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[lextopias-blog]

Someday. Every day. And now.

Another year of missing Lexa goes by and while I’ve taken my pain and sadness and channelled it into good work, I still wish she was alive (and being written by Javi or Emily Andras. ;)). The surge of pure joy and raw completeness I felt watching her on the show has changed me forever. I gained an awareness and confidence two years ago today that I hadn’t known I was lacking.

“Why her?” It’s the question everyone in the Clexa fandom has gotten at least once, I imagine, and everyone’s answers are different. For me, it was because she was the perfect embodiment of what I’d like to see myself as: a strong, protective leader, devoted partner, and a flawed, vulnerable, and adorable human - a hero.

We all deserve to see ourselves as heroes: to feel pride for solving the nagging math problem or carrying our neighbor’s groceries up the stairs. Similarly, in the fictional world, we deserve to see our likeness in strong and laudable characters in books, advertisements, movies, and on TV shows: Women are Powerful because we have Supergirl and Olivia Pope, Black is Beautiful because we have King T’Challa and Nova Bordelon, and Gay is Good is because we have Nicole Haught and Josh Rosza .

But on current American TV women, people of color, and queer people (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and gender-nonconforming) aren’t always written as heroes. Quite the opposite. On most shows in the 2017-2018 television season, for example, as in most shows going back to the beginning of television in the 1930s, the majority of heroes are male, white, heterosexual, and cisgendered (“cis”). Broadly, this trend exists because American society developed as white/straight/male and cisgender-dominant, and remains so today, and because writers’ rooms in which TV shows are created and written reflect this false societal “norm” by employing mostly white, cis, hetero male showrunners and writers.

And so, given this “norm,” it’s no surprise that people in all other categories - so-called “marginalized” communities - are predominantly written as villains, buffoons, dangerous, non-sexual, or mentally ill, and are often the first characters killed off if a death is needed to further the show’s plot. These narrative “tropes” - a common or overused theme or device (that relies heavily on established cultural stereotypes) - are so popular, in fact, that some of them have names: The Black Guy Always Dies First, and Bury Your Gays, for example. Both are tropes describing the frequency with which such characters die. It is the Bury Your Gays trope and it’s negative effects on vulnerable queer TV viewers that I will focus on in my upcoming documentary film, “Clexa Is Ours: On the Need for Balanced Cultural Representation in Television.”

This morning my girlfriend, knowing what day it is, turned to me and asked how I was feeling. While thinking I’d say something pithy to toss-off my swelling emotion I realized that was silly, so I responded: “You know what? Fuck it. It still hurts.”

Ste yuj, y’all. :)

[lextopias-blog]

Thank You (again), Mo Ryan

After reading your piece today, I thought of all the times I have to explain to men that women suffer dehumanizing micro and macro aggressions several times a day, every day. The look of shock on their faces always pains me because I watch them imagining what that would be like, see their own fears play out in their minds, and, finally, witness their inner retreat because they simply can’t conceive that what I’ve just said is actually possible. A couple of years ago my brother - The Sweetest Person In The World - was on a business trip in China. He and his American male colleague were taken to dinner by executives of the Chinese company they were working with. When they got to the restaurant, though, they didn’t go straight into the dining room, they went to a back room where there was a small, raised stage. A moment later a line of young women filed out and onto the stage. My brother and his colleague were told they should select an escort for dinner. For the sake of brevity, I'll skip details of the awkward, terror-filled back-and-forth as my brother and the other dude flatly refused. The punchline is that they gave in because the Chinese wouldn’t have it any other way. This was their culture, their protocol. The interesting and poignant part of the story is why my brother was telling it. As he got close to the moment about caving in I saw a nervousness and subtle shame I’d never seen before and, all of a sudden, I was afraid for him. I was afraid for my 5’11”, 190 lbs brother. When he finished I was deliberately soft and slow when I spoke. “Are you okay?,” I asked. “Yeah, but it was really weird,” he said. "I really wanted to call  (his wife) and tell her that I had to do it.” Very gently, I told him that what happened was wrong and horrible, and wasn’t his fault. “You were violated,” I said. I was using the word intentionally because his secret, terrified inner child was screaming for it. Once I was sure he had settled back down, I said “Now, if you could, for just a minute, imagine that that kind of dehumanizing behavior is perpetrated upon every woman that you know, every day.” I watched as the gears in his head spun around. “Your sister, your mother, your wife,” I said. My brother is an opinionated guy who loves to discuss and debate, but to this he had no reply. Good men just don’t get that other men do this kind of thing, so for them it’s a shock. What I realized as he was talking, though, was that I had become completely accustomed to the jeers, the sizing-up… the dehumanization… and rarely acknowledge the perpetrator, let alone respond. And that’s fucked up. Your piece makes me want to change that. I want to develop a few responses and reactions so that the next time these things happen I won’t let them stand. “The way to right wrongs is to shine the light of truth upon them.” —Ida B. Wells Thanks for being a light, #MoHeda, and for your role-modelness. Yes, it’s a word. ;) MASSIVE amounts of love, Alexia

[lextopias-blog]

Every Little Bit (of Attention!) Helps

My mother used to say that all the time. “Every little bit helps.” She was talking about money, but was also very much a “glass half full” kind of woman, so she’d be proud as fuck of the Clexa fandom for winning the recent Zimbio poll, even though she wouldn’t really understand what it was… ;)

I think that probably many of us, even most, have felt ashamed at some point for our geekdom and our passion for fictional characters. But thanks to the enduring bonds within the fandom, our continued commitment to promote what Clarke and Lexa represented - GREAT queer representation on TV - and now our own space, ClexaCon, we’ve realized that we don’t need to be ashamed any more. In fact, we’ve got to get louder.

When kids and transpeople are being harassed and bullied, we’ve got to get louder.

When rights for all of us are threatened and taken away, we’ve got to get louder.

When transwomen of color are murdered, we’ve got to get louder.

We can’t take our foot off the gas, and we can’t shut up.

So, yeah, it was “just an online competition for which fictional TV relationship is the best,” but you know what? It helps.

[lextopias-blog]

Not “Just A Fictional Character”

Sure, Lexa was a fictional character, but she wasn’t “just” a fictional character. When people say that it makes me so angry...

All weekend Ive been holding back some kind of bursting thing in my chest, as if Im trying to keep bronchitis at bay. But its something rougher and more brutal than that, something more ominous. 

Seeing all the photos from Comic Con in San Diego I realized I kept looking for one thing: Lexa. But she wasn’t there. And the harsh, perpetual pain that we will likely never see her any other way than in the few episodes she was in is sometimes too hard to take.

I keep reading Clexa fan fiction imagining her in new scenes, new realities, over and over, as if my sheer force of will will make her manifest in some new way, and the fact that that’s impossible makes me almost as sad as when my mother died in 2005.

Ive had plenty of people in my life die. You reach a certain age and that happens. But I only had one mother and my mind and heart are filled with memories of her and the way she made me feel. She was the purest form of love I’ve ever known, and when she died, I lost something critical that Im still trying to learn how to live without. (Failing miserably, by the way.)

I only have a few memories with Lexa. The same ones we all have. And they’re not enough. I think that’s what makes the pain of losing her almost as bad as losing my mother - we didn’t have enough time with her. With loved ones we never really do, but on TV beloved characters can be drawn in such a way as to ease an audience into their departures. This was not the case with this show. The writers built an impossible person - this perfect person - almost by accident, and clearly didn't understand what they’d done. The fealty scene alone...

I think this is all hitting me now because this Comic Con was Lexa’s last gasp. She was in the ether, all around, but wasn’t acknowledged as much as she should have been. As much as we needed her to be. After this past weekend most will forget about her and move on. But many of us in the Clexa fandom won’t. We’ll live our lives, change, and grow and find new things to care about. But that part of us that we gave unhesitatingly to Lexa, for Lexa, will always be gone. And that fucking sucks.

Even if she “comes back” as a voice or a shady image from the past, it won't be the Lexa that we fell in love with. And if Jason tries to bring her back in S5 (if they get an S5 I feel he’d consider doing that to get our fandom back to the show), I’ll politely ask him to not cuz I’d worry so much that he’d fuck it up. Again. The best thing he can do for her, for Clarke, and for us is to let Clarke grieve in S4. Let her fucking grieve. Her expression will be ours as well, and we could all use a chance to collectively mourn.

Reshop, Heda. You have no equal. We will miss you.

[lextopias-blog]

Incredibly beautiful. And heartbreaking. Thanks for sharing this. :)

“It’s always have and never hold, you’ve begun to feel like home”-The Fray

Time Lapse video here

[lextopias-blog]

Vote now for Ship of the Year by liking and reblogging your OTP here on Tumblr! Remember, notes = votes, so  be sure to show your favorite ship some love and tune into the 2016 @mtvfandom Awards on July 24th at 8/7c to see who wins!

Art by @sheep-in-clouds

[lextopias-blog]

Lots of good sense being made in this post. Thanks fro writing!!!

Current state of the Clexa fandom / post-307 movement and where we could go next?

Folks have come to me seeking my opinion on several occasions lately, so here goes:

I have said from the beginning that working with other fandoms, str8 allies, and industry professionals is key. We will never achieve our goals as fans on our own. Any type of us-them mentality, especially regarding other LGBTQ-centric fandoms and media allies, will lead to our demise.

I didn’t fully understand the Layne/Ben thing a week or so ago, for instance. I certainly saw Layne’s point, but the whole thing felt out of left field and ultimately counterproductive. Tbf there’s probably a context that I was not privy to. In sum, they are both important and have important contributions to make to the movement. Neither should be demonized or alienated. We can’t afford to lose them.

Meanwhile there are several prominent but divisive entities within the fandom itself who seem more interested in a personal / small group power agenda than actually helping the movement. That is fatal. There is no room for personal agendas here.

The LGBTFDB / LGBTVDB split is a good example. It’s a classic philosophical difference of fostering change from the outside vs inside (the inside being the “system” aka the TV industry in this case). In fact, both groups could be working in tandem if LGBTV weren’t so paranoid that LGBTF is somehow trying to commandeer the movement, as if that were possible. I attribute part of this to poor outreach on the part of LGBTF. The dialogue there just failed from the outset. Not sure why. But from my perspective, it was like watching a slow-motion social media car wreck.

On the fan side, part of the problem is also that we lack a longitudinal view of how movements can function. At least in the US, there has been no effective model for consensus-based work in 20-30 years. Most young fans have only ever seen division and internal nitpicking in the larger political/cultural arena. There are just no current models for effective consensus-based movements. We need to dig into history for that.

Likewise some fans seem actively interested in inciting drama within the movement rather than having us accomplish anything. Like drama either for pure entertainment or - much more insidious - the kind of petty bullshit that plagues the entire millennial left right now: tearing each other apart over (relatively) minor differences in opinion or philosophy and quibbling over arbitrary semantic differences.

The insistence that everybody has to agree on every little thing is just unrealistic. We need to focus on our common interests, aka the larger issues at stake. Again, historically speaking, we older folks have let our political culture devolve into a bunch of talking heads sniping at one another and jockeying for power, so our generation at large is partly culpable in terms of the example we’ve set, or rather not set.

All this combined with people’s kneejerk internet emotional reactions and the compulsion to “call someone out” over any conceivable “offense” often leads to ranting, division, hurt feelings, and on a larger scale, ultimately alienating potential allies from our fandom / the larger movement. There are several loose cannons who seem especially adept at this type of alienation, and some have pretty large followings. Sadly those are exactly the type people who won’t step off for a minute and give others a voice, despite their continual insistence that they’re being silenced.

We as a movement were at our best when we were articulating our case in a rational manner to a wide audience, sometimes through allies like Mo Ryan & Ben, sometimes through direct outreach to the press, and I think stuff like the billboards is a great impulse. Those were very effective in terms of visibility.

We are also at our best when we manage to keep a sense of humor even in the face of such a daunting, serious underlying problem (I.e., institutionalized discrimination / homophobia in the media and culture at large). Yes, it is possible to be effective and still keep a sense of humor.

I won’t even get into the whole ship wars bullshit. It wouldn’t exist if people didn’t respond to the bait from the hateful wing of the “those” fans - seriously, their idiotic opinions deserve zero attention. Engaging in this in any manner makes our whole fandom seem petty and stupid. What if a group incited a ship war, and the other group just didn’t show up? No ship war.

Twitter trends and polls are basically exhausted at this point, or will be by the end of the summer with the end of the current TV cycle. We need to get back to wider goals.

Several fans have approached me about my opinion, so here it is:

We need to get a solid, unified message out there through as many channels as possible.

In order to do this, and instead of quibbling over nothing, we need to remember that we are all fighting for the same 2-3 things:

1) that the public learns about and understands the danger of BYG for real LGBTQ people’s lives, and that this trope intersects for POC in especially devastating ways,

2) that the industry understands that they are under scrutiny and absolutely must take responsibility when representing a vulnerable, persecuted largely young population, and

3) more generally, we have to convey the message that homophobia & ignorance still dominate, and that individuals, professionals, and the collective tendencies of the larger media landscape can counter those destructive narratives and can actually save real people’s lives.

We can continue to make Lexa’s death mean something by having real impact. But we have to adopt a “blood must not have blood” philosophy amongst ourselves and unify in order to do that.

[lextopias-blog]

A Letter for Orlando

Ive always been gay. I just didn’t really know it until I fell in love for the first time. That relationship included a lot of firsts: first serious relationship, first time living with someone, and is, to date, the longest relationship Ive ever been in.

I don’t know that my coming-out story really registers on any meter because it was so simple and undramatic. The only people I had to tell were my parents, and while they were disappointed and very sad at the time, they soon grew to accept reality. They never rejected me, and never barred my girlfriends from any family homes or events.

In the last few years Ive learned a lot about identity, group dynamics, stereotypes, bias, oppression, racism, hate, war, and genocide, as well as listening, understanding, respect, tolerance, humanity, humility, dignity, responsibility, and action.

When Trayvon Martin was murdered in cold blood I was deeply hurt, but it was not my community so I felt somewhat apart from it. When the Boston Marathon bombing happened I was deeply saddened for the victims and their families, but I wasn’t there, Im not a runner, and have only been living in Boston for a few years.

Orlando changes the game for me. That is my community. I could have been in that club. It’s Gay Pride month all over the country. But what really affected me is something that an Orlando resident said recently on NPR. He spoke about how gay people are targeted all over, and that many of us -including me- are afraid to hold the hands of our significant others because it will out us and leave us vulnerable to attack.

I remember years and years ago going out on a date with a guy. We went to a movie and when we were walking out of the theatre he took my hand. Simple gesture, but I flinched and my blood ran cold. I took sneaky glances around as we walked, worried that someone would see us. Then, of course, it dawned on me: there is nothing to see here. Straight is the normative. No one’s going to try to kill us. Right then and there I burst into tears.

Orlando brought that all back, and were it not for these last few years of intense education I might not have had the emotional tools to navigate what I’m feeling or to write this letter.

In a way, I think this is my coming out story. I feel this and I feel a responsibility to act.

And so I will endeavor to learn more, to keep questioning, keep pushing for change, and to do my part to help craft a world in which no gay people have to fear holding their partner’s hand ever again.

[lextopias-blog]

A tribute for Lexa

The time has finally come... What a journey, y’all... and, indeed, our fight has just begun. 

What I loved most about Lexa was that she was true to what she knew was right given the world and position she was in at the time. Her swearing fealty to Clarke and promoting “blood must not have blood” was also a natural evolution of her thinking, and one that, when she did it, ALSO was what she thought was right at that moment. She was complex and brave enough to allow her mind to be changed. 

Amazing.

So, now we say goodbye. There will be tears, there will be pain, there will be anger. And then, hopefully, there will be wonderful next steps for all of us. And healing.

I wish all of you the best.

I give my deepest thanks to the folks who contributed to this video by offering videos, photos, paintings, and graphics.

Much love,

Alexia

Lexa Tribute contributors:

@cynthia_ghc @stella_schoeman @Emzan85 @nicholelynng @SHAHAIRA_79 @p_ostrowska 100fearsandfeels (tumblr) @Sn0wPh0enix @lexaslegacy @lillianannmoore @Ganevic @Mialex13 @LittleMsGnomer @1freakofnature @lextopia

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HOLY WOOOOOOOW!!!!!!!!

Just discovered that CLEXA LIVES ON is still trending on Brazil. It has been 9 hours. no sign of ft wd trend, or even the got one. 

[lextopias-blog]

code 316

APRIL 23, 2016

Ive been watching fan reaction videos all day, doing research. The bravery you all display by doing this, by doing it live, and then posting it for all to see... is humbling. You guys are being so fucking HUMAN it's incredible and beautiful. You're all role models.

Hearing the sadness and complete brutal shock, however, sucks. And now Im mad as hell. There was literally no excuse for killing Lexa. Read just the teeniest bit of fanfic and you'll find dozens of alternatives that would still make the LEXA/ALIE connection. It's fuckin child's play how easy it would have been to keep her alive. And so I have to ask: what's the fucking FASCINATION with death??? My brother said recently that he only watches British TV shows because he's tired of so much violence and so many underdeveloped characters. "Where are the EMOTIONAL obstacles and journeys? Where are the characters who are STRUGGLING with their natural troubles? Why is the answer to a plot or character conundrum so frequently 'let's kill'em!' Complex characters are so much more interesting." And so much more believable.

And I don't understand Jason's stance about "anyone can die." Okay... SO FUCKING WHAT??? The only reason to say that is to generate emotional shock value. Do you even realize that by saying that, you're saying YOU WANT US DEVASTATED? No, I don't believe you do get that. One goes to a horror movie expecting gore, one rides a rollercoaster expecting to be shit-scared... one watches TV FOR ENTERTAINMENT, NOT TO BE ABUSED.

I just read an answer Aaron Ginsburg (producer) wrote to a fan on his tumblr a year ago about how the show is about survival. Really? Cuz there's A LOT of characters that are dead. Looking at the trajectory of S3, I can't imagine WTF the show is going to do in S4. Sometimes it feels like Jason is only going for 5 seasons so he can syndicate and make back all the money. Not sure if the magical 5-seasons-before-we-make-a-profit thing is still a thing in broadcast TV, but the show is certainly getting rid of a lot of it's plot options. The way its going now, unless it turns 180-degrees (= becomes a diff show) in S4, there won't be an S5 because there won't be enough well-developed characters to write anything for. They'll all be dead. And speaking of badly-developed characters... Monty killing his mother? REALLY?????? When in the series did we get a clue that the soft, sweet, nerdy, eternal BFF is emotionally capable of something like that?

Oddly, the anger is making me feel better. Ive been so sad for so long (51 days, to be exact...) that it feels good to feel something more motivating. This anger is productive for me. I'm actually thinking that Ill be able to watch 316 (off-air, of course) because this shitty season has actually prepared me for the worst. So go ahead, Jason. Go ahead and kill Lexa again right in front of our eyes. Wont make a dent. Wanna know why... cuz CLEXA IS OURS, you fucking douchebag.

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Trend Idea for T1oo 3x12

Hey folks, I have an idea for trending. I don’t know who’s in charge of any of this, though I’m aware there’s been some sort of drama. But this past Thursday after the show aired, I threw out the tag #ThingsWrittenBetterThanT1OO and a couple of my own responses, and it turned into like, I dunno how many tweets but a lot, a couple thousand at least, from dozens of participants.

I think it caught on because it was funny, mildly savage, and allowed us to blow off steam. People were thinking it might actually trend on its own for a while.

So my idea for this Thursday’s trend is that we could do something similar. Something that’s fun and would produce a lot of silly responses yet still send a message. My idea is:

“Lexa isn’t dead” she’s …. doing some other non-Lexa thing that’s ironic, silly, or funny, with a dash or two of salt. Like “winning the Dinah Shore golf tournament” or something better than that I’m not feeling creative atm. Honestly it doesn’t really matter what you say she’s doing after “Lexa isn’t dead” - that’s what would trend.

But if others thought of something funnier, that would be great too. I just think humor might be a good thing right now. It would get our point across but without being something we need to overanalyze… maybe? Just a thought.

If you wouldn’t mind, pls reblog this, and if you know who plans this stuff, perhaps tag them if it seems like a good idea to you. I think making it fun like this would get people on board who have sat out the last few trends.

[lextopias-blog]

I feel exactly the same way. SO proud to fight with you.

Mochof Heda

I just realized, I can see a Lexa gif without being sad now. Don’t get me wrong. I’m still sad. Sadness is there somewhere. But when I see Lexa I think of the amazing members of Clexakru. Of everyone else who’s part of the #LGBTFansDeserveBetter movement. And I feel proud of what we’ve accomplished. I think we can do so much more. I love you all. Yu laik badas (You are wonderful). Let’s keep going, kru. 

@lgbtfansdeservebetter @clexasource @clexabrasil @maroutian @clexaownsmyass19 @darthwanheda

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reasons the clexa fandom is Where It’s At 

the actual real life definition of ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim

creative as hell. always sinning. funny as shit yo im serious

casually creates a fictional fictional character, accidentally gets her trending on tumblr

speaking of trends; fuckin owns twitter?? has definitely trended worldwide more times than jason’s had an original thought

comes up with something hilarious and amazing about clexa to fixate on every 48 hours

full of rage and salt yet some of the kindest people i’ve ever met

TALENTED AS H E C K. fanart??? Prime. fanfic??? incredible. everything else?? twice as good as anything the cw’s ever produced

All The Trademarks™

is the “minority fandom” yet casually trends worldwide on the daily, raises $70,000 for charity, and wins polls with ease

would die for alycia, eliza, lindsey, and ricky

JUST CONSISTENTLY LIT 25/8 

feel free to add more

[lextopias-blog]

On Clexa_Brasil and Whether Or Not to Trend CALLING OUT JASON ROTHENBERG

Clexa_Brasil has a strong point, that in order for the movement to keep going and keep strong, we have to stand up and keep making beautiful noise. See their post: http://clexabrasil.tumblr.com/post/142644505394/clexakru-i-will-be-very-honest-with-you

YES, we want the bigger picture of better representation on TV and in films, and yes we need to get there by staying in the public eye. Sometimes that means saying and doing intense things. Take this, for example:

When Gloria Steinem and Dorothy Pittman Hughes went on a feminism awareness-building road trip, few were accustomed to Black and White women working together, let along fighting together. 

We’re going to encounter controversy, we’re going to make mistakes, but, as Clexa_Brasil says, if we don't keep doing SOMETHING we’ll never get what we want, and I, for one, won’t stand for that. I’ve turned a corner. I HAVE to work now to see better representation in my lifetime. ClexaKru has helped me see that. 

So, everyone do what you need to do. I also feel that there will be certain moments in the movement when each of us has to bow out, take a break. I support all those folks too, as one day I will be one of them.

For now, though, for tomorrow, I will help Clexa_Brasil trend CALLING OUT JASON ROTHENBERG. #ClexaIsOurs #LexaDeservedBetter