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[lieutenantsaran]

"Finish it." @thchealer

The Vulcan doctor swallowed a bit nervously before nodding, he'd been working on this for hours now, long enough for even him to grow tired.

"A-Alright..."

[lieutenantsaran]

"So much has changed but i'm the same." @thchealer

"But are you really? Are you really still the same? Even if we think we are the same, outside forces will always change us as they change around us even if we cannot perceive it ourselves." He looks up from some literature he was reading on historical infectious diseases throughout the alpha quadrant. If he didn't access it through his PADD, it would be thousands of pages.

[lieutenantsaran]

Ran

rb and write a word to make a story

once

[lieutenantsaran]

"I still believe in goodness." ((@nusebalis))

"Sometimes believing in the goodness of others is all you can hope for in the moment... I very much also believe that most people out there are good, it is just nature to see what hurts and threatens us most first." Saran stood tall, posture stiff and straight, fully aware he would come off as being cold to most others who were unfamiliar of how Vulcans behaved. However, he had a contemplative sort of look in his eyes.

@nusebalis

[lieutenantsaran]

"The blood on your hands is something you won't lose. All you can choose is whose."

"As unfortunate as this is, it is a truth in this life and career as we have to grapple with the possibility that we have to possibly take a life though we took an oath of do no harm... I...I know it is not logical to feel guilt in having to kill in self defense, but...I often feel that if the circumstances were different, in another time and place, a different reality we could have called many of our current enemies "friends"." The Vulcan looks towards McCoy, face just as serine and devoid of obvious emotion as any of his peers.

"It is a shame, doctor. A shame that no species has fully outgrown the feeling of wanting more even when one has enough...What you said just now though about choosing who's blood is on my hands, we cannot always choose who lives and who dies. Though, I suppose it's more about what battles we choose more than anything."

@justxcountrydoctor

[lieutenantsaran]

What do you think about that Enterprise doctor McCoy? :)

I have heard that he is an exceptional physician, one of Starfleet's best and brightest. So, I suppose, logically speaking, he is more than qualified, or he would not be in his position and rank. Though, I do not know how far his knowledge of non-human medicine goes since I am not in charge of that.

However, I suspect you don't want to hear about that sort of thing from me, anon. I assume you would want to hear what I think of him on a more physical, possibly aesthetic level. From what I have seen of him, in appearance, he appears to be a healthy individual who is reasonably physically attractive by human standards.

[lieutenantsaran]

EPIC: The Musical

lyrics that absolutely fuck me up, feel free to change pronouns and such as needed

"A mission to kill someone's son, a foe who won't run, unlike anyone you have faced before."

"I'd rather bleed for you."

"This is the will of the gods."

"Don't make me do this."

"The blood on your hands is something you won't lose. All you can choose is whose."

"You're as old as he was when I left for war."

"How could I hurt you?"

"I'm just a man who's trying to go home."

"When does a man become a monster?"

"When does the reason become the blame?"

"Forgive me."

"We should try to find a way no one ends up dead."

"You can relax, my friend."

"Think of all that we have been through. We'll survive what we get into."

"This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms."

"I see in your face there is so much guilt inside your heart."

"Have you forgotten to turn off your heart? This is not you."

"Have you forgotten your purpose? Let me remind you."

"Don't forget that you're a warrior of a very special kind."

"Don't disappoint me."

"What gives you the right to deal a pain so deep?"

"Don't you know that pain you sow is pain you reap?"

"Your life now is in my hand."

"A trade, you see. Take from me like you took from me."

"You shall be the final man to die."

"It's just one life to take."

"When we kill him our journey's over."

"Captain?"

"You've hurt me enough."

"When I kill you, my pain is over."

"Mark my words now. This is not the end."

"Remember them."

"Who hurts you?"

"If nobody hurt you, be silent."

"He's still a threat until he's dead."

"Finish it."

"What good would killing do, when mercy is a skill more of this world could learn to use?"

"The blood we shed, it never dries."

"I am your darkest moment."

"I am the infamous _______!"

"This way, you won't disappoint me."

"This way, you won't waste my time."

"Unlike you, every time someone dies, I'm left to deal with the strain."

"I'll remind you, I saw you as a friend, but now we're done."

"This way, you won't plague my life."

"This way, you'll close the door and have your damn goodbye."

"Since you claim you're so much wiser, why's your life spent all alone?"

"You're alone!"

"This day, you sever your own head."

"This day, you lost it all. Consider this as my goodbye."

"Don't forget how dangerous the gods are."

"How much longer 'til your luck runs out?"

"You rely on wit, and people die on it."

"I still believe in goodness."

"Lead from the heart, and see what starts."

"And what will we do when it tears us apart?"

"You're like the brother I could never do without."

"How much longer 'til your strength takes leave?"

"I can't have you planting seeds of doubt."

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer."

"Sometimes killing is a must."

"Friends turn into foes and rivalries."

"Never really know who you can trust."

"The end always justifies the means."

"So much has changed, but I'm the same."

"I'm left without a choice and without a doubt."

"Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves."

"You are the worst kind of good 'cause you're not even great."

"You are far too nice."

"Mercy has a price."

"Unlike you, I've got no mercy left to give."

"The line between naivete and hopefulness is almost invisible."

"What have you done?"

"I am your darkest moment, the monster that always draws near."

"Remember me."

"There's only so much left we can endure."

"Think of your past and your mistakes."

"No, I'm not a player. I'm a puppeteer."

"I can hardly sleep now, knowing everything we've done."

"It's a game of wits, but you don't have to play."

"A foe like ____ is not to be messed with."

"You could be hurt or you could beat her."

"I'll help you conquer her."

"Wouldn't you like your outcome preferred?"

"Don't thank me, friend, you very well may die."

"Did you do something to them?"

"I don't know who you are or why you're here, but let me make this one thing clear."

"I've got people to protect, friends I can't neglect, so now there is no turning back."

"Back at home my wife waits for me. She's my everything, my _____."

"Maybe showing one act of kindness leads to kinder souls down the road."

"This land confuses your mind."

"All I hear are screams every time I dare to close my eyes."

"I no longer dream, only nightmares of those who've died."

"Why would you let _____ live when ruthlessness is mercy?"

"I keep thinking of the infant from that night."

"____, when you come home, I'll be waiting."

"Even if you're the last thing I see, I'll be waiting."

"I took too long."

"I'll always love you."

"Your past is always close behind."

"I see a song of past romance."

"I see portrayals of betrayal and a brother's final stand."

"I see a man who gets to make it home alive, but it's no longer you."

"We've suffered and sailed through the toughest of Hells, now you tell us our efforts were nothing?"

"I see a wife with a man who is haunting. A man with a trail of bodies."

"How has everything been turned against us?"

"How did suffering become so endless?"

"Do I need to change?"

"What if I'm the monster?"

"What if I'm the problem that's been hiding all along?"

"If I became the monster, and threw that guilt away, would that make us stronger?"

"So what if I'm the monster lurking deep below?"

"If I gotta drop another infant from a wall in an instant so we all don't die, then I'll become the monster."

"I'll become the monster."

[lieutenantsaran]

Hmm.... Prions.

[lieutenantsaran]

The lieutenant was just currently doing some embroidery since there's no one in the sick bay to attend to, and he'd already finished his tasks. Hell, he'd even wiped the whole place down and sanitized the tools and instruments. The hazmat suits he was going to check on apparently had been looked over already and had another science officer's signature. So, in short, he had some down time to practice stitching 3D roses, following a tutorial he'd found.

[lieutenantsaran]

hello doctor saran! have you been able to form any friendships to help you get through your grief? friendship is not just a human concept. it could be beneficial to you. (just wanna let you know i think this blog is really cute and i love vulcan ocs <3)

".....Um...Hello? While relations with others would certainly be helpful or even pleasant, I do not have any close relationships of that type, unfortunately. This is probably due to the fact that others may find me a little blunt with too little emotional output or unsatisfactory to be around. I tend to keep to myself for these reasons."

[lieutenantsaran]

I should inspect the hazmat suits...It is my turn anyway this month.

[lieutenantsaran]

00c

I should be more active here because I love Dr. Saran.

[lieutenantsaran]

I want to bury myself in hot sand for a few hours. It's very relaxing, feels good for sore muscles. Sand comes right off in a sonic shower.

God, I miss Vulcan where I could just do that.

[lieutenantsaran]

At the moment you want...

to restart

it all feels the same. it always has. the same few things, over and over. no variety, no progress. you feel like you've messed up somewhere, and can't figure out where. you've been walking down this road for so long, it feels like years. it also feels like a few hours, maybe only a day. it was supposed to lead somewhere, someday. it was supposed to be promising, but all you've reached is a dead end. you wonder if you took a wrong turn along the way. you sit down, wishing to restart, and maybe not take this path at all. this has happened yesterday, it's happened today, it's happened tomorrow. it feels neverending. instead, maybe retracing your steps will help. this isn't the end for you, there's still many roads to go down, it's just that this particular one wasn't the one for you. you want to restart with a blank slate, but would that really be the best idea? who would you be without the mistakes, and progress you've made so far?

tagged by: stole it tagging: steal it

[lieutenantsaran]

Personal log: I think....I will allow myself to finally mourn today. For my family...for my friends...all that I knew on Vulcan. There is time today which allows me to fit it within my schedule.

I will allow myself to finally weep.

I need this for I have been suppressing this for the longest time, my grief, my anger, my love.... I mourn for lives wasted in meaningless deaths...

My whole family is gone. I can safely assume that I am the last of the Dzhossen L'Vor line. I hail from record keepers, scientists, philosophers, and healers. A family from the mountains in the north at the poles where the weather was always cooler... A noble lineage in action more than wealth.

[he sighs]

At least I have always wanted to have children even if carrying a child to term within my being is not the most appealing of thoughts...I suppose it would be worth it in the end. I shall teach them of our ways, our culture like my parents before me.

I can only hope that I will find someone when my time comes...or I may very likely perish.

[lieutenantsaran]

I must meditate at once.

[lieutenantsaran]

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