lettuce-gremlin - Tumblr blog

[lettuce-gremlin]

so many areas have been un-wetlanded and we need to re-wet them. if there is an area that makes a big puddle for days every time it rains everyone wants to make a channel to make the water go away faster. but actually that solution creates muddy polluted water flowing rapidly into the streams. the real solution is to dig a wide shallow pit to become a pond and make the water hang out for longer so it can become the cattails' and rushes' home. make sure to make the edges a gradual slope so the frogs can get in easily btw

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Co-signed

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the wenis is a dance

(thanks to tiktok user @thatbaroneboy for the amazing compilation!)

[lettuce-gremlin]

you're going about your normal day when, suddenly, surprise! you've been pokémon mystery dungeon'd!

unfortunately, due to budget cuts, the pokémon assigning quiz has been canceled. instead, you must spin THE WHEEL, assigning you a random, unevolved, non-legendary and non-mythical pokémon. you must now go on some sort of world-saving adventure as this pokémon. good luck!

tell me in the tags what you rolled, and how you feel about it - for bonus points, you can spin the wheel again for (or just take your pick of) a pokémon to be your partner.

bonus rules:

you're not shiny unless the wheel tells you you're shiny

take your pick of regional forms and evolutions (for example, if you roll vulpix, it's up to you whether that means normal or alolan vulpix)

apply whatever logic you like with regards to gender

have fun and be yourself!

[lettuce-gremlin]

(for the purposes of this poll, there is no monkey's paw situation: the chore you pick stays the same level of difficulty/grossness/etc. as it normally is for you, and you only have to do it as often as you want to. the chores you don't pick are magically done for you exactly the way you'd want them to be, just with zero effort on your part.)

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The super moon on a radio receiver dish

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“Temporary stitches” all stitches are temporary if you have a pair of scissors and aren’t a coward

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being a dyke is one of the most beautiful things this world has to offer. has anyone heard of this

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Mentally floating face down in a river

[lettuce-gremlin]

it's just really funny to me to imagine Fabian actually being a great big brother honorable nemesis.

like, putting a nemesis ward on the nursery with aelwyn's help since "it won't do if they die before their eighteenth birthday, will it?" (aelwyn, deeply sarcastic: "well of course, that is exactly why I put the ward on adaine's room." fabian, too deep in denial for sarcasm: "see? you get it")

gifting them a battle sheet baby blanket since they should start preparing for their battle early on (and yes it's extra fluffy, it's for a baby stop laughing everybody)

generally trying to teach them everything he knows "so their battle to the death will be a fair one"

giving their adventuring party the same lecture on tactics that the bad kids got from his papa

hunting down chungledown bim and any other nemesis so his sibling is the only one who could get a piece of his fund (he just wants it to stay in the family, shut up)

just. fabian being an amazing big brother but also if you call him that to his face he will cut you

[lettuce-gremlin]

where the FUCK did my uber take me 😭