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levi501ackerman · 5 months ago

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Steel Heart Ch 34:

The Ruler of the Walls

Hange x Reader chapter index masterlist AO3

Megan's Note: (After Steel Heart I will not be posting long fics on tumblr) King Regent is a title for a stand in king! School and work have been Eiffel Towering me, but at least I have As and money to spend on Hange merch!! So excited to write the rest of the story! Posted: 3/4/25

Word Count: 8.2k

Mud gathered around the paths of the garden due to the heavy rainfall. It relentlessly fell on Mitras Castle and the city. Dark, angry clouds covered the sky and harsh drops of water pelted the windows. Each day since the Queen passed, the halls remained dull and lifeless. The candles burned quickly and the torches died off, leaving the floating smoke dissipating into the solemn halls.

Without anyone advertently saying it, you knew all eyes were on you. All the news spread to the districts, and each citizen expected you to emerge to the throne. The weight of the responsibilities anchored you to your bed. While laying in the silk sheets and fluffy pillows, you rotted away and mindlessly stared through the windows of the french doors leading to the balcony.

You stayed locked in your room, avoiding everybody.

Lady Nanaba gave you space, figuring you were mourning your mother. However, you were dreading the power you were destined to inherit. Apparently, the King Regent was distraught, too. He had been locked away in his chambers and didn’t want to see nor speak to anyone besides his personal guards, according to Nanaba.

You thought it was a testament to how much he loved your mother. Though you didn’t know him well, you assumed he was tending the wounds that scared him by the loss of his soulmate. The Queen—who everyone adored and admired—died alone.

Sasha and Annie tried to bathe you, but you refused.

A few days ago, while you lay in bed, Sasha adamantly suggested that you be washed so the servants could change your sheets. While they scrubbed you, jealousy festered in your chest. You watched as Annie meticulously scrubbed your arm.

According to Doctor Grisha Yeager, your mother loved Annie like she was her own daughter. Annie spent time with your mother. Annie was close to your mother. Annie wasn’t sent away to live far from your mother. A burning ache in your chest spread and engulfed your body like flames. While you sat in the tub, you basked in the fire that burned around you—enduring pain only you felt while others were blissfully unaware.

“Your Majesty?” Sasha asked, her voice distant. Your eyes narrowed on Annie. She dipped the sponge into the bath water and squeezed it, letting it drip back into the tub. Annie’s impassive blue eyes stayed on the water, and then she ran the sponge along your left leg.

“Annie . . .” You spoke and how you said her name almost sounded like a call or a demand for her attention.

“Yes, your Majesty?” She scrubbed the skin around your ankle. Without blinking, you waited for her to look at you—for the full attention that you felt you deserved. Each second she focused on your skin, you clenched your jaw. When Annie finally gave you her attention, she noticed the harsh look in your eyes and the sharp eyebrows that scowled at her.

“Is it true you’re Marleyan?” You seethed.

“Yes.” Annie returned her attention back to your legs. She didn’t falter nor flinch at your question. Annie didn’t seem embarrassed or afraid that you knew. she didn’t react how you wanted her to. You could feel the sponge Sasha held waver unsurely and then return to scrubbing your breasts.

“I was told you were close with my mother?”

“Yes—”

“Why? How could you be?” She craned her head toward your glaring stare that dared her to challenge your temper. After all, you were the Queen, and she was nothing but a mere Marleyan girl.

Sasha picked up the obvious distaste for Annie’s position with your mother and nervously rubbed the sponge over your stomach. She kept an eye on Annie, spectating the tension simmering between you and her. Annie’s unyielding eyes remained locked on yours. Who was going to cut away first?

In a moment of blinding jealousy and rage, there is no other desire than to be correct—to have things our way. While you already held the highest status on the island, you still wanted to diminish another. It’s a desire we crave and sinfully validates us . . . even at the expense of our typical kindness.

“I was your mother’s lady—”

“Doctor Yeager said my mother loved you like a daughter. So why? Why did you get to grow up with her?” Your impatience was thin and the envious fire scalded your body. No matter how hard you tried to project your pain onto Annie, it was you who was scorched by the devastating fact that you could not change the past or live a life with your mother.

“It’s meaningless to think I am Marleyan, your Majesty.” Annie’s voice didn’t have a trace of submissiveness or fear. “I was born in the temple and my father took me and fled when I was old enough to run. It was pointless to try to unchain my mother in the darkness, especially when every woman is begging to be freed.” A lump in your throat formed, but your pride demanded you maintain the stern expression you’ve been directing at Annie. “We were dirt poor for years until your mother’s carriage ran over my father many years ago. She took pity on me and employed me, and I send my earnings to the doctor, helping my crippled father walk again. Is there anything else you would like to know, your Majesty?”

Her tone was oddly distant and detached. You said nothing else. It was the only moment you didn’t wish Hange was with you. They would have seen a character you didn’t want them to witness. A stewing instigator who wanted to remind Annie that she wasn’t the Queen’s daughter, only to find out Annie didn’t seek the position or the attention.

Later that day, while you lay in your clean silk sheets, the guilt finally set in after the pride was swallowed. Annie was a product of the horrors that went on in the women’s ward.

Your mind trailed to the memory of the single flame that illuminated the darkness. Silhouettes of women sitting on their filthy beds with glowing, desperate eyes looking at you and Levi flashed in your mind. A jolt shot through your body as the memory of their hands reaching for you—reaching for their sliver of freedom. Their pleas were suffocating and you squeezed your eyes shut and buried your face into the silk, pink pillowcase, hiding from the memory.

When you gathered your thoughts and opened your eyes, you first noticed the rays of light shining through the windows on the french doors leading to the balcony. Light was a privilege that the women in the temple didn’t get. You sighed disappointedly as you watched the dust moats float in the rays. Your heart ached at the stupidity of your feelings.

You mourned what could have been with your mother. Not her. You hardly knew her. It wasn’t fair for you to be angry or jealous with Annie and you owed her some compassion and an apology. If Annie was closer to your mother than what she led on and with what Doctor Yeager said, she was most likely secretly distraught. Later that day, you apologized to Annie and though she didn’t seem like she needed it, you hoped she knew you meant it.

A few days later, Sasha and Annie tried to get you out of bed for your mother’s memorial service. According to Nanaba, the King Regent also refused to leave his room. She didn’t speak to him personally, but his number one guard, Floch Forester, told her the King Regent didn’t want to speak to anyone but would be present and punctual for the memorial.

Although makeup was fun to wear, Sasha left your skin bare. She moisturized your dull, dry skin, and she and Annie were figuring out how to make you look healthier. The skin around your eyes was crusty and raw from your anxious tears. Ultimately, they dressed you in a thick black mourning veil that hid your expressions.

The thunderous rhythm of knights surrounding you and Nanaba’s heels echoed through the corridor. While Sir Armin Arlert was your number one guard, when the queen died you gained a group of guards as you were now the most valuable being within the walls. They marched in front, beside, and behind you, ready to slash all harmed that dared to come forward. It was suffocating and sometimes difficult to see anything ahead of you with the tall, imposing wall of shiny silver armor.

Nanaba wore black dress robes, and even Sasha and Annie wore black as they followed behind you. A wave of black and silver marched outside the castle, and a sea of black fabrics worn by the court was on the grounds. They were indistinguishable.

The rain stopped, and light grey clouds covered the sky. The dewy grass and the smell of rain lingered in the air. The ground was drenched, but the rain stopped in time for your mother’s memorial service.

The many knights guided you to a place on the castle grounds with a large hill with a stone mausoleum. The wall surrounding the perimeter of the castle ground turned into a thick, long, rusty iron gate that let the public visibly be able to see the hill and the mausoleum. Guards kept them in line as they patiently and silently watched the knights and you trudge up the hill. With blotchy faces and teary eyes, they cried for the memorial of your mother while also catching a glimpse of the new Queen.

As the height of the hill rose above the crowd, you couldn’t fathom the miles of the citizens behind the length of the gate. They wore black and were willing to huddle in a claustrophobic crowd to witness the ceremony. It looked as if every citizen in the City of Mitras was among the strip of black fabrics.

The mausoleum was made of light stone with dark iron doors, intricate locks, and two symmetrical grand columns supporting the triangular stone roof. It was carved in an ancient language you couldn’t decipher and there was an odd sense of guilt, like you should have known what the words carved into the base of the roof meant.

You stood silently with Armin and Lady Nanaba for a few minutes, and your patience began to falter. You fidgeted with the black lace gloves, wondering if someone would tell you what would happen next.

As you were about to ask, it suddenly occurred to you that you hadn’t seen the King Regent. You weren’t sure if his lateness was a pattern his reputation proceeded. But as Lady Nana craned her neck to look over the guards surrounding you, she whispered under her breath.

“He’s just on time . . .” She tilted her chin in the direction of another group of guards approaching. It was a smaller group and you didn’t see the familiar blazing red hair of the King Regent’s number one guard. Perhaps it was because of the guards surrounding you or because Floch Forester might have been beside the King Regent like how Armin was while escorting you, but you couldn’t catch a glimpse of his presence.

When the group of guards trudged up the hill, it was quite noticeable there were fewer guards than what typically accompanied the Queen and her King. When the knights halted next to yours, the wall of guards surrounding you split, then the guards around the other group stepped aside, forming a larger formation around you and—

Like some adrenaline spike or grasp for protection, you clutched Armin’s hand. The movement startled him and you turned your back on the other group of knights.

“What’s Prince Marco doing here?!” You whispered harshly, and when Armin’s bewildered expression made it clear he was clueless, you turned to Lady Nanaba for an answer.

“Your Majesty, please do not fret. It is only Marco—”

“What is he doing here? He . . . he didn’t know my mother.” You said with an attempt to search for a reason that validated your dislike for his presence.

“Your Majesty, Prince Marco Bodt’s family and your parents were close . . . and I believe you should calm down and listen to what he may have to say . . .” Lady Nanaba said through a gritted smile. Without any time to rebuttal her insistence, you felt Prince Marco’s presence and as you turned to him, he lowered himself to one knee. He had his right fist over his heart and lowered his head, respectfully avoiding your gaze.

“Your Majesty,” His voice was soft. “I want to apologize for my hasty affection. I should have kept my hands to myself. I am ashamed to call myself your husband when I frightened you and I should be the man who makes you feel safe. I want to be the man you can rely on. To the other side of the Earth, I would follow you, protect you, and comfort you. You walk with springtime wherever you go and I am merely a bug.” You furrowed your eyebrows and his last part amused you, yet his humble ask for forgiveness made you stifle a laugh. You inconspicuously shot your eyes to Armin and Nanaba, wanting to see how they reacted to Prince Marco calling himself a bug. Nanaba gave you an appointed look, encouraging you to speak to Marco and Armin stared ahead, his eyes glossed over.

“Uh, that’s nice, Marco . . .” He lifted his head and had an overly friendly smile with freckles littered on his warm cheeks. His undying loyalty irked you. It was odd that he met you once, yet he was overly accommodating. You couldn’t but bitterly think of how he would act if you had different blood. “You’re not a bug . . . you’re my equal.”

“Your Majesty. I will never be your equal. But I will be your—”

“Okay, I get it—stand, please.” You began to feel embarrassed by his verbal devotion.

You stared down the hill to the gates, where citizens dressed in mourning black fabrics pressed against the iron gate. Prince Marco’s eyes attentively traced each crevice of your face, waiting and wanting to support you. His eyes burned into your skin, and his presence suffocated you. You wanted him to simply go away.

A bell tolled on the dot when the clock tower struck noon. A low, dull tone echoed a few seconds after each chime. Sir Armin stood straighter and Nanaba inhaled deeply.

Dozens upon dozens of guards emerged from the castle. Four times the amount surrounding yourself. They filled out and marched simultaneously toward the hill. The bell continued to toll haunting chimes. Once the guards marched into view, the citizens behind the wrought iron gate whispered and shushed each other. A shiny white casket brighter than anything you’ve ever seen was at the center of the hundreds of guards. A spray of white lilies, carnations, and orchids was mounted at the top of the casket.

The first knight you recognized holding the casket on his shoulders was the Queen’s number one guard, Keith Shadis. His bald head is what made you confident it was him in the distance. Walking alongside him was the familiar red hair of Floch Forester, who was with the King Regent. The King Regent wore the opulent gold crown atop his greying hair and black uniform. The other knights holding the casket were Erwin Smith, Premier Zachary, and Hange . . .

Your breath hitched.

Hange . . .

They carried the white casket on their shoulders with a stern expression and marched up the hill to the mausoleum. You could feel your heart pumping out of your chest at the sight of Hange. There was an antsy feeling compounding in your mind. The need to be close to them.

In their uniform, they looked broader. Despite the circumstances surrounding them holding a casket, it was quite attractive how effortlessly Hange carried the weight. Their strength and the fact that they were appointed one of the few to bear the casket alluded to the respect and high regard they held.

Hange stared strictly ahead, and as you saw them draw closer, you hoped they would spare a glance. The black lace veil gave you a sense of privacy, shielding your eyes and letting you admire Hange from afar. You longed to meet their brown eye, to see their beauty and the window into their soul.

When the knights holding the casket came to a halt in front of the entrance to the mausoleum, the air went still and you held your breath, waiting for something to happen. It was then you noticed the King Regent was motioning you toward him. Floch’s eyes bore into you and it dawned on you that the King Regent beckoned you to be by his side. The guards surrounding you split before you, giving you a clear view of Hange. Their hair was neatly tied back and their uniform fitted them in a way that outlined their toned arm muscles. You tried to hide your blush and your smile, especially in the circumstances of the memorial.

Upon walking toward the King Regent’s side, your heart pounded, realizing you would walk directly in front of Hange. You brought your shoulders back and stood taller than usual, hoping your posture was perfect. All eyes were on you as you crossed toward King Regent and when you glanced to the side, Hange’s warm eye traced your movements.

It sent a jolt through your system, knowing you had their full attention. Your chest fluttered, and you stifled a smile, trying to remain neutral, but it was hard with the ounce of Hange’s attention. Was their heart pounding as hard as yours? To the same rhythm? The seconds of them watching you stayed on your mind, engulfing and greedily wanting nothing else to occupy your thoughts. Even as the memorial continued.

Your heart swelled when you realized Hange was joining you and the King Regent in the mausoleum. Hange carried the casket down the steps into the cool underground stone where guards were already standing along the walls. There were flickering candles lighting the darkness, and when Hange set the casket on a stone catafalque, they took a step backward and happened to be standing next to you.

You could feel their warmth as they radiated next to you. The pull of their soul was like a magnet, attracting you and compelling you to touch. It was then you realized how hard you were balling your fists. With the release of your hands, you stretched your fingers, aching and pleading to feel Hange’s skin against yours. But you didn’t dare to glance at Hange.

It was harrowing to be so close to Hange while the King Regent and Prince Marco were in the underground mausoleum, giving their last moments of silent farewells.

An inevitable thought conjured in your mind. Your conscience slipped and fell into the thoughts of Hange lying in the casket. Your imagination fed you images of Hange with pale, cold skin, with their eyes closed and body brittle, lying in an open casket. Soulless and gone.

A pinching pressure settled behind your nose and the lifeless, unresponsive thought of Hange made your stomach drop. There was no beauty in death or the peace that people connotated. Only Hange’s utter stillness.

You blinked your eyes, trying to blink away the tears that were gathering, but then the invasive thought of you shaking Hange’s body, trying to wake them, crossed your mind. Hange’s head was slacked and jerked due to your desperate plea to wake them. Their soul was gone and their body was left, leaving you behind in total darkness.

Warm tears poured from your face and you so desperately wanted to cling to Hange for comfort, but it was too brash, like the King and Prince Marco could detect your bond with Hange from a single touch. You sniffled and brought your hands up to your eyes, shielding yourself from the intrusive thoughts of Hange being dead. You sobbed and could feel the overwhelming loss of your soulmate.

You turned to your right, leaning into Armin while gasping for air. Then, as you felt yourself against a small frame, you noticed how hard you were shaking. The image of Hange lying in the casket returned, but another impulsive image had blood seeping from gashes in their abdomen. The inside of the casket, lined with white satin, was stained with Hange’s blood. The body that encompassed their soul perished and blood covered their face and trickled down their neck.

Your chest heaved, and you worried you would throw up. Arms wrapped around you, and then you realized it wasn’t Sir Armin Artlert next to you. It wasn’t Prince Marco, either, but Annie. The awkward realization sunk into you. Annie was a stoic, quiet girl, and how you felt about the horrid images of Hange could be how Annie felt inside about the Queen.

You let yourself stay in Annie's arms, and she awkwardly held you. Her arms were stiff around you, and the odd moments of comfort were preferable than exposing you and Hange.

You caught your breath and Doctor Grisha Yeager’s words ran through your mind. His three three three technique. You pulled away from Annie and wiped the hot tears from your cheeks. Annie looked slightly concerned and her blue eyes traced the flush of your face and the tremble of your hands. It made you clasp your hands together and slowly return toward the casket.

Your sniffles echoed off the cool air of the mausoleum and Prince Marco wiped a tear he shed from his eyes and he swallowed thickly. The casket where the woman who gave birth to you and longed for a relationship with you was pristinely clean and the gold-encrusted along the edges were shiny. A pit of sympathy and guilt coiled in your chest. There wasn’t enough time with her and she was so sick. It was only after she was gone you wanted to spend more time with her. The Queen was fragile and gone too soon. Besides her being your mother, it was rather confusing to know if it was valid or not to be upset by her passing. You knew her so little compared to the others in the room. The Queen’s death created the notion of needing to spend time with the ones you hold dearest in the world.

Your eyes flickered to the King Regent, looking at the stone flooring of the mausoleum. Perhaps it was because he had grieved in private, or maybe he was a man who didn’t like to express his emotions openly, but you noticed the King Regent didn’t shed a single tear. You blinked and rationalized that he was a private man. If he and the Queen were soulmates how was he so composed? If Hange were being laid to rest, you wouldn't be able to hold yourself together.

━━ ⊱ ⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆ ♡ ⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺ ⊰ ━━

The Coronation Day was like a shot of adrenaline coursing through your veins from dawn to twilight. Even the sky was overbearingly bright where it flooded light into each window in the castle. There was a distinct sense of unrelenting force that ceased to be disturbed or stopped. From how Lady Nanaba woke you with the cheeriest attitude to the way, Rai hopped and followed you around the room. Sasha had a joyful smile as she eagerly started getting you dressed for breakfast, and you swore you saw Annie smile slightly when you joked with Sasha that you would feed Armin to her instead of having the grand breakfast Sasha speculated you would eat.

She was not wrong. When a servant opened the doors to the dining hall, the long rosewood table had a spread of dishes and various fruits beautifully arranged. Normally, you sat alone at the table and put a plate of greens on the floor for Rai. As your eyes scanned the decadent breakfast before you, it was then you noticed the King Regent and Prince Marco at the head and foot of the table.

Prince Marco stood at the sight of you, and Rai tugged forward on her leash, enthusiastic about eating soon. The King Regent stayed sat and leaned forward, plating his breakfast without acknowledging you. Both their presence made your appetite disappear.

You forced yourself to eat the slices of smoked salmon and the various vegetables while avoiding both men’s eyes. It was awkwardly silent besides the food munching and the silverware clattering against the plates. Despite being nearly full, there was no dent in the amount of food displayed on the table. It was odd how the kitchen prepared a feast for what seemed to feed possibly twenty or so people, but it was like it was for show or decoration.

The fruit was ripe and meticulously placed on a triple-tiered serving tray, and the smoked salmon slices were on a long silver tray that looked like it came from an entire three-foot-long salmon. If it were appropriate, Sasha might have dined with you.

The King Regent kept glancing at Rai disapprovingly as she chewed her food. She tended to flip the tiny saucer you placed leafy greens and vegetables on. According to Armin, bunnies preferred to eat off the floor because the posture helped their tiny digestive system. The saucer clattered every few minutes as Rai would aggressively move it out of the way of her food. By the fourth or fifth time, you could tell the King Regent grew frustrated, especially when he huffed and dropped his fork against the plate.

You leaned down to grab the glass saucer off the ground, but as you were about to place it on the table, the King Regent’s low voice petrified you.

“What manners do you have?” He questioned, barely mustering the interest to reprimand you. “Do not set that on the table.” The King Regent swirled the glass of wine and tilted his head back, swallowing the contents of the glass. It may have been the first time he fully addressed you and it left a sliver of unease. You weren’t sure if you deserved his shortness or dismissiveness, but his words made the room feel suffocating. You couldn’t eat anymore. “You better be a virgin.”

Your eyes grew wide and the King Regent’s demanding statement sucked the air out of your lungs. The hair on your neck stood and it felt like all eyes were on you. A burning sensation sparked in your chest and you struggled to breathe, feeling as if the memory of tying your souls with Hange was exposed and the King Regent could read your thoughts. You flushed and stared at what was left of your breakfast.

“I am, your Majesty.” Prince Marco spoke well through the awkward, thick air. You furrowed your eyebrows and glanced at the King Regent, who directed a stern expression toward Prince Marco. It was then you realized his statement was for Marco. “I can assure—”

“We will check,” The King Regent's heavy chair scraped against the floor. “Only a pure man will marry my daughter.” He said under his breath and his uncomfortable declaration lingered in the air. Was that his way of looking out for you?

Floch Forester, Keither Shadis, and his guards filed out from against the perimeter of the dining hall. They formed around the King Regent and a wave of courage coarse through you. You stopped yourself before you could dare ask the question, and it was odd that you wanted him to return to the table. A pleading voice begged you to ask him to stay and finish breakfast with you.

As the doors closed with a heavy thud and the thick air dissipated, it felt easier to breathe. You sat silently with Prince Marco and the enormous breakfast left of the table. Servants began to take the dishes, flatware, and cups the King Regent used and you found yourself confused.

Why did you feel the need to keep trying to connect with the King Regent when he was distant and cold? What sane person wanted the attention of one who did not care to dispense it? You stabbed a slice of salmon with the tongs of your fork. The King Regent��s grief must have driven him to be angry and isolated. Even isolated away from you—his daughter. There was a sheer ounce of hope that you’d possibly grow close to him after the death of your mother. But he didn’t reach out to you or seemed friendly. Why . . . ? Why is there a need to try? Any attention is good attention.

“You are adorable.” You heard Prince Marco cooed. He was leaning over and had a kind smile on his face. His freckles enhanced the kind features he had and when he turned his face toward you, a wave of annoyance struck you. Rai was on her hind legs and her paws were on Prince Marco’s thigh. Her head was craned toward him and she was sniffing the air around him, wriggling her nose. Rai’s innocent curiosity for Marco annoyed you and you wished she didn’t find Marco interesting. “I have been wanting to meet your pet bunny,” Marco scratched the base of her ears. “What is his name?”

“She’s a girl.”

“What is her name?” Rai was clearly enjoying the attention he was giving her.

“Rai . . .”

“That is adorable. Rai means lighting.” You narrowed your eyes suspiciously toward Prince Marco. He was now stroking Rai’s back with a gentle palm. “You must run fast. Almost as fast as lightning, huh?” He cooed at Rai again.

“Did someone tell you to say that?” Someone must have warned Prince Marco to say that in front of you to get you to like him more. He froze and furrowed his eyebrows.

“Excuse me?”

You stood from your chair and begrudgingly walked to the foot of the table. His friendly eyes watched you draw closer. Rai didn’t mind being in Marco's presence, and you tugged on her leash gently, trying to get her away from him.

“Someone told you to say that to get me to like you, right?” you said with no attempt to look at him.

“I-I I do not know what to say. No one told me anything—”

“I know Lady Nanaba did. She probably told you to try to get me to like you or something.”

“Are you okay, Y/N? You’re wheezing—”

“Stop being so nice to me!” Your chest heaved and you aggressively picked Rai off the floor. She writhed in your arms, hating the way you carried her. Prince Marco stood from his chair and then you realized how hard of time you were breathing. Your bottom lip quivered and Rai, being difficult in your arms, tipped the brink and refused to cry in front of Prince Marco. The frustration only conjured more tears. Prince Marco was overly nice and it annoyed you that he was devoted to you, despite barely knowing you.

There was a suffocating feeling of judgment as you returned to your room. As if each guard silently scrutinized you for being annoyed with Prince Marco over him adoring your rabbit. Their unspoken thoughts weighed on you as you tried on wedding gowns in the afternoon. You could barely focus on the white dresses and the adoring comments from Lady Nanaba, Sasha and other servants.

The seamstress, a gorgeous girl with short, dirty blonde hair named Hitch, praised your beauty with each dress you tried on. There had to be over twenty different styles, lengths, fabrics and necklines. She could tell you were apprehensive over the marriage and began to get frustrated with how you repeatedly told her you loved each dress. Despite Hitch wanting to know which dress you preferred, it was difficult to say you disliked a dress when apparently she was the designer of the gowns.

Over the two hours, you narrowed down five dresses for Hitch to tailor perfectly to your figure. The haze of lace fabric disappeared as you walked down the corridor to your room.

The sun was still delightfully shining, but you felt numb. The overwhelming number of duties on the list paralyzed your consciousness, making you feel like you were floating through the day. You watched everything going on around you while your thoughts were too exhausted to thread a monologue.

You were a young child again. Hearing Fairy Godmother Christa and Ymir arguing at each other. They were screaming at each other about something you could vaguely remember. All you remember was curling in your closet, hearing your heart thump against your chest and waiting for their tempers to settle. The day after that evening you started having school in the cottage and you didn’t see the children your age anymore. You were safely isolated.

It didn’t occur to you until Lady Nanaba mentioned it, but when you marry Prince Marco, he would be the supreme command of the military and the King’s guard would be his. She added that later, there would be a meeting after dinner with The King Regent, Premier Darius Zachary, the head of the Royal King’s Guard and the Scout Regiment, Erwin Smith, the Commander of the Royal King’s Guard, and Prince Marco.

You had a moment of ease when Sasha and Annie dressed you for your coronation ceremony. Annie was twisting your hair into an elegant updo that brought attention to your rosy cheeks. Knowing the coronation day was monumental, they were extra meticulous with your appearance. One that may only occur once in some people’s lifetime.

“Thank you for inviting me into the mausoleum.” Annie’s quiet voice pulled you out of your empty thoughts. You sat at the white wooden vanity and glanced at her through the mirror. She twisted the rest of your hair, avoiding your eyes.

“Uh . . . yeah . . . no problem.” You thought Annie would say more, but when she was finished pinning your hair, she walked away from you without saying another word. She approached Sasha, who sewed the last crystals into the dress skirt.

It was a long white dress with bell sleeves and white crystals on the bodice and the skirt that reflected blinding light. The vision of the dress was to make you glimmer to the crowd in an ethereal, almost unreal way. Sasha was enthusiastic about the dress, especially because the weather cooperated and the sun's rays shined over the City of Mitras.

“Your Majesty!” Nanaba’s cheerful cadence came from your bedroom and the tune carried until she entered your dressing room. She held a small paper-wrapped box. “This was just delivered to you. The first of your many gifts for your coronation day!”

“For me?” You enthusiastically hurried to Nanaba.

“Yes, your Majesty.” She handed you the box.

“Who is it from?” You tore off the paper, revealing delicate red ribbons tied into a bow, securing the cover onto the base of the box.

“Many shops and families are sending gifts for you. They are currently being inspected and you and Marco can open them later. However, this came from within the castle. I presume this gift may be from Prince Marco . . .”

Within the small white box lay a decadent swan brooch. The neck of the swan had an assortment of two-carat diamonds set in platinum. The body of the swan was seventeen carats of aquamarine stones. The swan glimmered in the light, and you furrowed your eyes, wondering how Prince Marco could have known you would like this.

“Wow! That is so gorgeous!” Sasha squealed. “How romantic!”

A small folded piece of paper was in the corner of the box. The ink from the pen was bleeding through the paper, and upon unfolding it, the small written note confirmed your suspicion.

I owe you a day of tea in the garden

Your heart swelled at the note and you couldn’t contain your joy. Hange gifted you the swan brooch. You brought your hand up to toy with the swan locket. A smile burst onto your face and you knew you were blushing at how Sasha and Nanaba adored your reaction to the gift.

“This is actually from Hange.” You turned to the vanity mirror and placed the swan against the lapel, seeing how perfectly it looked.

“Commander Hange Zoe?” Nanaba asked.

“Yes,” You smiled and noticed how the glimmer of the sheer brightness of the diamonds matched your white smile.

“You’re quite close with Hange Zoe, aren’t you?” Her question made you freeze in your reflection. Was she on to you, or was Nanaba merely asking an innocent question? It was quite confusing and you wanted to walk around in Nanaba’s mind to understand if she was stringing connections together. You were supposed to protect Hange Zoe . . . at all costs.

“Have you seen what the inside of a body looks like?” Your deflecting question startled Nanaba. She parted her lips but was stunned into silence. “Do you?”

“No, your Majesty.”

“I do . . .” You stared into the colors of your eyes and hoped they didn’t see right through the smoke you cast into the room. “I’ve seen men get murdered in front of me and I’ve seen dogs rip their skin off . . .” You looked away from them, hoping they thought it was too hard for you to go on. “ . . . I’m close with all the knights. However, Hange and I had a tighter bond compared to the others. Hange and I shared a tent and they were the only other woman in the camp. I felt safest with them. So yes. I’m close to Hange. They saved my life multiple times and just know Hange and I will always have something no one will understand.” Lady Nanaba and Sasha remained silent. “All the knights deserve everyone’s respect and everyone should know that they will always have a place in my heart.”

“Yes, of course, your Majesty,” Nanaba said. “It would make sense you are soft for the knights. They are our most courageous people in the castle.”

“Your Majesty, I’ve been meaning to ask . . . who was the blonde knight that was employed to work in the kitchen?” Sasha stood from her seat on the sofa and walked the completed dress to you.

“Niccolo?” The curiosity piqued your interest. “Why?”

“I have never seen him before.” She didn’t meet your eyes.

“Well, he was one of the Marleyan spies,” You glanced at Annie and then cut your eyes back to Sasha. “He . . . betrayed the cult leader and helped Hange Zoe and Levi Ackerman find me in the temple . . . without his contributions, I don’t think Hange would have known where to rescue me . . .”

“That’s very courageous of him . . .” Her fond voice made you shoot her a questionable look. “That’s extremely brave of him to turn his back on the cult in order to help you.”

“Yeah . . .”

“So, is he a good chef?” Sasha asked.

“He was good . . . why are you so interested in him?” You quirked your eyebrow.

“Just wondering,” Sasha shrugged. “Try on the dress! I think it is going to look dazzling in the sunlight.”

It was exhilarating and overwhelming that you couldn’t remember most of it. Only flashes of vague memories heightened your senses and yet it was the moment that everything was leading up to. All the deaths and all the losses were for the very second you walked up to the edge of the platform wearing a royal cape your mother wore on her coronation day. After all this time, the day finally arrived.

The Coronation Ceremony took place on a raised platform so high in the sky that the citizens of Mitras looked like ants below. The platform was like being on the edge of a cliff overlooking a valley of cheering citizens. People lined the streets all the way to the wall, and the screaming below was like a chorus of nonstop thunder of excitement. Being so high was nearly like flying.

There was a slight breeze that billowed a red velvet cloak that had white fur along the edge. It was heavy and thick, yet the wind created a glorious gust of the cape.

Sasha’s vision surpassed her vision for the citizens below. The rays of the sun reflected blinding, glimmering specs of light. The sun was in your eyes, but the citizens thought the rays shined only for you. To them, the heir to the throne was a precious angelic goddess. The coronation was unlike others seen or described in the past. To them, they saw a figure of a goddess ascending the throne.

When you knelt on your knees and Pastor Nick placed the opulent, heavy golden crown atop your head, the crowd screamed the loudest. They threw flowers in the air and citizens were waving and jumping excitedly. Your heartbeat was in your throat and you were shaking with the overwhelming amount of adrenaline. Your hands trembled as you held the gold staff and the gold orb. Tears dripped down your cheeks from the fear of falling and the overdrive of your senses. Your tears glimmered in the rays of the sun. To the citizens crowding in the streets of Mitras, they would dramatically retell the story that the ruler of the walls cried diamonds.

Behind you, a trail of colors flew to the sky and then suddenly, a loud bang made you hysterically scream and grab onto Pastor Nick. Colors and lights cracked in the blue sky. The explosions became powders of color, bursting into decorative, colorful designs. Pastor Nick calmed you down by explaining how the fireworks were part of the celebration. The explosions sounded familiar, like those in Shiganshina, Karanese District, and the temple. Upon realizing your life wasn’t in grave danger, a smile grew on your face as you adored the show that was for you.

You clasped your hands and were practically bouncing on your feet. It was the first time in a while you felt true joy and like there wasn’t responsibility dragging you down. The burst of colorful green, blue, red, and yellow dyes cracked and fizzled in the air. The red dye looked striking and you pointed at the daytime sky painted by the dissipated powders floating among the clouds.

“Look at the red!!!” You tugged on Pastor Nick’s robe who was holding the staff. You pointed, and a final round of rapid fireworks bursting lights sounded like a drum roll from the sky. The final fireworks looked like glitter shimmering in the air.

With a beaming smile that was sure to infect anyone, you looked back at the main part of the castle where the knights, the court, the King Regent, Prince Marco, Nanaba, Sasha, Armin, and Annie had their backs to you as they looked up at the celebratory fireworks. You glanced around for someone to share your joy with, but everyone was focused on the sky.

You walked back toward the end of the platform connected to the castle and noticed everyone had someone to share their joy with. Nanaba was with Sasha and Miche Zacharius. Eren Yeager wrapped his arm around the beautiful dark-haired girl named Mikasa. A short blonde woman was beside a tall brunette, which was clearly Fairy Godmother Christa and Ymir. For a moment, you swore you saw Armin and Annie holding hands. The King Regent clapped Prince Marco on the back. Everyone had someone, but you celebrated isolated and away from everyone as you returned to the castle's balcony.

Upon the crowd admiring the fireworks, a face appeared in the sea of hair. Hange lit up when you noticed them. They were ecstatic and gave you a casual wave with their hand barely rising above their waist. You couldn’t contain your excitement, and with nothing but sheer joy and child-like fondness for Hange, you returned an enthusiastic wave high over your head.

Hange was always watching and supporting from afar.

The City of Mitras celebrated into the night. When the sky was dark enough, there were more rounds of fireworks. Fireworks at night were more fantastic. It was a light show that lit up the castle and the town below. The fireworks whistled as they shot up and banged. Hearing the citizens cheering from within a conference room in the castle was quite outstanding.

“Shut the windows,” The King Regent ordered. The room was dark except for a few candles and the light that poured in from the fireworks booming outside. The thrills of the coronation were wearing off, and exhaustion was starting to overcome you, especially from the numerous proposals you had to sign on your first day as Queen. Your hand was cramping and you rolled your wrists, soothing the tense muscles from repeatedly giving your signature.

Four large windows appeared to open and close like doors stretched to the ceiling. The fireworks’ explosions were slightly suppressed, and the last shutting of the windows silenced the crowds’ excitement.

“Your Majesty,” Premier Zachary said, turning his attention to the head of the table where you sat. “There is one final operation for you to look over.” He passed a stack of papers to Commander Erwin Smith, who stood from his chair. He walked along the long table to your end and politely laid them before you.

“Your Majesty,” Erwin’s voice was low and mesmerizing. “It was brought to my attention during the debriefing session of the mission for your return that there was a ward in the Marleyan Cult’s temple—a women’s ward.” Erwin pushed the stack of papers closer to you. His writing was neat and his words were written in dark ink. “We have known the horrors of the Marleyan Cult and, for decades, not known where their headquarters were.

“Considering the information we gathered from the last mission, we know where the temple is and a considerable amount of the layout. With our resources and information, I propose to liberate the women in the breeding ward. With this plan, we will cut off their supply of followers, rescue the women, and expose the tragedies that the cult hides. With this operation, the size of the cult would die out and as time goes on, the Marleyan Cult will be finished.”

Your eyes trailed over the words and the echoes of the pleading women startled you like they were begging right in your ear. A flash of the scratches on the walls and the children sitting on beds polluted your thoughts. You shuddered at the reminder of the woman with her swollen stomach and the sound of the chains as the women fought against the restraints and reached out toward you.

“Y/N . . .” Prince Marco said soothingly and for once, you were grateful he spoke. “You are safe.”

You blinked your dry eyes, realizing you must have been staring at the paper. With a deep breath, you centered yourself and then Erwin Smith knelt to one knee.

“Forgive me for reminding you of the memories, your Majesty. But this is why those women need to be rescued from the temple. They deserve a better life and this plan will save them.” He had a glint in his blue eyes. Erwin was very persuasive, and you, of course, agreed with everything he told you. The women needing to be freed tugged on your heartstrings and there was a sort of pride in you being the one to sign off on the order.

“They do deserve better . . .” You nodded. You reached for the pen and with your other hand, you flipped to the last page. The candles on the table flickered and the faint light illuminated the line at the bottom that eagerly awaited for your name.

“We’ll have a few weeks to prepare, then the mission should take two weeks maximum. Overall, I plan for the troops to be back in time for the day of the solar eclipse . . .”

As you placed your pen against the front of the line, Annie came to mind. One memory in particular. The day you met her and she suggested wearing an emerald-colored dress because it was your mother’s favorite color. Then the memory of when she told you her father took her and escaped from the temple without her mother came to mind.

You glided the pen across the paper and the ink left the trace of your name. As it dried, you stared at your signature with the black ink seeping into the paper. It was the only proposal of the night that was actually making a difference. A plan to rescue others and provide the women with a better and safer life. However, this action will have consequences.

chapter index masterlist

#hanji zoe #hange zoe #hanji x reader #hange x reader #hange x you #hanji zoë #hange zoë #attack on titan #aot

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levi501ackerman · 6 months ago

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ARMIIIIIIIIN ⸜(⸝⸝⸝´꒳`⸝⸝⸝)⸝

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levi501ackerman · 6 months ago

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HURRY UP AND LET ME RIDE IT🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

pov: You're on a date with Hange~

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levi501ackerman · 6 months ago

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boo work and school.

I just want to write Hange fanfiction

#i have anxiety that people are mad or upset with me :P

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levi501ackerman · 6 months ago

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Steel Heart Chapter 33: Steel Heart

Hange x Reader Chapter Index Masterlist AO3

Megan's Note: After Steel Heart I will not be posting long fics on tumblr. I started my new job earlier this week! and here's some other good news<3 I'm going to study abroad this summer!!! I'm so excited!<3<3 This chapter opens the flood gates for the rest of the story!! I've always had act 4 planned out and so mfing excited to get into later chapters YUM!! Thank you so much for reading <3

Posted: 1/31/25 (on AO3) Posted: 2/4/25

Word Count: 7.7k

It was Levi who suggested to the King that you get help and learn how to cope with the stress and traumatic events you endured. When Nanaba informed The Queen and her King of the incident of you puking all over yourself while meeting Prince Marco Bodt, there was no doubt you would start seeing Doctor Grisha Yeager.

Upon entering a private room in a higher part of the castle, you instantly recognized him. He was the man with glasses who was in the room when you visited your mother. It wasn’t hard to figure out by his last name and the color of his hair that he was Eren’s father . . . and Zeke’s.

Doctor Yeager’s first question was how you were feeling after the aftermath of meeting Prince Marco and the humiliation instantly returned. It was like you were back in that moment. The moment when your stomach couldn’t throw up anything else besides the traces of yellow bile and the rain had drenched your hair and face. Makeup stained your cheeks and everyone in the room had difficulty breathing with the foul putrid air. Armin took off his chestplate for you to cover up and protect your dignity. Sasha hid your face in her chest as you held on to her while she, Annie, Nanaba, and Armin guided you back to your chambers. You were more annoyed and angry with yourself that your body reacted in that way. There was no grace or humor in the memory, just the lack of control—no autonomy for your body or destiny.

The room had four large windows on adjacent walls, which allowed the midday sunlight to come in. The room itself had a dark atmosphere. Its walls were a deep shade of maroon, and the furniture, such as Doctor Yeager’s desk and coffee table, was made of dark oak. The couch he wanted you to sit on was cool to the touch, and the dark leather stuck to the sweat on your arms, causing you to cross them. Doctor Yeager commented that, based on your body language, he thought you were guarding yourself.

You explained about your arms sticking to the leather couch, but he still believed you were guarded. Who shares their entire life story upon meeting someone right away, anyways? Or at least their deepest thoughts. He only knew what Commander Dame Hange Zoe spoke about during the formal debriefing meeting, considering he read the report,

“Growing up in Shiganshina is different from the castle.” Doctor Yeager’s statement sounded more like a question—like he wanted you to share about your childhood, but he continued. “I grew up in Shiganshina along with my son, Eren Yeager, one of the knights that escorted you.”

“Oh,” his lack of mentioning Zeke was interesting and reminded you that Eren told you they weren’t close. “He was nice.” He stared at you with a pleasant smile and crow's feet on the sides of his eyes. He didn’t encourage the conversation and instead, the silence lingered uncomfortably long. What was even more uncomfortable was the way he didn’t take his eyes off you, waiting for you to share more. “I wasn’t very close with him, but I’m glad he survived.”

“Who were you close with?”

“Captain Levi,” You didn’t dare to say Hange first. “He helped Sir Zacharius get antibiotics and when we found each other, he gave me food after not having any for weeks.”

“And what about Commander Hange?” With his question, it felt like there was a target on your back like there were people within the stone walls infiltrating the private conversation between you and Doctor Yeager. Armin Arlert should be just outside the door, along with many guards, waiting and watching for strange activity.

Although Doctor Yeager told you that everything that was spoken between the two of you stayed between the two of you, you would never dare to risk the fate of Hange. Your reply or anything you spoke relating to Hange could be evidence that led to further suspicion. No trail should be left to investigate.

“I was close with Hange because they were the only other woman. We shared a tent and they were very nice to me. A friend I’ll have forever.” The words flowed out easily.

“Lady Nanaba informed the King you asked for Hange while you were feeling anxious about meeting Prince Marco. Would you tell me why them?” You couldn’t tell if he had a suspicion for a lead on your relationship and knowing you had a secret was suffocating like everything you did and everything you said could lead to exposing Hange’s treason. There was a pinching pressure on your hands and upon the bony landmarks on your knuckles, you realized how tightly you gripped your hands.

“Hange helped me calm down when I was stressed.”

“In what way did they help?” He raised his eyebrows behind his circular-rimmed glasses.

“They . . . they reminded me to breathe deeply—you know—in through the nose and out through the mouth . . .” Doctor Yeager itched the skin along his collarbones, tugging on the brown fabric of his vest to reach the spot.

“Diaphragmatic breathing is a good technique; it helps make you feel in your body more . . . Have you heard of the three three three technique?” He stood from the couch and walked around the dark oak coffee table to offer you a hand.

“I-I haven’t.” You took his rough hand and he guided you toward the window.

“It is very simple,” Doctor Yeager guided you toward one of the four large windows. “When you are in your head and feeling anxious, I want you to ground yourself and be aware that you are not experiencing what you are thinking. Look out these windows.” He said and the clear sky made the castle have a bright glowing essence from the sun shining down on the white stone quartz. “Let’s start with three things you see.”

While you gazed out over the City of Mitras and the peaks and roofs of the towers, you weren’t sure if Doctor Yeager was looking for diverse answers. You could have said three different parts of one tower or the different tops of the towers you saw. The cone-shaped roofs, the flat, and the lookouts were all dispersed in the view. Doctor Yeager’s office was so high in the sky that there was an overwhelming vast number of choices below. It was eye-opening to realize how Mitras Castle majestically dominated the landscape. The dark blue roofs of buildings you passed in the city looked like mere pebbles beneath your feet. The tops of the wall surrounding the city were visible and the movement of guards on the lookout was like a tiny army of ants. When you’re above everyone, you can’t help but look down on them.

What caught your eye again was the awkward, dull tower reaching for the heavens. From a higher view, you could see a large opening near the top, appearing to be like a window. The very peak of the tower was above where you were and you noticed the crenelated dull stones circumferencing the top of the tower.

“That . . . dull tower over there,” you pressed an index finger against the glass. “ . . . And the flag of my family on that tower over there, and . . . and the person—that knight walking on top of the wall over there.”

“Good. Good.” His voice drew your eyes from the window to his friendly blue eyes. His entire body, from the top of his neatly combed hair down to his brown shoes, faced you. The entire time, he studied you. “I am glad you looked at this view and took a moment to appreciate it. Your Highness, it is a privilege to see this much of the world . . .” You cast your eyes back at the grand landscape. Just past the wall was a dewy meadow with traces of decaying memories with Hange. From where you stood in Doctor Yeager’s office, the river running south and east were glimmering stripes of blue. “When you are in your head and thinking of the horrors you encountered, I want you to look at three things in your surroundings. Then listen for three things you hear and move three parts of your body.” He noticed how you furrowed your eyebrows while peering through the glass. “You can roll your wrists, roll your ankles, stretch your neck, stretch your quads, touch each finger with your thumb, something that makes you physically feel yourself in your body.”

You nodded, absorbing every word and recognizing the reality of needing to stand on your own two feet. The crown was not on top of your head yet the weight of expectations was planting you in the ground, burying you in the soil. Even as you reach for the air, begging for relief or searching for Hange’s hand, no one helps and no one knows you’re struggling to breathe.

“Thank you, Doctor, I’ll try this technique.” The dull tower caught your eye as you returned to the indentation on the leather couch, warmed by an hour or so of sitting.

“I am sorry you were blindsided with this life.” He said, “Being in hiding in Shiganshina and then all of a sudden the Marleyan Cult destroys the district and intends to hunt you . . .” You thought he was going to say more, but he didn’t. It was like he wanted you to finish his thoughts by adding your personal anecdotes or your opinion on the position you were in. The comfort in the silence withered away as Doctor Yeager waited for you to say something. The urge to speak was jabbing you at your side, pestering you, but within the last hour, you grew tired of reliving the horrors. “Before you go,” He spoke with a more uppity tone, “I wanted to pick your brain on the topic of your medical history.”

“Okay . . .”

“Do you know if you are allergic to shellfish?” He lowered his voice.

“I’m not sure. I never had shellfish . . .”

“No crab, oysters, lobsters, scallops, or prawns?” He leaned forward.

“No, why?” Doctor Yeager stared at you for a moment and you could tell the gears in his head were turning.

“Again, I want you to know that everything we speak about in this room does not leave this room.” A foreboding feeling in the pit of your stomach stirred. “I am going to tell you a secret that must remain between you and me.”

“Okay . . .”

“Will what I tell you stay between us?”

“Yes, it will.” You said, intrigued by his manner.

Doctor Yeager sprang from his spot on the couch and hurried to his desk. He pulled out a white folded cloth and gingerly held it between his hands.

“I have been taking care of your mother since she had fallen ill.” He whispered and glanced at his office door as if someone were to intrude at any moment. “For a while, I thought she had caught a flu or a disease . . . the number one reason she is dying is because she can barely keep the food down and she’s dying a slow death of starvation. I thought she had a stomach illness until this morning . . .” Doctor Grisha unfolded the white napkin until a tiny speck of a dark bent specimen, scarcely thicker than a sliver of a fingernail, was revealed. “His Majesty and I found this while feeding her mashed potatoes.” He looked for your reaction, but you couldn’t quite figure out what it was. It looked like a burnt stem of spinach or a single piece of dark thyme.

“What is that?”

“A cricket leg,” He whispered.

“What . . . ?”

“This stays between you and I.” He leaned forward, his lips inches from your ear as your eyes remained on the cricket leg. “I do not have any evidence besides this, but I have an inkling that Her Majesty did not fall ill randomly. She has been poisoned by someone mashing crickets into her food.”

“What?!” Your eyes grew wide at Doctor Yeager’s disgusting speculation. He held a finger to his mouth, shushing you and his words paralyzed you.

“Your mother is allergic to shellfish . . . when you are allergic to shellfish, you are likely to be allergic to cockroaches, grasshoppers, and crickets.” Your stomach twisted at the implication of his words. The thought of someone insidiously poisoning the Queen—your mother—tugged on your heartstrings. “I did not flag her illness as an allergic reaction until the person slipped up and left a cricket leg in her food. From now on, the King and I will examine her food thoroughly and hopefully, she will stop throwing up and slowly get the nutrients her body needs to heal. I suggest you inspect your food thoroughly.”

“Dr. Yeager, do you think I may have thrown up yesterday because of crickets in my food?”

“Maybe, but based on what Lady Nanaba told the King and what the King told me, I think that was because of your anxiety. We could gather more evidence, but I suspect that because Lady Nanaba said you vomited on your way to the Castle. You also have not mentioned or shown any other symptom of being ill.” His words slightly eased you, but simultaneously, you dreaded your next meal. “That being said, this stays between you and me. We can not have the person sneaking crickets into her food know that we know.”

You nodded, assuring Doctor Yeager had your trust.

“It has to be someone in the kitchen, right?! You should suspect Niccolo because he’s from the Marleyan Cult!”

“Niccolo? The blonde knight from Karanese District?” You wished you had kept quiet. Your hasty accusation was dumb.

“I—yeah . . . nevermind, I—I don’t know why I said that . . . He was a member of the Marleyan Cult and one of the moles until he betrayed the cult and helped Commander Hange and Captain Levi.”

“He couldn’t be a suspect because your mother was poisoned before he came to the castle?” He said more like a question and you heard the curiosity in his tone, wondering why you thought Niccolo to be the culprit.

“Yeah, I—I don’t know why I thought of him. He wanted to work in the kitchen and I just—I just—sorry, I don’t know . . .” You shrugged.

“I understand you may be on the fence about anyone relating to the Marleyan Cult, but not all of them want to harm you. Some were born there. They had no choice in the environment they were born in. The Queen loved Annie like she was her own daughter. How are you getting along with her?” Like an owl, you slowly turned your head, processing what Doctor Yeager asked. Like she was her own daughter. You blinked rapidly as if each flutter of your eyelids would erase his words. Annie barely spoke a word around you, and she did not seem like she was a person who outwardly tried to befriend people. Like she was her own daughter.

“She’s okay . . . why?”

“She is from the Marleyan Cult and she acts like a normal girl because she is a normal girl who happened to be born in the Marleyan Cult.” Doctor Yeager said, too casually to your liking.

The dim room where your mother rested flashed in your mind and the words echoed, drumming against your bruised ego. I wanted you to grow up with me . . . I wanted to be a good mother. A sharp pinch stabbed the palm of your hand, and you unclenched your fist upon noticing. Though she told you it was never her idea to send you to Shiganshina, why would you be sent to Shiganshina just for another girl to grow close to her?

Sir Armin Arlert could tell you were uptight about the thoughts coiling in your head because his glance grew more concerned while Lady Nanaba droned on about the schedule for the award ceremony. A flare in your chest burned at the thought of Annie being a member of the Marleyan Cult and being close to your mother. Like she was her own daughter. Your parents sent you away to Shiganshina only for them to bond with a member of a cult that wanted to treat you as a host for their ritual. A cult that killed many knights in gorey painful ways, trying to protect you. A cult that burned down your hometown. A cult that killed so many knights at the temple, leaving only a few survivors. A cult that sent mutts to attack you and many horses.

When you entered your chambers, Annie was the first girl to come into view. The small blonde girl didn’t appear harmful or like she had any malicious intent, yet there was a thick divide compelling you to keep her at bay. You glanced away from her, diverting your attention to the large rabbit hopping toward Armin.

As Annie brushed your hair, she held the ends and gently untangled the few knots. Her heavy lids hovered over her uninterested eyes and her impassive face sparked a bitter thought. She probably didn’t look so uninterested in your mother. You clenched your jaw, staying silent, while the thought festered inside. Like she was her own daughter.

You huffed.

She glanced at you in the mirror of your vanity but didn’t react to your blatant annoyance. It irritated you how she didn’t ask if you were alright or if something was weighing on your mind. Annie might have been concerned if your mother was in your current position, but instead, Annie combed your hair. Perhaps the Marleyan Cult taught Annie to be sweet and helpful to those who will grant her more information or access. Maybe Annie didn’t care to extend the courtesies because, in her mind, she was close to the Queen. Like she was her own daughter.

“Lady Nanaba?!” You called for her and her heels clicked on the cream-colored tile.

“Yes, your Highness?” Nanaba elegantly greeted from the door’s threshold.

“My mother will be at this award ceremony, correct?” You said louder than you normally spoke.

“Yes, however, due to her health, she will not be at the rehearsal. The award ceremony will start when Her Majesty arrives.” Nanaba pivoted to exit your dressing room, but you spoke before she could leave your sight.

“Nanaba, will you please request to my mother that I would like to start having dinners with her—even if that means I eat at her bedside.” Nanaba’s eyes floated to the ceiling, contemplating your request.

“I will be sure to ask, your Highness,” she said politely and left.

The comforting thought of growing close to your mother warmed your heart. It settled the jealousy that festered within you as Annie combed your hair. A sliver of guilt twinged in your chest of how your mother ached for your presence and longed for a connection with you. At the time, there was only sympathy for the ghost of the relationship that lingered in the air, haunting your mother. But with the change of heart sparked by jealousy and engulfed into compassion, you realized that you craved to be close to her.

Annie parted your hair down the center and tied your hair into a neat bun. When she was done, she set the brush on the white wooden vanity and crossed her arms. You turned your head, examining how slick the bun was and not a single strand escaped.

“Thank you,” you politely said, feeling like you owed Annie. Sasha chose an all-white outfit down to the white boots that were hidden by your white slacks. You wagered with Annie and Sasha, wanting to wear boots to hide your dagger inside. The matching white double-breasted blazer over a white mock neck brought attention to the warmth of your face and the gloss of your hair.

Sasha and Annie trailed behind you and Armin, who followed Lady Nanaba through the endless corridors lined with guards. A few clouds floated over the extravagant City of Mitras and the bright day lifted your spirit, giving you a seed of hope that sprouted and grew with each step. A moment to speak with Hange—to hear their voice was well earned after being apart from them. There was no doubt you were going to have their full attention. You refused to end the day without basking in their presence.

Nanaba escorted you to another small waiting room with four imposing guards standing like statues against the light green walls. They kept a keen eye on you, ensuring your safety and well-being. Two small, slender windows with half the height of the wall framed the dull, tall tower in the distance. Nanaba encouraged you to sit while she disappeared behind another set of doors opposite where you entered. You placed yourself on the plush couch, facing to view the mysterious tower. Armin stood beside the sofa while Annie and Sasha stood next to the door you entered from.

“Hey, Armin?” You spoke barely above a whisper, worried that your voice disturbed the silence that fell.

“Yes, your Highness?” You pointed out one of the windows.

“What’s that tall tower over there and why is it separate from the main area of the castle?” Armin flickered his blue eyes to the view.

“That tower? The First Fritz Tower? It is separate from the rest of the towers because when the first Queen Ymir Fritz had the King and the slaves build the castle, they miscalculated the center of the walls and built that tower. It is so tall you could scream as loud as you want and no one below will hear you; maybe the hospital ward could. Many rendezvous occurred there; however, it is looked down upon to enter.”

“Rendezvous?” You had to stifle a smile that grew from the thought of sneaking off to meet Hange during the late hours of the night. With only the stars to keep your secret and the moonlight illuminating your path. “So there were no guards or knights to catch the people sneaking off?”

“Correct. There are guards in that area of the castle now, but no one enters because it is looked down on.” He repeated and your scheme deflated into a mere fantasy.

Lady Nanaba returned with an older man with a pointy chin dressed in a black clerical robe with gold encircling the collar of his robes. His stern eyes sunk into his skull and his high-strung stature was unwelcoming. Nanaba beckoned you with an enthusiastic hand to approach. The older man remained in his unbreakable stance.

“Your Highness, this is Pastor Nick he will be officiating your marriage with Prince Marco—”

“The walls.” He said and you weren’t sure if you heard right. “The Queen devotes herself to the well-being of the walls hence, you are marrying the walls—Maria, Rose, and Sina and all of the citizens within.”

His insistence lacked a playful tone and the sheer absurdity of his implications of ‘marrying walls’ conjured an amusing image in your mind of you in a white dress and puckering your lips to kiss the concrete of Wall Sina.

“Yes, of course. " You looked to Nanaba, hoping she would gracefully contribute to the conversation, but her downturned eyes observed you and Pastor Nick with no intention of joining. “I look forward to my marriage to the citizens and dedicate my loyalty to the well-being of the citizens of Paradis Island.”

He seemed pleased, and you were pleased with the formality of your declaration as well. A union between you and the citizens within the walls seemed far more fulfilling than marrying a man.

You, Sasha, Annie, and Armin followed Nanaba and Pastor Nick down a short, windowless corridor. Muffled chatter echoed from behind the doors and your heart brimmed with anticipation. Just behind that door was Hange.

When Nanaba cracked the door, a sliver of light and a crescendo of conversations spilled into the hall. A vast sea of guards dressed in military robes drowned the clean rectangular hall. As you entered the threshold, voices died down and faces drew their attention to you. Most of them were unrecognizable and their burly figures gave the illusion that most of your vision was filled with grey double-breasted coats with silver epaulets. Your eyes darted around, searching between the columns along the room's perimeter and the grey uniforms for a green coat. Simultaneously, the knights in the room stood tall and stamped their feet together while pressing their right fists over their hearts. Their undying respect settled in the silence, greeting your presence. With the castle guards still like statues, two green uniforms caught your eye to the right. Hange stood behind a podium upon a raised platform and next to them was Levi. Hange had their hair tied back and their warmth contagiously ignited a spark in your chest and a flutter in your stomach.

An older man stepped toward you. His heavy footsteps on the light blue tile demanded your attention. He had greying facial hair and glasses perched on his big nose.

“Your Highness,” He said with a deep voice while bowing his head and revealing his receding hairline. “I am Premier Darius Zachary.”

“Your Highness, Premier Zachary is the Head of the Royal King’s Guard and The Scout Regiment.” Lady Nanaba said.

“Pleased to meet you,” you offered him a polite smile and drifted your eyes to where Hange stood. He offered his thick arm, beckoning you to join him.

While Premier Zachary informed you on the structure of the award ceremony, he led you toward the platform where Hange stood. His voice withered in the background while the desire for Hange’s voice polluted your thoughts. The room returned to chatting while inconspicuously glancing at you and Premier Zachary. Hange looked down at the podium, scanning their eyes and mouthing words. The three large windows behind them framed the blue sky, making their green coat bold and saturated. Their coat complemented their dark brown hair, drawing your eyes to their face. Hange peeked at you, fueling the burn inside you.

Hange was like fire, captivating and luring you to stare. A flame so gravitating it burned through your layers and left you with nothing but a primal instinct to surrender your eyes. A flame, bright and mesmerizing, compelling you to follow them in the darkness.

After an hour of rehearsing the transitions between the segments of the award ceremony, members of the court arrived. They strolled in with vibrant gowns and men in flattering suits. They stood behind the rows of guards, chatted among themselves, and glanced at you from where you sat in one of the three thrones. Red and green flags with insignias of the Royal Family and the Royal King’s Guard hung from the ceiling.

Armin stood next to you while Commander Erwin Smith, Captain Levi, and Commander Dame Hange had their backs toward you as they stood silently at the base of the steps. Connie, Eren, Niccolo, Miche, Daz and Fairy Godmothers Christa and Ymir stood in the front row silently. Your leg bounced up and down, wondering when the Queen and her King would arrive. You were told to sit until you were part of the ceremony, and people-watching was the only thing you could do while waiting.

Sasha and Annie stood patiently against the wall off to the far left and the wait for your parents started to plant seeds of doubt. More time passed, and annoyance grew with the fact that the Queen and her King had not arrived yet. The court whispered among themselves, speculating why Their Majesties were late.

Your thoughts drifted off to Hange. Each time you looked toward Hange during the rehearsal, they were already admiring you. Their fond stare simmered in your memory and you couldn’t help but blush. You lowered your head, hiding your face and the heat that grazed your skin.

Earlier, when Hange kissed the back of your hand upon greeting you, their lips pricked and poisoned you. Their touch embedded a drug that hardwired you to succumb to their will and obey their commands, and you wanted to do nothing else but please them.

While Premier Zachary instructed you with the medals, you could feel Hange’s eye on you and the magnetic demand that lured your souls to want to be close. They ached and begged to be intertwined. Your mind and soul pestered you to get more attention from Hange. It teased you the way you had Hange’s professional attention and yet were unable to have a private conversation.

A door on the side opened and the room went silent. The King, followed by a group of knights and one knight with red hair, who you recognized, strolled into the room. Everyone seemed to stand straighter and lend their attention to him.

You furrowed your eyebrows, wondering if your ill mother would enter through the door, but it was the King and his guards. Your heart pounded in anticipation, wondering if she would arrive, and the image of her dull skin stretched over her bony cheekbones and hollow face flashed in your mind. She must have been too sick to be able to attend.

The King whispered in Premier Zachary’s ear and then stepped up upon the platform without sparing a look at you. You couldn’t read his face, but he didn’t seem distraught or fazed. He stood behind the podium and took a deep breath. Everyone pridefully brought their fist to their heart.

“Good afternoon,” The King’s voice echoed through the room. “On behalf of Her Royal Majesty, I thank you for witnessing this monumental ceremony honoring the knights who have dedicated their hearts to return the Princess to Mitras Castle.” He took a breath. “I would like to invite Premier Zachary.” He simply said and the room applauded his opening remark. The King caught your eye as he turned to sit on the throne next to you. He had a friendly expression and hope flooded your chest and you gave him a large smile, enjoying his polite attention.

Premier Zachary heftily stepped up the stairs to the podium and passed the table with the awards laid out. He cleared his throat and you glanced at Erwin, Hange, and Levi. It was amusing how Erwin and Hange towered over Levi.

“Knights formally pledge an oath upon graduating from the Cadet Corps and being inducted into the Scout Regiment.” Premier Zachary began the speech you heard twice earlier. “In the oath, one of the key vows that the Knights commit is to have ‘relentless courage.’ This was the inaugural vow penned by our First Queen, Ymir Fritz when she established the pledge. When Knights are inducted into The Royal King’s Guard, they recite the traditional oath, augmented by an additional commitment: to lay down their lives and dedicate their hearts to this nation's sovereign.

“Today, we honor and commemorate the Knights who bravely sacrificed their lives confronting the horrors of our world, as well as those who dedicated their hearts to safely returning Her Highness to Mitras Castle.”

Premier Zachary continued his speech, talking about how the knights defeated the enemies and you noticed he never forwardly said “Marleyan Cult.” He refrained from addressing the name, preferring not to highlight the significant power they had in claiming the lives of numerous knights.

You noticed a familiar man with dark hair among the crowd and recognized the man. Prince Marco and his guards were in the front section of the court. You darted your eyes away and your heart thumped in your chest. You wanted to pretend you didn’t see Prince Marco Bodt in the crowd.

“I now invite the Knights to please kneel before the King, Her Highness, and myself.” Premier Zachary said and it was your cue to stand from the velvet red throne. The knights in the front and Levi and Hange gathered in their designated spots on the steps. Footsteps shuffled and echoed through the room and you could feel all eyes on you as you grabbed the first medal from the wooden table.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we are honored to present the first medal today for outstanding contributions to technological advancement. This award recognizes the creator of the sapphire shields, a pioneering technology that has significantly enhanced our protection against fire. With the help of this technology, this individual defeated a powerful enemy. Please join me in applauding the recipient of the Sapphire Heart to Commander Dame Hange Zoe.” The room burst into applause, and you pinned a gold medal with the insignia of the Royal Family, which was held by a vibrant blue ribbon on Hange’s green military coat. Your hands shook being so close to Hange and you couldn’t ignore their stare. Hange kissed the back of your hand and you bit the inside of your cheek, trying to hide the thrill from their touch.

“The next medal is bestowed upon an individual who exemplified extraordinary valor and courageously positioned themselves in the direct line of danger to shield the heir to the throne. Their heroic deeds not only ensured the safety of our future ruler, but also served as a profound inspiration to their fellow soldiers. Please join me in applauding the recipient of the Gold Shield to Captain Levi Ackerman.” You pinned a gold medal with a white ribbon to Levi’s coat and he kissed your hand like a gentleman.

“In recognition of their successful completion of a critical mission, we are proud to award the Knights that kneel before the King, Her Highness, and myself an emerald pendant. This esteemed token symbolizes their undying commitment. We honor their bravery and service as we present these awards to Commander Hange Zoe, Captain Levi Ackerman, Commander Miche Zacharius, Eren Yeager, Connie Springer, Daz, and Niccolo. We must also recognize Jean Kirstein, who unfortunately cannot be with us. Currently recovering in the hospital, we wish a healthy recovery for Jean Kirstein and we look forward to celebrating his achievements with him at a later date.” As Hange leaned forward to allow you to place the bolo tie, you noticed the gold chain of the swan locket wrapped along their neck. It sent a satisfying jolt through you to know Hange still wore their necklace.

You followed the advice Premier Zachary gave during rehearsal while placing the bolo tie with the oval emerald pendant around the knights. He advised you to take your time during this segment, allowing each knight to have a moment to be honored. It felt like you and everyone else were frozen in time as you moved from the table to each of the knights. You avoided glancing at the crowd, not wanting to break the mental barrier that shielded the reality of everyone’s eyes on you.

There was a heavy lingering feeling as you awarded each knight. An undying gratitude for the well-being of these humans who protected you and rescued you. Your heart swelled at the bonds you formed during the journey and trials you faced together. These knights deserved your trust and loyalty and had a spot in your heart.

“Ladies and gentlemen, this next medal represents profound respect and demonstrates resilience during the mission. This medal recognizes the individuals who sustained physical injuries sustained in battle but also honors the spirit of sacrifice. Please join me in applauding the recipients of the Purple Heart to Commander Miche Zacharius, who served his rotation in the First Knight position. Another recipient to recognize is Jean Kirstein. As I said before, Jean Kirstein, unfortunately, cannot be with us.” You pinned a gold medal with a purple ribbon upon Miche, who kissed your hand charmingly and held his cane in the other hand.

“The final medal we present today honors not only the brave knights kneeling before the King, Her Highness, and myself but also those who are no longer with us. Their legacies continue to inspire courage to dedicate their hearts. In addition to today's honors, we will build a memorial to honor the brave knights. A plaque will permanently etch the one hundred and ninety-two names of the fallen. It will be prominently displayed as a reminder of the hearts they dedicated for the future of the Kingdom. Please join me in applauding the recipients of the Steel Heart to the knights whose legacies we honor and to the knights kneeling before the King, Her Highness, and myself.” The applause was the loudest of the entire ceremony. It continued the length of you pinning the silver medal with a white ribbon on the knights’ uniforms.

After your duties, the knights returned to their positions in the front row and you returned to your throne. While you glanced at the King, you noticed his expression was softer while he looked at you. He gave you a respectful nod and upon his approval, you offered a graceful curtsy. You hoped after the award ceremony, you would be able to speak to your father.

Hange stepped behind the podium and waited for the applause to simmer down. When the room fell to silence, Hange’s voice projected through the room.

“I, Hange Zoe, Commander of the successful mission, will now read the names of the knights who sacrificed their lives during battle. I ask for your patience as I read one hundred and ninety-two names of the knights. At the end, we will respect the knights whose legacies and memories we will carry with a brief moment of silence.”

━━ ⊱ ⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆ ♡ ⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺ ⊰ ━━

After the award ceremony concluded with Commander Erwin Smith’s closing speech, your father and his guards walked out the door without acknowledging you. You watched the door close behind his guards and your face fell as the opportunity to grow close to him disappeared before you could try.

The hall sprung into a commotion as guards and members of the court congratulated the knights. You looked to Armin beside you, wondering what to do. Armin attentively stared at you, watching for you to stroll and socialize around the room. His eyes drifted next to you, looking past you. You turned over your shoulder to see Daz. When he had your attention, he placed a fist over his heart and respectfully bowed his head.

“Your Highness,” He spoke. “We have not gotten a chance to speak.”

“Daz, may I give you a hug?” He opened his arms. You carefully laid your face against him, avoiding getting the makeup on his uniform. “I’ve been wanting to thank you for bringing Jean to Mitras Castle. It must have been terrifying being on your own, along with having someone unconscious.”

“It wasn’t too bad.” Daz pulled away. “I did have to do everything on my own, which is extra work, but overall, we managed to get to the castle.”

“You’re so brave . . .” You gently grabbed his hand and held it comfortingly. “Not many people could do that. I couldn’t travel by myself and with an injured person. Thank goodness I had you and the rest of the knights. Seriously, Daz, thank you.”

“It was an honor to escort you . . . most of the way to Mitras Castle.” He laughed at his own joke and you giggled. “It’s not hard to travel, especially since most of my travel was north. I followed the north star to the southern entrance of the castle.”

“I forgot you were into stars and stuff!” You gushed with excitement. It was quite intriguing how the stars in the sky had ways to help. You recalled the night you first saw Willy Tybur in a suit of armor covered in blood. After you woke everyone up and an investigation started, Levi mentioned Daz was going to try to find a clear view of the sky so he could figure out the time by the position of the stars. “It’s fascinating how you could tell the time of night based on the position of the stars!”

“You think that’s ‘fascinating’? I could teach you.”

“Yes, please!”

“If you think that is cool, do you know what a solar eclipse is?”

“No . . . ?”

“You’re going to like this. In a few new moons, the moon will cross in front of the sun and block the light for the Earth. The thing is during this upcoming solar eclipse, Mitras Castle and the city will be in the path of totality. The world will briefly go dark for us like it’s midnight!” His eyebrows were raised and his eyes were twice their size due to his enthusiasm.

“That is cool!”

“Exactly! This phenomenon is extraordinary and it’s wonderful we get to experience it soon.”

“Please, Daz, I would love to learn more and speak with you about the stars and the solar eclipse! Would you like to have tea in the garden sometime? Or wherever would be good to talk about the stars.”

“We could meet in the library in the astronomy section sometime?” He smiled at you. You turned to Armin with excitement and then returned your attention to Daz.

“That sounds great!” You exclaimed excitedly.

Across the ceremonial hall, Hange huddled along with Levi and Miche. They spoke enthusiastically, waving their hands at the rhythm of their words and they had an adorable blaze in their eye—a spark that compelled you closer. Their amusing way of speaking warmed your heart.

Hange’s brown eye landed on you and Armin, making your heart swell as they abruptly stopped their conversation and gave you their full attention. Miche and Levi turned over their shoulder to see you. Hange briskly went toward you. Their brown hair was shinier and a pink tint spread across their cheeks. Your heart pounded as they held their arms open for you.

Without a care in the world and you sprang on to Hange and they wrapped their arms around you, challenging anyone who dared to take you away from their embrace. The dangers of the past and the responsibilities for the future burned to a crisp with the engulfing flames of Hange’s presence.

Their warmth contagiously spread to the shivering soul that longed for comfort. You breathed out the stress and the humiliation of the recent days and settled in Hange’s arms. They pulled away and you greedily wanted to be held longer. If Hange’s soul was like fire and you’d happily burn in the heat.

“Hey . . .” Hange said under their breath, and a moment passed when their gaze entranced you, and then you spoke.

“Hi . . .”

“You did wonderful in the ceremony, Y/N,” Hange complimented. “And your ladies in waiting dressed you very well.” They didn’t hide their lingering admiration for the elegant white slacks and blazer. Hange’s eye traced each surface of your body all the way back up to your beaming smile and pretty eyes.

“Thank you, Hange . . .”

“You did very well during the ceremony, your Highness.”

“I missed you, Hange.”

“I missed you too, dear,” they whispered, and their reassurance nested a bed for peace to rest in your thoughts.

“I miss my best friend. I’ve been wanting to see you—”

“Let’s plan to meet, Y/N,” their mutual enthusiasm brought a burst of joy. The daydreams of meeting Hange secretly in the garden at midnight or meeting Hange in the First Fritz Tower were on the verge of reality. A private moment with them was all you wanted.

“We have to! I still have the shirt you lent me.” Hange smirked.

“Oh yeah? Why haven’t you sent a servant to deliver my clothes? Or are you secretly being a weirdo and smelling my shirt?” You slapped their arm and—

“Your Highness, you shouldn’t hit others.” Armin’s voice ripped you back into reality where you and Hange stood in a crowded room with knights, military representatives, and Prince Marco Bodt—wherever he may be. You glared at Armin.

“Let’s meet tomorrow. I’ll take the entire day off and I’ll tell you how I sent the blueprint to Stohess and I should receive a prototype soon.”

“Can we have breakfast together?” You were practically hopping, unable to contain the excitement of getting what you’ve been wanting. “I’ve been eating all by myself! The King eats with the Queen in the hospice chambers, so I am all alone.”

“We can have not only breakfast together but lunch and dinner!” Hange nudged you. A set of doors brushed open, with Nanaba entering hastily.

“Would you like to have tea in the garden? Armin took me to the Rockefeller Garden and he said the Korcula Garden was the best place to have tea.”

“He’s right. You’d like the Korcula Garden, Y/N. There are plenty and beautiful flowers we can look at when we’re done catching up.” Your heart fluttered at the thought of Hange thinking of all the things you would enjoy. They thought about you as much as you did for them. “How are you treating Armin? Have you been giving him a hard time?” Hange playfully asked and glanced at Armin next to you.

“Rai doesn’t like him!” You giggled and Armin stared helplessly as the truth set in that an adorable bunny didn’t like him. Hange joined your giggling and their contagious nature made both of you grow into a fit of laughter while Armin stood silently. Hange’s eye glossed over and they wiped the tears that formed while you caught your breath from being unable to breathe.

“Why not?!” Hange asked and their face was flushed.

“I don’t know! She stands on her hind legs and taps the shins of Armin’s armor, trying to attack him. She’s more adorable than ferocious!” Nanaba cleared her throat next to you. Her eyes were wide and she had droplets of sweat along her hairline. Her mouth agape as if she were going to speak, but the words struggled to leave her lips.

By her high-strung demeanor, the joy was sucked out of the room and an ache in your chest returned. Lady Nanaba looked between you, Hange, and Armin and the chatter in the ceremony hall faded into the background with her words.

“You need to come with me.” She urged and annoyance tricked in.

“Do I have to?” You whined and bargained hopelessly, knowing Nanaba would force you to do whatever was next on the schedule.

“Your Majesty . . .” Hange and Armin simultaneously gasped at how Nanaba addressed you. Hange brought a hand over their mouth and their eyebrows shot to their hairline. “You need to come with me.”

next chapter chapter 34: The Ruler of the Walls

chapter index masterlist

#hange x reader #hanji zoe #hange zoe #hanji x reader #hange x you #hanji zoë #hange zoë #attack on titan #aot

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levi501ackerman · 6 months ago

Text

Comic | Hange x Reader

masterlist AO3

Summary: Hange worked on your graduation gift for weeks, only for you to end up forgetting about them.

Megan's Note: another short exploration of anxious attachment, bargaining, and resentment. self indulgent. I was re-reading my diary and remembered this happened. Yeah cringe but I feel better. Based off something that happened 7 years ago . . . Posted: 2/4/25

Word Count: 2k

There’s something despicable about finding beauty with the sun casting reminisce of light through broken glass. It refracts color from the cracks of the shards. Purple . . . blue . . . green, yellow, orange, and blood red. The warm ribbons trailed down their fist, mimicking the saturated shade from the reflection.

A bitter thump pulsed through Hange’s hand, aching and demanding to be sedated. The delicate skin stretching over knuckles was punished by the temper that delegated the impulse.

The consequences of the desperate attempt to dispose of the bottled rage set back Hange. They drove to your house after a careless daze of wrapping their hand, even though it was later than planned. You were more important to them rather than the hand, staining bandages with blood. Though, you couldn’t care less about Hange.

At least, that’s what Hange gathered based on your response to their numerous messages. They texted and waited for you to respond. Earlier in the week, you gave your word and they relied on it—leaving room for error and nothing but disappointment if you were to break your word. And you did . . .

Hange’s forgiveness was too generous for a person like you. They were too accommodating and helpful for a person who didn’t want it and didn’t care for the acts that starved them of the respect they had for themselves. That’s what they resented and argued with themself about during the duration of the drive.

Your text taunted them and displayed the sorrowful truth that stared Hange in the face while Hange darted their eyes to look elsewhere.

I forgot about you

Your promise to call after graduation speared Hange in the heart that swelled at the thought of you. A heart that ached when they saw you laughing with anyone but them. A heart that drummed in their ears as they stumbled over their words while you scrunch your face trying to comprehend. A heart that skipped a beat when they caught you looking at them. A fragile heart that beats to the rhythm of your attention.

You knew about Hange’s gift. They told you about how they finished it the day before. You knew about Hange staying awake until the early hours to finish your gift. They told you.

So when they pulled up to your house, they saw you sitting on the concrete wearing your dark red graduation dress. They couldn’t look at you. They refused to let your mistake divide the plans they fantasized about in their head—the thought of you opening their gift and gushing at their work.

They thought you’d get the measure of their rage with the slam of their car door. But even if you did understand, you didn’t cripple with the duration. They held your gift in their hand and the fantasy they dreamed while working on your gift was torn by the sharp dose of reality. You forgot about them.

Behind the lens of Hange’s glasses, tears welled in their eyes as they walked to you. It was another layer of hate. An annoying side effect of frustration was the tears that another would interpret as weak sadness. But they were boiling and tears were spilling over, dripping down their cheeks. Hange wiped their eyes, not wanting you to see them cry but also wanting you to know that your words clung to them. They leached on their soul and drained them until there was nothing left but an angry and resentful shell.

“I know, I know. I’m sorry Hange . . .” You said as they walked up your driveway and could see the pink of their eyes. Hange gripped the present they worked on for two weeks, wanting to throw it at you. They wanted to pull you into the depths of their wrath that could suffocate you if you happened to pluck the cap.

Hange struggled to reply and they knew they wouldn’t get a word out without their voice cracking. They managed to place themselves into a ravine where your attention and approval brought them to the surface.

“I shouldn’t have forgotten about how you wanted to give me your gift. I know you worked hard on it.” Your words fed them generously, but to them it felt like an illusion. Like you knew the things Hange wanted to hear you say but withheld it from them until you needed to bargain.

They walked along the line between the fate of succumbing to your apology or the fate of pushing you away with the tempting vulgar words they wanted to speak.

They thrust your gift toward you. Hange made sure to hold it with the hand they punched the window of their car with, beckoning you to ask how they hurt your hand. It worked.

“What happened to your hand?!” Your sweet, concerned voice lured them away from accountability for your actions. “Hange, are you bleeding?!” You took the gift from Hange, allowing you to see the damage their anger did to their window. “Hange . . .”

“I punched my window,” Hange said flatly, with hints of fault for you to detect. You gasped, struck by their honesty and the gravity of their actions.

“W-Why did you do that?” A feeble voice came from you, allowing Hange to decide whether to reprimand you. But they didn’t want to push you away from them.

“Open my gift.” Their gaze was sharp and threatened you to comply.

You opened the gift and Hange watched as you unveiled the work they did for the last two weeks.

A comic book.

More like a composition notebook with copy paper taped to the front with a drawing of playful stick figures of you and them drawn on a decadent background with a catchy title, bulging out to the reader.

“Wow, Hange, you really weren’t lying.”

“Why would I lie about making you a comic book?” You sighed defeatedly.

“Hange, I’m just amazed I’m holding it. You’ve been telling me about it and I’m excited to finally read it. Thank you.” The adoration for their gift coerced their temper to stay at bay.

“Congratulations on graduating,” Hange’s tone planted the guilt and the remorse they wanted you to drown in.

“This is the sweetest and nicest gift I’ve ever received . . .” You held the composition notebook, truthfully admiring the homemade project. “Thank you, Hange and again I am so sorry I forgot to call you after graduation and your gift should’ve been my number one priority.”

“Read it.”

“What?”

“I’ve wanted to see your reaction.” Hange folded their arms, shielding themself from you being able to wrap them around your finger. Usually, they bent and concave their schedule, time, and help to please you, but they built a fortress surrounding themselves.

Secretly, they wanted you with them. They would tear down every brick if you asked, but simultaneously, you had to be outside—enduring the cold, your forgetfulness deserved. Hange turned their back on you with a sliver of hope that their withheld attention compelled you to seek after them, like an odd sense of validation that you’d like them enough to beg for access.

You and Hange sat on the driveway. While reading, you tried to blanket the thick tension with praising compliments for their drawings. The drawings Hange meticulously drew and colored for weeks. The drawings Hange hoped you would admire endlessly and imprint in your mind, just like they did.

The comic book was a light-hearted story where two friends had to travel through the twenty-six A to Z forests and make their way to the last forest to find and defeat the enemy. The enemy was a ridiculously silly drawing of a tater tot with a black eye mask. Hange thought of it because of how much you loved tater tots and hated when there was a black spot on the tot from the potato being bruised. When you showed Hange the tater tot with the dark spot, Hange declared they eat every tater tot with the bruising, so you didn’t have to. They were your hero on a small scale that grasped at the pride boosting Hange’s ego.

You gushed at Hange’s art when you turned to the page where stick figures Hange and Y/N entered the G Forest. Hange drew their rendition of Van Gogh’s Starry Night. Hange’s rage simmered and crumbled as you gushed at their project, just like they fantasized you would.

“That page took a whole day to draw . . .” Their tone was friendlier and a window of opportunity to seep through the crack of their rage presented itself.

“Hange, I can’t believe you drew all this and created this comic book for me.” You leaned into them and nudged their shoulders. “You have talent, that's for sure.”

With the playful nudge, you broke off the last brick of their fortress and Hange’s guilt set in. They regret ever being angry with you. Hange bargained with themself among giving you the benefit of the doubt. After all, you did just graduate.

Their heart fluttered when you laughed out loud, your head thrown back, and your eyes shut from the apples of your cheeks curling upwards from your smile. Hange’s heart thumped in their chest. Your laugh and joy they caused were vital and they’d go through hoops and barriers just for your happiness, even if it meant starving their own to nourish yours.

After forty minutes of you reading and admiring Hange’s comic book, it finally ended. All of the work Hange put into drawing the pictures, making the story entertaining and funny, came to a mellow and bittersweet end. You closed the composition notebook and gave Hange the sweetest smile. The fond smile that Hange thought accentuated your features and hypnotized them, luring Hange further into the depths of an abyss of restless thoughts of you. Without a doubt, they curled around your finger again, contently wanting to please you.

“So, what did you think of my gift?” Hange asked as if they didn’t hear you praise their comic book all the while reading it.

“Hange, this is the most special gift anyone has ever given me . . . It’s incredible that you made this and—wow! Thank you. It is so obvious the amount of effort you put into this just for me . . .” Hange didn’t want you to stop talking. All the sweet words that flowed from your mouth went straight to their heart. It swelled at your attention and engulfed their mind. “I am truly sorry. I should have called you after graduation. I should have made you my priority . . .”

Hange picked at the bandages that wrapped around their throbbing hand. Just hearing you say your regrets and imagining if you did put them as a priority made them feel pleased—a glimpse of what could have been felt almost as good as the fantasy contradicting the reality.

“I forgive you . . .” Hange said and the question in their mind urged them to speak. All the thoughts they had about you and the possibility of you being theirs was so close.

“You’re so talented, Hange. I love this so much.” Hange stared at the concrete of your driveway, searching for the courage to ask their question.

“I’m glad you like your graduation present. I was so excited to g-give it to you.” Their shaky reply exposed the nerves that flustered them even more. Hange gathered the courage and leaped, diving into the unknown abyss that vulnerably sacrificed their ego. “Y/N, Are you gay?”

Hange’s heart thumped in their ears and their clammy hands gripped the pants that covered their legs. They found you endearing and attractive for so long and kept their feelings to themselves. For the months coming up to graduation, they were worried about never seeing you again or you forgetting about them. Hange wanted your adoration, and when they came up with the comic book idea because they knew you loved comics so much, they knew it would grab your attention.

Hange fantasized about taking you out on dates and showing you off to their friends. During class, their mind drifted to you and wondered how you were doing. At night they thought of you mewling and gasping as you laid on their bed while they knelt and ate your pussy. Thoughts of you conjured out of the blue and swarmed their thoughts. You infected Hange and their silly crush turned into a sickness that your attention cured.

“No.”

#hange x reader #hanji zoe #hange zoe #aot #hange x you #hanji x reader #hanji zoë #hange zoë #attack on titan

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