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[levicanpunchme]

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Tagging: @levischubbycheeks @jayteacups

I found a game!

Bingo! Let it be known that all my fics are unbeta’d and extremely self-indulgent.

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No pressure tag:

@marleysfinest @oxygenbefore1775 @pisspope @wyvernslovecake @honeybleed @moonspirit @lokiheart135 @hjemne and anyone else who would like to take part ✨

[levicanpunchme]

#insane

FRENZY  ៸៸៸ part one

Jake is experiencing real love for the first time in his life. He’s so infatuated with you that he would do anything to make you understand. And you? Oh, you are in no place to argue with a man who appears to be perfect. 

៸៸៸  part two here ៸៸៸ you must read both parts to get the full story

 ៸៸៸ sim jake x afab reader 

 ៸៸៸ minors dni

 ៸៸៸ wordcount: 33k (part two: 14.2k)

 ៸៸៸ genre: stalker au, dark fic, slow burn, smut

 ៸៸៸ content tags: switch!stalker jake, he is gross but on a plus side he’s got a big shlong, obsession, panty stealing/sniffing, toothbrush sucking, shower water tasting, jealousy, manipulation, past trauma involving sa of reader, reader is manipulated into being obsessed with him too, trauma, jake is very insane, he’s thinks you need him to fix you, reader can be lifted and carried by him. 

 ៸៸៸ !WARNINGS! there is intense trauma, past abuse, and conflict in this fic. It’s dark with mentions of noncon and dubcon, and an instance where jake keeps going after reader faints. Everything is consenting between the two but only because he is manipulative and a bad person. if you can’t handle it, don't read it.

 ៸៸៸ a/n: this was way way way longer than I anticipated it to be but i mean…….it’s slow burn so take it or leave it. anyway, huge shout out to @drunkhazed for not only encouraging me to write this every time I lost steam for it, but even helping me work out some of the details. i hope this fic was worth the wait even tho tumblr is forcing me to post it in two parts.

៸៸៸ nsfw tags under cut

៸៸៸ nsfw tags for the whole fic, as in both chapters: masochism (jake), sadism (reader and jake), overstimulation, painful masturbation, praise, worship, dirty talk, blowjob, finger fucking, pussy eating, riding, missionary, mating press,  standing up sex yayyyyy, huge giant fat cock jake, deep penetration, unprotected sex, implied breeding, choking, hair pulling, suffocation, cock warming, crying, begging, hate sex, hitting (m receiving), squirting

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

It’s been days since he left his apartment. The skin around his fingernails have been chewed up, his eyes are red and heavy with sleep, and he still can’t bring himself to move from this spot. Disgusting as it may be, he loves it. It wasn’t like this before but that doesn’t matter too much to him right now.

The spot in front of his window has become his home within the apartment, a place where he can feel weightless and deserving of life’s pleasures. The sun is more bearable like this, the moon is prettier, even the rain sounds better now. The windowsill is lined with empty cans and food wrappers, a pile of laundry has been sitting in the corner since he started settling in this chair, and it’s gotten to the point now that nothing else in this apartment is of interest to him. Sleep comes easy in this chair too, so why move if he doesn’t have to?

He knows his last load of laundry is slowly molding over from not moving them into the dryer days ago, he knows his food is slowly going expired, and he’s aware now that bothering to wear clothes is pointless, they’ll just make the laundry pile bigger. He needs no distractions from this view, save for a quick bathroom trip and sprint to the front door to pick up his food orders. Each moment spent away from this space after five in the afternoon is a waste to him. 

How did he get here? How did he get to this point in his life? You. You’re how he got here. It’s your fault for moving into the apartment next door, your fault for accepting a space within view of his bedroom window, and it’s your fault he waits all day for you to come home, learning your schedule day by day. 

It started the day he forced himself out of bed. A Saturday afternoon. It was the first time he had the energy to do it after a month of barely moving, given that his recent breakup rendered him a shell of his former self. Recent to him anyway, it had been a year since she moved out, a year was like a day to him though. Time blurs when you’re shifting between resentment and numbness, and he really would have figured he'd have gotten over that breakup by then but he wasn’t. The words she last said to him resonated every minute of the day in his head, “he’s my brother!”, “you broke my phone?!”, “you’re fucking insane, Jake!”

It was a surprise to him that the man in her call log actually was her brother, but still a man at that and he didn’t like it. She was to be loyal to one man. Him. Only him. And she wasn’t, but none of that mattered to him after he got out of bed that Saturday afternoon. 

When he stood to his feet and began to dig through his closet for a shirt that didn’t smell like stale depression, it was much the same as any other day when he had the energy to do this. This time though, he opened his blinds and nearly fell on his ass at the warm sun boring through his window at him. He stood there feeling the warmth for a moment before his eyes adjusted enough to look around at the lively streets below. 

Even through his displeased huff, he stayed looking. If anyone cared to notice, this would be a good sign coming from him. One that shows that maybe he’s thinking about going out for once. Maybe he wants to call up an old friend that he hasn’t spoken to in almost a year and catch up on those lively streets. And you know, maybe that could have happened if it weren’t for the fact that something else catches his eye. 

Directly across the street sits a much nicer apartment building, and in his direct line of sight is a large window with opened blinds. Inside, stood you. He didn’t know you at the time, of course he didn’t, but at that moment he instantly knew that he had to know you. It was like slow motion, a rush of euphoria streaming in his veins as he looked at you for the first time. After so long in a slump, resenting and vibrating hate toward an ex, seeing you was like a glass of cold water during a drought. Even from so far away he knew you had a pretty face. Even from here, he knew you’d want to meet him too.

An immediate attachment he felt, to a stranger across the street unknowing of his existence.

 And that’s how he got to this point, growing so fond of watching you through that window day after day. It’s been weeks now since he started, and only the past two days have rendered him unable to move from the spot. He’s lucky his parents fund this apartment for him under the guise of him getting a degree that he no longer attends classes for. Because, well, he doesn’t want to miss a single moment with you. He’s growing so planted to this uncomfortable computer chair and barely caring because when you come home at five in the evening every day, this chair becomes much more comfortable to him. Almost as if it doesn’t exist, hell, he’s practically floating when he watches you. 

It’s your own fault he’s like this. It’s your fault you leave those blinds open, it’s your fault for walking around in close to nothing within the safety of your own home. If you didn’t want him to watch you do it, surely you would have closed the blinds by now. 

You’re practically inviting him.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

It’s a given that within those weeks of watching you his obsession hit peak insanity by the time he ended up planted in place by the window. Now though, he’s making plans in his head, because he knows it’s not healthy to just watch. He knows he deserves more than just feeling himself up as he imagines being in that spacious apartment across the street with you. By now, the relief his hand offers pisses him off. He wonders more and more every day what you smell like, what you feel like, how warm you must be. He deserves to know. 

Such a pretty girl all alone over there, maybe you need some protecting from the other strange men probably watching you too. Jake isn’t strange though, he just likes you. A lot. Enough now to leave this chair in front of the window when he knows you’ll be at work. Enough to actually get up and shower, enough to start working out again in front of that window just in case you arrive home early. Enough to know your schedule like the back of his hand. Enough to clean his apartment, to throw out his building piles of trash, to shave and touch up his grown out hair. 

Enough to follow you to the grocery store and purchase the exact things you purchase, cooking later what he presumed to be your dinner and eating it with you there at the window. 

It’s gotten to that point, where his confidence is high and he feels as though it’s time. It’s time to stop waiting around but he needs to know more about you before meeting you officially. That’s the only road block by this time and he can only think of one way to do this. After all, he doesn’t even know your name in order to look you up online. 

So, its early Monday morning and he knows you’ve got work for at least eight hours and, well, he’s got a fucking need. 

He watches you in the window before you leave for work, his room now dramatically different than before. Clean. He looks in the mirror, proud of the way he looks now with his stylishly messy hair and skin moisturized. You’d like him better like this, right? 

He doesn’t even grab a bag to bring with him, because he knows if he forgets anything he brings, you’d take note of someone being there. You might become hyper aware, you might find out it was him in the future. There are too many risks in that. So, he just brings himself, which should be enough.

Going outside was an experience as it always was for him. He always feels so out of place and so entirely alone when he walks near other people. Always wondering if they see him too much or not at all. Thankfully, your apartment is just across the street and it’s a quick trip to get inside of the building. He knew the security here is trash, after all, he’s watched this building door for so long by now, that even if he were to be stopped, he’d know how to get inside anyway. He sees the side doors, the ladder in the alley way, all of it. 

When he steps inside, part of him almost wants to turn back and purchase a small camera to hide in your apartment. He slaps himself on the forehead for not thinking of that sooner, but he’s already here so he might just have to take note of that for later. 

With a polite smile he nods to a single security guard and receives a stern nod back. His insides are crawling with energy at how easy this is, and he feels fucking giddy. As he works his way up, entering wrong floor after wrong floor, he finally lands his feet on your floor. He can tell because he double checks, and then triple checks by looking out of the big hallway windows and finding his own apartment straight across the way. 

He smiles wide at the apartment doors, noting the lack of code entry locks and finding simple turn-key locks. This is perfect, because he practiced a skill for this specific purpose. Lock-picking. He hopes it comes in handy as he pulls out his miniature tools. 

That practice did come in handy, and he smiles to himself with a near sob of happiness at the sound of what he presumed to be your apartment door unlocking. Intelligent, that’s what he is. 

He steps inside and instantly he is dizzy. He was right, he was fucking spot on. This is your apartment, and he can’t help but stand in the doorway frozen at the very thought that he fucking did it. He made it in and now your apartment is his for the next few hours if he so wishes.

The first thing he does is go to your window and gaze across the street. Seeing his own window from here felt surreal, thinking back to all of those nights he came undone to the thought of standing in this exact spot. His body reacts quickly to the space, twitching in his pants at the adrenaline he feels. 

If there is anywhere in the world he could be right now, this would be the exact spot. He hasn’t felt this excited in a long time, even compared to when he first saw you and his heart went from rotting to filling with love. It’s hard at this moment for him to turn around and look somewhere other than his view of that all-too-familiar window of his, but he manages. He’s slow to turn around, taking in each breath with intention, every glance burning into his memory. From the open curtains, to the open blinds just behind them, to the dull color of the paint on your walls. 

He smiles as he notes that your apartment is clean, almost obsessively so. It’s also much nicer compared to his own even when it was brand new. You seem to like candles, apple and sugar cookie scented candles. He can tell from the amount littered around the open living room and kitchen. The dull scent dragging his senses into euphoria. You also seem to like plants, you like shoes, you like plushies. 

He nods as he takes note of everything in your apartment before sauntering out of the living space and toward the hallway. There, he enters the bathroom first.

Clean still, save for a pile of dirty clothes thrown carelessly into the corner. Before he focuses too much on that pile of clothing though, he stares at your shower, taking note of the other scents you’re drawn to before trailing his fingers along the shower wall. Still damp from your morning shower, he presumes. He lets himself feel the sensation of the droplets soaking his fingertips, running it along several areas of the wall before pulling his hand back. He looks at his glistening fingers for a few moments, preparing himself for a new sensation as he places his fingers to his lips. Sucking in the remnants of your shower and humming. Then, ecstatic with the taste, it’s easy for him to balance himself against the wall and bring his face close to a few more unbothered droplets, licking them into his mouth and relishing in the feeling of the cold shower wall against his tongue. His cheeks dampen through the act, and even when he pulls back for a moment, he can’t bear to wipe away the condensation. 

It tastes like water, but it’s your water. And as he continues to suckle against the wall, he finally pulls back and places his fingers back into his mouth to suck off any last remaining droplets. His eyes now flick to that pile of laundry. Based on your cleanliness in the rest of the apartment, he assumes you’ll probably wash these later, which is a fucking waste. He confirms in his head the loss it would be not to take something, and so, he plans to. 

Fingers still in his mouth, he fumbles with his other hand to shove each piece of clothing up to his face, inhaling the scent of your sleep because these were clearly the pajamas he saw you wearing last night. The scent is dull but he swears he can smell your skin on this fabric and it’s enough to cause another twitch in his pants. His cock already growing heavy and sensitive in the confines of his pants. 

Finally, the pair of panties. Worn, crumpled on the floor in a presentation too beautiful to resist. He drops your shorts carelessly to grab at them, his fingers leaving his mouth just to smear across the seat of the garments before instantly he’s sighing out in a soft moan. Nuzzling his lips and nose into them, inhaling for an even longer time compared to the other articles of clothing. It’s as if he’s inhaling a deep hit from a blunt, the scent making him dizzy and entirely hot in the face. He could cry, honestly, as he dips his tongue out just for a moment to taste. Heightening his sensations of you. It was euphoric feeling them in his hand, against his face, in his mouth. Even more so with the scent of them, worn from the day and clearly needing a wash. It was relieving to him in some way, fondling the panties seems to push him further from the reality he’s in, sending his mind into colorful image after image of what these must have looked like clinging to your pussy. 

He’s quick to stuff them into his pocket after he gets his fill, forgetting only for a moment that there’s more to explore and that he can’t just sit here all day and jerk off to a single pair of panties. He’s sure you have more for him somewhere. And with that, he moves his eyes to your bathroom counter. 

Gazing at your toothbrush momentarily, he fights off the idea of taking that too. Ultimately deciding that you’d definitely think something was off if that went missing.This doesn’t prevent him from touching though, as he reaches forward and runs his fingers along the bristles. Just as suspected, it’s still damp too from your morning routine. The sensation of the bristles along his fingers is somehow more arousing than anything else right now, and it’s hard for him to hold back. His cock is now heavy in his pants, leaking against his zipper and begging to be let out. He holds back still though, even as he brings the toothbrush up to his lips much like your other items. He takes in a deep breath first before licking along the handle up to the bristles. Still tastes like toothpaste, and the taste is far too overpowering to be able to taste you. Still, his hips lunge forward against the counter as he tastes another part of you. 

He stays like that for a while, hips pressing forward every few seconds in search of the friction his zipper offers, and your toothbrush hanging from his mouth as he rummages around your drawers and cabinets. 

By the time he has searched every inch of your bathroom, he finally places your toothbrush back into its place and stares at it for a moment longer. If you continue to use it, it’s like you’re kissing him. He hopes you like it as much as he does. And just like that, his interest in the bathroom is gone. Excitement bubbles up yet again, knowing that he still has more of your space to explore for his own pleasure. He adjusts his length in his pants and sighs with a dazed smile and leaves the bathroom almost exactly as you left it.

Quietly, he goes further down the hallway. There's only one other room and he just knows that it’s your bedroom, that much is clear. You always keep these blinds closed but sometimes he can see your shadow when you turn on your light at night. This is where he wants to be right now, and upon opening that door, he’s immediately hit with another new scent. Home. 

He doesn’t waste his time indulging himself here, throwing himself forward onto your bed, face down, and instantly groaning at the feeling of his sore cock hitting your mattress under his own weight. By this point, it’s weeping with pre-cum and staining his jeans with a large dampened spot. The feeling is so much to handle as he lays there trying to breathe through the raw feeling of how badly he wants to fuck something. How badly he wants to fuck you. 

He laughs to himself in the bliss of your scent as he tears up, gripping your duvet and covering his face with it. He breathes heavily as his gleefully aroused tears begin to soak into the fabric. Then, because of course he would, he gags himself by stuffing that very same duvet past his lips. He closes his eyes now, imagining that you let him in, you’re here with him, you’re here under him. The scent of apples and cookies would be drenching the air, your panties would be wet and begging to be off of you. Fuck, he wants to consume these sheets the same way he wants to consume you. 

Immediately, he sucks on the fabric with a lift to the corner of his lips, smiling as he tastes the closest thing in this apartment to your body save for the panties in his pocket. He feels like he’s floating right now, and he would be a fool to hold off any longer. He wants to have his way here, hoping that you don’t notice the stains he plans to leave behind. Hoping you sleep on them, hoping you sit your bare pussy against the same spot he intends to fuck as hard as he would fuck you. 

He slides a hand down between his body and the mattress and dips into his pants with a visible shiver, finally offering himself relief. Long and slender fingers making their way around his length and instantly he’s unable to keep quiet. His eyebrows lift in relief at the feeling, rubbing his tongue raw against your duvet with his muffled moans, writhing wildly as he begins to fuck forward. His ears are ringing, his finger tips are burning against his own arousal, and he doesn’t think he’s ever been so fucking happy in his life than he is right now. 

As he continues, his wrist is being rubbed raw much like the head of his cock and his tongue. So many sensations come from the fabric you provide and, god, he loves it. He can’t help it when he aggressively shoves his pants down, allowing his pre-cum to spurt out of him, instantly staining your sheets and causing him to pick up the pace. Fucking against his hand and humping with no real rhythm. 

His moans come out in short, muffled whimpers. Your blanket in his mouth makes the sound more pathetic than it already would have been, but he loves the way the sounds echo off of your walls. It’s like he was meant to be in this room doing this. Like this is the only room he should be intimate in, whether it be with himself or you. He wants to moan like this not just because of you but, for you. He wants you to play with him, he wants you to fucking destroy him, mocking his overly sensitive cock until he’s crying. 

His mind is spinning as he fucks forward with these images in his head, the scent of you only drives him further and further from the reality at hand. He sobs only a little when he pushes the duvet out of his mouth, quickly replacing that with your pillow. He buries his face into it so hard that he nearly can’t breathe. The lack of oxygen hitting him second by second until he’s gasping for the same warm air that’s being trapped by the plush pillow, his orgasm bubbles up quickly with each jerk of his body. 

Faster and faster he fucks into his palm, paying no mind to the burn on the under side of his cock that repeatedly rubs against the sheets. His muffled breath now comes out in short cries of laughter as he feels his release approaching. He chases it aggressively, violently. He wants his cock to fucking ache for you.

And it does, a mixture of searing heat and release hitting him all at once. He can’t breathe as his body stutters against your sheets, his pathetic cock continuously releasing a greedy amount just for you to sleep soundly in later. 

Then he just lays there, feeling every last drop leave him and make a home within your sheets and mattress. All he can do is grin as he tries to catch his breath, rolling over and feeling his already-spent cock pulse at the cold air that hits it. He lifts his head to look down at it, noting how red it is even as it softens up. Again, he’s floating right now. He can’t believe he managed to get inside, he can’t believe he has your panties, he can’t believe he’s even tasted you. 

Through his blissed out state, his eyes begin to travel around your room as he comes down from his high. Heart pounding still, he realizes he didn’t comprehend a single corner of this room the second he saw your bed. It was like he cared about nothing, it was like he died and went to heaven, and he wouldn’t have it any other way save for you being on this bed with him. 

Then, his eyes land on your dresser and he’s careful when he stands up to balance himself, tucking his length half back into his pants and wincing at the sensitivity. Jackpot. Jake’s attention is solely focused on your dresser now, wobbling over and trying to pretend that his body isn’t still shaking from his recent orgasm.

He’s in a world of euphoria again, immediately after having gotten off so quickly within the sheets of your bed, and now as he rifles through your panty drawer, his sensitive cock is twitching with embarrassing interest. He laughs at himself and the way he could probably fuck you repeatedly for hours at this point. Never has he been so ready to come again a mere minute and a half after already having done it once. He holds off though, pocketing a few more pairs of your panties before turning his attention to your closet.

There, he notes the fashion you like, the shoes you have hidden probably for nights out, and…oh. 

Sex toys. 

He glares at them for a moment, wondering if you only have these because you’ve yet to realize how badly you’d want him to do it for you. This leads him to believe that you must be desperate for touch, for love, and surely he could make you feel better than a piece of soft rubber, surely you wouldn’t need these if you have him, right? 

He grabs one with a huff and inspects it for use. Upon realizing this has been well loved by you, he removes the batteries and pockets those too, solely because he refuses any competition when it comes to you. Another mental note to find any and every battery in this apartment so that this toy becomes useless to you and your pussy. After all, you’re his now and it’s only a matter of time before you realize it.

He shakes his head in disappointment at his findings before tossing the toy back into the space he found it and turning his attention to your desk. After all, he’s lost all interest in this closet simply for containing items that offer you pleasure. At least at your desk, he might find some deeper information about you.

And God, it’s like you knew he was going to be here. He smiles, his heart swelling at your kindness of leaving your journal right here in the open for him. Inside is a page bookmarked with what he assumes to be junk mail. 

There’s your full name though, glistening in the dark space of his brain that was dying to be filled with information about you. He whispers it to himself, loving the way the tip of his tongue tingles at the act of saying it out loud for the first time. His heart flutters as he runs his fingers along the plastic window of the envelope, repeating your name several times, as if to conjure your spirit up right here, right now, to bask in his post-orgasm glory of love for you.

He’s almost got all of the information he needs with this simple envelope. He knows exactly where you live obviously, your full name, what you like, your favorite scents, and now all he needs is– 

He pauses as his eyes fall to the page marked in your journal, damn. It seems to be your most recent entry, and you really let it all out in these pages. His own ex-therapist suggested he start keeping journals too, but fuck no. That’s too much work for him. He doesn’t like giving himself that type of attention either, but thank god you keep one.

Your self written bible, with all the information in the world about you coming from your own hand, your own brain, is right here in the palm of his hand and it’s not hard for him to decide what to do with it. 

Just like that, an hour passes as he starts from the beginning and works through your thoughts starting from early last year. Right around the time his ex-girlfriend left him, the bitch. 

The deeper into this journal he goes, the more he learns. Intimate things, fucked up things. He almost laughs at your pain, how silly of you to love someone when he was here all along. You had your heart broken, met someone who fixed you, then he destroyed you even more than the first man. Silly you, choosing the wrong people and letting yourself be hurt enough to write about it. 

It’s not until he reads what your recent ex did to you that he starts to really feel something. Anger. So much fucking anger that a man touched you like that. He hurt you like that, then left you feeling torn apart and, as you wrote, “dead inside”. The anger is so strong as he grips your journal and nearly crumples the page. He wants to rip it out, to erase it from your life so you forget it ever even happened. You wouldn’t need to remember all of this if you’d let him in.

But he can’t just rip this page from your life, because you’d notice. These are your deepest secrets, surely you’d be on high alert if something like this were to go missing. So, he opts to read it again, and again, and again, searing it into his memory like a mantra of you and your life. A mantra of why you need him, and why the universe is putting you in front of him. 

Now, the further and further he reads, the pages are filled by this man who hurt you. He can practically smell the tears you shed when writing these shaky words. Detailing each painful touch, each emotion and moment of dissociation that happened to you during that time. There’s something about the way you write your pain that arouses him just as much as everything else you do. 

Perhaps it's the anger of you being taken advantage of in that way, or perhaps it’s because he’s reading each fine detail and wishing he was you, and you were the ex. He wants you to hurt him the way you’ve been hurt, the thought alone is enough to make him fall deeper, and harder in love with you. He wants to feel everything you’ve felt.

In his mind, you’re doing this to him. He wants you to hurt him that way so badly. He wants you to have him broken and crying, with all the power in the world because it’s what you deserve. Because of him, you will forget what happened to you. He will fix you, and you will break him. 

The more he reads, the more he fantasizes. It’s not your pain, it’s his now, except he would never tell you to stop. He’d be begging for more, more, more. In his head, yes, you’re on top of him and gagging him with your fingers so he can’t cry out. You’re the one hitting him and taking him for all he’s worth. You’re the one calling him dirty names and forcing a painful orgasm through his body.

The image in his head right now is so beautiful, and it’s all you. The man no longer exists in his thoughts as he stares down at your words, another flash of a smile crossing his lips as he snakes his hand down his pants for the second time, because this time he can’t resist it. The words appear more like an erotic novel rather than your own painful trauma. He finds it easy when he checks out of reality, each drag of his palm up his cock sending waves of warmth through his body with each new word he reads. 

He likes the way you write “fuck”, he loves the way you write, “I deserved better.” He adores you so much, he wants you to say those things to him. Even if he would never hurt you, he would be more than willing to let you hurt him, to let you be the aggressor, to ruin him and make him bleed. 

His fingers squeeze around his length harder as he feels his legs attempt to buckle. He allows himself to fall to his knees on your floor, gripping the journal like it’s his last life line in this world. 

His eyes shoot across the paper and he’s biting against his bottom lip so hard that he can taste the metallic flavor of blood as he takes in every pen stroke. That taste of blood only becomes more obvious to him when he begins to whine at his own grip against his cock. It’s not enough, and it will never be enough until you’re the one ruining him. He grips tighter, bouncing up on his knees to chase the feeling as he works himself up, only briefly losing the ability to read when he rolls his eyes back at the desperate feeling of needing you here with him to hold onto. His entire body is burning up, pulsing aggressively, and yet, still shivering at the cold and lonely air within your apartment. 

Then his eyes are right back down on your journal, his hips continuing to chase. He’s not alone, you’re here with him, you are surrounding him entirely right now. This is the air you breathe into, and the gasps he takes with the realization are deep and intentional as he swallows up the air in this room until it feels suffocating. 

“Part of me wishes I wanted it, It would have hurt less, I think.” You had written one day last week.

He groans at your boldness, poking his tongue to his cheek with a frustrated moan. 

“At least I left the city. Mom told me to change my number too, but I haven't done that yet. I hope he can never find me again.” 

Jake smiles with a clenched jaw, because that man won’t ever find you again. Not with him by your side. He will protect you, he will make damn sure that any man who wants you can’t have you. 

He edges himself for a bit this time, after having gotten off so quickly before. He wants this one to be drawn out, he wants it to fucking hurt, and it does already. His sensitive length is twitching against the pre-dampened denim it’s being restricted by, his knuckles are red and raw from hitting the zipper of his pants, and the inside of his lip is still bleeding. Finally, he skews his pants down just enough to let his length spring free. 

The suffocating air of your apartment wraps around him so beautifully, and once again he’s shivering and letting out a chuckle. It feels so good. It feels so much better when he’s here and not stuck in his apartment. It feels amazing reading your words of pain, putting himself in your position and wishing so much for you to take this frustration out on him. 

He edges, and edges. Fucking up, then strangling the base of his cock to prevent orgasm. God, it feels so hot, so good that it becomes harder each time he does it. Again and again, until the shadows of your curtains shift in position, until he feels like his head might explode, and that’s when he realizes he has been reading, sometimes the same page over and over again, for hours and at least an hour more fucking himself.

Surely you’ll be getting off from work soon, but he’s so close. He’s so, so, fucking close to you right now and he can’t bare to end it just yet. The images of your past burns in his gut, and despite being in your space, he truly is so far away. He cannot imagine your face up close, and only imagines the silhouette of you, the shape of you that he’s seen so many times before. Every image is from a street away, and still it’s so unfathomably arousing to think you could use him as your diary. You could whisper your painful little thoughts into his mouth and let him swallow them up, let him erase them from your life. 

Take this rage out on him. Hit him. Make him suffer the way you did, he would love that. Giving you such an outlet, and loving it more and more each time. 

He fucks up once, hard, and for the last time he squeezes against his weeping cock so tightly as if to prevent himself from releasing. His body can’t take it anymore though, he loses all control even through his tightened grip at the base of his cock. Still, he manages to focus his eyes down at your journal, placing it directly against the underside of his cock, and there, he lets go. Strings of white shooting out past the journal and onto your carpet, seeping in almost instantly as he lets out a long and choked out moan. Raspy and raw, he can barely recognize his own voice. 

The sweat on his brow drips down as he shakes through the most intense orgasm he thinks he’s ever had, vibrating moans coming out as pained whimpers as he continues to pump himself empty against the pages of your trauma. Then, he pulls your journal up to his lips in a last attempt to show how desperate he is at this moment. He closes it, licking up the spine of the book before dropping it to the floor in exhaustion.

His mind and body has never been so stimulated by another person. Despite you not even being in this room to physically do it for him, he feels as though he’s just professed a profound love for you and you accepted it. He’s left himself all over your space, marking you, marking his territory, swearing to his shaking soul that he will never let another person touch you. 

The only pain you should ever feel again is when your palms sting from swelling his skin before kissing it better. 

As he sits, coming back to himself, still trembling from pleasure and overwhelming adoration, his eyes scan further around your room and note all of the little trinkets of personality you like to show to yourself. 

A list of movies you’ve watched dangles, pinned on a cork board by your tv, and next to that is a list of movies you haven’t gotten to watch yet. On the other side of him is a bookshelf, containing a variety of novels, manga, magazines, cds, and even a few little figurines of characters that must bring you comfort. 

All of these things, the scents you like, the colors you like, the books, movies, shows, music. It burns into his memory the same way you did when he first saw you. 

It doesn’t matter that his body feels weak at this moment, his mind will never be calm when he’s thinking of you. These forms of entertainment are now his favorite things. His fingers struggle to pull out his phone, and struggle more to find his notes app. 

There, he stays for an hour more. Typing and retyping everything he can see, smell, and touch. Every single movie, every single music disk, every single manga, magazine, and book. He will love them as much as he loves you, and he will be the person you seem to need so badly in your life. 

And then, as he glances up to the tiny, bastard of a digital block on his phone, reality sets in. He needs to leave now.

Thankfully enough, you’re right on schedule as usual. He’s crossing the street to his own apartment when he catches the scent of you carried by the wind, and right there, he glances. For the first time seeing you a little closer than usual. 

He doesn’t know if you look happy, sad, or exhausted, all he knows is that you’re truly a feast for his eyes as he stares a few moments too long and you make eye contact with him.

Then….you smile. 

You smile at him, with a small wave as you walk through the building’s doors with not a clue in the world that the kind faced, handsome, stranger you just made eye contact with was worshiping the very air you breathe.

For him, that smile managed to ignite something else in him that he didn’t even know he had. Perhaps a feeling of confirmation? No, maybe it was validation? Either way, the pep in his step is at least an inch higher than it’s ever been as he makes his way up to his home, and finds himself right back at the window. 

He feels satisfied, happy, and maybe even a bit sleepy as he watches you from across the street. Standing where he just stood, disappearing to what he now knows is the bathroom. 

With all the new information, surely it won’t be the last or only time he’ll be in that room with or without you. Now, he can meet you as the best version of himself. The best version of the person you would love. 

Perhaps now, he can accidentally run into you enough times that you’ll have no choice but to face an introduction, and right then and there, he will be the perfect man for you. You’ll invite him in, you’ll share all of those secrets with him, and you will love him. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Buying a camera was easy, and setting it up against his window so that he never had to risk missing a single second with you was even easier. Especially because now he had studying to do. 

Movies, shows, music, books, all of it. He delved in for days, living the lives of other people through the media you seemed to love so much. Through all of it, he paid most attention to the romantic aspect of each bit of entertainment you seem to enjoy the most in your free time. 

He learns how these men kiss their significant others, he studies how they look at each other and express their emotions. In the music, he listens and anticipates that he can make you feel better than these songs do. In the books, even the horror related ones, he focuses on the emotional aspect and forces himself to learn these expressions. 

Love and hate aren’t the only two emotions he should be feeling, but they are for the most part. Save for things like jealousy, arousal, and entitlement. He needs to learn sympathy. Empathy, passion, contentedness, melancholy. There is a vast array of emotions he needs to master, and he can’t help but feel like that’ll just take far too long. 

As he is, he loves you. As you are, he loves you. You should love him the same, and you will love him the same. After all, he already loves the same movies, books, and music. What else could you possibly ask for from him, outside of a burning loyalty driven by passion? Outside of never laying a hand on you, nor letting another person within ten feet of you if you so much as blink at him lovingly?

It’s as if weeks passed when he started watching you through the recorded footage. Really though, it’s only been a week because he can still smell the scent of you on those dainty little panties each time he wraps them around his sore cock. They satisfy him plenty when he uses your other, cleaner garments that he took from your dresser against his lips. 

Each night since he was in your apartment, he’s fucked into these panties, remembering the taste of your shower water and toothpaste, and each night he grows more and more weary of when he can have more.

Still, these panties are getting him through this difficult period of down time, the anticipation that soon enough, you’ll smile at him again is enough to not jump for the opportunity to get back into your apartment just yet. Because soon, you’ll probably invite him in next time too, maybe even let him taste you rather than a simple remnant of you. 

Even your social media drives him to learn quicker. It’s private, of course, and all he has to go off of is that pixelated image of you, your interests, the burning images of your trauma, your name, age, address, and used panties. Sure, he’s satisfied for the time being but he knows for a fact that this “content” feeling will only continue to fade away and be replaced with the intense need to just fucking meet you. 

He knows you’re hiding from someone, and that someone just so happens to not be him. So, he’s the one man in the world you could ever hope to meet anyway. A protector, a lover, a fierce defender and an outlet for all of your pain. 

And oh, what great news is it that just a mere two days later that content feeling does, indeed, run out! Not only does he feel well equipped to be your forever soulmate, but when he looks at himself in the mirror, still fond of now trimming and taking care of himself, he’s gotta say that he plays the part well on both fronts. 

It’s another Saturday afternoon, this time he takes the time to sit by the window and watch the shadow of you through that closed bedroom curtain. He wonders how often you wash your sheets, or clean your carpet, or lose your batteries to your stupid fucking sex toys. 

Surely the remnants of him are still there, surely you’re used to his scent by now. You won’t be afraid when he steps out around the same time you do. You definitely won’t think it’s strange that he just so happens to be grocery shopping too, or that he’s needing the same ingredients you are needing. Maybe you’ll like it when he brushes his hand against yours when going for the same tomato. 

He’s confident, and he’s ready. That’s for sure. 

What he wasn’t ready for though, is how outgoing you are. 

Naturally, he smells you before he sees you. Hyper aware that every person on the street that isn’t you just ends up invisible to him anyway. He doesn’t intentionally walk into you, acting as if he’s going the opposite way. Except he does. 

The first touch of your body to his is nothing but a mere “accident”. The soft padding of your jacket collides with his hoodie, and still he swears he could feel the blood pumping through your veins at that moment. His entire body erupts in goosebumps at the first touch, he sighs out at the intentional mishap, not yet making eye contact with you. 

He falls back only slightly, raising his hands in defense and mock apology. Right there on the street, not even a block from the two buildings both of you call home. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t even–” He goes to say, mind blanking the moment he does look at you, and you look back at him.

You’re right there. He can feel your energy hit him in the chest, as if that little collision was nothing less than a car hitting him at full speed. His breath is caught in his throat as he takes in your image up close for the first time. 

You look….frail. Not like a sickly-frail, but the kind of frail that only comes with emotional baggage. You look sleepy, with your cold cheeks and watering eyes from the icy wind hitting them. So badly does he want to grip you and pull you into his chest. He wants to hold you, he wants to keep you warm, he wants to kiss those shivering lips and hold those shaking hands. 

You’re a mere foot away from him and his heart is already exploding. Standing in awe, oblivious to the fact that he has lost his ability to control the situation upon looking at you, because now all he can think about is giving you everything in the world.

Then, you glance away from him and speak. 

“No, no.” You look to the ground after that brief eye contact and seem to shy away from the interaction. “I shouldn’t have been looking at my phone.” You continue to stare at the ground, gripping your bag close to you out of instinct rather than fear or anxiety. 

“Likewise.” Jake smiles, trying to refrain composure and softening his voice. Still, he burns the image of you into his corneas and memorizes the pitch of your voice. “Hey…” He adds, trailing off a bit and dipping his head to draw your eyes up to him in a friendly way. 

“I think I’ve seen you before, do you live around here?” 

You pause. He’s just a friendly stranger with a tender voice but the brief glimpse you had of him did seem familiar. 

“You seem kind of familiar too?” You question, easing your tense body and looking up at him with another smile, this time more awkward. Mostly because you definitely avoided his question. 

“Huh, small world.” He shrugs, offering little to no context to that statement before shifting the balance on his feet and stiffening at the harsh wind that picks up.

This is the moment in which any normal person would say their goodbyes, last apologies, and be on their way. Jake is too in love to comprehend what normal people would do though. 

“Well, if it makes you feel any better, I forgot my wallet at home and was running back to grab it before the market gets packed with college kids trying to buy all of their weekend alcohol. I really didn’t mean to run into you like that.” 

God, he feels like a robot saying it. He did mean to run into you, and he didn’t forget his wallet. 

“Oh! I’m actually on my way to the store.” You admit, trying to appreciate his explanation and press the idea of forgiving and forgetting. “So you live close by then?” You add, feeling better asking him where he lives rather than stating your own place of residence. 

“Yeah, I live over there.” He points at the building across from yours, silently taking a step closer. 

The chill in the air is harsh, but the way you don’t move back from him is much softer and easier to swallow as a man on a mission. 

When you perk up at recognizing his apartment building, it’s very telling. Well, to him it is, but to anyone else he could assume they wouldn’t have picked up on that slight blink of surprise he caught. 

“Huh,” You state casually. “Well, I’m going to go pick up some groceries too. I walk this same way back, do you want me to spot you on your groceries as my own apology for not paying attention?”

Partially, you do this because you want to be alone, and upon meeting this man who is running the same errand as you, you think you may feel too awkward to go through your daily plan running into him again. Plus, he lives right across from you, and you find yourself not wanting him to know where you live. 

To him though, outgoing may be an understatement. You’re offering to not only shop for him, but to drop it off at the desk? You’re inviting yourself into his space?! 

“Don’t be silly, I’ll just run and grab my wallet and I’ll be right back out. I can help you carry your things. It’s not safe for a lady to be walking alone on a Saturday anyway.” He assures you, stiffening up his shoulders in the wind and smiling at you.

You don’t know how to reject his offer, as awkward as it is, and somehow as comforting as it is. Solely because he just confirmed your silent anxieties about being in this city alone. You do this walk to the market every weekend, and despite you slowly becoming accustomed to the area, you never truly feel safe doing it alone. 

Should you reject the offer and go back home? You have enough snacks to last you the night and you can just go to the market tomorrow. And even with those thoughts in your head, you wonder why you nod to him, and you wonder why you step back toward the building behind you and lean against it as if you’ll wait for him. 

You shiver at the wind as he nods to you and jogs to the very same building he pointed out before disappearing inside of it, and all you can do is internally panic at how pathetic you are. You should not be inviting this random man to walk with you, or to carry your things for you. He’s going to know where you live. What if your ex set this up? You wouldn’t put it past him for a second.

Then you think a little deeper…perhaps you’re comforted by this man’s calm and somewhat genuine kindness. You’re not amazing at reading people, clearly, but he seems to be kind. Still, you’re too afraid to tell another person “no” these days out of fear that they will be angry.

 You’re now hyper aware of your surroundings, wondering if the threat looms elsewhere, or if you just invited the threat to walk you to the supermarket. 

You have no choice but to take the chance though, with the way he mentioned that you shouldn’t be walking alone on a weekend. You’d be paranoid with or without a stranger escorting you, especially after returning home from work last week and swearing your apartment felt different. Your anxiety regarding your ex is at an all time high. 

Should you even want to reject this small situation of possible safety? It’s still known, to you at least, that your ex hasn’t been able to find you, nor has he texted or called you since your first week of living in this city. 

Finally, you decide to just try and relax. If you show your fear, perhaps this man will turn on a dime and take advantage like everyone tends to do with you. Even if you don’t remember leaving your apartment door unlocked last week, even if you don’t remember misplacing your batteries for a particular item in your closet.

You can’t just assume every new, kind, and handsome face is working with your ex. You can’t just let your fear continue to control your life. 

At least with this new face, and the security in your building being well aware of your safety concerns, you nor your personal space could be violated inside of your own home at the very least. 

Outside though? On the streets with dozens of others? The risk is high, and you aren’t even sure if you have the capability to run fast enough or react fast enough with the little safety keychain you keep in your hand, buried in your puffy jacket pocket. 

By this point, you’re more afraid to walk alone than you are to walk with this nameless man. Saying no to him would only result in another evening walk full of paranoia, then again, walking with him still brings a whole different type of paranoia. That is, until he comes running back up to you with that same warm smile, hands tucked into his hoodie, and the promise of some sort of protection at least for this grocery run. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

“So,” Jake starts after several long minutes of walking with you in silence. “Do you always walk alone at night?”

You nod to him quietly, about to say something before he sighs and shakes his head.

“That’s brave. You must be new to this side of town because it’s not exactly the safest for you to just be wandering around by yourself.” 

It’s obvious to Jake that this is only a half truth, but he knows what you’re running from by being here and he can’t help but ensure future endeavors with you, even if just to have you need him each time you leave your apartment. He would gladly walk you to the moon and back if you so much as considered it an option. 

“Oh, really?” You respond with slight distress. “I moved here because of the safety ratings. I wasn’t aware that it was an actual concern outside of me just worrying too much.” 

He picks up on it. 

“Every city is dangerous if you think about it. You know where my building is if you need it though. Just let me know if you ever need someone to usher you back and forth.”

You scoff almost, laughing at the implication that you’d consider that an option. 

“Please, that would be so inconvenient and inconsiderate for me to do. Besides, I have this nifty little keychain!” You smile, trying to make light of the situation and the anxiety his words of your bravery are bringing to you. 

“That is pretty nifty,” He laughs, eyeing your keychain and watching you put it back into your pocket. “Can’t imagine that keychain would stop anyone though.” He adds with a light and casual tone, only because he knows that the keychain couldn’t stop him. “Plus, it’s not inconsiderate. I’m much more effective than that keychain of yours.”

There is a deep fear instilled in you at his words, ones that make you curl in on yourself internally. Maybe you really couldn’t protect yourself without someone next to you. You slow your pace for a moment and consider his words. Pepper spray, a seatbelt cutter, taser, and a pair of pointy claws won’t do a damn thing for you if you end up frozen on the spot at a threat. Which is something you know yourself to do when danger rises. Perhaps this stranger is right about that, and if he’s offering, maybe it won’t be so embarrassing to actually follow up on that, especially if he proves to simply be a kind and concerned neighbor. 

Then again, maybe he’s just being nice and doesn’t want you to genuinely expect that from him. 

“Can I know the name of the person willing to escort me to and fro?” You try to play it off as a joke with a sweet and calm tone to your voice, thankful that you’ve become an expert at hiding your fear by now, but he stutters in response. Stopping in his tracks and deadpan staring at you.

“Oh my god, how rude of me.” The same smile, the same soft voice, and now– and extended hand to you. “I’m Jake, and I fully expect you to require my assistance at any time, any day, when you feel it may not be safe for you to be out here alone.” 

“What the fuck?” You comment without full intent, reaching for his hand and gripping it in yours. 

It’s…delightfully warm. 

“Hm?” He perks up a brow. “What was that?”

“It’s like you can read my mind or something.” You laugh, now releasing his hand and feeling far more comfortable walking with him, and possibly accepting his offer. 

“I’ve been told that before, you know.” 

Good fucking lord, the feeling of you gripping his hand was something that could have sent him straight to an asylum. Cold hands, warm smile, a reluctant tone in your voice– he sees you size him up, and god, fuck, did he see you just accept him for all that he is at this moment. He broke past your first wall, he could see it in your eyes when they flickered for just a moment. 

“I bet you have.” You confirm for him, now giving him your name and looking up at him. The dim streetlights and remnants of the setting sun sure do put this moment on a pedestal in your head for some reason. 

Your first friend in this city. Surprisingly it’s a man, and even more surprisingly, he seems to be entirely in tune with every single anxiety you have about life right now without even fucking knowing it. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

The immediate night after you willingly led a kind stranger to the front of your apartment building, seemingly right across the street from his own, was the moment you realized that for the first time in years, you really did feel safe. 

Jake, this new person who appeared out of thin air walking right into you and somehow, into your life as well, is safe. With the well-bleached hair peeking from his hoodie, tired eyes, and the blushed cold air on his face doing nothing more than highlighting his features, you didn’t want to admit the immediate attraction to him.

In fact, those feelings of instant attraction are what got you into that mess with your ex. It’s what you’re running from now, and what you were intending to avoid. It’s in your nature to want to be around an attractive person, sure, but is it so strange to lean in so quickly when said attractive person lives across the street and offers you convenient means to feel even safer? You’re not jumping into an immediate relationship or anything by feeling safe around him. You don’t know him well enough, but for some reason, all you need to know to satisfy you is that he’s not out to take from you. He didn’t seem to need or want more, even in those long moments of silence standing beside him in the supermarket.

If anything, Jake, himself, is a new safety measure you intend to use for yourself, even as a last resort. Not because his smile is charming, or his voice is soft. Definitely not because his fashion sense seems to be well thought out, and his clothes hang against his body as if he had a real life filter consistently maintaining that every angle of his face and body remains perfect. 

It’s because he offered it. Point. Blank. Period. You, unfortunately, are not in any position to deny that it’s what you need either. You know for a fact that your ex is still asking around for you and trying to figure out where you live. Not to get back together, but just to let you know that he’s around, and he always will be for as long as you live. 

So, Naturally, the days leading up to running into this man was a whirlwind of paranoia for you. Nothing that even your heavy doses of medication could calm, yet, he managed to do it on that simple fifteen minute walk to the grocery store, and that somehow quicker fifteen minute walk back home.

That happy shocked sigh he let out at learning you live right across from him, was weirdly comforting too. As if he was just as relieved as you were that he knew he could at least keep an eye on you if you needed him to. Like he would be willing to call you at three in the morning if he so much as saw suspicious activity outside of your building. Plus, you were debating at the time lying to him about where you live just to comfort yourself, and you’re glad you didn’t.

It caught your attention, and you find yourself longingly looking out of your window today, scanning the building across from you and wondering which one of those rooms would be the most safe for you. Your mother’s voice muffled through your phone as your eyes wander, and a smile forms at her words.

“Don’t you think it’s too soon to be putting your trust into a complete stranger? Honey, I don’t want to watch–”

“I know, Mom. Really, it’s not like that. I barely know the guy but don’t you think it’s a good thing that I have a neighbor now? One that’s willing to walk with me so I’m not alone out here?”

There’s silence on your mother’s end for a few moments before she sighs. 

“It does make me feel at ease, I admit,” She starts, sounding as if she’s going to cry. “I just want you to be careful. And– I want you to tell me things if anything were to happen. I don’t want you to keep anything from me anymore.” 

You sigh now, more in a defeated and sad way as your eyes trail down to the door of Jake’s building and notice him stepping out and heading down the street. 

“I won’t hide anything anymore. The last thing I want is to go through that again, but I’m healing. Really, every day feels a little better, a little safer.” You back up from your window and smile again, grabbing your coat and slipping on your shoes. “I gotta go though. I love you, Mom.” 

You don’t hang up until you hear her say it back, and then you’re out the door to catch up to him. Unsure of why you’re doing it, and ultimately choosing to ignore the fact that you were staring at his building. 

Jake, on the other hand, has been reeling for days. Though, more careful now when he watches you. He even moved his camera slightly, hiding it better since he’s caught you staring out the window at his building multiple times.

It’s confirmation that, at the very least, you think about him. 

“Hey!” 

At first, he thought that voice was his imagination like always. He ignores it, relishing in how well he managed to remember that little rasp you have sometimes when the wind blows like this. Given, he’s only walked with you once to and from the grocery store, the weather was much the same, and your voice cracked a few times in your words to him. 

“Jake, Wait up!” 

He hears it closer now, followed by the sound of foot steps and….fuck. It’s you. You’re really running after him as he makes his way to the local mall, all to buy the next book on his list from your bedroom. 

“Hey?!” He turns to you, unable to control his glee at the turn of events. 

For once, after all this time of him watching you, you’re approaching him without prompting and it only took one official meeting. 

So naive. You do need protection. 

“What’re you doing here looking so warm?” Jake adds, outstretching his arms and watching you pause at the invitation for a hug. “Too soon?” He lets his arms fall before stuffing his hands back in his pocket. 

You panic only for a moment, realizing you definitely need an excuse to be chasing him down like this solely because you crave that short instance of safety he offered you once before. Sadly, you have no excuse. You had nowhere to be today, nor any plans to leave your apartment at all and yet, here you are, avoiding his hug and yet still wanting to stand in front of him.

“Oh,” You instantly come up with a lie. “I was running out to the market again because I forgot to buy something.” 

Jake perks up even more at the idea that he could walk you to and from the market, and possibly even offer that you come with him to the mall. Maybe this is the perfect time to bring up the book you’ve already read, that he, apparently, so desperately wants to read too.

“What did you forget?” He asks playfully, noting in his head that maybe you’re a forgetful person. Which is kind of cute. 

“Uh–” You pause, breaking eye contact and blurting out a random item. “Milk.”

Well, that was a lie and he definitely knows it. He carried that jug of milk that was not forgotten back to your apartment for you. In fact, he hadn’t worked out his arms in a while due to his focus on his abs and stomach that he even felt a little sore due to how long he was carrying it, all while the wind was freezing his fingers to ice for you. 

“Ah, should we go grab you some milk then?”

You don’t think twice before you nod, sighing in relief that the lie was taken at face value and not realizing for a moment that you just impeded on whatever plan he had prior to you interrupting him. 

“Okay, can we stop somewhere else first? If you want?” He eases into the question, studying your expression and loving every moment of it. Craving to be close to you, even just to stare. “It’s okay if you don’t want to, I can always just grab milk on my way home and drop it.”

Oh, you were being rude. Only now realizing how you eagerly transformed his errand into your errand. 

“My god, I’m sorry. You’re clearly busy today, it’s okay. I can grab milk later!” You say in a rushed huff, already backing away and trying to hide yourself from the embarrassment. 

You really do cling. Your ex was right about that, and it makes you uncomfortable.

“Wait, no!” He panics, fumbling in a step toward you to close the distance again, feeling far too uncomfortable with how you step away from him. “I’m just headed to the mall real quick to grab a book I’ve been wanting to read. Just a quick in and out, then we can grab your milk. I’ve been wanting to see you again anyway!” 

Jake thinks that may have been too forward for any normal person to say outright, but it’s true. He so desperately wanted to see you again. Up close. He needed to see you again. 

You pause your step, turning back to face him and unintentionally scanning his outfit that day. He’s somehow even more handsome than he was the night you met him, nose slightly red from the cold weather and shoulders stiffened as if he’s trying to hide from the open wind. 

He takes intense note of the way your eyes scan him, and there is an unintentional twitch in his pants at the way you don’t grimace at him. He knew you wouldn’t, after all, he does all of this for you. He’s clean shaved and dressing better because of you. 

“Book? What book?” You ask delightfully, being an avid reader yourself. Of course you’re interested in connecting on a level that isn’t just safety with him. 

“Well, I’m not sure if you’ve heard of it but it’s called ‘[redacted]’.” He side eyes only slightly at the anticipated response from you. It was…a bit different than he expected.

You laugh at him. Genuinely, you’re laughing at him, with a snort and all. A laugh that he would argue is cute if it weren’t for the fact that he feels like this could be the first time he fucks up with you. He doesn’t want you to laugh at him for reading this book. He wants you to love that he wants to read it. Its one you wrote on your list, why are you laughing?

“Wait, you’re serious?” You deadpan, standing stiff and shocked. “Even I wouldn’t admit to having already read that very book…” Your eyes trail off before you smile. 

You sense that he’s gone rigid not from the weather, but from your mocking and you lighten up instantly. 

“I just didn’t expect to meet such a handsome guy who reads about a woman who…well, you know.” 

It’s like you could do no wrong as Jake’s eyes tune into yours and you see a sense of sparkle in them. You’d never understand how that simple, off-hand compliment to him is making his heart spiral up, down, and all over behind his ribcage. 

Physically, he can feel his body react to you addressing him as handsome. As if he doesn’t react the same way any time you look at him, or speak to him, or come near him at all. You think he’s handsome. You just admitted it, and he can’t help but already feel high, like he’s on top of the world over it. You must like to look at him, much like how he loves to watch you.

Still, he knows he needs to play it cool despite how in love with you he is right now. You’re the one who seems eager, which means he’s done his part for now, and your chase for him is just beginning. If he comments on your compliment, you’d think of him as too eager. Too ready. As if he had some underlying reason to continue speaking with you. 

Plus, Jake actually has no idea what the book is about, but he was very willing to find out today when he got home. You, however, seem to be keen on discussing it.

“Know what? I only want to read it because it was recommended to me by someone.” He lies.

Your face falters. 

“Oh, was this someone a girl?” You don’t look up, nor do you realize that the two of you have started walking toward the mall regardless of the insecure conversation at hand. 

“Ah, well, maybe.” Jake chuckles. 

He’s in love with you, he’s so in love with that disappointed sound in your voice when you asked him that. He could even, perhaps, sense a bit of jealousy. So soon too? Already? He knew he was right, he was made for you and he couldn’t be happier knowing that you’re picking up on it. 

“A girlfriend?” You pry unintentionally, noting how that book is generally geared toward a female audience who would only ever read a few passages to a man if they were, well, into that sort of dynamic. 

“Why do you ask?” Jake encourages you to boost his ego even more, unable to stop himself from smiling. 

“The book is about a woman who kind of, kills men and eats them, among…other things.”

Oh, wow. He loves you so much right now, even if you spoiled the story for him. 

“Interesting. What makes you think my girlfriend would ask me to read that?” 

“It certainly wouldn’t be a brother or best dude friend recommending it to you, let’s be real.” 

Jake raises his hands in mock defense, ready to see if this makes you like him even more.

“Alright, I’ll admit. I knew what it was about–” He’s lying. “No one actually recommended it to me, I just didn’t expect you to have already read the book, nor did I expect to have to explain myself why I want to read it.” 

“Explain away, Jakey, we got a bit of a walk ahead.”

A nickname?! Already? You're entirely naive and in need of him being beside you. God, what would have happened if some other cunning liar appeared to walk into you and offer to escort you back and forth? You would have swooned the same fucking way! Anyone with eyes can see that you’re flirting, and anyone with a dick can see that he’s eating it up faster than you’re able to put it out for him. 

Regardless of if you seem too quick to trust, he’s proud that it’s him who got to you first, because now no one else will ever get the chance to even consider it. 

“Oh, I’ve got a nickname now? That must mean you like me.” He offers you a sort of drunken dopey smile, only because he feels drunk. Like a lost puppy just invited into a warm and caring pair of arms, really. 

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. You’re the one going to fulfill your fantasies about–” You try to joke as if he’s one of your best friends from highschool. You remember when you were able to freely have a sense of humor, but before you can finish your joke, you pause, realizing that despite mocking the book and his interest in it, you still don’t know him on a level to do this. Nor should you have given him a nickname so soon. God, how stupid could you be? “Nevermind, I actually have the book if you want to borrow it.” 

You have issues getting too close, too fast. You’re already clinging, watching his building without full intention, and chasing after him down the street simply to speak to him. You don’t know where this feeling inside of you comes from but you can argue that it’s solely due to the comfort he brings to you. You don’t know anyone else in this fucking city save for a few co-workers. When you moved here, you promised that you’d keep to yourself until you heal and feel safe on your own again.

Yet, here you are. Clinging to the handsome man who lives across the street. Clinging to a fucking man. Again.

And you know, even though the two of you are already halfway to the mall by now, he doesn’t mind that you didn’t bring up borrowing the book until now. He was prepared to buy it, and even more prepared to see where your eye wandered just to learn about more of your interests within the rows of books.

“Really?” He smiles and tilts his head at you, turning both of you around with a gentle touch to your arm, very nearly wanting to snake his hand into your pocket and hold your fingers against his. “That’s great, let’s go get you some milk then!” 

And you know, when he waited in the lobby of your apartment, you almost invited him upstairs to your actual space. You didn’t though. And when you handed him the book, and he handed you that milk, only then did you realize that one of the jugs of milk in your possession will have to spoil…and it sure as fuck won’t be the one he just handed to you.

Why? Because you create silly little attachments to the rare moments in your life when you’re happy. This jug of milk is a representation of a lie he accepted, as well as him accepting you and your silly ways of making it through the day. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

The panties. 

The scent is dull as he reads and rereads passages of a book that many would consider improper for anyone to even write, let alone publish. Every victim is him, and everyone, everything else is you. 

It’s hard not to be aroused when you so readily invited yourself to be around him that day. Even now having your number, the self control he needs to not frantically text you that he’s in love with you is eating him from the inside out. 

The panties. Still offering the most private part of you but no longer being enough. The camera, offering glimpses of your alone time within a space you don’t quite realize has been shared with him. The taste of your shower wall, your toothbrush, the smell of your clothes, the softness of your sheets, and the trauma within your written words— none of it is enough anymore.

And now, the book, offering plenty to the imagination, turning the pages as if he were playing with your skin, still not enough to satiate him any longer. Nothing could ever satiate the need within him to love you to his full extent or to have you love him back. Especially after having already met you, after feeling your hand against his in that brief handshake, after hearing your sweet voice say words for him to hear and him alone. 

Has he not waited long enough for more? He’s seen you up close and personal, he knows all of your interests that you display, he knows your voice, knows your footsteps— still, he can’t get the feeling out of his mind. What it felt like to stand in the spot within your apartment that ultimately led to his even deeper love for you. His confirmation that he loves you, even.

And now? Texting is easy when he feels this desperate to get to you again. He doesn’t care to be overwhelming to you because he is overwhelmed. You’re the one who approached him last time too, so if anything, the universe is on his side and he fucking knows it. He can feel it in the air with each little breeze that flows past that little crack in his window. He can smell your shampoo with each cold gust of wintery air, and see your reflection in each little snowflake that falls. 

He wants you to chase him again, so bad. Only so that he knows he can chase you harder now.

Jake: hey so i read the book, are you free today?

The way you immediately respond is telling.

You: what did you think? insane story, right?

Jake: not sure if you wanna have this conversation over text…

You: it’s ok, i figured you had some freaky fantasies if you wanted to read that, im not gonna blackmail you or anything

Jake smiles, he’d let you blackmail him any day of the week.

Jake: hmmm what does that say about you then?

You: anyway, im a bit busy today but maybe we can catch up tomorrow? 

No, no no. Tomorrow is centuries away. He knows you’re home, he can fucking see you over there, he can smell you, he can sense you. Not to mention, he’s not an idiot, he can see the way you avoid certain conversations and steer the direction despite making the same joke yourself. 

Silly, silly girl, thinking he can’t read you. If anything, he’d think by now that if you’re really so afraid of the world, or him, or anyone else, you’d have closed those fucking blinds by now. You haven’t though, have you? 

Maybe you know people watch you. Maybe you love it, hoping that he’s the one doing it. Maybe you’re some sort of exhibitionist. Maybe that’s the reason you read that fucking book. Maybe that’s why you were trapped in your relationship before.

There has to be a reason for it at the end of the day, and he hopes that it’s him. You love his jokes, and your avoidance is only further proof that he’s breaking past your little sad and pathetically thin walls. You’d probably love to know he watches you, that he protects you even when you don’t think he’s around. 

And yet, you’re busy today? 

Guess he will be busy too, then, as he stands to his feet and begins to dress himself while texting you.

Jake: Oh, you’re busy? That sucks, i guess i’ll find somethin else to do today then

You: I know :( ill make it up to you soon, promise! 

The buzzing in his brain and need for you is too strong to stay away. That little promise means the world to him, especially because you’ll be making it up to him sooner than you anticipate. You can be busy all you want, but that’s not to say he can’t accidentally end up at the same place as you, right?

Besides, what if your ex comes around? What if some guy gives you unwanted attention and there’s no one there to defend you? After all, his body reacts with euphoria each time he has gotten the chance to be with you, and he craves that feeling once again. You’re going to give it to him, not anyone else.

Jake: alright, be safe today...

You: always am! 

Jake: text me when you make it home safe

You freeze as you read his words, feeling something in your stomach flip. You can’t tell if it’s butterflies or anxiety. Still, you find yourself smiling and your face feeling a bit fuzzy.

He wants you to be safe. That’s more than you could ever ask from someone, because god knows you’ve always managed to find yourself in the most unsafe situations with very little effort. 

You: ok!!! ill text you when i get home so you know I didn’t get run over or something

Jake: it’s more just to make sure someone doesnt kidnap and take advantage of you lol

You freeze again, this time fully aware of the anxiety in your belly. 

Jake: pretty girls like you gotta be more careful, so don’t stay out too late or ill worry

For a second, you almost wanted to cancel your plans. For just a second, you felt good today. You felt safer than usual. 

You: i’ll come home before sundown….thanks

Jake smiles, hoping you recognize the risk you put yourself in each time you leave your apartment without him beside you. Thankfully though, you will never be without him again if he can stand it. 

Besides, you suck at safety. Following you around is far too easy, and popping up when you least expect it is even easier. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Spotted you. 

There you are, with that same puffy jacket he’s grown used to seeing you in considering he only ever really gets to see you outside and on a cold day. In that puffy jacket, you’re walking into a local coffee shop and his eyes sharpen at the image of you through the window. 

The barista takes your order with too much interest, in his opinion. He can see you not take notice on how everyone in this city wants to take you from him. He wants you to notice so bad, he wants you to only want his eyes on you, and to only want his voice in your ear. 

He breathes in the icy air, bottom lip shivering only a little bit at the idea that other people look at you the same way he does, even more so the fact that you might be here to meet someone that isn’t him. You might have friends, and he knows better than anyone that you do not need friends. They’re always out to get you anyway, you should be here with him, not someone else. 

He breathes a sigh of relief followed by a heavy shiver when he sees you take a seat alone, and he dips away slightly when you glance out of the window as if you’re trying to be aware of your surroundings. 

With him around, you don’t need to pay attention to the things around you, he’s hyper aware for you. He could tell your coffee was finished before your name was even called to alert you. 

Honestly, he’s so hyper aware of each person who walks into that coffee shop after you. He sets themself up for failure in his head. Each person gets a stare of daggers, because what if they’re here to meet you? What if you’re trying to make friends? What if you’re trying to date? After all, this little errand must be important to you considering you told him you were too busy to see him.

His eyes continue to fall back on the barista though, staring at the line of sight this man offers to you every few moments. As if he wants to catch you looking at him too, as if he wants you to give him a reason to talk to you, as if he is a better option than Jake himself could be. 

There is a hate within him at this moment as he seethes outside of the cafe window, staring down his competition. He almost completely forgot to look at you until he felt a rush of air push past him and he notes two people walking into the cafe now. 

As he comes back to reality and leaves his little realm of hate for the handsome barista at the counter, his worst nightmares are confirmed. Not only a woman walks in and takes a seat at your table, but a man too. You hug them. You hug him.

Why is everyone all over his girl today? His heart drops. His quivering bottom lip intensifies with the wind, the temperature mimicking the feeling in his heart as he watches you touch other people, and spend time with them. He really, really, needs to know who these people are and why they’re close enough to hug you like that. 

He pats his chest through his hoodie with a breath in an attempt to rid himself of the stress weighing on him, and then straightens out his back before taking one last deep breath and making his way inside of the cafe, straight up to the counter.

There, he tries to balance his breathing as he makes eye contact with the very same barista that keeps pushing dangerously close to a boundary line. His name tag states the name “Jay”, and Jake can’t help but grimace and roll his eyes at how similar their names are. 

He grimaces more at hearing the man speak to him, as if he has all the right in the world to exist on the other side of that counter after staring at you the way he did. 

“Sir? Can I–” The barista repeats himself for a third time, feeling small under the gaze of the customer in front of him. 

“Just a shot of espresso.” Jake dead-pans, still glaring at the man. 

The barista nods awkwardly, shifting his eyes to you on instinct now that he’s done it probably a million times since you’ve walked in. He’s noticed you for weeks, he can’t help it. 

Jake, on the other hand lets out a deep and angry sigh from his nose as he tosses his card onto the counter, clearing his throat at the barista. 

“You seem to have an eye for girls.” Jake lightens up, holding up the short line of one person behind him. 

“Oh–” The barista laughs shyly, “am I that obvious?” he adds, dipping his head down as he slides the card through the machine and turns the screen back to his customer. 

“Unfortunately.” Jake narrows his eyes at him, intentionally and violently clicking the number 0 for this asshole’s tip. “and I’d suggest you contain yourself, because that’s my girlfriend you’re drooling over.” 

And then he walks away, ignoring the way the presumed “Jay” looks at him in embarrassment. He can tell he wants to apologize, and rightfully so. Jake does deserve an apology for how shameless this idiot was, but he doesn’t let him as he makes his way down the counter leans against it with his palms, facing away from you and pretending he can’t sense your warmth from here. 

And then he starts counting in his head. 

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven…..Thirteen….Twenty si-

“Jake?” 

His heart immediately swells at the way you’d recognize him anywhere, even if he’s facing away from you and he makes sure to make eye contact with the barista when they both perk up at your voice calling out a name. He watches the confirmation in Jay’s eyes click, the confirmation that he is never to look at you again. 

And still, Jake’s heart swells even more in this instance because he could recognize you too, even if you’re faced away from him. Still, he has to keep his cool. One, to make sure he doesn’t appear too eager to see you, as if he definitely followed you here. Two, so the barista doesn’t see his lie. And three, so he doesn’t snap right here, right now over the fact that you hugged someone that isn’t him. Two someones that aren’t him.

 He doesn’t want to interrogate you so immediately, he wants you to give him the answers yourself as to who these people are. 

He pretends to not hear you as he stands facing away from you and grabbing his espresso from the barista who avoids eye contact.

Jake gives a small and fake nod to the barista, as if to show you that he didn’t say anything out of pocket to him. As if to show you that he definitely didn’t just claim you as his girlfriend so the freak behind the counter doesn’t try anything with you.

Then he turns to eye the room, looking for an empty seat, avoiding the corner where you’re blatantly staring at him.

“Jake!” You wave your hands to get his attention, standing up half way as if to stand out from the crowd of puffy jackets and warmed cheeks. 

His eyes land on you, where they rightfully belong and he notes the smile on your face upon seeing him.

Oh, so you did want to see him today. You didn’t smile like that at the barista, or to the people in front of you. There’s another confirmation within him in reaction to this, that soon enough, what he said to the barista won’t be a lie. In fact, it gives him the confidence to push for it now more than ever. 

He raises a brow in mock-surprise to see you before shooting you a half wave, moving his eyes to other areas as if to imply he doesn’t want to intrude. As if to say he isn’t here with you intentionally. 

And then you wave again, raising your voice a bit and saying his name yet again. His eyes land back on you, and the way you pat the seat next to you.

Perfect. Yes, invite him. Prove to everyone who you belong to. Prove who it is you want to see right now, who you want to sit by, who you want to look at. And then, tell him who the fuck these people are. Explain why you hugged them, and why they’re somehow more important than he is.

As he heads over, bowing politely to the man and woman sitting across from you, he seats himself next you to closely. So close that he can feel the friction of your jacket against his hoodie, and immediately his skin is raised in goosebumps as he looks at you and your bright eyes. 

He wants to lay claim to you so badly. He wants everyone to know that you are his, and he is yours. 

“Such a huge city and still we manage to run into each other–” Jake chuckles playfully, looking at you with a soft and gentle smile before glancing at these strangers across from him. “If we keep meeting like this I might just have to ask you on a date.” 

He says it like it’s final, like he’s laying that claim he wants so badly. As he says it, he looks the man that you’re with dead in the eye with exuding charm and confidence. Still, the way you shift awkwardly next to him doesn’t go unnoticed as he turns back to you and takes a sip of his drink. 

“Would that be something you’d be interested in?” He whispers gleefully to you, saying it as if it’s a joke because the people across from him lend you both a smile and a laugh at his blatant and forward words. 

“Jake, this is my mom.” You finally speak out to avoid his question, watching him attach his lips to the hot cup of espresso he ordered, as if to only breathe in the warmth of it. “And this is my uncle.”

Jake immediately stands and bows politely. He appears panicked, embarrassed, to everyone else in the room. He’s not though. Not at all. He is relieved to know that now is his chance to make some sort of impression, now is when he should show his best side. All worry of who these people in front of you are is thrown out the window for the time being, actually. He feels like he’s on top of the world, killing two birds with one stone almost. Or three, if you count Jay. 

If he can get your family to like him the same way he got you to like him, maybe you’d be more inclined to circle back around to his half-joke of taking you on a date. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.” He stutters, not looking the two in the eyes. “I must have sounded so rude just now, I didn’t mean to intrude–” He continued, only to be cut off by your mother. 

“Don’t mind us, Jake, is it?” She says kindly, glancing to you and then back at Jake. “You must be the boy with the pretty smile who she mentioned the other day.”

Jake does take note of your mother’s reluctance to accept him immediately, and given your past, he guesses that would make sense. Her kind words and smile does not match her eyes when she speaks to him initially, but he’s going to change that now.

Besides, his heart just grew four sizes bigger at your mother outing you to him. You said you like his smile? You said it’s pretty? Fuck, he’ll show you pretty. 

“I can only hope so.” He responds, turning to you and smiling even bigger, noting the way you curl in on yourself in discomfort at the awkward situation. “Always so shy, don’t worry, I think your smile is even prettier.” 

And then Jake trails his eyes to your uncle, proud of the way he felt you shiver at his words.

The man simply judges him, then looks at you with a raised brow. 

“Jake helped me carry my groceries, he lives across the street from me.” You say, feeling stupid and small in the way your mother just fucking embarrassed you in front of the only person you like being around in this city. Still, that judgment from your uncle is called for, you think, and you’ve got to calm his worry for you somehow. 

“Couldn’t just let her carry all that back herself, afterall.” Jake shrugs. “I was raised to know better.” 

Both your mother and uncle nod, going silent for a few moments. 

Then, as if Jake isn’t even here, your mother prompts the conversation that the three of you must have been having before Jake came over. 

“So, have you decided yet?” Your mother asks with no context for Jake to pick up on. 

“Yeah, actually–” You look down, then slightly press your leg against him from under the table. 

As much as you’d prefer this rather telling conversation not to happen in front of Jake, you reluctantly speak in a way that gives little to no context. 

His heart explodes at that simple touch though, ears going deaf from any words you’re saying anyway, and he very nearly shoves his hand under the table to place upon that very same leg. 

Somehow, he holds back, his hand shaking inches above your leg before forcing it back into his own hoodie pocket. 

“I’d like to stay here.” You say confidently now, looking at both your mother and uncle. 

Your mother nods with a smile, your uncle following her reaction. 

“I think I feel safe enough for now.” 

Jake wants so bad to confirm that you’re safe with him, despite knowing exactly what you’re talking about within an instant when he definitely shouldn’t know. 

“Well, you know there’s always a room at home for you if you need to come back–” Your mother seems reluctant to say too much, looking over to Jake with a smile that becomes more genuine. “Keep an eye on her, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.”

He knows you’d appreciate it and he has gone above and beyond in terms of keeping an eye on you. It’s like, he’s fucking perfect for you. 

Jake nods to her. 

“I’ll do my best.” Jake smiles, now shifting his body up and standing back to his feet. “Well, I’ll leave you guys alone.” He continues, now looking at you. “Text me when you get home safe.” 

And as he walks away with a triumphant and hidden smile, your mother immediately smiles at you in the same way. Seemingly lightening up about Jake as a whole, briefly anyway. 

“Text him when you get home safe, huh?” Your mother pries, kicking you gently under the table and watching you squirm and release the blushing mess that you’ve tried to hold within you for the past few minutes. 

“Ah, yeah, um–” You try to speak, unable to explain the safe feeling you feel around Jake. You’re not sure if it’s a crush, or if it’s just you taking advantage of someone who is being kind. “He’s kind of already been watching out for me, so that's partially why I’m choosing to stay here.”

Your mother nods.

“I can admit that he’s cute–” 

You nod to yourself at those words before your uncle interrupts.

“And polite.” he adds, sipping his strong coffee and offering a look of possible approval.

You dead-pan stare at both of them, knowing exactly where this conversation is going. 

“He likes you.” Your mother continues shortly, looking away from you and not allowing you to hush her of the motherly-instinct. “I’m just saying, honey, please be careful. I know he’s cute, and polite, and seemingly safe. But I just want to make sure you’re safe.”

You look down with internal confirmation. 

“It’s okay to live a little, go on that date with him, but go somewhere public first.” She continues. “Don’t move too fast, you’re still–” 

Everything is overwhelming in this moment. Especially when the truth is put into words and offered to you by the two people you trust most. 

“Healing.” You look down at the table as you finish her sentence for her, thinking of how close Jake was sitting next to you. Wishing he was still next to you because somehow, you felt more safe with him than you do your own family right now.

“Don’t sit there and act like I don’t know how you act when you’re being shy about a boy…” Your mom adds to the silence, quirking a brow and looking to her brother. “You’ve still got your pepper spray if you need to use it.”

“It’s not that I’m worried he would like, be like him.” You interject. “ I just don’t know if I’m ready to act on a stupid crush so quickly.” 

“That’s good, and I’m glad he makes you feel safe. Just please hold onto that feeling, don’t rush just because a cute boy is carrying your groceries.”  Your mother starts again, only to be cut off. 

“Okay, okay. Can we talk about something else now?” You roll your eyes.

Your mother keeps to herself after this, and all you have in your head is wondering how and why your mother seems to partially advocate for this man after a mere ten minutes of meeting him. You can see her try to keep you safe despite her distance from this city, yet she seems to be hoping that Jake is a legitimate defense system for you too. It’s as if she’s looking for comfort in him as well. 

She’s never been one to approve of your crushes either, but somehow, this time is different. And these days? You trust her intuition better than your own.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

You: i made it home safe

Jake: good, im really glad. sorry for accidentally ruining your plans today

God, if there’s anything Jake should be sorry for, it’s not that. 

You: it’s ok, i was happy to see you. 

You: my mom seemed to like you

Jake’s cheeks burn reading that as he goes from staring out his window to looking at the screen of his phone. He can tell that as soon as you got home, you headed for your bathroom and you must be in there right now readying yourself for your evening routine, possibly even naked before a shower to text him.

It’s not strange at all that he knows you’re over there all alone, texting him. His body reacts like it always does, and he’s already snaking a hand down his pants just to rub against himself to satiate his body and keep it under control for a bit longer. 

Jake: woah really? how so? 

You type to him almost immediately after each of his responses.

You: idk, they commented on how you asked me on a date or whatever, thinking it was serious. 

Jake: i was serious

You pause, standing at your bathroom sink with your toothbrush in your mouth when a smile creeps across your face. It feels like the first time you ever got asked on a date in highschool, and that little dance of happiness would have been fucking embarrassing if he were to see it. 

Even worse than your reaction to that, your mother would be terrified to know how you shift entirely when you’re alone and talking to Jake. She would faint knowing that you intend to immediately go on a date with him, and she would immediately wake up and faint again knowing that you find yourself letting your guard down entirely around him as well. 

It’s safe to say that, maybe you definitely have a crush on him. Why else would you react this way to how forward he is? Why else are you somehow so willing to go on a date with him despite wanting to stay as far away from relationships as possible?

Why is he so fucking irresistible? Why is he making you feel this way?

You: you were?

Jake: yea, what are you doing rn? 

He’s typing with one hand, legs spread wide while he slouches in his chair and skews his head  to stare through your empty window. He thinks back to the day he stood in your living room looking down at his own window. You could come into your living room now and watch his body jerk with each movement of his palm against himself, phone in hand as he texts you and know exactly what you do to him. 

Each passing moment between his last text to now doesn’t bother him as he works himself up, chewing on his bottom lip and focusing even more on that lit up room across the street, feeling the familiar arousal bubble in his belly as he rips his hand away to grab that same pair of panties he stole from you. There, he shoves them down his pants along with his hand, groaning at the fabric stretching around him like they always do. 

So soft, so gentle.

As for you though, you’re feeling the panic flow through you as you stare in the mirror at your reflection. Right now? He wants to go right now? You just washed your face, and you were about to take a shower. 

You: bout to take a shower, why? 

He groans more at your typed words, remembering the taste of that shower wall, imagining your pretty face with little droplets of water running down it. Imagining droplets of other things running down it. God, his confidence is so high, he’s so fucking horny right now, and he still manages to text you with that one shaking hand. 

Jake: ill come get you right now, i want to go on a date with you

Jake: can i?

His persistence shows his interest in you and it’s so attractive to you right now. Immediately you find yourself spitting, rinsing your toothbrush, and wiping your mouth clean before opening your makeup box again. 

You: right now? 

Jake: right now. 

You: can you give me like twenty minutes? 

There are explosions surrounding him right now, or rather, a very intense orgasm. He scored a date with you and he feels the confirmation run straight through his body and out the head of his cock, all over your panties, his hand, and his pants. And god, he’s a little frustrated that he spent so long trying not to get his own cum on your panties, solely to keep more of that scent of you, but he fucking got a date.

Who cares? He can surely just snatch another pair, possibly right off your legs.

After all, you asked for twenty minutes surely to try and look nice for him. Fuck, that means you want him to look at you the way he always has been. He wonders if you’ll do something different with your makeup, or if you’ll put on a different kind of outfit. All for him.

Finally for him. For him. For him. 

Jake: of course, text me when you’re ready

And then, he just watches as his body makes an attempt to relax. The way you wisp back and forth like a ghost through your apartment, rushing to find something to put on. Even from here he can see you smiling. Running around in a bra and panties, he moans slightly, almost considering fucking his cum into your panties again but ultimately choosing to stand and change him. Mostly because he sees you think hard about your outfit. The way you throw on a shirt only to take it off and slip on a dress instead, despite the cold weather. 

He’s going to give you that same effort, eyes glued to his window as he blindly searches his closet by touch alone. 

He wants to text you again after you run your hands down your stomach in that dress you put on, he wants to tell you to keep it on. He wants to tell you how pretty your matching pair of bra and panties look under it. He wants to say so much, do so much, and containing it is so fucking hard. 

Yet, still, he manages. 

When you stand in your living room, that same dress still on, he watches you throw a jacket over it, he can’t help but wonder if you could sense his hope that you’d wear that. He wants to have a reason to keep you warm, a reason to put his palms on your legs to warm them up, a reason to be close to you. After all, this is a date, you’re inviting him to be close to you, right?

And then his phone buzzes and he struggles to tear his eyes from the image of you standing there with your phone in your hand. 

You: okay, im ready! 

Jake immediately sighs, staring up at the ceiling to get his body to calm down. His dick is twitching wildly in his pants again, his hands are sweating, his entire body is vibrating. It’s finally happening. 

You’re going on a date with him, and he’s had the perfect place planned and in his mind since the first day he met you from your window. 

He’s quick to throw on an outfit, slip on his shoes, and run out his door. 

Jake: on my way outside now, meet me in your lobby in 5

You’re fucking beaming. For the first time in a long time feeling like you may be the luckiest person in the world. There is no pain within you as your butterflies overtake every amount of angst you had about meeting someone under circumstances of dating. 

You’re here to get away from your ex, not to fucking ban yourself from having a good time. You want to have fun. You want to stop being afraid. 

And god, Jake is like, the perfect guy for it. 

You enter the lobby to find him standing proudly against the wall, propped up in a lazy way and already looking at you with a dopey grin. He looks flushed, proud, and happy. Arguably, he’s even more attractive now than you ever thought he was before and instantly, you’re ten times more shy than you’ve ever been. 

“There she is,” He smiles, spreading his arms out to invite you into a hug like he tried to do before, and he’s shocked that you step into his grasp. “was starting to worry I was too forward.” He adds, immediately burying his face against your neck. 

You smile against his chest in the hug, feeling so warm for the first time in your life. A warmth that comes from something other than rage or tears. Already, you can feel your body shiver at the way his arms wrap tightly around you in a hug that doesn’t feel condemning. 

You don’t feel trapped against another person, and it’s a welcome change. 

“You definitely were a bit too forward but–” You pause, stepping out of his grasp and feeling the empty air replace his arms. “It made me feel better about liking it.”

Jake gives a reassuring smile before lending his hand to you and instantly intertwining his fingers with yours, shoving them into his hoodie pocket, and dragging you close to him before leading you out of the building. He’s reeling from the hug, feeling the way your breasts pressed up against him, the way you sighed against him, and the way you smelled while you did it. 

God damn. 

In his head, that hug from you felt better than any sex he’s ever had to date. His entire body reacted as to be expected, to the point he was thankful that you weren’t as close in the hug from the waist down as he wished you would have been. You would have felt that reaction, you would know how you wake his entire body up. 

Thankfully, the cold air outside lends him a hand in taming his lower half, and also lends your hand to him to keep warm. 

“Where are we going?” You ask out, voice gentle in the night air, unaware of how the man next to you is buzzing from his feet to the top of his ears. 

He’s struggling not to lose his mind. 

He can see your breath, and wants to swallow it. Each huff and puff, each word, he can visually see it in this icy night, and he knows it has to be warm despite the minty toothpaste he can smell on you.

God, he knows what your mouth tastes like, the smell sending shivers down his spine at the reminder of how he sucked your essence off of the bristles you must have used just minutes before now. He wants to kiss you, he wants to kiss your breath, he wants to devour the air and aura that surrounds you when you’re next to him. 

Honestly, the cold weather does not freeze his bones. He feels entirely hot, leading you to his favorite place in the city. 

“Nothing big, I assume you ate with your family so I figured we could skip the regular date stuff. I want to take you somewhere quiet and pretty.” He looks over at you, hoping you see how much he adores you. 

Somehow, you do notice something in his eye. A shine, a glint. It’s something you’ve never seen in any pair of eyes that looked at you. His pupils seem to be dilated and his eyes almost look black, still, that smile reaches those same dark eyes, indicating to you that he is happy. 

He looks happy to be with you right now. 

And on any other day, a man you barely know saying he’s taking you somewhere “quiet” would scare you. But….you’re not scared. You’re looking forward to it, actually. 

He gives your fingers a squeeze as he waits for you to speak back to him, leading you easily through the city streets. 

“Quiet and pretty?” You say, looking up at him. “Does this place happen to have a heater?”

It doesn’t. But that’s what he’s for. 

“Unfortunately, no, but–” He goes to say, and you stop walking for a second. “I was going to say I could keep you warm, I mean, if you want. If not, I can take you somewhere else.”

You look down, weighing the options on whether you want to be that close to him so immediately, or if you’d rather follow the general rule of dates. Dinner, movie, goodnight kiss. You already hugged him, and you can admit to liking the way his arms hugged you. Maybe you’re not entirely against the idea, despite feeling alarm bells deep in your brain go off, telling you that you’re moving too fast. 

And then you wonder why you start walking again, and why you’re imagining him holding you close, huddling your body against his to keep you from shaking. Intimacy. You’re thinking of intimacy. 

Why does it feel good? Why does the thought excite you? 

“You’ll keep me warm?” You reluctantly ask, your fingers twitching in his within that hoodie pocket. 

“Yeah, I mean, if you’re comfortable with that. I don’t want to seem too forward–” His fingers squeeze yours tighter, as if to comfort you. 

You sigh, chuckling. 

“Like I said, I like that you’re forward— just, no funny business okay? This is a date, not a hookup.”

Jake pauses, glancing away.

As much as he’d love to lay you down against cold, moon-lit grass and taste the entirety of your body. As much as he wants to hear you call out to him, feel you react to him, he knows what’s inside of your head better than you do, he knows he needs to tame that need for now. The fact alone that you even imagined it for a second, just to find out if you want that now, just to tell him that you don’t want it yet, is enough to satisfy him. 

It won't be long until you’re asking for it anyway. 

Plus, he would never do anything to you without your consent. If he’s allowed to keep you warm tonight, that alone is better than anything he could ask to experience. 

“No funny business.” He uses his other hand to hold out a pinky to you. “Jesus, what kind of guy do you think I am?”

Suddenly, you feel guilty as you take his pinky into your own and seal those words into a promise. Jake picks up on the way your face falls.

“I haven’t been on a date in over a year. Been avoiding it if I’m being honest,” He starts to explain as a way to soothe you, guiding you gently through a large gate. As if to connect with you on your level of discomfort. “My last relationship ended pretty badly, I didn’t think I’d ever want to date again.”

You perk up at his words, looking at him as he guides the two of you through a dark and grassy area. You can still tell his eyes are shining as he shares this with you, making you feel special and….not alone in your anxieties about this. 

“I don’t know what it is about you, or why I immediately want to skip all of the casual shit when it comes to dates but, this is where I wanted to bring you.” He smiles when he stops you, standing in front of you and grabbing your other hand, holding it, and shoving it into his hoodie pocket alongside the other. “Not because I was trying to come onto you. If I was going to do that, I would've asked you to come home with me.” 

You feel his icy knuckles and squeeze his hand hard to try and warm it up. Maybe to comfort him, or to thank him? 

“I didn’t even bring my ex here. I actually came here to get away from her sometimes.”

You look away when the blood rushes to your cheeks at the way he’s talking to you. He’s acting like the two of you have been on at least ten dates by now, but it’s only been one.

Somehow, some way, you lean into it. Into him. 

“My last relationship wasn’t very good either. Was so bad that I actually find it hard to believe that I’m on a date with someone right now, I still don’t even know if I’d know how to love again.”

You pause, closing your lips tightly and feeling awkward for saying the L word so fast like that. Implying that you don’t know if you could love Jake.

“Would you feel better knowing that I’m not asking you to think of the future?” He offers, slowly lowering himself and pulling you to the bare ground with him. 

The dirt is cold, but Jake is warm. 

“Just worry about how you feel today, when you’re with me. If you’re enjoying it, there’s no reason to worry about what you might feel–” He reaches for you to turn you around and drag you onto his lap before quickly enveloping you into his arms. “Or what you might not feel.” He pauses with a squeeze against you. “Is this okay?”

You don’t understand why it’s okay that he’s being so touchy, but he is warm, and any shiver that threatened to hit you now only comes in the form of butterflies seeping out of every pore on your body. He’s pulled you into his lap as if to keep you from having to sit on a blanket-less ground, and his arms are around you as if to remind you that blankets only exist for people who don’t have him.

It takes so much self control not to pull away when you feel his chest breathing against your back, but it takes even more self control to not turn around and cling onto him in the same way. You’ve wanted to feel safe so badly, for so long. You wanted to feel this way on your own though, without the need to lean on someone else. 

You’ve never wanted to be a damsel in distress, but goddamn are you fucking distressed. Your trust issues run deep, so fucking deep. Anyone can see that you are a broken person, but not everyone would accept you for it. 

Jake, right behind you, right under you, holding you so close like this the moment you’d let him? He accepts you entirely, and it’s so enticing to you. You can’t turn away from it, you’d only fail yourself. 

You’re so fucking drawn to him, no matter how forward or blatant he is. 

“This is a bit overwhelming,” You start, pulling away from him slightly and turning to look at him. But then you see his face, and how sincere he looks. “But I’ll try to appreciate how I feel right now.”

“Does that mean you’re okay with this?” Jake whispers, pulling you back against him and pressing his face against your shoulder, breathing in deep to get that scent of you into his lungs. 

You don’t notice the way he does it when you nod in response, and the way he’s entirely enamored with you at this moment. He wouldn’t be able to let you go if you asked him to, not when your body is relaxing against him and you’re letting out a small hum of cautious approval. 

“Are you warm?” He continues, shifting his legs only slightly from under you, mostly to make sure you’re coat is offering enough padding under you to keep from feeling the blood pumping in his pants right now. And then, his hands move from his hug down to your legs, big warm palms not moving from the expanse just above your knees, instantly warming you.

He can feel your shivers calm, and your regret for wearing this dress die. 

You nod again, still cautious but also wanting to fight the fear within you so that you can really just enjoy this moment of closeness with someone else. Even if you just met him. Even if you’re afraid. His hands feel like they belong there, as you stare at the way he doesn’t move them higher or lower. They’re really just there to keep you warm, and surprisingly, you don’t know if you could ever feel cold around him at this point. 

“I'm scared of this, you know?” You comment into the night after a few moments of silence, reluctantly holding onto his wrist, pushing them down your leg a bit as if to imply he should rub them. 

He follows your movement, wincing from behind you in a hidden attempt to contain the fact that he very much wanted to moan at that. Feeling your legs against his palm feels so….igniting to him. 

“I know.” Jake says in a matter of fact tone, confident in his words as he bores holes into the revealed skin of your leg when he moves his hands back and forth. 

“You do?” You lift to turn and look at him, but his hands instantly move to your shoulders as he turns you away from him, forcing you back against him in a tight hug. 

Mostly because you do not need to see his face right now, he knows he looks fucking gone. 

“Anyone can see that you’re terrified.” He comments seriously now, placing his head on your shoulder and pressing his cheek against yours. “It’s no wonder I feel the need to protect you.”

You’re shocked that you don’t flinch at feeling his cheek against yours, noting that his lips are just inches from yours. You try to erase the images of kissing him so soon, you’re too weak right now. He makes you feel so weak. 

Instead, you try to think hard about his words. Trying to ignore the way you felt his jaw move against you. Trying to ignore your immense attraction to the closeness he’s giving you. Are you really that obvious? Are you really this desperate to be close to someone? Anyone? 

“Hoping that someday you’ll tell me what it is that makes you so afraid, but for now? Just know that I’d never do anything to make you feel like that.” 

You think harder. 

Much, much harder.

An uncanny feeling in your gut wonders how he finds words that are so meaningful to you. It’s like he can read your mind. It’s like your life is a book that he’s read a thousand times. 

But that’s impossible. You haven’t known him for long, maybe he’s just….a really good person. Maybe you’re just lucky to have bumped into him that day. Maybe it’s lucky that your ex instilled a fear into you so deep that you found yourself living next door to the man holding you right now. 

“How do you do that?” You comment quietly, feeling warmer than you ever could have expected to on a night like this. 

“Do what?” He smiles, now loosening his grip on you, pulling his face back, and spreading his legs so that you’re now sitting between them, rather than on him. 

After all, if he had kept you there, you would have felt what was happening in his pants by now. The way you don’t run away from him, the way you let him touch you has him reacting for more than he ever knew he could. Even after releasing his arousal just before the date, he can already feel the ache. The need to crawl into you, the need to make you fucking love him. 

“It’s like you tell me exactly what I need to hear. It’s fucking weird.” You continue through his movement, scooting back as if to huddle yourself against his warm chest, in turn bumping his pathetically hard cock against your back. 

You try to hide that you’re a little disappointed that you’re no longer on his lap, and the back of your thighs are now freezing against the grass. He, on the other hand, is so fucking thankful that you still manage to not feel what his body is trying to show you right now. His arms immediately wrap back around you, holding you against him much like before.

You really don’t know why you wore this fucking dress, without tights no less. 

“It’s weird?” He questions. “It’s weird that I wouldn’t do anything bad to you if you gave me a chance?”

You look down, feeling those words hit you in the gut. It is weird, but then again, you’ve never really had a relationship with a person who wouldn’t bring harm to you. 

“I–” You pause, thinking as hard as you can without oversharing, hands reaching up to grip his forearms, pressing them tighter against you as if you want him to save you from…well, him. “I have my reasons. I’m not trying to call you weird. It’s just weird how you show up in my life at a time where I think I needed this the most.”

He smiles. 

“Well, you’re going to have a hell of a time trying to get rid of me at this point.”

You smile back.

“Likewise.”

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Three more dates have taken place since that first night in the empty park. Each date that followed took place in the same spot, with the same weather, and the same offered warmth. 

By now, you find yourself unable to avoid thoughts of him. Thoughts of how badly you like him after learning of his interests, after seeing how he carries himself, and how he treats you over all. The way he seems so in tune with everything you could ever want or need, filling you with only safe care rather than horrifying uncertainty.

Jake likes the same books, tv shows, music, movies. All of them line up near perfect to your own favorites and suddenly you believe that the red string of fate exists. Jake is careful when he touches you, never pushing and only offering, suddenly, that red string of fate is attached firmly to your pinky. Jake looks at you like he sees one of the world's wonders, which was uncomfortable at first for you, but you think that maybe the other end of this little invisible red string is tied to his other pinky. 

Your entire life of fucking horror led to this point, where the universe finally gave you the person you’d want to be with for real. Any other man would make you feel cautious, Jake though? Jake does nothing but make you feel like, for the first time, you don’t need to have a guard up. The fact that he managed to do this so fast is a bit telling on your end, that perhaps you put too much faith in people, but goddamn, it looks like he works so hard to show you that you’re not wrong about him.

On your last date, he even tried to kiss you. You panicked, backed away, and felt so fucking embarrased, until he texted you a mere fifteen minutes after parting ways and apologizing, stating that he didn’t know what came over him. 

He apologized to you. He didn’t take what he wanted despite your fear, he didn’t push or pull, he simply allowed you to exist beside him, in front of him, even behind him if it’s what you wanted at the time.

God, you should have kissed him. You should have kissed him hard enough for him to realize that you’re trying. 

You’re trying to be a person again, for yourself, for Jake, for your mom and uncle. Still though, he doesn’t know the shit you’ve gone through, or the shit you’re running from. You feel so dissociated at times, wondering how strange or odd you must react towards him during the dates he takes you on. Yet, he doesn’t falter. He doesn’t question. He doesn’t force you to feel like you need to apologize at all.

And this is all you can think about now. About Jake. About what he’s doing, about how he must be feeling today, about how he wears his hair, and how his alternating hoodies always offer warmth on a cold night when the two of you are sitting closely together on the ground just…talking.

The thoughts of him don’t stop and it’s kind of nice. Having your fears so loud in your ears every day, anxieties of your ex eating you alive, and fear of being alone in a big city can get quite loud and exhausting after so long of not being able to escape. Thoughts of him are the only thing that calms your mind lately, so you probably wouldn’t stop thinking of him even if you had the choice.

Unfortunately, that choice is made for you today, once again, just two days after that third date with Jake. 

A single text from an unknown number that shifts your brain into a fuzzy focus of terror. Your mother told you to change your number, and you really should have done it by now. You have no excuse as to why you haven’t, but you have the reason as to why you should have done it shining brightly in your notifications center. 

The unknown number is just that, unknown, but you know who it is already. 

Your fingers shake when you tap the screen and your eyes go dead upon the message. This confirms that your body will always know when he is around, you will always have to feel this way for as long as he’s thinking about you. 

Unknown Number: heard you got a job over at [redacted company name], mind if we have lunch?

You don’t know who told him, you don’t know how he found out where you are, or where you work. All you know is that now, the buzzing thoughts of Jake fizzle out and are quickly replaced with that of searing reminders of what happened, and what will likely happen if your ex is really trying to get to you already.

It’s the fact that the police did nothing. It’s the reality that they wouldn’t let you procure a restraining order. It’s the fact that he got away with everything he did to you, and wants to get away with more. You’re just a girl, alone in a city who thought this was the best course of action. 

You can’t even bring yourself to tell anyone that he texted you. Your mother would scold you for not changing your number fast enough, despite already knowing you haven’t done it yet. It would somehow be your fault that he found you despite his insistent attempts to keep you as his, as if you belong on a chain tied to a tree in his backyard. 

You call out of work, explaining the situation. Your managers are already aware of your safety concerns and the situation at hand, and you’re lucky that they really do live up to the promises they made when you took the job. 

All three sick days can be used right now if you need them but after those three days, you have to either work from home and be willing to come into the office if you are needed, or you need to put in your notice and leave. 

Naturally, you take the sick days, and you intend to work from home. 

Despite not feeling safe here, considering the few items in your apartment that went missing not too long ago, it’s safer than walking to and from work. It’s safer with Jake just next door. It’s safer with the security guard in your building’s lobby. 

You’ll be okay. This will pass.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Jake is at a loss, nearly ripping his hair out day by day when you don’t text him back. 

When he looks to your window, the lights stay off consistently, the curains are fucking closed. You haven’t left your apartment for work, you haven’t texted nor have you called. 

It’s been six days, nine hours, thirty eight minutes, and nine seconds since he last saw you and the only thing he can think of is that he fucked up. 

He tried to kiss you, and you eased him into a rejection by pretending everything was fine until you felt comfortable enough to stop talking to him. For three days now, you haven’t responded to him.

Three days without any hint of you, and six days without feeling you in his arms. 

He’s going insane and not even jerking off helps calm him down like it normally would. He feels like he could lose it at any moment as he paces his apartment with a buzzing non-stop energy within him, stopping at his bedroom window to stare for hours only to see no movement in your apartment. Only to still see the lights remaining off. Only to see the blinds locking him away from you.

Sure, he’s got the grainy footage of you from weeks past, the footage from the day you got dressed for your first date with him, and the footage from each date after that but he doesn’t have you. The last two days contain footage of blinds swaying, that’s it.

He was so close, he really thought he was. He thought he had you, he thought you were almost ready to let him move to the next level. He thought you would accept if he were to ask you to be his girlfriend, he thought you would let him kiss you, and let him into your apartment, and let him exist within the air you breathe. 

But you left. 

So, naturally, he works up the courage to grab his camera and hook it into his pc. Obsessively searching for any sign of you within the footage from last night. He tries not to think about missing a glimpse of you as he is away from his window, seeing as how you must not be home. You must have left days ago just to get away from him.

Until…as he fast forwards all of the footage, he sees a light flicker on. 

The timestamp reads four in the morning, and the light stays on for a mere minute and a half before turning off again. 

One thought floods his mind. 

Did you find out that he watches you? 

Then another thought.

Are you hiding from him? 

And one last thought. 

How can he explain and still get you back?

And as he continuously paces his apartment, unable to focus on anything other than knowing you’re in your bedroom hiding, nothing on this earth could calm his frantic brain.

Should he go over? Should he come see you? Should he text you again? Should he–

Pacing the same path in his apartment for far too long, nearly ripping his own hair out, he stops in his tracks at the sound of his phone. He knows that vibration like his own mother tongue by now. That’s you. You’re finally texting him back.

You: are you mad at me?

The relief is instant and near orgasmic. The first contact in what felt like an eternity for him in his head, he takes a deep and calming breath. His eyes flick back to your window, where your apartment still appears to be hidden from his view. 

Jake: never, i was just worried since you stopped talking to me. 

You stare at your phone, scrolling up the some fifty text messages Jake sent you over the last several days and feel awful for not once checking your phone. To be fair, you’re afraid that every message is from your ex and you eventually just ended up turning your phone off. 

After all, you remember what happened the last time you blocked him. That wasn’t even an option for you at this point if he really knows where you are. 

The fear inside of you is so strong by this point that you can’t help but want Jake to be with you. Even inside of your apartment, where you’ve yet to invite anyone aside from family. You just want one single day of calm, one single moment of feeling okay. The past three days have been nothing but a paranoid delusion for you. 

Each sway of your curtains in front of your blinds is a person who isn’t meant to be inside of your space. Each footstep in the hallway outside of your apartment isn’t other residents, it’s someone trying to get inside. Those missing batteries from weeks ago? It was him. Your missing panties? He has them. 

Just like Jake, though unknowing to you, you have been pacing much like he has. You’ve been on the verge of ripping your hair out too.

You: i think we need to talk

Jake’s relief turns to curiosity, to confusion, to horror, to excitement.

Jake: of course, love

Jake: do you want to go to the park again tonight? 

You shake your head as you text back with a firm “no”, wanting so badly to explain to him why you’re acting the way you are, and why you’ve always acted so defensively. You need him to understand so that he doesn’t leave. You need him solely because he is all you’ve got right now. 

You: no

You: ill explain everything but can you like…

Jake’s ears twitch as if he can hear your words, with your pretty voice, and that cute pitch it has when you talk to him. 

You: i don’t like to invite people to my apartment but I'd really just rather you come over. 

In less than a second Jake’s heart threatens his health. Yes, yes, yes. Fuck yes. After days of festering in love rot for you, months actually, you’re finally inviting him. All forms of negativity towards your lack of speaking to him lately is laid to rest instantly as he jumps to his feet and makes his way to the bathroom to clean up. 

Jake: just tell me when, you know I’m here when you need me. 

It’s a shame that he said that, really, because you take it to heart. You need him now and will probably need him far past his ability to give to you. He will grow so tired so fast, surely, but you can’t deny nor can you avoid that you need him. 

You need his comfort, his safety, his smile, his dilated pupils each time he looks at you, and his careful hands reluctant to hurt you. 

You: can you come now?

Jake is already out the door, following the same path he took the first time he went to your apartment. Honestly, it’s quick enough to remind you that he’s just next door. 

Jake: im in the lobby, where do I go?

You pause, briefly realizing that you’re inviting a man into your apartment just so you can feel safe from another man you once invited into your life the same way. You were so enamored with your ex, never thought he could have done what he did to you, but he did. He shattered you from the inside out through years of meticulous work, and he’s still doing it now, all because you trusted him.

It’s driving you to act as recklessly as you once did, and it’s like you’re compelled to do it. You feel forced to trust Jake, despite none of the force coming from him. It’s coming from deep within yourself. Your brain is repeating whispers of “do it, do it, do it.” when it comes to him. 

You can’t resist it. 

You don’t want to resist it. 

You’re fast when you text him your floor and room number, and somehow still find yourself shocked at how quickly there is a knock on your door. 

Jake didn’t need your informational text though, he knew exactly where to go. He knows where he belongs, and the excitement within him to have an explanation from you is one thing. The excitement of standing inside of your apartment with you is another. 

His thoughts remain on that camera he placed back into his window, knowing that he will finally see himself in the footage with you, in the very spot he thinks about the most. He’s worked so hard for this, so hard. 

And his hands are shaking when you open the door, his heart is shaking when he takes in the scent he remembered from before, his legs shake as he takes a step in with a face of somewhat genuine concern for you, simply to hide the way his entire body is fluttering in euphoria. 

“Hey,” You start, trying to be nonchalant, trying to ignore that you look like shit. “Sorry for the mess.” You add, gesturing to not only your apartment, but at yourself as well.

“Aw,” Jake coos, poking out his bottom lip before opening his arms wide as he hears the door fall closed behind him. “Come here.”

Instantly you do, and instantly your face is hot. 

Searing. On fire.

Jake freezes, feeling the warmth against his chest paired with the death grip your arms instantly lock him into. This grip on him is painfully heavy and seeped with emotion, he can feel your hot tears soaking into his hoodie and it raises goosebumps across his skin. 

This is where he belongs. 

“I’m sorry–” You hiccup, feeling stupid for instantly crying at the touch of another person. “This must seem so annoying to you.” 

“Sorry for what?” He asks gently, finally managing to come back to your reality to hug you and hold you there, wanting nothing more than to stay like this forever. “Is everything okay?”

He can’t bear to let you pull away, so he holds you tighter against him, willing those salty sweet tears to seep through both layers of his clothing to his skin. Somehow, you still manage to make him fall harder for you. He’s so fucking in love with you. The way you cling to him like this? You’re everything he’s ever wanted and more. 

You try to pull back though. Once, twice, and by the third time he finally relents and lets you back away. 

You take a deep breath, meeting his gaze for just a moment and seeing the concern in his eyes. Pupils still dilated like they always are, but brows knitted together, with a small tilt to his head to offer a silent question.

You turn away from him to hide your face. You feel so seen, so vulnerable, and so stupid for involving him in this. 

“It’s–” You pause, catching your breath and wiping your cheek as you try to make your way back to your safe space. Your bedroom. “It’s a long story.” You finally mutter out. 

Jake notes where you’re headed and doesn’t want that. He needs his camera to get this, he needs to look back on this moment later, he needs to remember the smell of your tears, the feeling of your pain, the suffocating atmosphere within this apartment. 

So, he takes a seat on your couch, blatantly ignoring how your voice fades before getting closer again. 

You look at him when you go back to the living room, confused as to why he doesn’t follow you. 

“You mentioned not inviting people into your apartment, don’t you think it would be best if I stay here for now?” He offers, giving you instant comfort in the way he doesn’t try to invade your space. “Come over here.” He continues, patting the couch cushion next to him and glancing to your window for a moment. 

You watch him continue his own train of thought, shifting to reach for the blinds and open them. “It’s so dark in here, let me see you, love.”  He offers again, going back to patting the couch after letting the sun in and making it seem, somehow, more enticing. “Please?” 

You listen, quietly making your way to him and sitting closely against him. 

“I thought I scared you away because I–um,” He gazes at you as he speaks, seemingly studying the emotional baggage under your eyes. “tried to kiss you.” He trails off, very much wanting to kiss you again. 

“That didn’t scare me.” You shake your head, still trying to avoid his eye now that you know the sun is allowing him a true view at how destroyed you must look. “It’s just, we’ve been on a few dates now and I like you– alot.” You say more to yourself than to him, as if you’re confirming internally that you need to explain some things to him before giving him the option to run away. “I feel like I–”

“I like you.” He interrupts you. “Alot.” He continues, becoming hyper-aware of everything in the universe. He can feel the hairs on his head grow, he can hear the birds a country away, he can taste the sunlight spilling against your watery eyes. 

You like him, and he likes you. 

And he takes intense note of the way you dip your head, a small smile curling up on the permanent frown you previously had. 

“But Jake,” You say, letting your face fall again. “I think we need to talk about some things before, like, you decide if you really like me.”

That’s silly. He knows everything about you already. He’s in love with you, nothing you could say or do will ever change that. He wishes you could see it, he wishes you knew that he was made for you. 

“There is nothing you could say to change my mind,” He says sternly, turning towards you and attempting to make you look at him by grabbing your chin gently between his pointer finger and thumb, “Hey, look at me.” He urges you, pleased in the way you do turn to look at him. 

He’s stunned. The whites of your eyes are red, your eyelids are puffy, you appear to be so tired, and still you are so beautiful to him.

For a moment, you take note of the way he looks at you and wonder how he could genuinely think that way and show it so blatantly. Are you the one who is acting recklessly here, or is it him? Somehow, it brings you comfort, even if you feel the need to force your eyes away from him. 

He doesn’t let you, and you let him not let you. 

Your eyes stay on his. 

“I don’t think you realize how much I want to be with you.” He admits blatantly, forcing you to forget your train of thought for a total of three seconds before your eyes really lock onto his. “I don’t think you’ll ever realize that.” He continues. 

“Jake,” You mutter out, feeling so full of emotion that you weren’t quite prepared to accept yet. “Please,” You mutter again, continuously losing your thoughts, only to gain them back moments later, and then lose them again when his eyes stare through you. “Please, let me explain something before you say that.” 

He pulls his eyes away now, closing them and pinching the bridge of his nose out of frustration before breathing out and adjusting his eyes to you again. 

He nods reluctantly, relaxing against your couch and throwing his arm around the back of you, pulling you to lean against him, where you can instantly hear the way his heart is beating. 

It’s beating fast. So fast that it’s almost distracting to you if you think too hard about it. So, you don’t. You try to ignore the way it beats against the top of your head just so you can finally give him some insight on why you haven’t texted him, on why you didn’t let him kiss you, on why you’re so reluctant. 

“Remember how we were talking about our last relationships?” You finally say, feeling his hand on your shoulder rub little shapes against your shirt in a comforting way.

He hums, continuing to trace his own name against your sleeve as he confirms your words. Because of fucking course he does. He remembers everything about you. 

“Mine was bad.” You pause, willing the emotion to say in your throat. “Really bad.”

“How bad?” Jake encourages you instantly, already knowing the answer. 

To be fair though, he’s been waiting to hear the words from your own mouth. He’s been pretending to not know this entire time, holding in his rage when he’s in front of you, seeing how it affected you, feeling what he did to you through your lack of trust and affection. 

“I think you could probably guess, considering I didn’t let you kiss me.” You try to say without going too deep into it. “Considering I’m afraid to let you touch me.”

“But you did.” He says calmly, running the hand on your shoulder down to your waist to pull you in closer. “You did let me touch you.” 

You recoil internally. 

“I let you hug me, and I let you keep me warm.” You admit. “I don’t know why I let you though. I wasn’t afraid when it was with you.” 

Jake knows exactly what you’re trying to say to him, and loves that you admit that he’s different. He is different because of you and for you. His stomach flutters at the fact that you know that, and you accept it.

“Because I wouldn’t hurt you.” He continues to echo his words to you, seemingly giving you a final answer to a question in your head that you have yet to find an answer to. “Because I wouldn’t let anyone else hurt you.”

God, the warmth that floods your body is what you’ve been wanting. This is why you wanted him to come over. This is why you need him. You can’t do this alone, you want him here with you.

“I think, deep down, you know that I wouldn’t let anything like that happen to you again.” He continues, talking for you, talking as if he is inside of your head. 

“I can make an assumption on what he did to you and I don’t need to know how far it went, but it’s not going to keep me away from you.” He takes in a sigh, releasing his next words with a breathy chuckle. “I have always wanted to be with you, and I still do.” 

He feels the way your breathing evens out as you listen to him. 

“Did you stop talking to me because of this?” He finally asks, letting the question hang in the air before his hand grips your waist tightly, holding you so close against him that you’re nearly on top of him. “Did you think I wouldn’t fight to have you?” 

The words are brash and hard to swallow, but that’s not why.

If you could, you would have gone the rest of your life without telling another person what happened to you. You don’t want it to define you, and you don’t want Jake to ever feel like he needs to fight for you. 

You shake your head.

“No.” You say sternly, now wrapping your own arm around his middle and hugging him as tightly as he does to you. Your head dips below his chest, up against his ribs as you curl yourself into him entirely, preparing to tell him. “I moved here to get away from him–” You start, feeling your body shiver in each spot your ex hurt you from before. “And I think he found me.”

You feel it before Jake realizes it himself, but it’s like all of the warmth left his body within seconds. He stiffens, his grip on you loosens, and he trembles for just long enough for it to be noticeable. 

“What?” He says, breathing in through his nose and staring straight ahead, seemingly out of it. 

“He texted me a few days ago, mentioning he knows where I work, asking if I want to have lunch with him.” You try to explain. “I freaked out, I called in, and I haven’t left my apartment since.”

“He what?” Jake repeats, now slowly turning to you.

For the first time when you meet his eye, you see his pupils constrict. They’re not dilated, in fact, they’re tiny. Horrifically tiny. And if you look hard enough, it’s almost like they’re vibrating against the pretty brown color of his iris. The simple act of watching them change like that felt uncanny. You pull back from him, shocked at the expression and not quite recognizing him compared to moments before. 

And then, he realizes your reaction to him and is immediately pulling himself back to you. He pushes that shocked rage back for now. Just for now. His pupils fall back into their permanent dilated state. His face softens, his body relaxes, and then he’s holding you again. 

“No one can hurt you when I’m here.” He finally whispers out, trying to keep his voice even and warm to calm you down. “So, he found you? So what?” He continues, letting his confidence take over. “I already told you, he can’t touch you.”

For some reason, his initial reaction sinks into the back of your mind as he holds you like this and says things like that. Why? Because you believe him. 

Somehow, you believe him. 

“Can you promise me that?” You ask reluctantly, taking everything you can get from Jake at this moment in an attempt to feel safe, to feel better. 

He nods instantly, and keeps nodding as he shifts his head to look down at you. This prompts you to look up at him, making direct eye contact and holy fuck. It hurts him not to dip down and make you forget that anyone else in this world exists aside from him. 

From this angle, as you look up to him with a promise swirling around the two of you, he knows he’s got you. You’ve never looked at him like this. There is no hint of doubt, curiosity, confusion, or fear in your eyes as you wait for him to answer. 

All he can do is stare at you, breath caught in his throat at the constant realization that he’s here. You’re against him, you’re talking to him, you’re looking at him, you’re–fuck, you’re everything he’s ever wanted or needed in life. 

“I can promise you that, and more.” He finally whispers out to you, knowing you can feel his words spread across your forehead. “I think I’d do just about anything for you.” 

You nod, keeping eye contact with him for a moment more before lying your head back against him and breathing a big sigh of relief. 

“I guess I’m yours then.” You sigh out, feeling comfortable saying the words. 

And oh. 

Oh, the fucking joy that rattles every bone in his body. The immense amount of love, adoration, and wonderstruck devotion he feels for you fills his body from the core, he can feel it seep out of him with each breath, each tear that reaches his eye, each goosebump, all of it. 

You’re his. You said it. With your own voice, your own words, your own thoughts, right up by his heartbeat, you fucking said it.

“Yeah,” He says in his own shaking breath, blinking away the first tear he’s felt in his eye for years, wanting to squeeze you so tight that you go numb. “You are.” He continues, swooping down just slightly and prompting you to look at him again.

Those dark eyes are dazed, and once again you feel like he sees you as the only other breathing person on this planet with him. It’s….so nice.

Silence hangs in the air as you look at each other, seemingly confirming a relationship that feels more uncertain to you than it does to him, but you know you’ll try. You want to be his safety too, you want to give him everything you have. 

And then he says it. 

“Does this mean I can kiss you now?” 

It hurts you when you hear the way he says it. So uncertain and reluctant to cross a boundary. You’re trying to confirm his feelings for you, the feelings that you feel so lucky to receive. You’re trying to make him understand that he’s the only person you’re comfortable with. He’s the only one you’d ever let kiss you. 

You’ve made him hold back so much, you can imagine. 

You nod to him first, watching him almost immediately close in to do just that, but you pull back on instinct. 

“Just–” You raise a hand in front of him, putting your fingers to his lips to halt him. “Let’s go slow.” You say, already knowing he will accept it. He will go slow for you. 

“Love, you really just don’t get it.” Jake smiles, averting his lips and landing a kiss to your forehead, relishing in the feeling of your skin against his lips for the first time. “I have enough patience for both of us.”

And if only you knew how true that statement is. For him, he’s already been waiting for this moment since before you knew he existed. Despite his small moments of losing control, needing more, he could have waited even longer for this moment with you. All of it is worth it in the end if he gets to hear you call yourself his again. 

You are his. You have always been his. 

And you decide at that moment that he is right. He’s been nothing but patient with you, and has done nothing to make you feel otherwise. 

A kiss wouldn’t hurt, a few kisses wouldn’t hurt. 

So, you lift your head just a bit more, closing your eyes softly and waiting for him to do it. Waiting for him to kiss you, waiting for him to–

“Little more,” He encourages you, causing you to open your eyes and look at him. “Just a little closer.” 

And you do. The least you can do is close the distance for him, especially after what he just learned about you. He probably wants you to be the one to approach him, he probably doesn’t want to cross a boundary, or scare you. 

For Jake, the way you listen without a hint of hesitation is…well. It scares him. It scares him how every assumption he had about you was right. Given, he knew he would be, but experiencing it right here, right now, is amazing to him. 

He keeps his eyes open through all of it, seeing your heavy eyes stay closed as you place your lips on his. 

It’s so soft. Your lips are plush when they’re puckered against his own, soft, so fucking soft. He chokes back a relieved sob at finally getting this from you, hiding it with a thick swallow and his hands rushing up to cup both of your cheeks in his hands as he lets himself feel you like this.

He’s thought about it so much. Just these few seconds of feeling you kiss him already exceeds his expectations. He can feel your eyelashes flutter on the tips of his fingers, and it only makes him tilt his head just a bit to slot his lips against yours in a more comfortable position.

He doesn’t move after that, nor do you. Both of you just feel it. 

It’s the first time you’ve kissed anyone since your ex and even he didn’t hold your face against his like this, despite swearing he loved you more than life itself. You can feel the burn at the corner of your eyes, and you breathe out through your nose to try and keep them in. 

You don’t even notice the tears that escape until Jake is tasting them, relishing in what you’ve chosen to give to him. Never realizing how good pain can taste until it comes from you, and then he pulls back just slightly.

It was nothing but a long and drawn out act of lying lips against each other. There was no tongue, there were no frantic movements. It was just…a first kiss, that lasted what felt like years to you, and only a split second for Jake.

He blinks down at you, noting the beads of tears bunching up in your bottom lashes and uses his thumb to swipe just under your eye. That view alone of seeing his hand do it was enough to confirm for him that he is no longer chasing. You are his, and never will another person get the chance to look at you as closely as he does. 

“Have I ever told you how pretty you are?” Jake smiles when he says it, feeling your tears nourish his body. 

You nod, still blinking up at him. 

“In passing, on dates. Never like this though.” You admit in a small voice, feeling a bit shy with the way you feel entirely new when he’s with you. 

“I’ll tell you every day.” He says, leaning down to connect his lips with yours once again solely because he can’t choose between staring at you or kissing you now. 

All of his senses are in overdrive. Kissing you, looking at you, sitting on your couch in your apartment, none of it will ever satiate his need for more, more, fucking more of you. And all of it is happening right there, in front of his camera. 

He can relive this time and time again for the moments he can’t be with you. 

You stay silent after that, alternating between the same long and simple kisses and staring at each other until you can see the sun shift positions in the sky. Sometimes he will say things during this time, sweet and passionate words that only make you feel safer and safer in your own space.

Up until you feel his body shift and his hands pull back to his own body.

You look at him as if he just interrupted a very important moment in your life, and in a way, he did. You could sit with him like this for three hours more if he allowed it, but unfortunately, nature does tend to call. 

“I’ll be back–” He whispers right up against your lips, knowing that you’re already growing familiar with how they feel against you. Smiling when your lips chase him as he stands up. He lends you one more. A quick kiss, one that reminds you that he isn’t leaving you. “Just a second.” He adds in an even smaller voice, heading straight for your bathroom.

You’re still so in awe at how slow the night feels with him, loving every warm second of it. You’re not thinking about anything but him and the way his lips feel. Hell, you haven’t even gotten a full glimpse of him since that first kiss. 

So, of course you don’t notice how he somehow knew which door held your bathroom behind it, or how long he stayed in there. You weren’t paying attention at all as you flop back and do your very best not to kick your legs out of happiness at this moment. 

You finally feel comfortable, even while a threat looms just outside of these walls. You have a boyfriend now, one that appears to be willing to stay beside you through all of it. 

You’re happy. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

All good things come to an end but at least this time, it’s temporary. 

The night with Jake felt much needed on both accounts, but it became one sided when your discomfort kicked in. It’s not that you didn’t want him to stay, above all you almost needed him to. 

He was so willing to stay, you could tell just by looking at him sitting next to you with kissed lips and dazed eyes, far too late in the night to excuse what you eventually made happen. He had to go back home.

Again, it’s not because you didn’t want him to stay, it’s because you felt better. You felt so much better that you didn’t think even for a second that Jake wouldn’t come running back over if you so much as hinted through a text that you needed him. Not to mention, upon your anxieties calming, your rational thoughts took back over and reminded you that this was enough. You don’t need him to coddle you more, or to worry for you. 

You’re not entirely ready to let a man sleep in your home, despite very much loving the time you spent with him here. 

After all, you interrupted his day already by asking for him to cater to you. Cater he did, and you wanted to do the same for him. Kissing him one more time with an apologetic look, stating that it’s best if he goes back home for the night. 

You still remember the look on his face when you walked him to the lobby. Reluctance, confusion, even a bit of panic. He needed another kiss, and another kiss you gave. 

His shoulders relaxed at that, and you watched him turn on his heel and head back home to presumably sleep without you. 

And while you slept well that night, thinking of him and how you somehow found a boyfriend amidst all of your fears, Jake was wide awake and reeling from the conversations he shared with you, the kisses, the cuddling, the smell. Fuck, it was so much to face by the time he made it back into his cold and dreary apartment. 

He doesn’t belong in this space, he belongs just across the street with you. But, for your sake…he will continue the patience he promised you. After all, he could see in your eyes that briefly, you considered letting him stay. 

And throughout the night, his calm overtakes him as he rethinks, staring down his camera and trying to decide if he should watch it back until you eventually text him after you wake up. 

He ultimately decides to watch, checking that your lights are off one last time before moving to his PC and plugging in the camera. The first thing he does is fast forward to your first kiss, and then the second, third, fourth…

He rewinds it to watch again, almost feeling that you’re still against him when he presses play a bit too far back in the footage. 

You pull away from him in that moment and suddenly he remembers why.

Before the blissful moments he spent with you, there was a moment of intense and uncontrollable rage within him. When you told him the less-than-detailed story of what your ex did to you, he was expecting it. He knew how to act surprised, he knew how to comfort you, he knew how to make you understand that your past wouldn’t scare him away.

What he wasn’t prepared for was to find out that your fears that he read in your journal were very real. Learning that your ex texted you and that he knew where you were was one thing, but hearing your voice crack upon telling him that he wants to meet with you is another. 

Jake couldn’t have prepared a reaction for that even if he tried. Not one that wouldn’t have scared you, at least. And now, this night of reliving the hours in which it took for him to make you his girlfriend once and for all turned into a night of internet sleuthing. 

Finding the man on social media can’t be that hard. All he had to do was search your name to find your family, which he has done probably a thousand times by now. He knew that within the public posts of your family, this guy had to have been associated somewhere. 

And after three hours of finding nothing, a little hint of who this man is reveals itself. 

So far into his searches, intense googling, and even yearbook studying, he finds an older facebook account of your mother and he slaps himself in the forehead for not double checking the profiles sooner, he could have saved at least two hours if he had found this earlier. 

She must have made a new account after the divorce that she clearly had and shared with the world. It only takes a single scroll with his mouse wheel to find an image of her, another woman, you, and…that man. 

Jake sits and stares at the old image, noting that it’s over four years old. Indicating that you must have been with this guy for a long time. You look happy in the photo, with his arm snaked around your waist and gripping you tight.

Jake, above anyone else, knows that grip he’s got on you. It’s the same one he had on you just hours ago but he tries not to think too hard, prying his eyes away from a happy you with that piece of shit. If he ruminates on this image of you with another man, he very well may resent you for ever letting another man be with you in the first place.

Instead, he has to force his eyes from the younger college version of you and look at the reactions of the photo. 

Of course your mother is the type to have hundreds and hundreds of friends, most that she doesn’t even know in real life surely. The image has seventy three likes, and he goes through each and every single one until he finally recognizes the account of the very man in that photo, holding you, as if it’s his rightful place beside you.

God, safety concerns be damned. He cannot believe that your mother never deleted this account. Your ex probably looks at this photo all the time, he probably gets off on it too. Like he must think that because he had you once, he could win you over again. No.  Jake will see blood before he ever lets that happen. 

Jake rolls his eyes, giving himself a mental note to find a way to tell you that your mother should really watch her online presence if her own daughter’s safety is in danger, and then he continues his snooping on your ex.

One simple google of his name and city and Jake’s got a workplace address. Come Monday morning, you’ll never have to worry about this guy again.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Every. single. day. 

Every day you have texted him since the night he left your apartment, and every day he hopes that you force him to be patient with you. Why? Because for the first time, he needs to stay distant for now. 

He kept his promise. Maybe he even overdid it a little bit. 

Given, he knows you’d probably be happy in knowing what happened, he just thinks it would be best not to tell you about it. For now, at least, he doesn’t want you to see the mark above his eye because if you find out what happened, perhaps you’d stop needing him for comfort. Maybe you’d even break up with him since you’d no longer need him. 

He’s going to ensure that you are safe, and he’s going to keep you. 

Unfortunately, Jake is awful at telling you no, awful at living up to his patience, and fucking horrible at staying away from you. When you text him this morning, just two days after he met with your ex, it’s not your usual greeting. 

You: they need me to go to the office today…

God, has he no shame? No. He doesn’t. Never in his life could he even imagine being ashamed to instantly come at your beck and call. Though you have nothing to be afraid of anymore. 

Jake: I’ll walk you there. 

You smile at his immediate act of protection of you. 

You: It’s okay, my manager is already on her way to pick me up. she knows about everything so i’m still safe!

He pauses, trying to look at the bright side of not seeing you. He’s not in fear of your safety like you are, because he definitely took care of the matter, but…under the guise of you still needing it, he doesn’t like that you’re letting someone else protect you on your trip to work. 

Jake: oh

You stare at your phone, feeling bad that you haven't offered him much since he was last at your apartment. You don’t want him to think you’re avoiding him again, or to think that you don’t want to see him but…your manager has a car. If you were to let him walk you to work, you’d just be paranoid of being on the street. 

You’d just feel bad for him to have to walk back home alone. And you’d feel even worse knowing he’d make the same trip to walk you back home. 

You: i don’t want to have to walk to work, even if I know you’d be there with me. It’s just a huge inconvenience for you and a big safety concern for me…

He reads your text and scoffs. Do you still not understand that it’s what he lives for? He would walk across the fucking country if you so much as suggested there was a leaf on the ground that you wanted to look at. It’s not an inconvenience. 

The inconvenience is you giving someone else the right to what he is supposed to be doing for you. 

Jake: it’s ok love, just text me when you get there safe

You pause, unable to shake the feeling of guilt that’s threatening your brain right now. It feels awkward, it feels weird. You’re more than aware to know that he probably wants to prove something to you, especially with such a new relationship but you can’t help but feel like you’re the only person who needs to prove something. 

You need his protection, but you don’t want to exhaust him. That is your biggest fear, even over the idea of your ex finding you. The idea of being wanted by someone you hate hurts far less than the idea of being unwanted by the man who is seemingly upset with you over not getting to walk you to work.

So, you’ll prove to him that this isn’t because he isn’t capable of protecting you. You’ll prove to him that you do want to see him. 

You: Can I see you after i get home? I miss you.

His reactions are always so immediate as he slams his phone against his chest, sighing out of relief that you want to see him tonight. So what if he has a blatant and obvious bruise on his face? He will proudly present it to you, with a lie of course, solely because he knows it’s proof that he would do anything for you. 

Jake: I miss you too :) just tell me when she’s bringing you back to me and i’ll be waiting in the lobby for you. 

For some reason, those little typed words of “bringing you back to me” hits you hard in the chest. It makes you feel warm, happy even, as you head out of your apartment and straight for your manager’s car.

Sure, you might not be walking to work when they need you to come in for a while, but you’ll sure as hell be certain to make it up to Jake every single time. You can practically feel his excitement through his quickly sent texts, and you can’t help but thrive off of it. 

Now, even as you’re worried that you’ll be at work, in a place where he can find you, you feel excited. You’re looking forward to getting to go back home, and looking forward to hugging Jake, and talking to him, and seeing his pretty face. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

  You don’t recall your work days going by this slowly, as you fiddle around your desk wondering why they called you here today in the first place. “For a meeting” Your manager had said. Well that’s all fine and dandy if it weren’t for the fact that the meeting isn’t scheduled until four thirty in the afternoon, the end of the fucking day. 

You could have worked from home and just came in for the meeting if that was the case, but you’re already here and mostly just annoyed that you had to come at all.

You scroll your phone, do some paperwork, scroll some more, more paperwork, and then, just as you open your messages so you can complain to Jake about how stupid this work day is, you pause.

Suddenly, you’re hyper aware of everything and everyone around you, and all you can do is sit at your desk and pretend that you don’t see the man across the large room filled with fifty other cubicles, eyes scanning for you. 

The only thing you know how to do is drop to the floor upon seeing that familiar smile. You’re not ashamed when you text your manager, telling her who security just led to your floor. You’re even less ashamed in the way you quickly rush to the back, around a corner, and out the fire escape.

You came to work today to miss not one meeting, but two, apparently. The only reason you even feel safe enough to power-walk back to your apartment is because you know exactly where your stupid handsome ex is, and you know exactly why he’s there.

He’s not following you right now, you’re sure of it. You told your manager exactly who he was before, and she knows exactly where he is now. Surely they’re distracting him, because your manager, bless her, already texted you that she would take care of it and that you should get home quickly.

Insane scenario, really. You should have just called the police, but it’s not like he fucking did anything within these city limits outside of take an elevator to your floor. 

God, how did he even know you were going to be at work today? 

And as you rush into your apartment building, not even knowing how long or how short it took you to get there, you feel your phone vibrate before you even get in the building’s front door.

Jake: why are you home so early, and why did you walk alone? 

Instantly you call him, not thinking even for a second that it’s strange that he saw you come in. If anything, it was probably just a coincidence. He just happened to look outside and you just happened to be panic-walking inside. 

“Come over.” You say, out of breath into the speaker. 

Jake doesn’t even respond, he just hangs up and is immediately rushing to your building as quickly as his feet can carry him, for the first time unsure of what’s going on with you. 

He thinks this may actually be his record time of getting to you even, considering you’re walking up to your door as soon as he steps out of the elevator and rushing up to you.

“What’s wrong!?” You hear his panicked voice from behind you as you unlock your door, stepping inside and grabbing him by the shirt, not even looking at him before pulling him inside. 

“I missed you.” You say, desperate to feel safe again and running entirely on adrenaline as you lift up and kiss him harder than you ever have before.

Jake freezes, feeling your grip on his shirt and your hardened pucker against his lips. He doesn’t relax into it at all, in fact, the way you just grabbed him runs straight between his legs and all he can do is grab your shirt back, pulling you up more, kissing you twice as hard. 

He knew you could be forceful, and somehow this is the last thing he was expecting. Did you rush home alone and call him with that desperate voice because you needed him? Did you finally give in? Does he mean this much to you already?

There are no words in this breathless moment as you let yourself spiral into a void with Jake. Feeling only safe when he’s with you, on you, holding you, touching you. You really should have let him walk you to work. You should have let him stay with you there, you shouldn’t ever let him leave your side. 

You only feel calm when he’s with you, and god you almost hope your ex followed you here so that he can walk in and find you kissing someone else. Someone better.

“What happened?” Jake groans out his words between the harsh kisses that are quickly turning heated. Your grip on his shirt only tightens, and you stumble back to pull him with you. 

You don’t want to talk, you don’t want to explain, you just want to…do this. You need him to give you that brain fog that makes you forget about anything else. 

And it’s the first time he’s ever felt your tongue. So desperate to part his lips, so frantic, so sweet. The new feeling is more than he ever could have imagined, he feels like he’s almost forgotten how to kiss you back at this point. He lets you do all of the work right now, tasting inside of his mouth and fluttering your lashes against his cheek bone when you skew your head just a little bit to kiss him deeper. 

He’s feeling everything at once, and the fact that he’s finally back in your apartment only makes this worse for him. Or maybe, better? He isn’t sure, but what he does know is that if you keep doing this, he won’t be able to hold back. How could he? You’re pulling him, nearly tripping over your own feet just to pull him deeper into the room– right there in front of that same fucking window. 

Your tight grip on his shirt warms him along with knowing this is being recorded, right up from the brief amount of cold air that hit him on his run over. It was freezing, and he left without even throwing on his hoodie. Which is nice and detrimental to his health. It’s like you’re closer than you’ve ever been to him without two layers of clothing on, just this shirt keeping you from gripping his skin instead. 

And he would let you, he would let you grip and claw through his chest to pull him further into your space. If you missed him so much, perhaps he wouldn’t need to hold back. Your kisses are bruising, and the little breaths you take with each tilt to your head drives his heart to tremble in his chest, he’s sure you may not want him to hold it in any longer. 

He’s tasting you right now and only because you’re tasting him first. 

Safe to say, he’s in shock and entirely turned on right now with the way you try to overpower him. He lets you. Yes, yes, yes. Why wouldn’t he? You’re not being shy and your defenses are entirely down for him. 

You continue to stumble back with him, up until your legs hit your couch and he very nearly falls on top of you, but instead he holds steady, watching you fall from the close proximity against his lips with a huff after you hit the soft cushions.

He felt his shirt slip from your fingers in the descent and can do nothing but look at you in pure awe. You look like you want him right now, you look up at him the same way he looks at you.

Your pupils are dilated, your chest is heaving, and you’re just staring up at him with each breath. 

“Jake?” You mutter in a slight whisper and furrow your brows at your findings upon finally looking at him. In your rush to kiss him and to have him as close to you as possible, you nearly missed it. 

You reach a hand out and see him immediately take it, your gaze still trained on the bruise above his eye. You pull him to you instantly, landing your lips just below his right brow. “Why is there a bruise?”

He pauses to feel your breath hit his brow, entirely forgetting that he is a human being with flesh that can be marked by another. Forgetting that pain exists, solely because the kiss you just landed against that swollen spot felt good. So good.

“Ah–” He chuckles slyly, feeling you repeatedly kiss the area, bruising it more by the force behind your lips. “Dropped my phone on my face a few nights ago while texting you.” 

You smile against it, finding the image endearing before pulling back and taking note of the way he hovers above you, not letting a single part of his body touch you without you prompting it. 

“You should be more careful,” You smile, pulling him down more, until he is forced to use his arms on the back of your couch to steady himself. “Stay like this.” 

He notes how you look so small under him, and he would want nothing more than to stay like this for you. 

“On top of you?” He asks gently, allowing his hungry eyes to fall to a half-lidded stare, he tilts his head and inches back to your lips as he says it, entirely drunk on the image of you against the couch and totally barred from the outside world by his body.

“Yeah,” You sigh at how pretty he is close up, dark eyes taking you in with that deep stare. “Feels like nothing could ever get to me if you’re like this.” 

He nods confirmation. 

“You were scared of being alone today, weren’t you?” He asks gently, pulling back from the almost-kiss and now adjusting you to lay down on your couch, all so he can more comfortably fulfill the request you just asked of him. “Don’t go anywhere without me again, and I'll stay like this for as long as you need me to.” 

You stare up at him and his words as he crawls onto the couch with you, over you. He nudges himself between your legs and only now do you understand what it must feel like to want someone to love. You never imagined you’d let a man be with you like this again, and yet there’s so much truth in his facial expression after he said those words. You can’t help but feel like you were stupid to ever think you could do any of this alone. 

You never could do it alone to begin with.

“I won’t,” You confirm for him, lifting your hand to move a strand of hair that hangs over that darkened bruise above his eye. “So, stay like this.”

And he does, eyes lost as they glance at every part of your face, only closing his eyes to feel your fingers in his hair for that short moment. He lets out a long sigh, trying to keep his lower half from losing control, both understanding and not comprehending that he’s on top of you right now. 

Only now, with his mind racing and skin reacting does he dip back down.

“Alright.” He whispers just before the kiss, intentionally relaxing his lower half and allowing you to feel exactly what you’re doing to him. 

He feels you shift when you feel it, but he doesn’t move. Instead, he presses forward a bit more with his hips, making sure you feel his love for you in its entirety. 

And when your hands find their way into his hair and you hum against his tongue, that’s when he pulls back.

“Sorry,” He admits, looking away from you. “Didn’t know you were going to just– grab me like that and kiss me.”

All you can do is smile at him, refusing to question why you don’t recoil at the idea of a man being turned on. If anything, you give in to the feeling of pleasure yourself. Especially after so long of not only denying it to yourself, but fearing it.

And the two of you just lay there, shifting from time to time to get more comfortable and to ease numb limbs. Just kissing. Just making out. 

Hot, wet, warm kissing. To the point of being out of breath but not yet pulling back. Never wanting to be the first one to break the contact, but always wanting to be the first to dip back in. You feel his excitement throughout all of it, and you feel his patience as well.

He doesn’t even chase when your body arches into his intense kisses, he doesn’t ask for more, and ultimately, it doesn’t matter that your ex showed up at your workplace today. Because you’ve got Jake right here, on you, shielding you, holding you. 

No one can get to you right now. 

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

Jake holds you as you sleep, as tight as he can manage without waking you up. Thinking in his head over and over again about how pretty you are, how perfect you are, how utterly infatuated with you he is. 

He wasn’t expecting you to fall asleep like that, gentle fingers scratching the back of his neck and holding him just as tightly. Whispering to him that you don’t want him to leave this time.

Muttering that you want him to stay. 

He remembers so well how pretty your half-asleep voice sounded, with your half-asleep eyes, and half-asleep legs tangled in his own.

He didn’t sleep. 

No, no. He couldn’t have. He didn’t want to miss a single breath or twitch of your brow as you dreamt. And he really didn’t miss a single one either.

The sun is long gone in the sky by the time his own heavy eyes force him to blink. It’s so dark in the room but you brighten it up for him just fine, with that pretty breath and sleeping face. His gaze falls upon the window as he smiles, hugging you even closer to him just to feel you nuzzle your nose up and against his neck.

He has yet to set foot into your bedroom since the first time he’s been here but that doesn’t bother him. You both fit perfectly on this couch. Forced proximity really lives up to its name in this city, apparently. You haven’t ever been without him, and you never will be. 

He’s more than delighted to–

His thoughts shake the same way your phone does. A vibration sending his mind into a spiral at who could possibly be texting you at this hour if not him. 

The phone lights up the room and he’s very careful to reach for it, smiling when your sleepy brain tells you that he’s reaching over you to hug you closer again, not to grab at your phone that you left forgotten on the table.

He’s so quiet, so careful. 

The screen lights up his face, causing his dry eyes to water until they adjust to the notification. 

A text message.

From an unknown number. 

His eyes fall to you as he tries to remember the patterns of numbers you’ve typed into your phone, only to fail a total of three times before gently shaking you. 

“Love,” He whispers, lying his lips against your forehead. “What’s your passcode?”

“Hmm?” You mumble against him, his shirt bunched up against your own lips. 

“Your passcode,” He repeats in a more gentle voice, trying to keep from waking you entirely. “I forgot my phone at home, and I want to set an alarm.” 

Your sleepy brain barely registers his words, or the fact that he’s lying. You felt his phone in his pocket when he was lying on top of you all night. 

“Ah,” You sigh out, clearing the sleep from your throat as you whisper out the numbers to him, slurring out the last one as you fall right back into your deep slumber 

Jake smiles, dumbfounded yet again by how adorable you are for him. 

Now, with one hand unlocking your phone and the other tracing his name, once again, onto the fabric of your back, he swipes to your messages.

Rage.

Unknown number: so who is the new guy

Unknown number: get me banned from your work then you send him? fought like a bitch

Unknown number: i’ll be seeing you soon babe

Empty threats, he knows they have to be. Blatant lies and empty fucking threats. This idiot can’t do shit considering how battered he managed to leave him. 

He thinks hard about the pain against his knuckles and even harder about how you didn’t note that they’re just as bruised as his eye. Thankfully, you were too enveloped in kissing him to take note of his bruised hands, or the lie about dropping his phone. 

Jake easily deletes the texts and blocks the number, understanding that this little problem of yours is his problem to solve. And the worst part is that he knows exactly why this man wants you back. He hates that he understands the thought process from the root, knowing that if he, himself, couldn’t have you, he’d have to take desperate measures too. As if he hasn’t already. 

He’s similar to your ex, who was far more handsome with blood on his face, and you can never know that. As similar as he is, mirroring the love and abundant weakness he has for you, he would never. fucking. hurt. you. Infact, Jake would set himself aflame before even imagining you crying for him to leave you alone. 

Why would he set himself up for you to fear him? Your ex is a royally vacuous man, at least Jake has the smarts to treat you well. 

Still, he gets it. 

Who wouldn’t want you all to themself anyway? 

You’re Jake’s though. You belong to him and only him, you always have, and that’s the only reason, he thinks, that you’re in this mess. Had you not tried to love someone before him, perhaps you wouldn’t have that little journal filled to the brim with night terrors and body shakes. 

And as he ruminates on whether or not he should pay your ex another visit, this time without holding back, he searches the rest of your messages simply because he is entitled to it. 

Every text you have is from your family and him. Good. 

Your photos. 

Most of you and your family, one specific photo of you. Deep within your camera roll, pressing your tits together, hand grabbing one of them, panties sitting prettily on your hips. 

Who did you send that to? It’s old, your hair is different, but he’d like to hope it wasn’t to the man whose blood he’s currently craving. Still, he feels discomfort in knowing this photo was taken long before he loved you, and long before you loved him. Meaning, whether it was to your ex or not, it wasn’t for him.

His length stirs immediately still, so turned on by the image of you, the feeling of you currently against him, and the internal future promise to feel your ex’s teeth break against his fists. All of it is making his dick ache, as he chews the inside of his bottom lip and easily sends the nude to himself before deleting it from your phone forever. He’d better be the last to see this image of you, and the last to ever feel you hug against him like this. Then, he removes the sent message from your phone to hide the traces of it entirely.

You shift against him at this moment and he pulls back slightly to look at you, quickly closing out your apps, locking your phone, and tossing it to the floor. There, he wraps both arms around you, hugging you so tightly that you do wake up this time. 

“You’re so cute,” Jake mumbles against the top of your head. “Wake up so I can kiss you.”

You smile against him, shifting your head up and finding his lips within the dark room. It’s soft at first, and you assume he’s going to pull back, satisfied with it, but he doesn’t. 

It’s a quick movement, one that causes your sleepy groan to come out as a surprised yelp. He easily moves on top of you again, using his knees to spread your legs so he can lay between them, and his fingers locking into yours, pressing them into the cushion above your head. 

“Sorry,” He pouts, kissing the corner of your mouth. “Sorry, sorry.” He continues, kissing down to your jaw, and just below your ear. “I’ve been so turned on all day, please.”

You chuckle, feeling the tickle of his plush bottom lip meeting the sensitive pulse point of your neck. Pleased with how much he wants you, and even more pleased that you kind of…want this too. But, you’re not entirely ready. Even in this perfect atmosphere with the perfect man. Room shielded entirely by night, warm lips kissing you, strong arms holding you…

You’re still not ready. 

“Mm, Jake.” You hum, catching his attention and feeling him move his head back to look at you. “Not yet.”

And then you hear him let out a nervous chuckle, a sigh, and a whisper. 

“Alright, baby.” He pouts again. 

He moves back to your side and hugs you against him, trying not to seem as disappointed as he really is right now before you hear him speak again. You barely hear it, and you barely comprehend it within the comfort of his hug, but you do think you’ll remember it. 

“Then when?” 

Even as you fall back to sleep, you think about it. The fact that he’s already been so patient with you and that you knew it would run out eventually. You’ll lose him at this rate, and these soft arms vowing to protect you.

If anything, Jake has given you everything and you’ve given him nothing. If he finds out that you’ve already spotted your ex at work, he might really run away knowing that no matter what he does, you may never be ready to give him intimacy on a deeper level as long as said ex is around.

You felt how much he wanted you today right up against you. If you were any other woman, you wouldn’t have been able to pretend it wasn’t there. You would have touched him, you would have given yourself to him. 

And god, you want him so badly at the same time. The only thing holding you back is the fear of it hurting. The fear of regression, of dissociation. 

Yet, still, your dream state forces you to promise. You’ll be everything that Jake needs you to be in time, and he will be the only person able to teach you how to love again, the only man that will touch you in a way that feels good.

・・・・・・・・・・・・・・

part two

taglist: @skzenhalove , @taetaemylovie, @soocult, @nyanggk, @grilledbananas, @dneltrise, @becc09, @nielle002, @sjyfolder, @sd211, @moonmoongi, @sweetiewolfie, @ksnooppy, @woongkification, @laxatives4hre, @hiddensideofmoon, @mywaaw, @beomstarz, @multifandombtvh, @heeverseblog, @floclover, @elliesuh, @iloveleeknow, @crazydelulu, @dasa3040, @sluttyhee, @bethroedtojae, @cherryunie, @hiamlili, @seojunandsoju, @parksunghoonsgf, @jungwon-xo, @fxiryeon, @jwnghyuns, @juliesblogs

[levicanpunchme]

TEXT AU

Prompt: Y/N tells bf enha hyung line she can’t make it to their concert. [Established relationships]

[levicanpunchme]

Some things to note when you're discussing Palestine and Israeli apartheid in the coming days/weeks/months (not a complete list but will update as I have the emotional energy):

Do not refer to what is happening in Palestine as a "conflict" or "war." These words imply a balance of power that does not exist. Palestinians in the West Bank and Gaza have no military, no control of their borders, no control over their access to resources like electricity, water, and medical supplies, no freedom of movement, and, most importantly, they do not have the most powerful government in the world funding them.

Israel is an apartheid state. Refer to it as such. It is based in a settler colonialist system that actively recruits and funds people from the Jewish diaspora to move into homes on stolen Palestinian land. Since the formation of the state of Israel in 1948, 42% of the West Bank has been illegally settled while 86% of East Jerusalem has been stolen for settler use. Under international law, the expansion of these settlements is illegal. Israel has faced zero repercussions for their actions. Hold them accountable in your speech.

Do not refer to the Israeli army as the "IDF" (Israeli Defense Force). Palestinians refer to them as the "IOF" for a reason--Israel does not need to defend themselves from civilians who have no military. From 2008 to September 2023, over 3,800 Palestinian civilians were killed by the IOF. There is no need for oppressors to defend themselves--they are the ones on the offense at all times by the nature of their positions of power.

Remember that decolonization will not be a peaceful process. Do not condemn a group of people who have been brutally colonized, ethnically cleansed, and displaced from their homes for 75 years for fighting back against those oppressing them. This post concisely explains why the violence necessary for decolonization will never match that of the violence necessary for the sustained process of colonization. You cannot break free of a violent system with nonviolence. When Palestinians attempted peaceful protest in 2018 on the 70th anniversary of the Nakba, they along with clearly marked journalists, doctors, and medics were shot and killed for their actions. Oppressors will maintain their power status by any means necessary; the ongoing genocide of Palestinians is proof of that. Decolonization requires violence because colonization itself is an inherently violent system.

Zionism does not equate to Judaism. Do not let Zionist propaganda fool you into believing that condemning the Israeli government is in any way anti-Semitic. The Israeli government does not represent the views of all Jews, even those who are Israeli citizens. Governments should always, always be criticized and held to account for their actions. Israel is no exception to this rule. Anti-Zionism is not anti-Semitism. Anyone who tells you otherwise is weaponizing true Jewish oppression and suffering as a means to gain support for a violent, racist, apartheid government.

[levicanpunchme]

please read this entire piece

[levicanpunchme]

Enhypen Sunghoon X Y/N Part 2

Genre: Romance/Fluff/Lil Angst

Synopsis: Confronting your boyfriend, Lee Heeseung, for cheating on you may have been the most difficult part of your relationship. But when he discovers you gave yourself away to his closest friend, Park Sunghoon, his devastation triggers a massive uproar.

Warning: Profanity/Kissing/Cheating

Please read part 1 here

You tossed and turned, heart racing as you relived the events from earlier today. There was a part of you that was revolted, sickened at your lack of self-control. You had made out with Heeseung’s best friend, who probably gave into an urge at the spur of the moment. Even if you did catch Heeseung cheating, what did revenge cheating say about you?

The other part was angry because it called out on your bluff. You wanted it to be a desperate attempt at vengeance against Heeseung, but you couldn’t fool yourself when your heart knew the truth. It was so much more.

You would’ve kissed Sunghoon sooner if you weren’t already taken.

Your fists tightened. You felt chills run down your spine as the truth sank in.

A fire wreaked havoc inside your body, and Sunghoon was the only one who could tame its ferocity; something about him made you feel like you were standing on a thin line, ready to risk it all. The moment you met him, you tried to avoid contact. His presence made you anxious and overwhelmed you with scary feelings.

You didn’t want to hang out with him without Heeseung because… You didn’t trust yourself around him.

Your heartbeat escalated. You turned in bed, hoping to fall asleep before another jaw-dropping revelation could plague your mind.

You suddenly remembered his hands gripping your waist, body tight against yours with eyes intoxicated in pleasure, and the sweet taste of his mouth as his tongue rolled against yours when you moaned and squirmed. He called out your name like he never wanted you to stop, and when you played with his hair, he let out the lowest groans, his chest rumbling with intensity.

You gasped, yanking your blanket off, horrified. You felt so hot, your body warm like a burning kettle. Your insides twisted with raging desire every chance you thought of him. You felt embarrassed and tugged at your hair frustratedly. You heaved a breath, realising you weren’t getting much sleep tonight.

The sun arose soon after, and you pepped yourself up in the bathroom mirror, concealing your swollen undereyes and taming your wild hair. You swore to ignore the crazy chain of events from yesterday because you still hadn’t figured out how to face Sunghoon.

You made your way to the first lecture, thankful it wasn’t the one you shared with Sunghoon. You entered the hall and spotted your friends Sunoo and Layla in the first row, facing one another as they chatted away. You quickly walked up to them and flopped on the seat beside Sunoo.

He quickly noticed your presence and turned to face you, his eyes glowing like they usually did whenever he was full of curiosity.

“Y/n, I texted you after hearing about Heeseung’s injury. Were you dead?” He ambushed, brows quirked up as he stared you down narrowly.

“Yeah, I heard it was a pretty bad fall. How’s Hee doing?” Layla joined in, forgetting whatever previous conversation they were having.

You shifted awkwardly, fidgeting with your fingers as you looked away. “My phone wasn’t with me. I forgot it on the stands,” you lied, occupying yourself with writing down the lecture’s notes.

You expected Sunoo to ask more questions, but you were met with silence, which poked harder at your anxiety. Layla, on the other hand, continued her interrogation.

“You didn’t answer me. Is Hee fine?” You looked up, meeting her concerned gaze. It reminded you of your own concern as you stalked behind, down the hallway to get to the infirmary. Heeseung’s lustful expression flashed in your head, and you felt sick, your heart plummeting in your stomach.

“Fine,” you gritted, and Sunoo broke into a confused frown. He eyed you carefully, observing the anxious tapping with the pen and your wandering gaze avoiding his.

You knew he had caught on, so you focused on writing notes to dodge his questioning. The lecture began soon, and you released a sigh of relief. During the entire lecture, Sunoo’s side glances felt overbearing. You knew he wouldn’t leave you alone till you came clean.

You couldn’t take his drilling stare anymore and desperately pulled out your phone from the pocket of your jeans. You typed out the text and sent it forward.

Heeseung cheated

Your heart dropped when Sunoo’s gasp reverberated within the hall, and he jumped up, his face pale in bewilderment. The professor-hell- the entire room stared his way like he was a lunatic, and you crouched lower into your seat, hoping to disappear. Sunoo’s cheeks grew red, and he apologised, bowing repeatedly. You felt Layla’s confused eyes on the two of you, but you pretended you had nothing to do with the scene.

Sunoo took his seat when everyone went back to focusing on the lecture. His hands were immediately busy with the phone.

The Kim Sunoo

I’m gonna rip his hair out.

You gave him a crooked smile. He looked angry with his foxy eyes, narrower than usual.

The Kim Sunoo

Did he tell you himself?

You replied with a huff.

I saw him making out with a cheerleader in the infirmary. He doesn’t know I know.

You heard an audible groan from Sunoo as he threw his phone onto the desk, his brows irked. You silently stared ahead, hoping the lecture ended soon, so you could leave to your dorm and hibernate for eternity.

When the class ended, you quickly gathered your things as Sunoo gave you a saddened smile.

“I was never team Heeseung anyways,” Sunoo claimed, and you chuckled, reminded of your best friend's dislike for Heeseung because he emitted ‘bad boy energy’. As illogical as it sounded back then, you wish you had listened.

“Oh shit-” Sunoo suddenly gasped.

You eyed him confused, and then followed his line of sight. Your eyes widened, and your heart fell lower into your stomach. By the entrance, there stood your boyfriend Heeseung in a black hoodie and loose trousers. He leaned against the wall, his wide eyes on you with a charismatic smile adorning his lips.

Your legs trembled. Sunoo grabbed your shoulder worriedly.

“I can tell him to leave you alone y/n,” Sunoo comforted.

You thought about it for a moment. Only a moment.

Why were you going to hide? He cheated. He betrayed your trust. He should cower away.

You rejected Sunoo’s kindness and headed towards the main entrance, from where students made their way out. Your strides were heavy, chest anxiously knotted as you reminded yourself to breathe.

As soon as you were at arm’s length, he closed the distance and pulled you into his arms. You froze. A wave of cold terror and disgust swatted down your body as you stood rigid in his arms.

You quickly stepped away, watching his arms drop, and his smile disappear along with the shine in his eyes. His lingering touch on your shoulders felt like dirt. Your instincts kicked in as you wiped at the parts and looked down at his bandaged leg.

You felt his body tighten as he noticed your indifference and inspected your face, his brows knitting in confusion. You did nothing to cure his curiosity.

“Is it bad?” You muttered, avoiding his gaze.

He gulped and nodded as he held onto the side of his knee tighter, stepping closer to you. “No major damages. I just need to rest the muscles for a while,” he responded quietly.

“Is something wrong-”

“Don’t you think we should get going? It’s gonna get busy.” You dodged his questioning, praying you didn’t have to deal with it right now.

You felt the impatience in Heeseung’s stare as he silently pushed for answers. A moment passed in thick silence. You reluctantly looked up, meeting his eyes.

“Why didn’t you come to me after the game? I was so worried." His deer-like eyes were pure, and they almost coerced you to believe what you had seen yesterday was a figment of your imagination. How could he hide a lascivious deceiver within the depths of those innocent brown eyes?

You felt like you had ingested metal, its stale taste scraping down your throat, overwhelming your consciousness. His smile tore at your heart. His touch made your insides crawl. How could he look you in the eyes when he had his hands on another woman less than 24 hours ago?

“Weren’t you busy after the game?” You yanked your hand from his grasp, not caring about the time or place. He had pushed you too far.

The sarcasm didn’t hit him immediately because he was too busy digesting the bitterness in your tone. His smile fell and brows furrowed as he tried to grasp onto your words. When the shock subsided, your words became a sentence.

His eyes widened. You heard a short intake of breath. His gaze traced every inch of your face as if calculating the possibilities. He didn’t seem to believe you knew until he saw your eyes well up.

Red slashed his cheeks. His lips parted, and his gaze stripped off the innocence. His chest fell up and down harder as his eyes lingered on yours. When tears streamed down your cheeks, his demeanour collapsed like a fish out of the sea, and his arms reached out as he pulled onto whatever he could grab of yours. He managed to hold your bag and immediately jerked you close.

“No-no. Please listen,” his voice trembled, breaths coming out in heaves as he held onto your shoulders.

You pushed at his chest, but his hold on you tightened. Even with an injured leg, his strength was unmatched. You attempted to rip his hands off, but it only fuelled his desperation.

“It meant nothing. I know I’ve hurt you. I know this damage is irreversible, but she means nothing,” he breathlessly rasped, hands slithering down your back and grasping your waist as he held you captive.

His words were like gasoline, infuriating the bubbling pit of fire inside you. You couldn’t believe his hypocrisy. Heeseung threw away your relationship just for it to mean nothing; for some reason, that left a worse aftertaste.

Sunghoon’s words came back to haunt you.

“That idiot still likes you.”

“...not enough to get over his urges.”

You felt a shudder run down your spine. Your anger tore out in sobs. Your frail arms pushed at him as a vicious storm whirled through your frame, knocking you out of breath. His stronghold locked your movements as you thrashed against him violently to empty your emotions. You wanted to rip out the heart that once skipped for him and scratch off the flesh that carried his stains. Your insides turned as he rubbed his hand against your cheek.

“I am so sorry. I beg you. Please look at me,” he pleaded, words dripping with misery as his body trembled.

You refused. You didn’t want to look at him, not when you couldn’t stop the ache in your chest.

“Please y/n, baby. I know I messed up, but don’t do this to me. Look at me,” his voice broke, and a sob wrenched from his chest.

You were desperate, so you glanced up. His eyes were drenched with tears, and his lips trembled.

Your stomach turned as you were reminded of his passionate eyes, drunk in lust when he kissed that girl and tore her dress off. His pleasured groans rang through your head, and suddenly, you could not take it anymore.

You whimpered in his hold. “Don’t touch me!” You screamed at the top of your lungs. Except for the horror in his gaze, nothing changed. He didn’t budge. His stern grasp held you firm against him, and his lips moved faster.

“I was stupid! We’ve been together for months, and yet you don't let me touch you. I wanted you so bad, hell, I want you so bad, thought of you every second I was with her. I know this is messed up. I didn't know what else to do-"

Your head was pounding. His touch was revolting, but his words pushed you to lose the last shred of sanity. Before you could clear up your messy thoughts, your lips were moving.

“Well, that's great then, isn't it?" You breathlessly muttered, and a corrupted glint of vengeance flashed in your eyes. You wanted to hurt him. You desired to see him crumble.

His impatient words paused as he awaited your response.

"You had your share of fun, and I had mine."

His breathing halted.

The hall's silence grew deafeningly loud as the world faded. Heeseung's pupils shook, face sickly pale like the life was sucked out of him. His fingers clasping your shoulder dug within your flesh as he pulled you tight against him, so much that you were almost standing on his feet. A startled gasp escaped your lips.

"What the fuck do you mean?" His eyes were wide, terror running through his veins as he choked out the words.

Your head was spinning. His fingernails stubbornly tore into your skin as he stared at you blankly. His brute words and empty gaze clouded your senses.

"I slept with someone."

In an instant, something had changed. With a shadow cast on his features, his eyes resembled a raging storm, whirling about like a maddening force designed to consume everything within its proximity. Your struggles against him finally ended when he pushed your body away with so much strength that you tumbled to the ground. You cupped your shoulder, wincing once air hit your wounded skin.

You glanced up and found Heeseung pacing back and forth despite his injury, jaw taut as he clenched his hair.

A dead chuckle from him sent chills down your spine.

"You're saying this to get on my nerves. You're lying to me," he repeated like a broken record, his face scrunched with anguish.

You stared at him in disbelief.

He suddenly turned and lowered himself down to meet your gaze. "Don't-don't say shit like that to me. You're angry," he rasped, his fists clenched as he surveyed your expression.

"I messed up but you-"

"I'm sorry Heeseung. I messed up too," you bitterly spat, mocking his desperate pleas.

A pained groan resounded throughout the hall, his eyes screwing shut as he shot up like a bullet and threw his fist against the concrete wall. You gasped, rising in shock as a sob rang through him.

His body shook terribly as he dropped his arm in defeat. Your heart stuttered seeing him so hurt, but you held back your concern. You two were too far gone. Nothing could fix this.

As he turned to face you, your instincts told you to step back and head out of the hall. His wet eyes looked at you distraughtly like you were a wilting flower as he pulled you back, caging you in his hold.

"Who?" He snapped.

This was something you couldn't say. Despite lying to Heeseung about 'sleeping' with someone, you knew better than to spill about Sunghoon. The two were good friends, and regardless of what had happened between you two, you didn't want to take away Sunghoon's friendship.

You stubbornly kept your mouth shut. Heeseung noticed your indifference and glared acrimoniously into your eyes, his hold tightening again like a predator. Your persistence annoyed him further, and he breathed heavily.

“Who the fuck did you sleep with y/n?” He grimaced as he said it, visibly disgusted at the thought of it.

You pushed at his chest with all your might, and he faltered, hitting the wall as his injured leg failed to cooperate. He groaned, eyes trained on you in disbelief.

You stepped back, turning to escape when suddenly your eyes met someone, entering the hall. Familiar brown eyes were the first thing you saw, and you froze in your steps, your heart climbing up to your throat in seconds.

Sunghoon’s soft gaze found you and his lips parted, then fell shut when they wandered to spot the man behind you. His gaze hardened instantly like a brick wall, jaw tightening as he looked back at you. He inspected you, noticing your tinted cheeks and swollen eyes, and his fist clenched.

You eyed him anxiously, shaking your head slightly so he would take the hint. You desperately wanted to keep him away; kissing him didn’t mean he was the one responsible for your mess. He watched your trembling gaze.

You didn’t know when exactly Heeseung caught up to you. In a flash, he zoomed past you and pounced forward, flinging his fist at Sunghoon, causing him to stumble back. You gasped as you hastened close, your heart plummeting when you saw red liquid oozing from his busted lip.

“She was with you.” Your eyes widened in alarm.

Heeseung abruptly grabbed onto his collars, the top few buttons ripping apart as he shoved Sunghoon to the nearby wall, cornering him.

“It’s you, isn’t it?” He exploded, and your heart raced.

You couldn’t read Sunghoon’s expressions; he simply stared with an arched brow. For someone who had just been attacked, Sunghoon appeared harrowingly calm, and it made you antsy because it resembled the quiet before a storm. You stepped towards the two, your heart thudding against your chest.

“No, get off him!” You shrieked with widened eyes at Heeseung.

At the sound of your voice, Sunghoon instantly looked your way, and you shivered as you noticed his stare warm up. Even as he was held down by your boyfriend, he managed to look you in the eyes as if you two were lovebirds strolling in a park on your first date. Your heart stuttered.

Heeseung, without warning, landed another blow, and this time, the impact almost made Sunghoon lose balance. You gasped, your lips trembling in horror.

Heeseung’s body was tight, his face red and angry with a darkened gaze as he slammed Sunghoon harder against the wall. You stared in disbelief as Sunghoon stood rigid like a punching bag, allowing Heeseung to unleash his aggression; the man was taller with a greater build and if he wanted, he could tackle Heeseung to the ground in a heartbeat. Yet he didn’t so much as push him away.

You couldn’t watch him take the beating anymore, so you jumped close, grabbing onto Heeseung’s clenched fist. It didn’t do much: you were like a stray kitten pushing against a furious carnivore with feeble hands. It did, however, evoke his irritation, and he scowled, grabbing onto your wrist.

“He’s had his eyes on you since day one. My fucking girlfriend. And you let him have you. Do you know how disgusting that makes you?” Heeseung growled, pained horror written across his face.

Your eyes grew wide in disbelief. In a fit, Heeseung was saying absolute nonsense about his friend. Your throat was closing up as tears marred your vision.

“Don’t talk to her like that,” Sunghoon snarled. You looked at him, his chest rising up and down with a stern coldness in his eyes. Hearing this, something in Heeseung flicked, and his glare burned against your flesh. 

"She is my girlfriend." He spoke of you with arrogance and held you like an inanimate doll. You couldn't believe this was the man you were dating. The Heeseung who made you feel loved and special was gone. You looked at him, searching for any signs of those memories, but all that stood before you was a shard of his remains. Your heart grieved at the realisation, and you stepped back.

"Y/n!" Heeseung grabbed your arm tighter.

Before you could register, Heeseung's grip on your wrist slackened as Sunghoon rammed him to the ground. He quickly looked over you, his body tense as his gaze traced you head to toe before halting at your bruised arms. 

His gaze shifted. You caught the fury sparking in his brown eyes, turning them into coal as his jaw tightened. You quickly edged close, grabbing his clenched fist. His breathing hitched. Your touch seemed to distract his brewing anger, and his fist eased. You hurriedly wrapped your fingers around him. 

"Please," you begged, your voice cracking as a sob clogged your throat. You didn’t want to be the cause of Sunghoon having to fight off his best friend.

His tense demeanour recoiled, and he turned to stand directly in front of you, blocking Heeseung from your sight. He sucked in a sharp breath and clasped your hand in his before rushing you towards the exit.

"Y/n, don't leave."

You heard a wail from behind. Heeseung's plea froze you in your footsteps. You knew him as prideful and arrogant. He always had his way with people, and he prioritized self-respect above it all. Hearing him break down didn't fill up the emptiness in your chest. Your uncertainty was magnified when you heard him call your name again desperately.

Sunghoon observed the hesitation in your gaze. When you didn't make a move, his hold on your hand loosened.

You eagerly tightened your grip, making him look up in surprise.

Looking ahead, you walked on, departing from the hall.

You walked till you were out of the university, garnering estranged looks from onlookers, some of Heeseung's friends, and some of yours, but you did not let go of Sunghoon. If Sunghoon had a problem letting the world see you both hand-in-hand, he did not make it known, following along wordlessly. You took him to the bus stop and sat on the bench with your heart full.

It was early in the morning, so you could hear the faint chirping of the birds and teenagers humming on their bicycles as they rode to school. Across the street, a vendor arranged their raw ingredients, prepping large batches for what seemed like pancakes while sipping his coffee.

"You okay?" His voice was like that sip of coffee, warm down your tongue. You shifted. His fair visage glowed like the sun, and his gaze resembled the brown of the pancakes.

You nodded in response.

"Why did you just stand there and let him hurt you?" You protested, your chest tight as you spotted the pool of dried blood on his lower lip and a purplish bruise forming on his cheek.

Instinctually, your free hand brushed against his cheek, caressing the bruised skin.

"Because I owed him that." Sunghoon's response caught your attention, and you stared into his vulnerable eyes.

"I am sorry Sunghoon," you finally expressed; the difference was, this time, you actually meant it.

His warm gaze turned cold, and he tore his hand from yours in retaliation. 

"If this is about yesterday..." He hissed bitterly.

You quickly reached for his hand, shaking your head. 

"I am sorry because I lied to Heeseung about sleeping with you," You interrupted, your gaze quivering in shame as your cheeks reddened.

Sunghoon's hand eased in yours.

"I ruined your friendship with him." Sunghoon surveyed your expression wordlessly, and then let go of your hand.

"You ruined nothing," he rasped, his breathing uneven as he fiddled with the ring on his index finger. "We drifted apart when he became closer to the senior frat boys. We just never brought it up because it was easier to ignore than risk losing each other permanently," Sunghoon muttered uncomfortably. 

He glanced at you, his lips tight in a thin line. "It solidified when you started dating him," he remarked, and you raised a brow, confused. 

"I remember that day he walked in with a damn smirk and introduced you as his girlfriend. Since then, we haven’t been the same."

"What do you mean?"

Sunghoon's sharp intake of breath made your head dizzy.

"He knew I liked you."

The moment was so silent, yet you still imagined mishearing him. Your heart struck against your chest like a time bomb as you eyed him in disbelief. Sunghoon avoided your gaze, tapping his fingers against his knee like a shy teenager. Your lips almost twisted into a smile, but you contained it as you didn't want to embarrass him.

"But... we met the first time when he introduced us," you muttered, thinking back to the party when you were first spellbound by his presence.

Sunghoon raised his head, watching you with innocent, round eyes. "We share psychology," he said in a matter-of-fact tone, and you stared dumbfounded.

Goosebumps awakened on your skin. You two did share the same course but never shared a word. You did know him; it was hard to miss such a perfect face in the crowd. You noticed him sit in the back with his friends, but after you two were acquainted through Heeseung, Sunghoon sat nearer to the front row, a few seats away from you. It all seemed like a coincidence or an attempt at friendship, but you never imagined this.

"Y/n." His call pulled you out of your trance. 

"I pushed you away yesterday, not because I didn't want you." He cupped your cheeks, his voice trembling. "I didn't want to use your hate for Heeseung to fulfil my desire."

Your eyes pooled with love. You wished you could tell him how much his care and concern comforted you, and all this time, you unknowingly liked him back. There were a lot of things to resolve, yet you could only think of one.

"Sunghoon, can I kiss you?" You breathed.

His breathing halted. His pale skin lighted up a bright red as he stared at you with wide eyes.

You edged close, resting your forehead on his as you brushed your thumb against the scar on his lip. 

"Not to spite Heeseung-not because I am angry- but because I want you," you completed, choking up as your face grew warmer.

His gaze melted. "Kiss me."

You pushed your lips against him, and he reciprocated instantly. As his mouth caressed yours, his scar grazed your lip, and you moaned into his mouth, the rough sensation sending shivers down your spine; the sound ignited an urgency in his kiss, and he desperately cupped the back of your head, angling his mouth deeper into yours. You were so caught up when it finally hit you that you were in open surroundings. Your hand travelled to his neck, and you pushed at it, earning an impulsive groan of protest. You managed to pull back, and he stared at you with dazed eyes and a puffing chest.

You looked away bashfully, hoping no one caught that.

No one but the young man at the vendor caught your eye.

"The couple set is perfect for a breakfast date!" The vendor chimed, his gaze dancing between the two with amusement.

Red-faced, you looked at Sunghoon, who was staring ahead, smiling like an idiot. 

He met your eyes and chuckled with a handsome grin on his lips. 

"Pancakes?"

a/n: sorry this took too long <3

tag list: @beomgyusonlywife @gigiramirezsblog @usedto-me @jjongsaengwife

[levicanpunchme]

TEXT AU

prompt: enha hyung line reacting to y/n saying “we need a break”

warning: profanity

[levicanpunchme]

Enhypen: [Sunghoon X y/n]

Genre: Teen Romance/fluff

Prompt: Unrequited love can be an absolute misery especially if it’s first love. Y/N knows that all too well, but she can’t help herself falling for her classmate, the popular figure skater, Park Sunghoon. How do things play out when everyone mistakes her childhood best friend, Ma Ri to be in love with Sunghoon? Will this misunderstanding fuel the truth to the light?

My First Requited Love

“I want to keep liking him, so I won't confess."

The platform buzzed with students yelling and chattering about various things in their flashy cliques whilst waiting for the metro to arrive. The minutes were long and tiresome as the sun sat atop our heads, dispelling immense heat and draining the last bits of our energy.

It was yet another day. Ma Ri and I were using the metro this week since the car broke down again yesterday, and we had no means of transport. The metro zoomed past us in a flash and halted. The gates then swung open. The subway arrived empty with some leftover passengers; however, chaos ensued once the army of impatient and famished brats threw themselves into the carriages. It was no less than a battle, making it inside while holding onto your bag and dignity along the way.

"Why?" Ma Ri pouted, her frown deepening as she noticed my disagreement.

“Because it’s all gonna be over then,” I muttered against her ear, holding onto the pole for dear life as students poured inside, pushing past us. As the sea of shoulders and elbows shoved past her, Ma Ri circled her arms around the pole tighter.

“What’s gonna be over when you refuse to start anything?" She hissed louder than I liked, probably due to the human tug-of-war situation simultaneous to our heated discussion. I passed her a look of discomfort.

"If I tell him and he responds negatively, I will have no choice but to stop liking him,” I muttered, feeling my throat tighten, and she looked up at me with a wave of sadness in her eyes.

“Come on. You are stunning, bright, endearing and passionate. He will like you,” my friend detailed, and I giggled at her sweet compliments.

“If only men were as reasonable as women,” I remarked, and Ma Ri rolled her eyes.

“If he isn’t then you’re better off anyway. Come on y/n, what do you even like so much about that Park Sunghoon?” Her words triggered a flow of memories. What do I like about Park Sunghoon? It was a blur.

I wasn’t always head over heels in love with him. I didn’t even know his name until tenth grade when he became the class president. He was quite tall, so he was made to stand at the back during assembly lineups (tall tier), whereas my growth hormones had yet to sprout. I was always two students away from the front (short tier). I recalled a significant memory from our morning assembly when I turned to look for Ma Ri. The long line of students deflated my energy. Dispiritedly, I looked at the end of the queue where I saw him: the tallest one at the back, under the beaming sunlight, sand-brown eyes seeping into my skin. My cheeks grew warm. It was not the sun. It was Sunghoon.

Ma Ri found out about my crush and excitedly recommended I smuggled information from her older brother, Jake, Sunghoon's close friend from nursery.

Sunghoon was a promising student but more famously known as an athlete. He was a talented figure skater. His programmes were heavily publicised in our school, so I dragged my parents to watch one of his events conducted in Seoul's largest ice skating rink; they thought I wanted to become a skater myself and grew worried. I was the last person to choose a high-intensity sport as my career path, which was true, but I left them wondering.

Under the vast sky, Sunghoon shined brighter than the stars as he ran on ice like it were his very home. He glided and danced, making the world stop and stare. After the performance, I was dazed for quite a while.

Sunghoon was always in the spotlight, but he didn't seem to enjoy it. He kept to himself and only had a few chosen friends. People gravitated towards him, impressed by his charming smile; however, he only spent time with Jay from the other section. No one knew much about his private.

Soon my diary was filled with notes of his presence.

The problem arose when I realised we were graduating high school this year, which ultimately meant moving on. I was not ready to say goodbye to this man.

“God, one of us needs to get a cycle. The subway will trample me," Ma Ri’s grieved tone interrupted my train of thought, frowning at the bulky guy who stood behind her with his sweaty armpits in the air. I pulled her close. “Thirty-five kilometres on cycle?" Throwing a sarcastic glare, I prayed our station would magically arrive sooner.

Ma Ri and I decided to leave early in the morning, so the ride to school was a pleasing experience. We reached the school premises thirty minutes early and decided to get breakfast.

“Jake has been suspicious these days about my constant interest in Sunghoon," Ma Ri grumbled, and I almost spilt the can of iced tea.

“What did you say?” I gasped. It was a surprise Jake hadn’t caught onto the strange questioning already but knowing Jake, he probably didn’t care enough to wonder.

“I just told him I wish to get into figure skating, and Sunghoon is my role model,” Ma Ri muttered defeatedly, and I couldn’t control my laughter. Ma Ri and I were the least likely to participate in sports.

“Laugh all you want. It won’t be funny when I tell him what’s really up,” she threatened with a smirk.

My laughter died down immediately. “You won’t dare!” I yelled.

From the corner of my eyes, I noticed two tall men entering the cafeteria. My heart palpitated, noticing his familiar dark hair. Sunghoon walked inside, his shirt neatly buttoned and blazer resting at the back of his shoulder, hanging on by a finger. He chuckled at something his friend Jay said, then his gaze wandered and found mine.

His eyes grew a little as he registered my presence. My heart dropped low into my stomach, his gaze making every hair on my body stand. The words flowing out of Ma Ri’s mouth grew foreign as I tuned out every other stimulus except him. He gazed at us for a moment before approaching the counter.

“Two chicken sandwiches and a lemon iced tea.” His morning voice was brittle, liberating ecstatic butterflies in my stomach. The iced tea suddenly had more meaning. I held it closer to my chest and chugged it down.

“You’re so ridiculous,” Ma Ri’s shrill voice interrupted my hurling emotions, and I sat up attentively.

“Shut it.” I glanced up, only to find him seated on the table before us. He sat, facing me, and his friend had his back to us. I suddenly felt cautious and looked away, fidgeting with the empty can.

“Why’s he here early?” I mumbled, trying to find an excuse to not meet his gaze again.

Ma Ri tugged at her lower lip. “I’m not sure. Maybe he has practice?” She replied hesitantly.

Then another guy came jogging inside. I looked up, and my jaw almost dropped. “Ma Ri…” I drawled, and she curiously looked behind.

Her eyes grew double their size.

Jake in our campus?

Ma Ri and I exchanged a confused frown.

“Sunghoon, I’m here, mate,” Jake announced excitedly, and Sunghoon expectantly stood up to hug the blonde man.

“You’ve got some nerve showing up half an hour late with that stupid smile,” Sunghoon glared, and his pink lips tugged into a charming smile.

“Bro, I ran from school to take the metro," he claimed. His loose tie, undone laces and messy hair were proof of his insistence.

“Jake, what’re you doing here?” I didn’t realise when Ma Ri had thrown back her chair and walked up to Jake pointedly. His eyes seemed to lighten up as he noticed his sister.

“Thank god you are here. I thought I’d have to search the entire campus. Oh, hi, y/n,” Jake greeted, his kind smile growing wider. “Thank you for accompanying Ma Ri at the metro." He rubbed the back of his neck, grinning my way.

I quickly got up, matching Ma Ri’s steps. "Oh, not a problem. I have to take the metro anyways since the car is acting up," I responded. I noticed Sunghoon and Jay pass each other a look before they looked back at us blankly.

“Jake, you haven’t answered. Why’re you at my school?" Ma Ri questioned, her brows furrowing with curiosity.

"To introduce the two of you," Jake chimed and motioned his hands towards Sunghoon and Ma Ri. "She has many questions about your lifestyle because she suddenly wishes to get into figure skating even though I have never seen an ounce of athleticism from her. I don’t know why she can't just approach you, but assuming she feels threatened by your popularity, I humbly request you to please befriend her.”

Silence.

The next few moments were the slowest moments of my life. I felt the thunderous waves of fury radiating from Ma Ri. Sunghoon stared at the siblings dumbfounded while the third friend, Jay, laughed like a maniac. The humiliation of the encounter struck hard as Ma Ri almost tumbled Jake to the ground, and his screams reverberated throughout the cafeteria. I attempted to pull Ma Ri off as Sunghoon rushed to help up a traumatised Jake.

“You’re dead meat when I get home!” Ma Ri rattled, and Jake almost punched her in the face.

“You like him so just tell him and stop bothering me! Sunghoon this Sunghoon that- he will give you all your answers!” Jake, the smug bastard, gave her a tangy smile whilst Ma Ri swore to rip his head off.

“Excuse us,” I quickly spat and hurriedly pulled Ma Ri out of the cafeteria after a million more insults were thrown both ways.

“Do you believe this guy is my brother? He’s so stupid! I can’t believe he said that shit right in front of Sunghoon,” Ma Ri sprang to fight, but I held her down, hugging her chest.

“Stop!” I yelped, holding onto her. When she finally calmed down, I let go and sat her down on the bench next to the water cooler.

Both of us remained quiet for a while. Tension seized my chest as I tried to ease my frantic thoughts. Jake’s words lingered in my head. I tried to imagine Sunghoon’s reaction. For now, he seemed taken aback. What if he believed those words and assumed Ma Ri liked him? Would he like her back?

It took me months to even look him in the eyes. When we passed by in the hallway, those bashful glances felt like they would appease me for a lifetime. At the moment, though, I imagined him thinking of my friend, and my chest tightened. Those glances could not possibly last me a lifetime.

"He won't think of me that way. I will explain it to him," Ma Ri mumbled, her eyes drenched with guilt. I felt my eyes burn. Ma Ri was stunning, uplifting and passionate. If Sunghoon didn't like her, he would be a fool.

“Ma Ri.” I wrapped my hands around hers, and my throat tightened as tears marred my vision.

"You don’t need to clarify anything."

Maybe this was a wake-up call. I had believed one day I would have enough courage to meet his eyes and confess my heart, but I never could. Sunghoon would always only be a name in my diary.

“Y/n…”

I smiled tightly and rubbed my palm against hers reassuringly.

"It doesn’t matter, Ma Ri."

I got up quickly, blinking away the tears, and Ma Ri followed suit, frowning deeply with a hesitant glance. Just then, the trio walked out of the cafeteria. Habitually, my eyes found him before anyone. Sunghoon had a strange look on his face, his lips downturned and gaze distracted. He almost looked angry.

When he noticed us, he paused. I expected him to look for Ma Ri, but his gaze spotted me like the north of a compass. I felt a weird surge of emotions in my chest like blusterous waves crashing against the shore.

I forced myself to look away. Jake carried a sour expression, his smile tight, and I deliberated whether to feel curious about their secret discussion. Jay, the only normal one, waddled beside them, running fingers through his slick hair as he stared at us with a suspicious smirk.

"Time for class," I squealed, a little too excitedly and ran away with Ma Ri chasing behind.

My day was spent overthinking. The lectures went over my head because of the morning affair, not to mention the stares passed my way from Sunghoon. He was two rows away, but I felt his presence overwhelm my cognition. I didn’t understand why he kept looking my way when Jake had seemingly exposed Ma Ri and not me.

Ma Ri also spent half the day passing sweet smiles. I felt a tinge of guilt for getting her involved in this mess, so I smiled back brightly and hoped she would forgive me. She attempted to talk about the issue and even brought up confessing to Sunghoon, but I shut her requests down.

Truth be told, I was afraid. If Sunghoon believed Ma Ri liked him, he might compare me with my best friend. I wasn't exceptionally pretty like Ma Ri. They probably complemented each other better. I would rather never be an option to begin with than become a source of discomfort.

By the end of the day, I was mentally drained. I grabbed my bag and pushed against the door to look around for Ma Ri. She had left for the locker room to get her novel. I waited for a couple of minutes and then decided to find her. I walked down the hallway and pushed the door open.

I froze against the open door. My lips parted as if to speak, but I couldn’t even feel myself breathing. The strange tension in my chest seemed to unwind, and my heart plummeted like a sinking ship. Ma Ri stood against her locker, gazing up at Sunghoon.

As a wide-eyed Ma Ri noticed my intrusion, she quickly called out to me. Sunghoon turned in a flash with furrowed brows. His gaze tensed, and he stepped away, his eyes burning into my soul. He opened his mouth to say something but decided against it.

Seeing the taller two gazing at one another felt like they were out of a rom-com. They were the picture-perfect couple. My world was discombobulating. If I stayed there any longer, I would bawl right before them.

"I’ll go alone today.”

I turned on my heel and dashed away.

I heard my name. It wasn't Ma Ri. It was Sunghoon's gravelly voice calling out to me. I heard a slight commotion, but my emotions drove me farther from the two. I didn't want assurance or sympathy. I wanted to get myself together before my heart really broke.

I didn’t stop even after I safely made it out of the school’s premises. My body craved insurgence, breaking out of its cage to run till I felt the anxiety break off like autumn leaves. I ran downtown and stopped once I was standing at the metro station. Students were scattered around in groups, awaiting the subway.

I heaved as I leaned against a magazine stall, desperately gulping down air. Closing my eyes, I felt my head throb with tension. I smoothed my fingers against my temple. Soon the wind felt cool against my skin. A few moments flaunted by when the sudden zoom of the subway boomed inside the premises. Alert, I stood upright and rushed to step closer to the door.

The students beside me were more passionate. A few shoves drove me back, and I pressed my lips tight unimpressed. As the doors opened wide, bunch of students jumped inside, along with some feistier ones from behind me. I clutched onto my bag and trudged forward, hoping I wouldn’t get pushed back by the sea of men.

I managed to land inside, but the next challenge was to find balance and avoid tall men. It proved harder than I expected as I was sandwiched between a bulky man with his back against my chest and the other end of the train. I couldn’t breathe, let alone stand. I tried pushing him forward, but that only triggered the traffic to lean back. I felt like I’d get trampled.

The wind was knocked out of me when suddenly someone grabbed my wrist and yanked me to the far right, towards a pole. I gasped as the person pressed flat against my back heaved, and the rumbles vibrated against my frame. I was ready to scream murder at this stranger when I jerked around.

My jaw dropped.

Park Sunghoon?

Every cell in my body seemed to grow cold. The world shifted, and my vision grew hazy. Why was Sunghoon here?

He gave me a stern look and then a slight nod as if reassuring me of his presence. I felt my heartbeat escalate, so I turned back around, facing the pole. Through the mirrored windows, I inspected his features. He was heaving against my frame, so he probably ran like a lunatic to catch up to me. His tie was limp around the neck, and his hair was a mess with sweat dripping down the strands like water droplets. His eyes were cold like ice. I had only seen them shine on the rink.

He caught my gaze, and something in his orbs flicked. He suddenly shifted closer. He grabbed my hand, and I almost winced at the sudden warmth of his skin. He secured mine on the pole with his fingers lingering. The chill of the metal and the contrasting warmth of his fingers made me think this was an illusion.

He protectively guided the other arm around me so no elbows brushed my arm. He inspected my surroundings, and when he felt at ease, he sighed deeply against my neck.

I shivered inwardly.

“You’re not riding this alone again,” he spat with a quirked brow.

I gulped and nodded reluctantly.

“Why’re you here?” I asked, and he pretended to hear nothing, avoiding my eyes.

“Sunghoon.” I frowned.

His eyes met mine instantly. His lips twisted into a lopsided smile. “You don’t call me by my name often,”

“What do I call you?” I mumbled, pondering upon his words.

“Class rep. It got annoying after grade ten.”

I turned around at light’s speed, catching him off guard. His playful smile dropped, and he quickly edged closer, drawing his arms around my waist, leaving no space for bystanders. I stared, trying to figure him out.

“Did you even know my name back then?” I mumbled into his chest as he was way taller.

His lips tightened, and he stared at me with a strange intensity. Then he widened the space occupied by his legs, covering my body with his and brushed a strand of hair from my eyes.

“I’ve known your name since you arrived at my class.”

What?

My lips parted in disbelief. He surveyed my bewildered expression and chuckled like he had just told me a silly pun.

When I arrived at his class.

So… when we were in middle school?

Grade 8.

A station arrived, and Sunghoon grabbed my hand. The doors flew open and as some people started exiting, Sunghoon pulled me along.

“This isn’t my-”

“I know.” He shrugged, dragging me through the unknown station.

My surroundings were a blur since my brain had stopped working. He knew my name in grade eight. He had noticed me when I wouldn’t have been able to point out if this guy was even a student in my class.

What did any of this mean?

Why was my heart fluttering like I was cascading down a cloud nine?

We ran through the alley, climbed stairs, and then headed out into the sunshine. I thought he’d finally settle down and explain the chaos; however, Sunghoon released a short breath, his gaze wandering from left to right. Deciding which path to take, he ran left while holding onto my arm. I tried matching his speed, but my legs weren’t as long. My steps faltered, struggling to keep up.

He noticed my struggle, and his strides shortened. Soon he had slowed down completely, downgrading to a walk.

I sighed in relief, slowing my pace with him. I was currently panting, fanning my red face to cool down. It was embarrassing because even though we had run the same distance, Sunghoon was breathing just fine whilst onlookers might mistake my gasps for running a marathon.

Sunghoon’s chuckle was fuel to fire, and I withheld the urge to roll my eyes. “Everyone isn't blessed with long legs,” I gritted every syllable.

An innocent smile deluded his lips as he twisted the ring on his index finger with his thumb. “I know. You were always at the front during assembly,” he reminisced.

“And you were always at the back,” I added.

He looked up, stopping in his tracks. His playful smile had dropped. His eyes carried a glint of longing like he was lost in a haze. Vrooms and beeps surrounding us dulled as I felt my heart thump hard. He edged close, his breathing heavy.

“That distance irritated me.”

It was barely a whisper, yet I heard him as clearly as the beating of my heart. Despite my widened eyes, parted lips and taut frame, he still decided to step closer. His arm circled my waist, pulling me into him, and he rested his forehead against mine. The scent of clean soap morphed with a luxurious cologne overpowered my senses, and it took me a minute to register our close proximity. The contact invoked a deep fire in my abdomen, and my heart thudded so hard against my chest that I was sure he could hear the rumbles.

“I want to make it clear. I was with Ma Ri to tell her I like you.” He sucked in a breath. “I couldn’t tell you in grade nine, ten or eleven. I couldn’t have told you now either if I didn’t find out about Jake’s crush on you,” he rasped, screwing his eyes shut in frustration.

My world was spinning.

Park Sunghoon had a crush on me back in middle school? Wait, he has a crush on me. My heart was pounding to the extent I feared it would tear out of my chest and land in his palms.

Wait… Jake?

My lips parted in confusion.

 Sunghoon spoke up again. “When Jake told me, it was like the world screaming at me to get it together and hold onto you,” his ragged breaths fell against my mouth, making my insides quiver. "Jay told me girls like leaders, so I became the class president. I advertised my ice skating events at school to catch your attention and didn't sleep all night after seeing you in the audience. I even dragged Jay to the library because you liked spending lunchtime there. When I discovered Jake's sister was your friend, I visited him more often for soccer despite my hatred for the sport- hoping to catch a glimpse of you. On our trip to Icheon, I noticed your obsession with red velvet cakes, so I got one for your birthday last year only to share it with my sister. You drink iced tea, so I started to get it myself. It used to taste bitter, but I can’t start my day without it anymore."

My heart was in my throat, my mouth agape as I registered his words and their meanings. It was true; I noticed Sunghoon after he became class president. Ice skating adverts were posted on the school noticeboard, and knowing that he was a participant encouraged me to go. I once visited Ma Ri's place at the weekend to learn how to crotchet where I encountered Sunghoon in the kitchen, getting juice for himself. I had instantly thought of it as fate and began visiting her place more often for numerous excuses. I did love red velvet cakes and iced tea. The fact that Sunghoon knew simple details about me made my heart relish and throb. My eyes stung. The one person I liked throughout school and college was confessing to me. I had thought of him as an unrequited love, but we were always in harmony. My feet quivered as I brought my hands to cup his jaw. His gaze widened at the soft contact.

"I would beg Ma Ri to ask Jake for your favourite colour, hobbies and future career options, which made him think Ma Ri liked you," I confessed, and his eyes widened in disbelief.

"I bought my first skating gear last year, wishing someday to wear them by your side. You were textbook smart, so I got Ma Ri to tutor me before grade ten exams because I didn't want to look stupid, ranking in the lower tier. I know you like macrons, so I baked them for your birthday last year and intentionally left them at Ma Ri's because Jake had planned a birthday party for you, which meant you would definitely try them."

With every word passing my mouth, his face grew hotter and his eyes wider. He was visibly baffled, just like me. He parted his lips and shut them, feeling at a loss for words. The silence cradled my heart and ate at my insides. Then something in his gaze flicked; the shock had subsided, replaced with a dark, rapturous fire.

Suddenly, he was tugging me into his embrace, his nose rubbing against mine like we were one. His tall frame towered mine as he stared into my eyes, then my lips like a starved beast finally eyeing its first bite. The world around me melted when his red lips finally captured mine, and he released a short breath of relief. His lips were smooth, like candy floss, but not as overly sweet. He pecked mine gently at first, but then a frustrated groan escaped his mouth, and he sucked my lips into his, parting them to kiss deeper. His scent and taste drove my senses haywire, and I wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling my knees fall weak. 

Amid the kiss, a smile aligned his lips, and I parted, feeling my head in the clouds. "You liked me in grade ten?" His words were hushed as if saying them aloud might make them untrue. I bashfully looked away.

"By the way, you make amazing macrons," he mumbled, and my heart felt so full, I dreaded it would burst. He placed his hand under my chin and brought it up to meet his eyes. A warm breath escaped him as if he had been holding it in forever, maybe since the day he liked me, and he covered his mouth with mine desperately.

The kiss told me this was the beginning of something beautiful, my first requited love.

When I reached home, many messages awaited me.

Maria<3

Thus proved: my best friend can never have an unrequited love story because she is the most gorgeous person ever.

PS: don’t worry about Jake. He will get over it when he sees you thriving with Sunghoon. <33

PS 2: please tell Sunghoon I don’t like him. he chased after you before I could explain anything :/

PS 3:  if he makes you cry, I will hurt his entire family.

[levicanpunchme]

bf! enhypen texts!!!

PAIRING enhypen x reader GENRE crack! Text fluff established relationships WARNING period is mentioned

[levicanpunchme]

Freeze! ✧ ─=≡Σ((( つ•̀ω•́)つ You’re under arrest for being so lovely. Copy this message to 10 other blogs that you think are beautiful and deserve it. Keep the game going and make others feel beautiful!! 💜

THIS IS SO SWEET AHAHSGAJ OMG😭😭❤️❤️

[levicanpunchme]

M A S T E R L I S T

I only write for AOT currently.

Requests are welcomed.

I do not write smuts.

🄻🄴🅅🄸 🄰🄲🄺🄴🅁🄼🄰🄽

Humanity’s Strongest

Romance/Angst/Fluff

Captain

Romance/Fluff/Humor

Movie Night Gone Right

Romance/Fluff/Humor

Sharing Your Exhaustion

Romance/Angst/Fluff

Lucky To Be Alive

Romance/Fluff/Angst (kinda)

Mine

Romance/Fluff/PG-Rated

Agony P1 | Agony P2

Romance/Angst/Fluff

Midnight

Romance/Fluff/Angst (kinda)

🄴🅁🄴🄽 🅈🄴🄰🄶🄴🅁

Soulless

Romance/Angst(Heavy)/Fluff

[levicanpunchme]

Levi X Y/N

Genre: Romance/angst (kinda)

Prompt: You usually sit alone admiring the midnight view but one miraculous night, your sleep deprived Captain, Levi, finds himself drawn to you.

Warning: None. Pure fluff

Midnight

Rich navy blanketed the sky, accompanied by a layer of glimmering stars filling its emptiness. Darkness of the night spread throughout; however, it wasn’t gloomy. The darkness was serene, like an ally to a lonely soul. Once in a while, the dots flickered, reminding you of their hopeful presence. Beneath the majestic sky, streamed a riveting river, gleaming under the silver moonlight. You could hear the soft singing of the wind as it coursed through the waves and rustled against the oak trees.

Reclined against one tall tree, you stared at the midnight’s beauty. After intensive training, the sight seemed to soak up your exhaustion. The surrounding blue and green trees canopied against the river made your head calmer and lightweight, as if you were floating in thin air, towards a fated destination.

You were admiring the scenic view when suddenly you heard shuffling from somewhere around. You paused, your ears perking up- a skill you had acquired from picking up onto oncoming titans. You clearly heard distant rustling of leaves as if someone was crudely stepping upon them, determinedly marching their way through the grove. You turned to inspect the area, irritated upon the unexpected intrusion. You didn’t want anyone to find you right now.

You caught sight of a shadow appearing from behind the trees to your east. It drew closer as the sound of brittle leaves crushed against some boots became clearer. Then, your eyes fell upon the intruder.

His moonlit gaze narrowed as they met yours. His slender frame eased itself out of the ample trees, exposing himself as he stepped onto the rugged land. If you had been annoyed at the intruder for interrupting your time, you had now forgotten all about it, your mouth parting in fascination as you watched the familiar man standing before you.

Captain Levi.

Your clenched fists relaxed.

He surveyed you for a moment and then walked directly towards you, his gaze trained on you. Was it his intention to pay you a visit? You jerked up, suddenly too aware of your lethargic pose, collecting your knees more respectfully to face the stern captain.

He stopped a step away, his head lowered.

“Captain, what is the matter?” You eagerly questioned, assuming he had work related issues to be looking for you in the middle of the night.

He didn’t respond. Instead, he swiftly moved to sit beside you. You caught sight of his abdominal muscles clench, prominent against his white buttoned shirt, as he sat down against the tree. His back pressed against the wooden trunk as he shifted to a more comfortable position, one leg bending up and the other laying flat against the ground-which also showed off his leg muscles through black pants.

You quickly averted your gaze, ashamed for noticing such peculiar details about this man. You didn’t want to admit it, but somewhere deep inside your chest, you knew he made you flustered.

“Captain Levi?” You mumbled, questioning his motives.

From spending years training beside him, you knew Levi Ackerman was a man with purpose. Every action of his carried meaning-which was also why his leadership skills were unrivalled. The squad blindly followed his plan because in hindsight, everything he did proved effective.

“I’m bored.”

What?

Your brain relapsed, attempting to reevaluate his words. Your eyes narrowed suspiciously to understand the meaning behind them. Dumbfounded, you could only ask again.

“What?” You voiced out and you realised you sounded more stupid than in your head.

He turned to look at you, his crescent shaped eyes blank, filled with disinterest. “I am bored,” he reemphasised, louder than before, maybe to further embarrass you.

“Okay…” you surrendered.

You wanted to ask more. What did he mean by ‘I’m bored’? Why was he here to tell you about his boredom? How did he even find you? You had so many questions, but your panicked nerves overpowered the impending curiosity.

Unintentionally, you began drawing small circles against your wrist with the pad of your thumb as you tried to look away from the captain. The blue skies and streams were supposed to be your focus of attention but for some reason, you couldn’t go back to admiring them. It was like his presence obstructed your train of thought, making you feel like a feeble girl with a foolish mind instead of a viciously-trained titan killer. He had that effect of standing out, blurring out the whole world.

“Why’re you nervous?” He rasped, his gaze growing softer as he stared into your pair of eyes.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, unsure what gave it away. You weren’t exactly like an open book, easy to read; instead, many claimed you were a difficult person, reserved and disconsolate.

As if he read your mind, he spoke up. “Those circles you keep drawing give it away.” Your breathing deterred as his hand suddenly grabbed your clenched wrist. Wide eyed, your skin reddened upon his touch as if it scalded your flesh.

You wriggled your hand free, dropping it to your lap. “How- do you know that?” You mumbled, surveying the warmth in his eyes.

His peach lips were pressed in a thin line, as if he was thinking about his response carefully. It seemed to take him a moment before he answered. “As a Captain, I have to pay attention.”

Right.

You didn’t want to admit it but you couldn’t ignore the pang of disappointment course through your veins upon hearing his reason. You were hoping that maybe- he remembered such an insignificant habit just because it was yours. How stupid of you to assume that?

It was just good captaincy.

“Why do you sit around here every night?”

Catching you off guard yet again, your lips parted in surprise. He kept on pushing you to an edge and you were afraid of breaking down your walls to show him your true feelings. If he kept on saying things, you would most likely combust.

“Captain, I wasn’t aware you paid such close attention to everyone around you,” you huffed, but immediately regretted it as the words had come out harsher than you had expected. You didn’t want him to know the impact he had over you.

“I mean- how do you know about this place?” You quickly asked, glossing over the anger in your tone from a moment ago.

He turned to look at you, his teeth grazing his lips. “I don’t have much to do at night so I tend to walk around.” His eyes were like steel, cold and inexpressive like he was hiding his real self.

“What, do you not sleep?” You laughed, unsure of what he meant. Your laugher died down soon enough as you watched his firm gaze unchanging.

He was silently agreeing.

Your mouth ran dry. How had you not noticed it before? Now that you briefly mentioned it, you realised the grogginess of his tone. His eyes were wet, stinging as if he had rubbed them several times and blue lines of exhaustion carved down his pale skin.

How long had this been going on?

How did he function flawlessly throughout the training sessions? He had never let himself slip.

Your chest felt congested, throat tightening with concern for the captain. Clearly, he hadn’t slept a wink in a while and you had no fucking clue.

“Since when have you not slept?” Your voice was laced with fury. You maintained eye contact, staring into the depths, searching for his worn out soul.

As if breaking a trance, he looked away at the river.

“You know there used to be double the amount of trees, older than both of us, around the river.”

You stared back, dumbfounded.

River? Trees? What was he saying?

“Some were cut down for timber, some for infrastructure and some to enhance the land’s beauty- bullshit reasons like that,” he rasped, eyeing the landscape with darkness embedded in his irises.

Blatant frustration kept building inside your chest as you watched him ignore the elephant in the room. Why was he talking about the goddamn trees? “That’s not the answer to my question,” you spat acrimoniously, glaring at him.

Your words went unheard. “Now we complain about deforestation and its long-term effects. We self destruct and then seek resolutions. Aren’t humans one of a kind?” He continued like a broken record, chuckling bitterly.

“If you don’t think I’m worthy of hearing your troubles, why exactly are you here?” You harshly cut to the chase, suddenly bold enough to put him on the spot.

His head jerked to look at you, eyes wide, exposing the redness in his sclerae. Your hands itched to reach out and forcefully shut his lids, so he could finally get some rest but you didn’t have the guts. His thin lips then curved into a lazy smile which made your heart stutter, forming a knot inside your chest. “Do you want to hear about them?” His husky voice made the knot tighten, clasping your heart.

You nodded. “I don’t have much to do either,” you quickly added.

He looked down at his fingers and you heard muffled counting. Curiously, you watched him count his fingers and mutter something incoherent, his brows furrowed as if he was concentrating deeply. Then he finally reached a conclusion, looking up with a satisfied glint in his tired eyes.

“3.4 weeks.”

“What?” You staggered.

“I haven’t slept properly in 3.4 weeks and counting.”

Your blood ran cold.

As if your body malfunctioned, coherent thoughts flew out of your mind, that moment. Your mouth parted, attempting to speak but your brain couldn’t form any sound words. You heard the pounding of your heart so clear, as if someone had tore it out of your chest and held it right next to your eardrums.

Disbelief and horror kept your heart thudding against your rib cage, wanting to break free. You were at a loss for words.

“You- you haven’t- 3 weeks?” Even when you eventually spoke, your words were still stupidly incoherent.

He chuckled. “It’s funny, isn’t it? I’ve heard it’s humanly impossible,” he rasped as if he was cracking the funniest joke. Your head felt like it was going to explode while he currently found it humorous.

“I mean- to be fair, I do think I sleep for a few minutes sometimes but…” his voice faltered, pupils darkened like the midnight sky as if he was reliving an agonising memory.

“But- what?” You breathed, desperate to know his inner turmoils.

“I hear them,” he started, his voice monotonous, awakening goosebumps over your skin. “I hear the buffering of their ODM gears as it runs out of gas and their horrified chuckles as a titan approaches their helpless body; the cracking of their bones as they aren’t quick enough when the buildings collapse; their wails for mercy as a beast ingests them, leaving not even remains of the person behind.”

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you watched the man slowly dismantle, emptying his heart off its agonising pain. As he spoke, his eyes were on you yet he seemed faraway. Pain mirrored in his irises, his emotions unstable as if he had been inside a bubbling pot of water, which heatedly rose to surface every now and then yet never fully erupted.

Your mind connected the dots. Three weeks ago, the Survey Corps had returned from the recent mission outside the walls. The number of casualties had skyrocketed since many ODM gears had malfunctioned during vital parts of the mission.

“Captain Levi,” you stuttered, heart in your throat.

He finally came back. Relief washed over your body as you watched his eyes regain color and the agonised expression dilute into a blank one.

You decided to expose your secret, so that maybe he might trust you more. “I come here every night because it relieves me to know that this sky is endlessly filled,” you told him, eyes skimming over your surroundings. “There’s clouds, stars and the moon, black, white and blue. It’s never lonely,” you muttered, fumbling with your fingers, staring at the broad sky.

The sky was your company.

“I don’t have anyone but when I come here, I feel like I have someone by my side,” you stated, your eyes gleaming as you surveyed the night.

“Look, isn’t it so lovely?” Your eyes traced the faraway glinting lights, wishing you were lucky enough to be the one shining the brightest.

You heard him inhale deeply, his breath shaky.

The following moment passed by in serene silence. None of you moved a muscle. Peaceful crashing of waves against the walls of the river prolonged in the air, making your heart rest at ease.

“It is,” you heard him whisper and you turned to face him.

You couldn’t take your eyes off him.

His chiselled features held you spellbound. You saw the reflection of the crescent moon, gleaming in his eyes, complementing his already silver orbs. For the first time, you noticed the perfect angular cut of his cheekbones, his jaw clenched as if he was putting all his attention into the task given like the determined captain everyone knew him as, who never finished something half heartedly.

This was a man who threw away his whole life, serving humanity, who lived life consumed with anguish and irreversible regrets. Levi Ackerman, the one who spent his nights wandering like a lifeless corpse, haunted by his reality. Where does one run when your demons are within your own soul?

“I wish I could take away your nightmares.” Your voice was hoarse as you spoke up.

This instantly brought Levi’s gaze towards you. A foreign emotion ignited inside his moonlike eyes and you heard him gulp. Without a warning, he scurried close and dropped his head on your lap, laying down like you were his pillow. Your body clenched, surprised at the contact. His brown hair brushed against your knees, making your body tingle. His eyes didn’t leave yours, above him. The sudden proximity felt rapturously intimate.

You were sharing a moment with the captain. Your mouth ran dry as you looked anywhere but into his eyes, knowing you were a weak-minded fool for him.

“Touch me,” he plead.

Electricity rushed through your veins. Your head felt numb like you were drunk on him. You didn’t know what exactly he meant by ‘touch me’ but you didn’t want to burst the bubble. Instead of remaining still, you moved to run your fingers through his brown hair. As soon as your fingers grazed his scalp, his eyes screwed shut, a breathy sigh escaping his lips. His impulsive reaction to your touch was so intimidatingly sinful, causing heat to spread through your entire frame.

“Your eyes remind me of the sky, so- full of color and life.” He was watching you again. His husky voice made your toes curl, your heart palpitating as you watched his lips part.

His gentle tone made you feel whole, like you were everything when you were beside him.

Short strands fell out from spaces between your fingers as you massaged your way through them. The more gentle your touch, the more he would twitch with pleasure.

“You know, there used to be more red oak trees before these green ones…” his voice deepened, becoming lower, almost inaudible. His eyes were turning hazy, growing smaller.

“I lied,” he murmured. His eyes were now shut.

“About what?” You breathed.

“-the captain bull crap.”

Your heartbeat escalated.

“I notice you. Only you-”

He interrupted himself with light snores wracking his frame. His eyes were completely shut, soft mumbles dissolving into nothingness as he finally fell into heavy slumber. Your heart was already drumming against your ribs, hearing him confess the truth and you wished he had said something more. However, Levi finally falling asleep made your heart warmer, happiness embedding in your chest.

That night, Levi slept like a baby, embracing your torso, drooling over your pants for fifteen hours straight on your stiff legs-which you didn’t dare move until he had slept all his tiredness away.

-

it would be cool to know what y’all thought of this.

ty for reading! <333

[levicanpunchme]

Visual for inspiration!

Levi falling in love with you during your first official dance? He knew he liked you enough to dance but, now? He's positively dizzy and it's not from the spinning!

god i love this idea!!!! this is SO long , but this is also probably my favorite fic i’ve ever written

Levi hated these sort of events,and he'd never understood why Erwin deemed them so important. It was just a night during which all the scouts had to gather in a room full of rich and pompous strangers who secretly hated them and trashed on their backs ; even though if they were able to be rich and pompous it was only due to the protection and the work of the scouts. To this already unpleasant experience was added the need to be dressed in clothes that made it impossible to breath, the giggling and kid behaviour of the cadets who'd never seen such richesses in one room, and,worst of all,the dances.

Levi tried as best as he could to avoid dancing ; he could count on one hand the number of time he'd done it in his whole life. The rare times where he'd had to do it where when he caught the eye of a particularly important lady who could be able to donate some money to the scouts. He'd then needed to pretend he was delighted to be this close to a stranger and that he absolutely didn't want to throw them over the nearest window to be able to stop inhaling their suffocating perfume.

Glancing around the room,not even trying to suppress the annoyed expression on his face,Levi silently hoped for the roof to fall on all of them. It'd been barely an hour since the party had started,and he was already craving the calm and silent of his office.

"Are you going to spend the night killing people with your eyes , or are you at least going to have something to drink ?" said a voice so close to Levi's ear he could almost feel it resonating in his stomach . Feeling his heartbeat highly increasing, he turned and saw Y/n,who had a broad smile on their face as they landed him a glass. He didn't even ask what it was before grasping it and taking a sip,feeling suddenly as if his mouth was unable to produce any sound.

"You've been standing in this corner of the room since it started and I haven't seen you talking to anyone." they continued,standing next to him,their shoulder almost brushing his. " It looks as if you're planning a mass murder. If you do,please,kindly avoid spreading blood all over my outfit,it cost me a fortune."

Levi shrugged,taking a quick look at Y/n's outfit at the same time. He usually found it quite weird to see his comrades wearing these types of attire ; seeing people who were covered in blood and dirt most of the time suddenly wearing dresses and suits was quite peculiar to him. But Y/n's outfit suit them so well it felt as though they'd been born wearing it,and Levi's eyes lingered on their features for a few more seconds before darting away,suddenly feeling as if the room's temperature had highly increased.

"I haven't seen you talking to anyone either, Y/n, so I don't think you can blame me for doing so." Next to him, Y/n giggled and Levi felt a sudden rush of warmth spread through his body.

They stayed silent for a while,silently enjoying each other's presence while looking around the room. Levi felt his gloomy mood lighten a bit ; he didn't find this party that depressing anymore now that he was sharing it with Y/n. The tone of the music changed a bit,changing from something energetic and joyful to something more calm,more intimate. Around them,people were gathering in pair,beginning to slowly dance around the room in this way Levi particularly hated. But,surprisingly,he thought that if Y/n asked him to dance,he'd say yes,eager to spend more time with them,eager to get closer to them. This thought made him feel ,to his surprise, flustered and he tried to hide his sudden shyness by taking a sip of his drink.

"We're the only one not dancing, Levi" said Y/n in a matter of fact tone. Levi's eyes flew over the room and he realized that they were,indeed,the only ones who were remaining still. When people passed next to them,they looked at them with a particularly outraged look,as if,by not dancing,they were violating an unspoken law.

"Care to dance ,then ?" he asked,trying to sound annoyed and holding a hand to Y/n, silently hoping it wouldn't start sweating if Y/n took it. He felt his heart beat fast against his ribcage and thought with a sudden wave of fear that it might be beating so loudly it was covering the music. Y/n smiled at him,beaming,and took his hand with an exaggerated bow. Levi felt too many emotions inside of him to even put a name on one of them.

They moved into the crowd of people,and as they did,Levi took a glance at the nearest couple to see what he needed to do. He'd never initiated a dance before,and had always been the one following his partner. He felt a sudden wave of nervousness at the idea that he might make a complete fool of himself in front of Y/n; he wasn't trying to impress them but he did want to leave them a good memory of this dance. After quickly looking around him,he placed his hand on Y/n's waist,barely applying any pressure in case the touch would disturb them. But Y/n looked completely unbothered by their sudden closeness with Levi,and was actually smiling so broadly he seriously wondered if the room was illuminated by them.

Without a word ,they started moving around the room,Levi's eyes focused on his feet,afraid he might step on Y/n and break their bones. He felt like a teen,and not like the adult and titan killer he was supposed to be ; emotions were exploding inside of him as though they'd been locked somewhere in his body for ages and had finally been able to break out of their cage. Y/n's presence always made him feel a weird type of way ,he was always acting in a very un-Levi Ackerman behaviour whenever they were together : he stuttered,blushed,felt as if his breath was being knocked of his lungs when they smiled. But tonight,he felt as if all these "symptoms" were increasing,and he seriously considered calling for a doctor and going to the nearest hospital to ask for a treatment. It was emotions too bright for him,emotions unlike anything he'd ever felt,emotions simply too good for a man with this much blood on the hands.

He finally moved his eyes from his feet to Y/n,and the sight made him feel as if his heart was doing back flips. He could only see Y/n ; first of all because he seemed unable to move his eyes away from them,but also because they were spinning so quickly over the room everything else was blurred. He unconsciously tightened his grip on their waist,while Y/n interlocked their fingers with Levi's other hand. He'd seen the world behind the walls,had experienced countless of sunrise and sunset,had seen scenes so beautiful you wished you could carry a picture of them everywhere ; but right now ,Y/n' hand in his,the rest of the world out sight and senses,he felt as if that was the most beautiful thing the world had to offer.

The warm feeling that had enveloped him grew stronger. He couldn't hear the music anymore (though he knew it was still playing because everyone else was still in motion) , but he didn't care as long as he could keep dancing with Y/n. They were in their own world,and he knew that they wouldn't even notice if titans suddenly appeared in the room and slaughtered everyone. For the first time in his life,Levi thought that magic must exist,because how else could he explain the beauty of this moment,the unreality of the person in front of him ?

A thousand thoughts crossed his mind : he wondered why he'd disliked dancing so much because it was currently the best experience he'd ever had, he thought he deeply wanted to kiss Y/n,and he thought he might die if he saw them dancing with anyone else.He took a step closer to them,and they were now so close to each other he could feel their breath on his cheek. He wondered if the sound he was hearing was his heart or Y/n's , but after a while he realised he didn't care and just focused himself on Y/n. Their eyes were locked; and at once he knew he wouldn’t be able to look away even if he wanted to. A strand of Y/n's hair fell over one of their eye,and,without thinking,Levi pushed it back,feeling shivers through his body as his fingers brushed against Y/n's forehead. He stared at them and they stared back, and for the first time in his life Levi felt really seen,and felt as if he was really seeing someone.

They'd stopped dancing now,simply standing there,staring at each other,breathing heavily. Around them,people were going back to their occupations ; some were still dancing,some were talking or looking for someone or something. Levi wondered if he hadn't just daydreamed this whole thing , but Y/n's hand was still holding his to prove him wrong.

He opened his mouth,closed it,lacking for words. In front of him,Y/n mirrored him ; not to mock him,but because they were also speechless. Levi didn't think he'd ever felt such affection for someone,and,feeling as though he'd just been punched in the face,he finally understood what his feelings toward Y/n were. Looking at them,at their rosy cheeks,at their now messy hair,at their glittering eyes ...Looking at them,he understood that it wasn't some sort of sickness that took him over whenever y/n was around , but it was something he'd tried to avoid his whole life,something he found dangerous,something he'd been deprived of. It was love,love at his purest form,unconditional one,love he could get drunk to. He felt afraid by this idea, but he knew he could never get rid of this feeling ,no matter how hard he tried. This dance had been like a contract ; it had bind his feelings to him,it had made them stronger,unbreakable.

"May I...Ask for your hand,for the next dance ?" he asked,still trying to catch his breath,though looking at Y/n's smile wasn't helping him calm down.

"You can. And you can also have it for the one after,and the one after that."

All the swearing words Levi knew crossed his mind as another wave of what he could now call love spread through him,making him feel more human and alive than he'd ever felt before.

[levicanpunchme]

Please read part 1 before, otherwise this doesn’t make any sense, here .

Levi X Y/N [Part 2]

Genre: Romance/Fluff/Angst (kinda)

Prompt: You feel Levi drifting away from you and it’s killing you to not know why he has pushed you away. As you approach his room that night, you throw away your morality to have him by your side.

TW: kinda r-rated make-out

Agony

You were back in the comfort of your room, laying on the bed with a heavy duvet covering your frame. If someone saw you, they would assume you were staring at the ceiling in boredom; however, there was an uproar inside your mind. An uneasy heaviness weighted down your chest as your mind replayed his words again and again.

‘I won’t, anymore.’

He had said it so causally like it were a walk in the park. It was so effortlessly easy for him to throw you away, trample on your heart. He had flushed you out of his life like this whole time, you were just a menace-as if he was waiting to get rid of you.

You held his pendent above your head, observing it’s sharp curves. After your encounter with Levi, you had decided upon grabbing the discarded pendent from outside the window and taking it back with you. You took it home like a coward; scared, he would never come out to take it and that would actually mean the end of everything.

Distraught, you brought his pendant close to yours, which was resting against your chest, and joined the two semicircles; their union sparked a sense of hope, that maybe, just maybe, the two of you would reconcile just like the two pieces of the moon.

How pathetic.

The matching pair resting against your chest started feeling like a burden.

Your heart began to ache as memories upon memories flooded your mind, your eyes filling up. You loved him so much, that despite his obvious detachment, you still didn’t think of him in distaste. You could never loathe the man who gave you a reason to survive this ruthless world. Overcome with grief, low sobs filled the four walls of your lonely room.

If he never treated you the same, how would you survive in the survey corps?

The clock struck eight, your gaze lingering on its ticking hand. As obedient as a trained soldier, you sat up, fumbling the duvet off. The chill air struck your warm skin, sending goosebumps down your spine and you shivered uncomfortably. Your eyes wandered to the glass window from where rays of the blinding sunlight streaked through the permeable blinds.

As you proceeded to walk to the washroom, you felt an uncomfortable ache spreading in your legs and arms, as if you had been beaten down. Ironically, the practise last night was less intense yet your body seemed to have been drained. You never knew that feeling emotionally drained was worse than the physical one.

Walking through the hallways, you felt like a Titan roaming the earth. No, it was worse than a titan -at least those creatures had a purpose. You were wandering aimlessly, strands of hair falling on your face from the disheveled bun.

“Y/N!” A chirpy voice called out. You turned around and met the tall, ginger-haired woman, Petra.

“Oh god, are you okay?” She walked to your side, her wide hazel eyes flooded with concern.

“I’m okay,” you replied, nonchalantly.

“You look far from it, girl. Did the captain give you a hard time yesterday?” You felt your heart stammer as you looked up, eyes wide in disbelief. And then it clicked. Petra probably meant, hard time training.

“Yeah, he did.” You weren’t lying. He did give you a hard time. Burning resentment lingered in your heart.

“I wonder why he always picks on you. Captain isn’t the type to nitpick unless you really test him,” she teased, her eyes glimmering in fascination. “Come on, we need to get going to the dining hall,” she insisted and dragged you along with her.

Was he acting this way because you were the weakest link of the team? Did he remove himself from your side because you were a lost cause and he was tired of giving you extra training hours?

Your heart felt like it was sinking in a pool of misery.

You reached the dining hall and instinctively your gaze sauntered to the room, like an unchangeable habit, you always searched for Levi’s mist coloured eyes. The tables were populated with the cadets, enjoying their lunch. You caught sight of Sasha, shoving mouthfuls of mashed potato in her system while Jean and Eren furiously eyed one another down, Mikasa sitting unbothered watching the two go at it and Connie and Armin looking like they were mediating through the tension.

The hall was surely busy but you didn’t see him.

Was it because of your presence? You gulped, sitting beside Petra on the table where Hange and Oluo already sat eating.

“Hange-san, to what do we owe the pleasure?” Petra teased and Hange broke into a chuckle, the last spoonful of potato entering her mouth as she munched it profusely.

“I just felt like coming but to my disappointment, shorty is nowhere around,” she sighed, her tone filled with boredom. “Y/N, you both are usually glued together. Why isn’t he down for breakfast?” Hange quirked an eyebrow, her tone ambiguous. Even with glasses, you could tell her round eyes were playfully twinkling.

“I don’t know,” you muttered lethargically, running fingers through your disarranged hair, your head aching at the mention of him.

“Did a truck run you over?” Oluo huffed, a large grin splayed against his lips and the others joined in, cackling at his statement.

Normally you would fire back with sarcasm, but today you simply didn’t have the energy to entertain his antics.

It almost felt like a crime, walking out here with a lethargic body, scruffy hair and droopy eyes, yet you didn’t have any other choice. You felt like you would go insane alone in your bed, thinking about him.

“Hey, Y/N, is the captain in his room? Erwin wants him in his office,” Gunther appeared from behind Hange, his words hurried.

“I don’t know,” you muttered, gulping down your annoyance.

“Erwin is gonna kill me. Why’s the captain missing? No one’s seen him around.” His stoic eyes, bitter words from last night replayed in your mind.

“Well, I saw the captain last night- I don’t know what got into him but he was walking around manically looking for something,” Oluo added, shrugging his shoulders uncertainly as he sipped the bowl of stew.

Your blood ran cold, eyes growing in alarm. “Looking for what?” You interrupted, jerking awake.

“Woah, Y/N why do you look so-” Gunther interrupted but you ignored his remarks. “Oluo, answer me,” you sternly replied, your heart picking its pace.

“Man, I don’t know. I asked him and he just walked right past me,” the man huffed and you thought back to yesterday.

‘I won’t, anymore.’

The pendant.

You saw red.

Your clenched jaw unclenched. Without a moment’s thought, you rose to your feet; the sudden movement making your head feel heavy but you ignored it and quickly scurried out of the dining hall. With the remaining stamina, you trudged through the hallways, towards his room, the air hitting your skin making you feel colder each second as if you had caught a fever.

Breathless, you stood panting against the door of his room. You knocked once. Twice. Then you impatiently yanked the door open. What greeted you was an empty-spotless-bedroom. You faltered, stepping back and proceeded to check the training grounds, meeting room and the commander’s office.

He was nowhere to be seen.

You felt your knees beginning to give out as you neared the plains, green as ever with towering trees. You looked to the farthest green land, searching for him. Again, you were met with disappointment.

You were about to head back inside when suddenly your head flicked. You still hadn’t checked the stables. You turned back and dashed across the plains, towards the horse barn. Struggling to breathe, you pushed through the ajar door and you sped inside.

And it was like you felt him before you saw anything. Your heart eased, as if growing aware of his presence: Levi Ackerman, the man who had you at chokehold with a single glance, the man you would throw away all your sense of reasoning for, the man you were devastatingly in love with.

His back was turned to you as he kneeled against the hardwood floor, body mechanically, digging through bales of hay. His hands were impatient, tossing the hay aside, due to which the entire barn seemed chaotic. You drew closer, curiously.

For someone who was extremely sensitive to sound and movement, he didn’t seem affected. He paid you no heed, his entire attention directed towards his ongoing hunt. You walked closer.

His peripheral vision caught sight of you. His jaw clenched, body taut like a deer caught in headlights. He looked up, disarrayed hair, falling against his eyelids as if he had run his fingers through the soft strands. His cloudy eyes were darker than usual, exhaustive dark circles cladding under them.

His expression suddenly dropped to an estranged one.

“Why’re you here?” His tone was acrimonious, but you kept your composure. Not sure why, but he was purposely trying to get under your skin.

“Why’re you here?” You shot back sourly.

Levi’s head snapped up, his brow twitching, seemingly taken aback at sudden display of confidence, vibrant in your tone.

He didn’t say anything. Neither did you.

The next few moments passed by at turtle’s pace. You refused to open your mouth to answer him and he didn’t budge either, watching you, his gaze unreadable.

He tore his eyes off you and resumed his hunt, tossing aside more bundles of hay.

Great, he was back to ignoring.

“Answer me!” A frustrated cry left your mouth. “What’re you so desperately searching for?” You questioned, your body’s heat growing every second as you awaited the truth.

He didn’t spare you a glance, his hands hurrying through the mess, searching the floor and stack of hay. It was truly a sight: this was a neat freak, who didn’t let anyone clean his room or touch his things, kneeling on the dirty straws, searching through a pile of smelly horse feed while his olive cape clung to his sweaty back.

Your patience was wearing thin as you hovered around him, awaiting his response.

Instead, you heard a dejected sigh and he stepped up, on his feet. He turned away and proceeded to stalk out the barn, his stoic face unchanged.

“You’re looking for this, aren’t you?“

The man paused in his tracks. When he turned around, his pupils shook. You stood before him confidently holding up the pendant.

You saw the tension leave his body, his fists unclenching as he exhaled a soft sigh. His previously stern face lightened up. Your heart stuttered at the sight. Seeing his facade drop, your suspicions owed to be correct.

He took short strides towards you and put his hand forward, signalling for you to give it back.

You wanted to smack him.

“You said you didn’t need it,” your harsh tone made his cold demeanour return, eyes now blank.

“Why are you looking for it?” You interrogated, your tone challenging and you held your chin up, determinedly. You didn’t know what point you were trying to prove but you were desperate for answers.

“It’s mine,” he simply declared, his teeth gritting.

“No. It isn’t just yours,” you muttered, aggressively, your gaze never leaving his. “You share this with me,” you corrected him.

“Give it back,” his tone grew impatient, uncompromising as if he was damned without the necklace. You could tell his patience was wearing thin, but so was yours. You needed him to come clean- explain to you why he decided upon parting ways.

Your fist that held the necklace, defensively, clenched tighter, its sharp crevice burying inside your palm, tearing into your skin. If there was burning, your mind didn’t prioritise it, instead your entire body was respondent to his words only. Your stagnant posture remained as you held the pendant with iron’s grip. Levi noticed your reluctance and attempted to reach forward; however, you proved your skills by dodging him.

“Stop being so childish,” he scowled, his frown casting a grievous shadow over his features. He stepped up again and you quickly recoiled, stretching your arm behind you.

His jaw tightened. Your heart almost fell out as he charged forward, lunging at you. His thin stature was always an advantage. In a flash, he had his arm smoothly curved around your waist as he jerked you into his embrace. His scent flooded your senses, soap and a hint of woody musk, which you recognised as his distinct fragrance. You breathed him in, knees feeling limp like jelly. Your senses were heightened upon feeling drunk on his touch.

You saw something flick in his eyes-something you had seen before but never figured out. It was different from his normal stoic self; they were dark, not aggressively black but desirably bleak, rapturous almost.

You wanted to stare deeper to understand him more but his hands caught your attention. The arm resting around your waist grabbed your clenched arm. Your eyes widened, grip tightening.

You reminded yourself, he was here to get his moon.

Levi pushed forward, his body flushed against you and his chin resting on your clothed shoulder. His hands grabbed your clenched fist and he, forcefully, tried prying your fingers open.

You struggled, your fist aching to give in as the pendant pricked your flesh, drawing blood. You felt the burning sensation rise and your eyes screwed shut in building frustration.

“Stop fighting me!” He roared, now both his arms cradling you, his body warming up as he used his full strength.

You didn’t last long.

Soon his long fingers found a way, pushing inside your palm and he felt the warm, metal chain against his skin, quickly grabbing it. With his other hand, he pulled at your fingers and finally, your strained muscles exhaustedly gave up, losing its grip. As you let the pendant go, your face fell limp on the side of his neck, humiliated and defeated. As if someone was slicing onions, your throat started burning, heavy tears clouding your vision.

Levi flinched. His breathing faltered. You felt his heart pound against his chest. The reason why he stalked over to you was the pendant and now that it was in his grip, he should let go of your waist and go away, away from you like he wanted.

Though, he didn’t move a muscle.

He held you close leaning back, his face collapsing into dismay and his eyes growing large as his mouth parted. He stared at you, dumbed for a moment.

“Are you okay?” He suddenly asked, his grip on your waist tightening.

“Leave now that you have it,” you muttered, your voice was hoarse. You had tried so hard, but in the end, he didn’t care.

Levi, suddenly, brought his hand to your forehead and his eyes grew double in size. “You’re burning up,” he rasped. What he said didn’t matter. Your head was drowning in a pool of glory as his callous fingers touched your temple.

“Oi, y/n!” He raucously shouted.

You winced, opening your mouth to respond but you already felt your body swimming through a sky.

You didn’t know when, your knees gave out and his hefty arms scurried to catch your fall. You didn’t lose consciousness though because you felt his arms enveloping your frame, cradling you into his chest; his rapid heartbeat, thrashing inside his body; his frame, heated against you.

You heard his boots thump against the floorboard like he was hurrying out of the barn. There were distant chatters from some passerby. “Captain, commander Erwin really needs to see you-” and his fiery rebuttal, Levi’s words laced with hostility. “Get a bucket and towel in my room immediately.” And off he hurried.

He mechanically ran up the stairs, ignoring all passerby’s questions. You realised he must’ve reached his room as he paused and kicked the door open. His arms holding you slackened and he gently plopped you into his bed. You wanted to persist the removal, but when your body hit his sheets, your heart tranquilly calmed its pace. His sheets smelled strongly of him, his wooden scent. You felt like you were drowning in him.

Were you dead?

You vaguely felt Levi shift next to you and then a heavy duvet covered your frame. The duvet Levi used to cover himself. Your body felt electrocuted by the thought.

There was distant murmuring and rustling of objects. You didn’t have the energy to open your eyes and return to real world where Levi neglected your presence, so you stayed half dead/conscious. The door was knocked upon and you heard Levi dash to it. A murmur was exchanged and then, again, you felt his presence beside you.

Suddenly, an icy cloth was draped onto your temple, a shaky breath leaving your mouth as your body quivered upon the contact. His grip on the duvet tightened and he pulled it closer to your neck. A slight moment passed, and you got used to the towel’s freezing temperature.

Levi flipped the drenched towel on your forehead to the other side, it’s cold surface again striking your nerve cells.

Then you felt his fingers trace your cheek. The callousness glided against your cheekbone, drawing down to your chin and gently rubbing the corner of your lips. Your body tightened upon the contact. There was something so oddly satisfying about his touch, like you were made to be felt by him.

His thumb deliciously kissed your bottom lip and you almost cried out. This was a fever dream. It had to be, because there was no way in hell, your squad captain was touching you like he was starved for you. Levi’s thumb traced your lip line and then gently caressed the pouty gap. You were tempted to open your lips voluntarily, but quickly controlled yourself.

“God…” you heard him rasp as he ran his finger against your lips. “So soft.”

And then as if something snapped inside him, he quickly retreated, his hand pulled away from your mouth. You almost cried out in desperation. Why was he stubbornly avoiding you if he wanted to touch you so bad?

The towel was removed from your head and as he wetted it, he plopped it against your heated skin all over again.

Then, you felt his cold touch on your hand. He held your wrist as his thumb gently caressed your palm. You winced upon the contact, a slight burning effect produced. It dawned upon you that it was probably from a while ago when you stubbornly held onto his pendant.

“Why do you test me so much?” His voice was heavy, you’d have assumed he was drunk if you didn’t know better. Then you felt the softness of his lips pressed against your injured skin and instantly your abdomen clenched. The burning flew out of your mind, his lips the only remaining memory.

“You’re hurt because of me.” You felt another light kiss on your palm.

“It’s killing me. Pushing you away, it’s the cruelest thing I’ve done to myself,” his words were interrupted as a pained groan left his mouth.

Your heart felt full. Hearing him say those words, kiss your injured skin, you wished to god you weren’t dreaming.

“Y/N, I know you can hear me.” His words caught you off guard. You didn’t think he was aware of your consciousness which was why he was confessing so boldly.

“Open your eyes. Are you okay?” His concern filled tone made your throat tighten. There was so much pent up frustration from his ignorance which was dreading to unleash itself like an overfilled dam. The relief from hearing him confess added to the ache building in your chest. You wanted to cry, scream and throw a punch at his handsome face.

“Please y/n. Look at me.” The yearning in his voice weakened your front as you heard his begging.

You slowly peeled your eyes open and before you could even see him, your drenched orbs hindered your vision, pouring out onto your flushed cheeks.

“Fuck. Don’t cry,” his gruff voice pled.

As the tears fell, your vision cleared and you caught sight of him. He was kneeling against the bed, his silver eyes flooded with horror, eyebrows furrowed in discern, his tousled hair messier than before. His palm was against your damp cheek, and you almost missed the tremble in his touch.

“How do you feel?” He rasped, his hooded gaze full of anguish. You didn’t respond. There was heaviness weighting down your chest that had been released just a moment ago. You felt overwhelmed, like a barrier had been lifted.

“Talk to me,” he sounded pained. You watched him struggle, his body tense as he stared at you.

“You ignored me for a week.” And as soon as you spoke, your voice broke, eyes filling up with fresh tears, drenching your skin.

“I-I didn’t know it would hurt you so much-” he stuttered, his eyes widening as he finally realised you were absolutely torn over him.

“You don’t expect me to care?” You cried, your face growing hotter.

“Why? What did I do to make you think that?” You sat up, your head spinning at the suddenness of your actions as the wet cloth fell on the duvet. Levi quickly shot up from the ground, sitting beside you on the bed as he held down your shoulders.

“Lay down,” he attempted to lean you back. You didn’t oblige, feeling fury overpower your resolution.

“No, I- I just don’t get it. Why do you hate me so much all of a sudden?” You wailed, tears streaming down your face.

“I could never hate you,” he gritted, his tone bitter, eyes burning. “How could I ever?” His voice trembled.

You wanted to say so much more but your throat felt clogged and a sob wrenched out of your chest. It made him wince, his eyes wide as he watched your inner turmoil erupt like the volcanic lava, burning him.

“Stop. Please,” he yelped. He impatiently rubbed at your cheek, as if the tears were like bullets raining down his chest. He caressed your face, his palms tenderly wiping the flooding tears.

“- why do you want the pendant so bad- if you don’t want anything to do with me, why?” You stuttered. “You left me alone. Avoided me like a plague. Is it because I’m the weakest member of the team?”

“No. Stop-” he interjected.

“Is that why you want me gone? Will you drop me? Why don’t you tell me what’s wrong so I can change it-” Your insecure rambling continued, sobs wreaking your frame.

“Stop saying bullshit-” his words went unheard.

“I swear, I’m really trying though. I promise you I’ll get better. I’ve improved since the last time, I’ll-” your words were cut off when suddenly, his hold on your arms tightened and he yanked you into his body, crushing you into a bone chilling embrace. Your face was flush against his beating chest, growing warmer as your heartbeat escalated.

“You don’t need to change. Your skills are unrivalled in the team. I’m not dropping you. You’re perfect, as is.” You couldn’t believe your ears.

“No, I don’t hate you. But you make me want to do things I hate. I hate mornings but to see you do your morning jog, I’m up early, patrolling the fields. I hate eating breakfast but to watch you mess around with the cadets, I’m there at the dining hall. I hate Hange’s lame jokes but when you crack up hearing them, I enjoy them too. I hate sleeping late but to be with you, I don’t mind sleepless nights.”

Loud boisterous thudding of his heart echoed against your frame.

“I’m a fucking moron for assuming I could end things like that. Honestly, it scared me-I didn’t want it to be true. God, anything but love,” his voice trembled, choked mutters escaping his lips. “Love. It’s so unnecessary. I don’t need it to live. I don’t need it to fight titans. Then why am I so consumed by it?” His breathless voice quivered, you felt his arms, if it were even possible, tighten more around your frame as if he wanted to absorb you within himself.

His words were like a gush of rain on your burning heart. Your chest felt jittery. There was a part of you refusing to believe this night had ever occurred: Levi Ackerman, a man so perfect, doubting himself as he spilled his heart out.

You only believed it because you felt his warmth engulfing you, his hot breath cascading down your neck and his smell washing over you.

“Why are you scared?” You found yourself asking.

His hold on you released and he pulled back. Suddenly, the loss of his warmth made your body tingle as if in retaliation, wanting him against you.

“It’s because… you lose the ones you love,” he rasped. Your chest ached.

“Of course, you can’t lose someone who never meant anything to you, Levi.” Instead of ‘captain’, his name fell out of your mouth like honey and it had him looking up, apparent shock visible on his face.

“I- I never felt confident enough to confess to you because I was scared too. What if saying something made you hate me? What if I ruined our friendship along the way? I’d never forgive myself for it,” you began explaining, your eyes fixed on him.

“But then one day- my nightmares became true. You looked away, walked right past me. My whole world felt like it was crumbling,” you voiced out, reminiscing the worst week of your life.

His eyes brimmed with water, nose reddened and body flushed as he watched you empty your mind.

Your heart was instantly in your throat.

“No- I don’t want you to feel bad please-I’m just-”

“I wanted this like my life depended on it,” he suddenly spoke, his words hushed as if he was embarrassed to be sharing his feelings and he pulled out the pendant from his jacket’s pocket. He held the half moon in his palm, tracing it with his thumb. “I want it so bad because it’s the only thing I have of you,” he whispered, cheeks flushing redder as his lips trembled.

“This is yours and mine.”

Your eyes filled up with fresh tears, heart palpitating in your chest. His words started flushing away all your misery, as if you had never suffered pain in this lifetime.

“I love you,” he choked out, his gaze filled with emotions which he had never allowed you to see before, his voice desperate and needy like a weeping mewl. Before you could respond, he tugged you into his arms and his lips slammed into yours with a fierce impatience. A gasp emitting your mouth was silenced as he swallowed it, his mouth feasting yours like a starved predator. It was mind blowing how one second he was innocently confessing his heart out and the other, his lips were shamelessly obscene, tasting your lips to his desire. The ravaging desire poured out of him as if he had persisted it for years, his hands angling your jaw to his satisfaction as he pried your lips open, his warm tongue entering your mouth and preying at your tongue. He tasted you to his heart’s content, until you were unsure whether it was his saliva or yours dripping down your jaw.

Breathless, red-faced and teary-eyed, you pulled away slightly, your forehead resting against his as you both struggled to inhale some oxygen. It took him a single breath before he grabbed your face again. “H-hold on-I-can’t-breathe,” you choked out, your senses overstimulated as a tingle sparked inside your chest.

“Breathe later,” he impatiently groaned and attacked your mouth, devouring your taste as if making up for the time you both had spent fearful of the building connection, entwining in one another just like the reunion of his semicircle and yours.

i can do an epilogue since this seemed kind of rushed, but I’m not sure if people would wanna read more, which is why i played it safe and decided to conclude it. plus this is already so long. I’m sorry :’

anyways. the response I got to Part 1 had me cryinggg. thank you so much?? To everyone who read it and decided to read this too, i love you.

ppl who commented/wanted to be tagged:

@onlyangelsweetheart

@perksofbeingpayton

@voidinfernal

@peachmilkcloud

@inaara0506

@nirvana-jam-94

@laraackerman

@tirzamisu

@marialopezzz0922

@thelovehashira143

@cucumberfingers

@arminsgfloll

@youlook-likehell

sorry, if I missed anyone out!

thank u sm <3

[levicanpunchme]

aaaa hi! i really love your latest levi x reader fic! i’m looking forward for the pt.2 <33

ahhhh thank you smm! i appreciate the feedback 🙌🏽 i’m working on the part 2 it should be up by the end of this week hopefully! <333

[levicanpunchme]

Levi X Reader

Genre: Romance/Fluff/Angst (kinda)

Prompt: You feel Levi drifting away from you and it’s killing you to not know why he has pushed you away. As you approach his room that night, you throw away your morality to have him by your side.

It was the smooth curve of his pink lips against his blindingly white teeth which made your mouth run dry. His raven hair was uneven, strands falling against his eyelids like a low curtain, obstructing some of his vision; it was very unlike Levi as you had never seen him unkept. There was a dull void in his gaze, his lips downturned and thin as if they were stitched together.

Your heart sank lower in the pits of your stomach, the longing brewing inside you, aching to spill over like a raging storm. His hollow gaze made you shrink as if it was physically harming you. You found it hard to keep a straight face whilst his stern demeanour ate at you.

A mere footsteps and you would reach him yet why did the distance seem so large now?

“Why’re you here?” His words were spiteful but the crack in his brittle voice betrayed him.

He seemed offended immediately as he lowered his pinning gaze. His biceps contracted and he rubbed the back of neck, his eyes squinting exhaustedly. What did you do to deserve such treatment? You had realised as soon as you spent some time with him that no matter how indifferent Levi acted, beneath his stern exterior, he was a softhearted, kind man. He proved it a thousand times over.

You stared at his lowered head, your chest aching in despair. Levi, who met your gaze so passionately was now refusing to raise his head as if he was silently punishing you. When did it turn this way? Why did he suddenly look past you as if you were invisible?

His presence had comforted your heart, gave every passing day a meaning. And then to have it tore down, snatched away from you as if it was never real. He cut you off a week ago, spending time with other squad members. To add to that, he changed his timings for patrolling and cleaning duties, which proved your suspicions correct because initially he was the one who had manipulated your schedule in a way where you performed all duties beside him.

He was hell bent on ignoring your existence and you had absolutely no idea what caused this cruelty to rise to surface.

“Why’re you ignoring me?” You hesitantly voiced out, hating yourself for the tremble in your voice.

He gulped soundly, his adam’s apple bopping, making your insides warm. He still wouldn’t look up and it was starting to frustrate you.

“I’ve been busy,” his strained voice responded.

You felt your heart plummet. Busy? You already felt your lips tremble as anxiety clawed at your chest.

“I know that’s not true,” you muttered.

He glanced up for a moment and you swear you caught a subtle hint of grief in his silver eyes but it was probably a trickery of your desperate mind, as his eyes were back to blank holes of emptiness.

“Believe what you will.”

The careless tone made you flinch, your heart dropping lower than where it had been before. His sharp words and indifferent eyes were knives piercing into your soul.

He then looked away, his lips tightly sealed again. Rubbing the back of his neck, his hand found the pendant resting against his chest and he fumbled with the dangling semicircle; the semicircle that completed yours, forming a lovely hollow moon.

Your heart squeezed against your ribcage upon the sight of his half moon; the necklace he presented to you one day as a token of ‘good comradeship’. He had left it inside your jacket when you were training and you didn’t realise it until a few days later when he hesitantly asked you about it. Instead of telling him you never really checked your pockets, you sprinted to your room ecstatically, heart racing in excitement as you grabbed the jacket from the laundry room.

That day, you felt elevated into the sky, beyond everyone’s reach. It was a beautiful necklace he had specifically bought while thinking of you. You knew he only saw you as a fellow comrade, and friend at most, but in your heart, he was so much more than that.

Maybe, the only person you’ve ever loved.

Witnessing his long index finger run itself along the silver metal, softly gliding to the end corner where his semicircle ended and yours began made your head spin. The burning in your chest grew like wildfire as his fingers progressed upwards again, sliding against its pointed half with soft, loving strokes. His touch was sickeningly gentle, as if he was afraid to break its perfectly rigid exterior. You could almost hear the metal purr in pleasure as he rubbed it like it were his lover in a past life.

The fire erupting inside your body seemed to overwhelm your senses. Levi held the pendant with so much care while he couldn’t so much as spare you an explanation. Your body felt warmer as you watched him play around with the object, your chest constricting. Absentmindedly, you stepped closer, your eyes trained on his fingers and the damn pendant, hoping your piercing gaze was enough to burn it down.

As you neared him, his body emanated heat, increasing the temperature in your flesh, which worked like an effective enzyme, catalysing the bubbling reaction within your blood. He paused, noticing your sudden movement, unaware of the fireworks exploding inside you. His grip was still taut against the necklace as he looked up, his eyes unreasonably dark.

You were already on the verge of insanity, but when you noticed how desirably dark his gaze had become, the last shred of self-control disintegrated. You were seething with hatred: his fingers were fondling an inanimate, piece of metal when they should’ve been gliding against your flesh, touching your skin. You wanted his gaze as dark as sin to stare at you, instead he gave the pendant that pleasure.

Disillusioned and desperate, you gripped the bloody pendent and yanked it off in burning detestation. An alarmed gasp flowed out of Levi’s mouth as he instinctively tried to grab it from your grip but you were agile, maybe because your squad leader was the humanity’s strongest solider who savagely killed all his opponents, in the blink of an eye; of course, he’d have taught you his extraordinary skills.

“What’re you-!” His words were cut off, his eyes growing in astonishment.

You aimed at nowhere in particular when you were throwing the pendant; however, it seemed to have accidentally flew out the open window directly behind Levi. You instantly regretted the impulsivity of your actions as you watched his face twist from shock to complete fury, his grey pupils dilating and his frown worsening as if a shadow was casted over his head.

The scorned expression made your hackles rise and you stepped back, your heart thundering against your chest. Before you could sprint out of his vicinity, this time, his agility came through and he pounced forward, grabbing you by the waist and pushing you till your back was slammed against the wall. Your gasp resounded in the four walls of his room. With one hand gripping your waist, he clenched your wrist with the other, eyeing you down like you were a prey caught in his chamber.

“What do you think you’re doing.” Despite the bubbling anger evident in his thunderous eyes, he still didn’t raise his voice. Your eyes softened, glistening at a memory from a few months ago: on a mission outside the walls, he had instructed you to stay close by but you had ventured off into the jungle to investigate a strange sound. So when Levi found you, his instinct was to shout in absolute fury. The aggressive tone brought you to tears and you had sobbed for an hour straight even after he apologised multiple times.

He remembered. He knew you like the back of his hand.

“Answer me,” He rasped, his words quiet yet demanding as if it was taking everything in him to maintain his calm. All that facade yet his body betrayed him: his face was flushed and his chest heaving, desperate low breaths.

“What?” You played dumb.

His grip tightened around your wrist. “That is mine,” he spat, his eyes narrowed.

You felt your chest swell. “How dare you hold onto that when you’ve thrown me away?” You felt tears building up in your eyes, your throat constricting in agony. There were words you wish you could say; things you wish you could tell him yet you kept your mouth shut. What if you lost all your chances after you confessed your heart to him?

Maybe if you cried out before him, he would pity you and stop ignoring you.

Your words seemed to have an impact as his face twisted in agony. He screwed his eyes shut.

You felt blind love overpower your senses and you pushed against him causing his steps to falter. “Levi, just tell me what’s wrong? How have I messed up? What do I do to fix it?” You begged.

You realised you were throwing away your morality and self respect as you pleaded before him, but it didn’t matter; nothing mattered as long as Levi opened his arms for you again. You would fall to your knees, begging for him to stay beside you if you had to.

Just as you were about to speak again, he turned his back. “There’s nothing to fix. Leave my room.”

Your body felt like it was going limp and there was darkness etching your vision. His cold hearted words were tearing you apart-yet here you stood, stubborn and shameless, still hoping he would change his mind.

“Why do you still keep that pendant?”

Please, Levi.

“I won’t, anymore.”

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

part 2 anyone? lemme know😼

[levicanpunchme]

TO UKRAINIAN FRIENDS

If you are looking for an emergency exit from Ukraine, Poland will open EIGHT safety points on the border with Ukraine (you will get warm food, medical help and from there you will be guided to safety) in two of our voivodeships: lubuskie and podkarpackie. It is confirmed by the Polish Secretary of State in the Chancellery of the Prime Minister, Paweł Szefernaker.

SOURCES:

https://www.rp.pl/konflikty-zbrojne/art35748991-szefernaker-na-granicy-z-ukraina-powstaja-punkty-recepcyjne-dla-uchodzcow

https://www.wprost.pl/polityka/10633681/polska-reaguje-na-agresje-rosji-na-ukraine-powstana-punkty-dla-uchodzcow.html

I've marked those voivodeships on the map!

Please share because it can save lives!!!!!!