library-town

[library-town]

They hurt you because you were there, not because of who you are or anything you did.

[library-town]

seeing herself as unimportant was safe. Unimportance was safe, being a disappointment was safe. There were no expectations, no standarts, no more pedestals to fall from. [...] Letting herself acknowledge the depth of that pain felt like admitting weakness, admitting that she'd cared about their reactions. [...] The unconditional love she'd been told to expect had had some conditions after all.

[library-town]

The conclusion she'd come to as a child was that because dealing with her emotions was such and unsavoury prospect, her emotional needs were best ignored. As she got older, she realised that emotional vulnerability was downright dangerous, at least in their community

[library-town]

We cannot blame ourselves for the wars our parents start. Sometimes the very best thing we can do is walk away.

[library-town]

I cannot pretent that the war never happened, but I stopped fighting it long ago. I did not start that war. It should never have been mine to fight.

[library-town]

who am I? If I could live without doubt what would I do? If I could be kind without fear of being fucked over? If I could love without fear of being hurt? If I could taste the sweetness of today without thinking if how I will miss that taste tomorrow? If I could not fear the passing of time and the people it will steal? Yes. What would I do? Who would I care for? What battle would I fight? Which paths would I step down? What joys would I allow myself? What internal mysteries would I solve? How, in short, would I live?

[library-town]

to talk about memories is to live them a little

[library-town]

Time moves forwards. We have the luxury of time but we still can't reverse it. We can't stop it. We are one way traffic, just the same as all these mayflies.

[library-town]

I felt so terrified and so in love that I realised they - the terror, the love - were one and the same thing.

[library-town]

When things get dodgy and I don't like the way they're going, I move into just-for-today mode. [...]. I don't have to do whatever it is forever, I just do it today. It makes even the heaviest shit bearable. But then later when I look back and see just how heavy it was, I exhale.