leuiesroom - Tumblr blog

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i love abortion and i love divorce

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I Can't Believe They're Not Giants

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Photos from my friend who is a vet tech

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Love being fun and silly with strangers… Today at the farmers market the hummus guy saw my bag and was like “We’re filling that up right??” and I was like Twist my arm!! and we both hooted. Then at the end he was like “By the way the baklava is only half sliced so make sure to slice before serving… that is, if you’re going to share!!” and I was like “Oh I wouldn’t count on that!! 😉😉” and we shared another hearty laugh. I love playing in this space with you

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I don't just think kink should be "allowed" at pride, I think we should train a huge pack of those puppy mask dudes to bark at all of the floats that have corporate branding on them

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I had somewhat infrequent contact with the church youth group as a high schooler–I wasn’t a regular attendee, but enough of my friends were that I usually had the lowdown on what was happening. I have a personal policy that I don’t turn down invitations to participate in things unless I have an actual conflict (which is, let me tell you, an interesting, rewarding, and occasionally dangerous way to live your life) so when one of my friends said, “Hey, Hell, the youth group is doing a volunteer project and we need people. You in?” I said sure.

She told me to dress for messy outdoor work, and we’d drive there together on Saturday morning. No other details were provided.

So Saturday morning came, and I found myself standing in jeans, steeltoe boots and a tank top in front of a very, very run-down house with about a dozen other teenagers and a couple adults. The adults had that slightly manic look common to youth group leaders, and matching church t-shirts. 

They also had half a dozen sledgehammers.

I had a fantastic feeling about how this day was going to go. 

The house, they explained, was condemned. It needed to be demolished. 

There were words after that about the who and the what and the why (and, presumably, about why they had decided to recruit a bunch of teenagers to do this In The Name Of Jesus) but I was vibrating at a speed that rendered audio waves impossible to decipher and didn’t catch any of it. Something-something-something-jesus, something-something-something-hit things with sledgehammers, don’t hit the marked support beams,  Something-something-something-HELL YOU GET TO WRECK THIS HOUSE was basically all that got through.

They said something that my brain interpreted as “GO!” 

I had a sledgehammer in my hand and was swinging through the front door faster than a chipmunk on cocaine. Which was wholly unnecessary; the front door was unlocked. I just wanted to do it. 

I plowed a straight line through that house from front door through the back wall just because I could, then doubled back to go for some of the fun tile spots. Around me, a dozen sweaty teenagers were going absolutely feral. The ones with sledgehammers were swinging wildly at anything they could reach, and the ones without were kicking holes in the drywall for no reason and prying apart any surface they could get a grip on.  

The adults had cleared out about five minutes in; we were left with our sledgehammers and no inhibitions.

 These wholesome christian teens had spent most of their lives being proper and helpful, and now, for what may have been the first time, they were being told to be as destructive as they were capable of being, and it immediately went to their heads. We were a swarm of holy termites. We were sledgehammer-bearing tornadoes. We punched holes in that house until there wasn’t any house left to punch holes in.

Did we take out some of the marked support beams on accident? Absolutely. Was this whole plan deeply, deeply unwise? Sure! But we were having a great time!

The teens with sledgehammers mostly got tired and traded off sooner or later, and a couple of us decided that now was the time to solve some universal mysteries for ourselves, like: can I run straight through a wall if I get a far enough running start? Can I kick a door down like in a movie? If we work together, can we throw John right through that drywall?

The answers to these questions was a shining, reverberating YES.

(John was fine, probably.)

By the time we felt that our work was done, the house was just a few upright studs with a roof on top, sitting in a lake of debris. We straggled out on to the front lawn, dragging our sledgehammers, and watched as the adults hooked chains to the remaining beams. The chains were hooked to the back hitch of someone’s Compensator pickup truck, which was being used for its actual function for probably the first time ever. We watched as the truck pulled away from the curb, the chains going tight–

–and with a sound like breaking toothpicks, the beams broke, and the house pancaked in on itself.  We cheered like it was the Second Coming. 

I don’t know why they had us do this. I don’t even know whose house it was. I just know that there are few joys purer than the joy of wrecking something bigger than you with nothing but the strength of your own arms, and few euphorias more glorious than the feeling of putting a sledgehammer through a front door for no reason at all.

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Once again randomly remembered this story about a couple who had a small parrot - pretty sure it was a budgie - who didn't talk but learned to communicate with people in its own way. Once it figured out that people always turn to check their phones when the notification sound comes on, it started making the text message notification sound to request human attention. The parrot also liked to follow people to the door whenever guests were leaving, and would use its wings to pantomime the motions of a person putting their coat on. A very clever, charming bird.

And every once in a while it just randomly hated some people. Not for any real reason, or even reason to suspect bad vibes, but by deciding "fuck this person in particular" for shits and giggles alone. And one time when the owners had invited a new friend to their home, the bird decided that it Did Not Like Her.

So in the middle of polite conversation, the bird - who was free to roam around the apartment at the time - hopped onto the living room coffee table, right in front of the unwanted guest. And in that moment, the owners put two and two together and understood that whatever mischief the bird had decided to do, it was now too late to stop it.

But instead of unleashing the absolute hell that even the tiniest displeased parrot could be capable of, the little budgie made its little "may I have your attention please" cell phone notification sound, and once the guest was focused on the bird, looked at her dead in the eye while doing the putting-my-coat-on wing motion.

The guest did not recognise the pantomime for what it was, but she was nonetheless delighted that the parrot would do a little wing-roll dance for her. And the host couple were at first too stunned and then too polite to tell her how impressive that gesture truly was. Their bird had shown both remarkable restraint and cleverness by using its entire vocabulary of human communication just to say

"I have an important announcement: I think you should leave."

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health and safety section of barista training had a question about dealing with pests, one of the multiple choice answers to which was "call the police", which immediately reawakened the memory of "no way i'm not gonna narc on my buddy" in me like a sleeper agent activation phrase

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Give me jelly beans you fuck head

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people online talk so much about hating babies and kids but in "the meatspace" people LOVE babies. hang out with a baby and you will see so many people staring at you with big smiles and waving at you and going "that baby is SO cute" and generally being pleasant unprompted. the lady at the vietnamese place just now gave us like three extra soup spoons because my niece loves those spoons but kept dropping them on the floor and the lady kept giving us more with a massive smile on her face. on our walk today a bunch of construction guys waved and grinned at her the whole time we walked by, and when we passed by an elementary school a little girl said "your baby's really sweet!" babies are not balls of irritation and hatred they are beacons of joy and kindness actually and they bring out the best in strangers. whenever im out with her we have multiple positive interactions with strangers who are so happy to see her. or maybe it's just that my baby niece is the cutest most wonderful baby in the world :]

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drinking dr pepper like an absolute pervert

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LETTERKENNY 12.04 | snooters

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reblog to give the person you reblogged it from a good night’s sleep (maybe)(please)(I’m begging the universe)