I mean, you do have a million dollar view there.

So back to the local mansion: is it Trenwith or Chenwith? My uncultured American ears cannot tell the difference. (Side note: it’s Trenwith.)

I like that you have a group of guys in town to be all bromancey with. At least something is going right in your life.

I can see now that, despite your moody sensibilities, in the next few scenes we have definitely established that, while you may be fairly poor right now, you have your heart in the right place. Are you going to be some sort of Robin Hood type figure? Or perhaps an 18th century, more rugged version of Harry Potter, whose reckless bravery leads him to fight for noble causes? You do have the facial scar. 

Speaking of Harry Potter, now that we have fully established you as being in Gryffindor, let’s cut to a scene where clearly the VILLAIN of the series is being introduced.

“Ross Poldark is alive” we hear a man with curly hair and frilly clothes say. He is counting his money. He has a wingman with an evil voice. I’m 99% sure the curly-haired blonde with frilly clothes is Draco Malfoy’s great-great-great-great-great grandfather. The guy with the evil voice is Crabbe and Goyle’s ancestor. 

Speaking of villains, Elizabeth’s mother is a Disney villain, no? I’m getting some wicked stepmother vibes here. “Marry the dude you don’t like as much,” she advises her daughter. Yes, because that always goes well, lady.

Meanwhile, this episode clearly can’t show too much of you being nice, because we are frequently reminded of how your servants are useless but as much as they’re useless, you’re even more of a bastard to them. Also, did you just call them fat? Wow, Pol, my friend. A+ servant owner of the year award. What’s next, “Let them eat cake”?

This episode is getting a little tedious, but all of the sudden we are introduced to your cousin Verity. I love Verity already. She’s sweet. A breath of fresh air. She’s also been a character in literally every British television or movie I’ve ever seen, and I like her. She has a good attitude despite the mopey family she was clearly born into.

I’m getting the sense that you and flashback!girlfriend are made for each other, because your favorite hobby is brooding. Still, better broody than insecure, which your cousin Francis is. He must be insecure about not being as broody. Instead, he goes for pouty. It’s not quite as sexy.

Luckily, flashback!girlfriend’s mother seems to be influential, because Francis is hanging on to her.

#thatawkwardmoment when you are invited to your flashback!Girlfriend’s wedding with your former BFF.

Okay, so here’s the thing, Poldark. Right around here you make a fatal flaw. No pun intended. Were you literally about to let your cousin die in front of you? Um, I don’t know what to say to you other than, asshole. 

“Is Poldark a bastard? Moment #2: Almost lets cousin/BFF drown. 

10 points from Gryffindor.

Let’s check in on Malfoy, who is now currently vying for a spot as your best frenemy. Good luck shaking that guy off.

I take it back about you and Elizabeth being made for each other. Your broodiness would eventually destroy each other, as you try to out brood yourselves and ultimately would brood each other to death.

Oh, and by the way, at this point in the episode, I have decided you are indeed a bastard.

Pol, dark and broody.

Quick question, Are there going to be pirates in this series?

And then there’s a good ol’ fashioned family Tarot reading, which is appropriately Mysterious for the halfway point of this episode. Thank goodness for the crazy old aunt in her Colonial cap reading the Tarot to her mopey family. This kind is how I like my 18th century dramas.

To be continued...

Sincerely,

A.

{{still photo credits}}