lietwice

[lietwice]

He huffs again, but appears to have tired himself out, because he doesn't move, even though he would've usually turned his head and either kissed, flicked his tongue at, or attempted to bite Julian's hand. He does none of this. Instead, he closes his eyes and sighs softly. It feels silly to be so exhausted when he did get a full night's sleep last night, but right now, the pull of sleep is strong, and he doesn't feel like resisting it.

Julian smiles and strokes Garak's cheek affectionately. Maybe he shouldn't be so endeared by Garak's outrage, but he can't help it. "I'll also be checking in on you throughout the day, but I do still have other patients."

[lietwice]

Garak huffs, not at all satisfied with that. "During your breaks?" he echoes, again putting more energy into his voice than he really has. He might be feeling unwell, but that doesn't mean he's going to pass up the opportunity to be disagreeable. "One of the rare occasions I'm admitted as a patient and I still have to wait for your breaks? Perhaps next time I won't allow myself to be admitted at all."

The dissonance between his voice and his position is striking, and Julian wishes--not for the first time--that the beds were larger. He'd very much like to cuddle up around him just now. "Entertainment?" he responded, playing along. "I can certainly bring you books. And I suppose I could talk to you during my breaks."

[lietwice]

Garak dresses slowly. He doesn't put his outermost layer on, the tunic, not wanting the slightly stiffer material to make moving any harder than it already is. He also doesn't want to deal with its fastenings while his hands are so shaky. The tunic is really the fashionable part of his outfit, so he feels a little vulnerable without it, just in his plain undershirt, trousers and thermal top, but the heated blanket will at least help him stay warm.

He considers Julian's question, and gives it an answer that he hopes sounds as demanding as he might be if he were feeling his best. "Oh, well, if I must stay in this dreadful infirmary, I'll be needing some entertainment, Doctor, or I'll have no choice but to find something to do to amuse myself." The words are all there, and he can imitate his own energised voice perfectly, but it doesn't match the sight of him curled up beneath the heated blanket, shaking, scales dull and head resting at a slightly uncomfortable angle because holding it up is too tiring right now.

He does know. Julian brushes his nose affectionately against his temple, then gets him into a private room where he can give him his clothes, a heated blanket, and some warm tea. He does have to attach a pair of monitors and he injects him with a pair of medications that should help his body fight off the virus while keeping symptoms to a minimum. It's still going to be a miserable couple days. "What else do you need, love? I have to have you here for the first day, at least, but I'll order a sanitization sweep of your quarters so you can go home tomorrow."

[lietwice]

Garak hugs him back. The hug tightens when Julian tells him he's sanitised his clothes. His partner didn't need to do that, and he's very kind for doing it anyway. This time, he does keep one hand on Julian for balance when he starts to walk. Straightening up once again makes him dizzy, his body protesting at him doing anything but laying on the floor and curling up. His tail, in fact, since he's using Julian for balance instead, does stay curled forward where he'd had it wrapped around him, the muscles tight and stiff. He could uncurl it, just as he's uncurled the rest of his body to force himself to walk, but it would take more energy than he's willing to expend right now. "Thank you, my dear," he says quietly. "I will get dressed. Even if this gown wasn't a visual abomination, it is only one layer, and you know I prefer at least two."

When the cycle completes and Julian can open the door, he doesn't hesitate to cross into the small room and pull Garak into a hug. "That's the worst of it," he says softly. "Come on. I've sanitized your clothes separately, so if you really want to get dressed again, you can."

[lietwice]

Half an hour is much longer than he'd like to be trapped in this chamber, but he's accepted his fate, and in all honesty, he thinks he might be too fatigued for a full-on panic attack about being in the enclosed space anyway. He steps inside and sits down, glad, at least, for the seat, water and padd. He attempts to entertain himself by designing a much more fashionable gown. It's not up to his usual standards, but even that would be an improvement on the existing design. By the time half an hour has passed, though, he's curled up on the seat, body aching and stiff, feeling very sorry for himself.

Julian only offers his assistance once, and when he's hissed at, he takes that as a clear enough signal that it isn't wanted. So, he just walks beside him to the chamber, hands him a padd to entertain himself with, and programs the room for its cycle. "It'll be about half an hour, love. If you need water, there's some in there. If you need anything else, I'll be right here."

[lietwice]

The decontamination chamber gets a dirty look from Garak. He is technically here willingly, but that doesn't mean he's happy about it. He sighs, and then stands, carefully. The dizziness increases as soon as he does, but he's determined to walk unaided while he can, so he does. Each step takes effort. He usually feels stable and confident on his feet, the weight of his tail swishing gently behind him with each step, but right now his tail is held up and out, as though trying to counterbalance him on an uneven and moving surface.

"Lovely, thank you." It's a hollow victory, with the state Garak is in, but it's a victory nonetheless. He stays, to make sure he's there as extra support if Garak falls, and when he's in the awful gown, he rewards him with a kiss. Thankfully, the virus can't do anything to him. "Come on. Decontamination chamber."

[lietwice]

Another day, he'd let Julian force the issue. He'd enjoy Julian forcing the issue. But he can't put up much of a fight in this state, with the balance issues and tremors and muscle weakness, and that takes a lot of the fun out of it. He'd only humiliate himself, and not in a good way. "I'm going to make a complaint about the design of these gowns," he replies, unwilling to be silent even as he does acquiesce and reach for the gown.

"The decontamination process is important. This fabric is designed to be compatible with it--your clothing isn't." That's all the explanation Garak is getting, because explanation is never the answer to getting Garak's cooperation. "Let me put it for you this way: you can do as you're told or I can force the issue. I won't watch your stubbornness sabotage your treatment."

[lietwice]

Garak glares at him. "Honestly, Doctor, as if being unwell isn't bad enough, you force this indignity on patients as well?" Usually, there would be absolutely no way he would've agreed to come to the infirmary, but this particular virus is dangerous enough to Cardassians that it could leave him with permanent neurological issues if not treated carefully. He'd known what it was as soon as the tremor got bad enough to stop him from sewing, and he'd then very reluctantly presented himself to Julian.

@lietwice sent:

❝ do i really have to wear those gowns...? ❞ (from garak, looking absolutely disgusted at the sight of the gown)

"Well. I suppose if you really prefer, you could wear nothing."

[lietwice]

"I don't intend to, but she does have more free time on her hands to plot her next move." He'd resign himself to being cold every single night if he knew it meant their tiny daughter would be warm, but there's no need to say something so ridiculously soft out loud. He kisses Julian's neck when he feels him relax. "Perhaps I'll have to resort to ambushing you whenever I see that you're available. Take my warmth when I can get it." As if he doesn't already do that.

"Oh, I can't imagine you'd allow that." It is somewhat comforting, to remember that whatever the future may hold, for now, their child is interested in warmth, attention, food, and little else, and they are very capable of providing for those basic needs. Julian adjusts his arm to a more comfortable position underneath Garak, disturbing them both, but then he hugs him more tightly and finally relaxes. "Thank you."

[lietwice]

"And warmth, my dear. Don't forget that. She'll be plotting to steal that from you, of course, as would any Cardassian child in her position. Perhaps she'll even go as far as to ensure she gets the lovely human basking rock all to herself." Garak rubs his cheek against Julian's neck, as though enjoying the contact while he can still get it.

Julian chuckles and gives Garak a squeeze. "You're right. Plotting to ensure we get as little sleep as possible. Making sure she has a plan to get as many cuddles out of us as she can. All the food and attention. I suppose that's probably all she'll think of for the next few months."

[lietwice]

Garak is sleepy, but unwilling to allow himself to fall asleep while his husband's mind is clearly still occupied with heavy thoughts. He can practically hear them in that sigh. "Mmm. We can. She's thinking about how she's going to wake us up as soon as we fall asleep. Plotting, probably."

Will she know that, though? Certainly, it's true, but after her genetic repairs and lying about their familiar connections, she may come up with a very different story of their love than the one they want her to. He doesn't have the heart to say that aloud, though. Instead, Julian presses his nose into Garak's hair and sighs quietly.

"I wish we could know what she's thinking now."

[lietwice]

Garak makes a noise in reply, having temporarily used up his brain power, and thinks for a little while about that. It's something he worries about too sometimes, though perhaps in a different way to Julian. The idea of Emkari growing up fearing him the way that he feared Tain, feeling the weight of his constant disapproval and disappointment... it upsets him every time he lingers in that part of his mind for too long.

"She'll grow up knowing that we love her just as she is," he murmurs finally, "and that that will never change." He finds one of Julian's arms to curl his fingers around and squeeze lightly. "That's more than either of us had."

That's so beautifully-stated that Julian feels embarrassed for his own sleepy ramble. The way the two of them are entangled could make anything feel better, though. "I just... I don't want her to resent us." He still feels guilty about modifying her genes, even if it has been entirely necessary for her quality of life, and it's more difficult than he'd like to separate from his own experiences. That they had to forge documents to keep her probably wouldn't help, though it would ultimately be up to her to determine what sort of light to view that through.

[lietwice]

As a rule, Garak doesn't make a habit of thinking about that -- either about himself or about Julian. If he thinks too much about little Julian and how things should have been for him, it reignites the anger he feels towards Julian's parents and brings back all his ideas for how he might arrange for an unfortunate accident to happen to them.

"Perhaps it is inevitable," he murmurs, turning his head just a little so that his voice won't be entirely muffled against his husband. "Her life could have taken an entirely different turn, had we not adopted her. It's only natural that she'll think about that, one day. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing."

He shifts, slides one leg more comfortably over Julian's. "For instance... thinking about those possibilities only makes me think about how very, very unlikely it is that we both ended up right here, right now. Different circumstances could have sent us off in different directions, and we might never have met. Even if we did... this may not have been the result. Whatever set of circumstances we both suffered through to become the people we are now... I am grateful that this version of me found this version of you."

unplotted and unprompted starter for @lietwice

"Garak." Julian didn't bother asking if his husband was awake--he knew he was just as certainly as he knew he'd rather not be. He just tapped the scale he'd been rubbing for several minutes now and then picked another to give the same treatment. "Do you ever think- It's ridiculous, but do you ever think about how your life might have gone if you'd been raised in entirely different circumstances? What if my parents had been caught when I was still young? I could've been raised alongside my cousins, no moving around or hiding. Or I could've been dropped into an institution I'd be stuck in for my whole life. Or maybe I would've been taken in by someone involved in arresting them. It's just... I think about that sort of thing because my childhood was so..." He sighed. "I hope Emkari doesn't ever have reason to dwell on those sorts of thoughts, but maybe it's inevitable?" Their baby girl was sleeping soundly in her bassinet only a few steps from their bed, but he wasn't worried about her waking from the sound of their voices.

[lietwice]

MINA SITS DOWN. They have talked about this before, but Mina doesn't like those reasons. "It's not fair," she says. She's not whispering, but not shouting this time either. "Abba, you have to make Yadik play properly. He was playing good before, and now he's not. It's the baby's fault. I don't like him." It's not true, but she's so annoyed with her tiniest brother right now that she doesn't want to like him! Everything was much easier before he arrived.

The only saving mercy is that she doesn't turn on the lights. Julian winces, but he adjusts his earplugs to allow more of his child's voice to come through unmuffled, then he leans forward to the controls of the fan he's been sitting on the floor directly in front of and turns it down so she won't feel the need to shout over the wind. Then, reluctantly, he opens his eyes and holds a hand out to her.

"Sweetheart, we've talked about this. Neither of us loves the baby more. Koral is just younger, and so he needs more direct attention right now, just like you did when you were that little." He understands her frustration, though. None of them have been getting much sleep lately, and to see their attention focused so surely on the source of that problem can't be fun. "And if you could whisper for me, love, I'd really appreciate that." He squeezes her hand. "Look, Mina, the baby can't be in here with me because it's too cold, but you could stay with me. If you wanted to."

[lietwice]

ds9: the group chat - an 18+ only discord server

this is a silly discord roleplay server based on an in-universe star trek group chat! it's a text-based comms platform all the characters in ds9* can use to communicate!

*other treks may be included later depending on interest

if you want to observe but not write, that is also okay! you can join as a spectator!

join us!

[lietwice]

THAT'S RIDICULOUS. As if looking calm and friendly would ever stop a violent bigot or an agent from killing him. It would never have stopped Garak from killing a mark, and the friendly, benign tailor look he's worked hard to perfect has never stopped him from being attacked here on the station. It's just the sort of naïve, oblivious, arrogant read on the situation he would've expected from Julian in the first few months of their friendship. For him to presume to tell Garak what triggers violence... Garak's eyes and smile widen in that most dangerous way. "You know, Doctor, it's funny, how different things are from when we first met. You've gone from accusing me of being involved in all kinds of nefarious misdeeds to deciding that you yourself are the font of all knowledge on such things." He looks down at their joined hands. "Perhaps we should go to Constable Odo and let him know that we can cease all security measures on the station -- after all, if we make sure to look calm and friendly to anyone who arrives here, and show no fear, nobody will do anything to harm us." His voice is light, pleasant, but his eyes are hurt and angry. "If only I'd known this earlier in my life! If only I'd had Julian Bashir to explain that all I needed to do was look calm and friendly, so I could've avoided all those beatings!"

Julian can't see him spiraling, but also, he can. He sees how Garak is falling into a pit of fear behind his mask, just as Julian had spiraled so completely into his own fury when he had been hurt by hateful bigots. So he presses his lips tightly together, and he holds himself tensely, and he decides that Garak's affirmative is enough of an agreement, at least for now.

He reaches the short distance between them and curls his fingers around Garak's hand. "I'm going to be fine. I'm not going to be killed." And if he is, his life has already been destroyed, so what does it matter? "Not so long as I'm the same calm, friendly face I have been this whole time. It's visible signs of fear that trigger violence." Signs like the sudden presence of a Cardassian attack dog at his heels.

"I apologize for snapping at you." He's still frustrated, but he can't be, really. He knows better than to let his anger be visible right now, so he's reigned it in. Performative apologies they both hate are unfortunately just as necessary as his other defences. He can't be threatening. Not to anyone, because people are smart enough to see him angry at one person and imagine it directed at themselves.

[lietwice]

GARAK'S BREATHING GROWS HEAVIER. His body doesn't know what to do with itself; he keeps squirming and arching his back despite wanting to stay exactly where he is so the pleasure can continue. A lighter touch to that spot makes him jerk and gasp and squeeze Julian's shoulders. If anything's uncomfortable, Julian says, as if this isn't the most pleasure he's ever felt in his life. "Oh- oh- if I must." It's bold to be snarky when Julian has three fingers inside him, but he can't resist.

Julian smiles, almost shyly, and ducks his head. Yes, he supposes he does know that. He presses against that spot again, more gently and intentionally, and does take the chance to grind slowly against Garak's offered tail. He loves this man. He loves being inside him and held by him and intimate. But mostly he loves him. And he has for ages. It's obvious, in retrospect, in a way that makes him feel like an idiot for ignoring it for so long.

He spreads his fingers experimentally and wriggles in a third, then he kisses his chuva again. "If anything's uncomfortable, you'll say, won't you?"