liawanders

[liawanders]

To My Future Lover,

I don’t know your name. I don’t know who you are or where you are or when we will ever meet. I don’t know whether or not you are already in my life somewhere. I don’t even know if you exist in this lifetime. I’d like to believe you’re walking this earth someplace, but sometimes I’m not sure if I even believe in the idea of fate and romance anymore. Maybe you can save me from myself.

If you are in this lifetime and on this planet though, I hope I don’t meet you anytime soon. I have a lot to learn and I will probably hurt you, because I don’t know yet that you are the one who will make me happy.

I’ve been through a lot. But while I wish you could have been there with me, I know you will be proud of me because of how strong I turned out to be and all the things I made it through without you. See, I had to be alone for a while so I’d know what I’m capable of. And so I’d appreciate having someone like you more.

I like being single right now because all my time is mine. I need to be single for a while so I will not regret not having this kind of freedom in the future. When I’m yours, I’ll be completely yours because I had this time to be mine.

But sometimes I miss being in love. There are days when I wish you can get here faster just so I can have the kind of love that I’ve been waiting for since what feels like forever. But I guess it’s better that you’re not here yet because I don’t know how to be with you right now. I’ll probably say a lot of really stupid things and scare you away.

You won’t just the love of my life, you will also be my best friend in the world. I’d always thought of all my old loves as best friends at the time, but I don’t think I ever really knew what that meant. I love that I will be able to tell you anything and everything and know that you will be the one person in the world who understands.

We won’t always get along and we will more-than-possibly get into some really ugly fights, but I know that in the end, we can make it through because nothing is more important than learning and growing together.

We are probably different people with diverse interests, and that’s a good thing. We will make time for what is important to the other because we like making each other happy. Of course, there will be things that we enjoy doing together. We will spend some days curled up with a blanket and books or popcorn and a good movie. Braveheart will always be a favorite between us, and reruns of FRIENDS will take up some of our lazy Sundays. But we will spend most of our time going around the world together, seeing places we’ve only once dreamed of traveling to.

We both love to talk and laugh, and we will spend a lot of our time getting to know each other. Even when we’ve been together 20 years, we will always find something new about the other or reminisce about the people we once had to be to get there. And while I will probably roll my eyes at your jokes, I will also smile just because it’s so cute how you tried to tell the punch line.

You’ve probably loved a girl (or more) before me, and that’s okay. I’m sorry though if you’ve gotten hurt and I wasn’t there to make you feel better. I’ve been in love before you, too, and I’ve also gotten my heart broken and feel like nobody could really understand. It will take a long time before I can let anyone else in again, and maybe you feel the same way. It will be better to find each other after going through all that, just so we will both know how to not take being in love for granted.

We’ve both become better people separately, something I will always be thankful for. And because of all the pain we have to go through before we meet, we will both realize then that we deserve that happiness and we deserve each other.

I don’t know what you look like but I know you have kind eyes and a genuine smile. I don’t know what you do for a living but I know that you will have time for me. I don’t know you, but I know that you can give me hug when I’m down, hold my hand for no reason and kiss me just because you love me.

There’s a possibility though, that you don’t exist, and I’m writing this letter for no one. But in spite of all the cynicism I’m entitled to, I have to believe that you’re out there somewhere. I have to believe that all the heartache I’d ever had to endure will someday lead me to you. I have to believe that God created you because He knew I would need you. And while I know I’m a complete person on my own, I have to believe that someone like you exists, someone who might not complete me, but can make life better. More beautiful. More colorful. A man who can make me believe in love again.

I don’t know who you are or if I’ll ever find you, but I wish with all my heart that you’re out there, waiting, just like I am.

I know that someday I will find you. In this lifetime, or the next, I will find you.

Yours (someday),

Me

[liawanders]

“Forgive yourself for allowing your heart to become trampled when you know you deserve so much more.”

[liawanders]

Idc who I lose anymore, as long as I don’t lose myself again, I’m good. 😊

[liawanders]

I’m Ready To Heal From My Past Heartbreak

I’m ready to pass the test. I’m ready for the final result. I’m ready to close the chapter of pain and loss. I’m ready to heal from my past heartbreak. I’m ready to close that door forever. I’m ready to put an end to the stormy days and the lonely nights. I’m ready for you to reveal to me the reasons behind my struggles. I’m ready for the blessings that you’ve kept me waiting for. I’m ready for the blessings that follow every hardship.

I’m ready to accept your blessings. I now feel like I deserve them. I now have faith in you and your plans. I will be able to cherish the blessings you bring me. I will be able to appreciate the little things and be grateful for them because I know how hard it was to get them. I know how hard it was without them. I’ve learned not to take your blessings for granted.

I’m ready for your miracle because I think I learned my lessons. I think I’m becoming the person you wanted me to become. I think I’m closer to you more than ever now. I know you’re my healer. I only run to you when I’m confused. I only talk to you when I’m sad. I’m ready for your miracle because I know you heard me and my prayers. I know you want to see me happy and I know you want what’s best for me and I’m ready for it. I’m the best version of myself these days and I am prepared to receive your best gifts.

I know this is my year. I know this is my time. I know this is the part of my story where everything changes for the better. I know this is the part of my story that takes me to a whole new universe.

Because you and I both know how hard the journey has been, how hard the past few years have been and how tired I am. We both know that I tried it all, fell down and got back up. We both know that things haven’t been easy or smooth. We both know that I almost gave up on myself and my life and we both know that I’ve used up all my energy and my strength to fight back and rise again. We both know that I only have very little left in me to fight or try again. We both know that anything more than that will be more than I can handle so this is where I leave it all up to you.

This is where I surrender to your power. This is where I sit back as you fight my battles. This is where I raise my hands and tell you that I’ve done my part and I can’t do this on my own anymore.

And I think, I believe, this is where you tell me that I’ve seen enough and dealt with enough and passed all your difficult tests so here’s my reward. 

Here’s my miracle. Here’s the blessings that will take all the pain away. Here’s the magic that happens when you have faith in me and allow me to finish your story. It’s always better than the one you had in mind. I’m full of beautiful surprises and I’m ready to unfold them to you one by one.

[liawanders]

Thank you for making me feel like I’m so hard to love

[liawanders]

i am not the person you left behind anymore i have new favorite songs, a new favorite color, new bad habits my hair is different, my heart is different, my soul is different the scars on my heart are now stars i am shining brighter than ever the freckles covering my skin are a map of my future and my past i am lighter than ever my smile tells stories of the places i’ve been i am happier than ever i’m not the person you left behind anymore remanence of the past still lingers but there is no one left here to miss

roughlycapricious (via wnq-writers)

[liawanders]

To whoever loves me next, I’m sorry if I’m afraid of you or if days of flirting turn to radio silence, without warning. I’m sorry if I make you say the words over and over and over until I believe them. (I’m sorry if I don’t believe them.) I will probably spend more time worrying about losing you than I spend trying to keep you. Trouble is, every single time I’ve ever thought something was too good to be true– I’ve been right. Understand, I will know how to be vulnerable with you, but I won’t know how not to regret it. And I have no idea how deep we’ll be into this relationship before I admit I’ve never done this before. Not really. Not in any way that counts. Before I admit that I know how to put my body inside someone else’s but not how to make it beautiful. I probably won’t be easy to love. Too many people loved me badly, I’m not sure I know how to do it right.

Ashe Vernon (via wnq-writers)

[liawanders]

Lahat pwede mong ipaglaban, pero hindi lahat pwede mong ipagpilitan.

[liawanders]

She has so much love to give, she just hasn’t found the person yet who could receive and love her back with the same depth.

Thoughts of Dessa

[liawanders]

nakakainis din no? kung sino pa kasi yung akala mong nandyan para sayo, yung mga dadamay sayo kapag ayaw ka na ng mundo, sila pa pala yung mukhang walang pakialam sayo. akala mo uunahin ka rin nila kagaya ng pag prioritize mo sa kanila pero hindi, wala silang interes sayo. kinakausap ka lang nila kasi nagmumuka ka ng kawawa. it’s like you’re already begging for their attention.

[liawanders]

[liawanders]

pwede bang sumuko na? pwede bang sumuko na kasi pagod na... pagod ng mabuhay :(

[liawanders]

[liawanders]

It hurts me that I love you so much but I will never have you

[liawanders]

I hope I never have to say goodbye to the next person I fall in love with.

Marley C. // Now and Always. (via theprocast)

[liawanders]

if you find someone with good intentions & down for only you don't let that go

[liawanders]

I feel like I’m living in this constant state of too much and not enough,

Like the days are passing by too fast and too slow,

And I’m always either overwhelmed or empty.

I don’t know what I’m feeling